The Author ThemselfOr: Who does this guy think they are, anyway?
Oh, hello! My name is Marijn0 Florence1 Robert2 van Hoorn.34, and i’m the webmixter of this humble site. I hold Dutch citizenship, but have lived in the north east of green and pleasant England for many years now.
Gender, or, why i enlisted in Tiresias’ army
I’m genderfluid. The term is used by all sorts of people in all sorts of ways, and in the head of your average person on the street it probably just means “vaguely gender-non-conforming”, but the original meaning, and the one i intend, is that of one whose gender changes and shifts over time. I can wake up feeling like Arnold Schwarzenegger one day and Scarlet Johansson the next, though usually i find myself somewhere in that wonderful muddy middle area.
With regard to pronouns, i would really prefer it if you would call me “you” when talking to me. What people get up to in the third person is none of my business.
→ See also: the Gender Tetrahedron, “Men, women, ha’men?”
Whence the Van Hoorns?
The paternal branch of my family, as you might expect, hail from the proud seafaring city of Hoorn. In the ’60s, the government designated Hoorn an overflow town for those fleeing cramped and crowded Amsterdam7 — think like the new towns of Britain, but building on a preëxisting urban core — and my family took up the offer, bringing with them their belongings, talents, and accents. (Via surnames one can also trace the family history back to County Utrecht, but records are flaky, and in any case i feel no particular attraction to some random lord’s estate.)
I’m told i’ve got a bit of Polish and Traveller in me, via my oma and opa, as well as a distant kinship with the mononymous Dutch singer Gordon.8
The maternal branch of my family, meanwhile, have lived in the industrial heart of south-eastern Northumberland for as long as anyone can remember; my grandfather was a coal miner before Thatcher shut it all down. Alas, my mum consciously affected an RP accent when raising me, so my dialect has been scrubbed of all but the occasional hint of Geordie words and Pitmaticisms.9
That side of my family also count a fair few Jehovah’s Witnesses amongst their ranks. My mum, thank goodness, got out when she came of age; she and papa raised me fiercely secular. On that note—
Faith (and other beliefs)
I am a Pagan, holding faith in the Gods of old. My worship is primarily focussed on the the Hellenic pantheon, historically praised all the way from Britain to Bactria. As mentioned, i was raised an atheist, but as i grew older, i had a sneaking suspicion that there had to be something up there (or down there, as the case may be). I found the answers provided by the major monotheistic faiths to be utterly unsatisfying, but when i looked into polytheism, something in my head just clicked like a jigsaw falling into placet — it all made sense.
There’s no reason for me to bore you to death with my political beliefs. Suffice it to say that i think humans are, generally, nice, and that stubborn misanthropy, hatred, and bigotry against one’s fellow person should be stamped out wherever they rear their ugly head.
→ See also: What i believe, the Forest of Shrines
“Why do you spell it like that?”10
I have a number of idiosyncracies in how i use the English language on this site: i lowercase the pronoun i when not at the start of a sentence,11 use ligatures in words like æsthetic and fœtus, use diæreses to separate vowels in words like coöperation and reëntry,12 and set the names of Gods in small-caps (e.g. Dionysos).13
→ See also: the Van Hoorn style guide, a nicer ƿaȝ of ƿriting English
About the site
I started messing about on Neocities, the free web host, in 2017. The current incarnation of my website has been around in some way since 2018, but it didn’t really take off until 2020's covid-19 pandemic, when everyone was forced to stay home — this website was my way of staying sane. In 2021 i finally coughed up the money to migrate over to Krystal, a proper hosting service, letting me do things like set up The Garden on Wordpress and allow comments.
I was inspired to start a website in the first place after seeing the site of conlanger David J. Peterson,14 whose style i shamelessly took after for the site's first incarnation,15, as well as that of fellow conlanger and Horinees Jan van Steenbergen. A big inspiration for the design of this site was Gwern.net, which introduced me to sidenotes (the love of my life), those little icons next to external links, and good typography.16
Inspirations for specific pages
The background image on the armorial page was based on the one on Orteil’s website.17
The linkroll was inspired by Kicks Condor’s href.cool.
Heximal was inspired by jan Misali's seximal system for base-6 numbering, as well as previous attempts for useable hexadecimal by Tim Babb and Intuitor.18
The Forest of Shrines is inspired by Morag Spinner’s Temple of Three, with the individual shrines taking inspiration from Salem of The Nexus’s shrine pages.
The design of Kunstgalerie van Hoorn was inspired by those placards you get next to artworks at museums.19
The monochrome colours and dithered images of the collection of interesting Wikipedia articles were taken from Lucas Pope’s game Return of the Obra Dinn.
The page listing every song i’ve ever cried to was inspired by Seán Krow's “contours” page, where he recounts a “remembered discography”.
Finally, The Garden was inspired by innumerable Blogspot blogs of yore, the wonderful people keeping blogging alive in 2021, and most of all, my unpent rage towards homogenous, monochrome, upscale blog platforms like Medium and Substack.
The fun part
- Favourite album: The 1975’s I like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it, more for sentimental value than anything — it was the album that got me into music.
- Favourite song: Radiohead’s “Motion Picture Soundtrack”. I can only listen to it every so often, because every time i do, it makes me weep like a tiny baby.
- Most enjoyed20 song: The 1975’s “The Sound”, which i maintain is the greatest pop song ever written.
- Favourite film: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. It makes me cry a lot.
- Most enjoyed film: Back to the Future is the perfect film. Every part of it is immaculately put together — there is not a single thing i would change about it.
- Favourite video game: Minecraft isn’t a video game. It’s a way of life.
- Favourite colour: Purple. 💜
- Favourite planet: Earth, of course. It’s the only one with any variety in the scenery, and i couldn’t live without it. Pluto is a close second; i think the IAU have treated it unfairly, and the fact that it has a heart on it is just so endearing!21
- Favourite animal: Otters.
- Sporting loyalties: Newcastle United FC for England; AFC Ajax for the Netherlands.
Contact the webmixter
If you want to get in touch, please send an email to email@example.com. Unless you’re an arsehole or a spambot, i’ll try to respond, promise!
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Page created: 2 Feb. 2020
Page last updated: 29 Aug. 2021