So this is June
and what have you done?
Another month over
a new one just begun
Guy Ritchie’s Snatch (2000) (A-)
Barry Sonnenfeld’s Men in Black (1999): Ruthlessly efficient. Gets in and out in 90 minutes. (A-)
Dreamworks’ Shrek (2001): Watched as it was meant to be seen, in the original Polish (C+)
Peter Weir’s The Truman Show (1998): While sailing across the internet, i happened across a copy of the original draft of the script. It is so much darker, and so much weirder.
It’s set in a constructed version of New York City instead of a small town in Florida
He finds his own name in a dictionary
Truman threatens to kill a baby and it is played completely straight
Instead of ending when he disappears out the door it continues and he hijacks a tram and has a shoot-out on the roof of the studio????
He hires a prostitute to recreate his encounter with the girl who told him it was all a TV show
Anyway, the cut that got released is a very good film to show to your friends who haven’t seen it before and watch their reactions. It’s also — for me personally — one of those Back to the Future-type films, where it’s all so immaculately put together that you can watch it over and over and there’s always something new to enjoy (A+)
I don’t know how somepeople do it, posting almost every day. I suppose my life just isn’t interesting enough for this sort of thing!
Anyway. I was going to write up a full post about a recent jaunt to Lady Waterford Hall, but my memory is awful and i’m not sure that it would be very interesting. Instead, here are some photos from the trip:
(If you’d like to visit, admission is free with a suggested donation of £3, and the place is wheelchair-accessible.)
It’s one in the morning and we just got done with watching the Eurovision. I’m still processing all of that, so this post isn’t the most structured thing in the universe, but here’s what i thought of it:
Justice for James!! That man was just happy to be here and they gave him zero points. Criminal!!
(Can we not just force Dua Lipa to do it next year?)
My top six, in rough 1–6 order: Ukraine, Iceland, Bulgaria, Norway, Russia, San Marino. (“Comedy value” is a factor on the score card…)
I really must add “the voting spokesperson sings” to the drinking game next year…
Also: “Previous Eurovision winner appears” and “ludicrous musical instruments”?
On that note about the score card — the score card we use for our annual Eurovision party has five categories:
The song itself (out of 20)
Vocals (out of 10)
Visuals, staging, and dress (out of 10)
Je ne sais quoi (out of 10) — basically a measure of charisma, or how much you can tell they’re just happy to be there
Comedy value (out of 10)
My highest- and lowest-scoring this year were Ukraine (with 51 out of 60) and Germany (with negative 14 out of 60), respectively. Yes negative values are allowed if they’re bad enough
Apparently some family friends have included “sex factor” on their scorecards. Might consider adding that for next year…
Notes on the individual entries:
Cyprus: “Mum can we have Lady Gaga?” “We have Lady Gaga at home”
Israel: We decided that, yes, “what are they wearing” also includes “what are they hair-ing”
Russia: That dress!
Malta: “We have Lizzo at home”
Portugal: Nice and understated, by Eurovision standards
United Kingdom: Good heavens, we sent one that wasn’t shit!
Greece: Wow this must have looked awkward in the arena
Moldova: Made us seasick. The entire watch party was also in agreement that the backup dancers looked like Agent Smith from a poorly produced porn parody of The Matrix
Germany: In the “notes” section i just have “why” written in giant letters
Finland: Kidz Bop Linkin Park
Lithuania: It felt like that guy was trying to flirt with the entire arena and i was very uncomfortable
Ukraine: She looked a bit like she would try to poison you with a potion of frog’s legs
France: Go back to 1930, this is Eurovision
San Marino: Flo Rida definitely 100% knows where he is and is not confused at all
The interval act wasn’t horribly boring this time! That’s an achievement!
The audience were so nice this time around. Cheering for Iceland when they couldn’t make it, then for the UK when they got nul points
Oh and apparently Italy did a cheeky line of coke in the green roomα and then sang the version of their song with swears in in the reprise when they won? Legends
Eurovision is coming up soon! The international camp-off disguised as a very serious musical competition took a sabbatical in 2020, no thanks to the coronavirus pandemic, but now that it’s back, it’s time for the annual tradition of encouraging our nation’s alcoholism by writing up a drinking game. (If, like me, you’re not overly fond of the golden drink, feel free to substitute alcohol with something equally sickening like chocolate milk. And if you are, please drink responsibly.)
One sip ☝️
Drink to forget the pain of a boring ballad
One of the presenters makes a joke that falls flat
Someone mentions the coronavirus
Phoning in the set design by just using shapes
Singing in their country’s native language
Smoke machine, wind machine, or dry ice
Oh my god, what are they wearing?
Yes, yes, that’s nice, just give us the scores already
“Hello? Is this thing on? Can you hear us?”
A country gives douze points to one of its neighbours
If you guess the country’s douze points right, everyone else drinks.
Two sips ✌️
Something has obviously had to be curtailed or cut back due to the coronavirus
Someone makes a joke about the coronavirus that falls flat
Metal, punk, or some other unexpectedly hardcore genre
Singing in another language… which isn’t their country’s native language
A great visualisation, ruined by not standing in the right place
Singer from another country
A technical fault occurs
Graham gets the outcome of the country’s voting right
The UK gets 12 points (this will never happen, but a man can dream)
I thought i might as well use the ability to schedule posts in the future to my advantage, so here are some anagrams for you to unscramble. Maybe this’ll keep you all occupied for a few minutes. Some of these are, of course, (much) easier than others.