The GardenA blog by yours truly.2024-03-27T12:09:19.794Zhttps://satyrs.eu/gardenXanthe TynehorneUntitled2024-03-27T12:08:29.244Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/7ac54
<p>It still confuses me a little why <i>Minecraft</i> doesn’t have a Swahili translation. It can’t be a question of not having the will or number of speakers to do it — they’ve got Yoruba, Hawaiʻian, hell, even Nahuātl. Is it something to do with the prefixes? (Fudging grammatical gender is one thing, but 13 clearly distinct classes is another…)</p>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XXIX2024-03-25T18:44:56.427Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/link-roundup-xxix
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.spacebloom.net/sitemap/">“Spacebloom: A Field Guide to Cosmic Xflora”.</a> What? Via last roundup’s <i>Complete Review</i>.</li>
<li><a href="https://ironicsans.beehiiv.com/p/life-death-bulbdial-clock">The Bulbdial Clock</a>: a clock that has lights instead of hands</li>
<li>Went down a bit of a <a href="https://sliderules.lovett.com/">slide rule</a> rabbit hole…
<ul>
<li><a href="https://friendsofthevigilance.org.uk/Astron/SlideRules/LinearSlideRule/SlideRule.html">A simple linear slide rule emulator</a></li>
<li><a href="https://satadorus.eu/x_ite/yacs_2_0/yacs_2_0.html">And a <span class="all-sc">THREE DEE!!!</span> recreation of the mechanical Curta calculator</a></li>
</ul>
</li>
<li><a href="https://www.nationalgeographic.com/magazine/article/holland-agriculture-sustainable-farming">How the Netherlands feeds the world with the future of technology.</a> Please stand for the national anthem.</li>
<li><a href="https://youtu.be/Bads-B8O0lI"> </a></li>
<li><a href="https://academic.oup.com/jmammal/advance-article-abstract/doi/10.1093/jmammal/gyae009/7631689?login=false">New otter species just dropped</a></li>
<li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_von_Coudenhove-Kalergi">Richard Eijiro von Coudenhove-Kalergi</a>, the half-Japanese Euro-federalist count who suggested “Ode to Joy” as the continent’s anthem and thought all races and castes would merge in the future into “something like the Ancient Egyptians”</li>
<li><a href="https://www.core77.com/posts/130277/Industrial-Design-Student-Work-A-Stabilizing-Robotic-Tail-for-Floating-Astronauts">A self-stabilising robotic tail designed for astronauts in microgravity</a>. OwO?</li>
<li><a href="https://arstechnica.com/gaming/2024/03/the-super-mario-maker-community-faces-its-final-boss/">One blasted level is all that stands between the <i>Super Mario Maker</i> community and finishing every level ever uploaded before Nintendo shuts down the servers in two weeks.</a></li>
<li>Further proof mathematics is evil and fake: <a href="https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaitin's_constant">Chaitin’s constants</a>, numbers which exist but whose value we can never know.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CzJbz9qSsd0">The new Porter Robinson track</a> is, of course, a banger.</li>
</ul>
The greatest impulse purchase in history2024-03-23T21:14:07.970Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/impulse
<p>Step 1: Go on Wikipedia, as one does.</p>
<p>Step 2: Notice the following item in the “did you know” section.</p>
<blockquote>
<p><i>Did you know… that <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fabrizio_Dori">Fabrizio Dori</a> wants his comic book <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Il_dio_vagabondo"><span lang="it">«Il dio vagabondo»</span></a> to bring attention to an ancient Greek view of death?</i></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Step 3: (See Figure 1.)</p>
<figure>
<img src="/garden/media/monkeysees.webp" alt="A biology textbook diagram labelled "Monkey *sees* action"/"Neuron activation"">
<figcaption>Figure 1</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Step 4: Activate dedicated hyperlink-clicking neuron that has evolved after years of online brain poisoning.</p>
<p>Step 5: Oh my god the main character is a satyr who lives in a tent in the suburbs.</p>
<p>Step 6: Oh my god it’s beautifully illustrated. (See Figure 2.)</p>
<figure>
<img src="/garden/media/eustis.webp" alt="A comic illustrated in a colourful style reminiscent of Ancient Greek pottery">
<figcaption>Figure 2</figcaption>
</figure>
<p>Step 7: Begin seriously weighing up the possibility of The Greatest Impulse Purchase In History.</p>
<p>Step 8: Ctrl-<span class="all-sc">F</span> “English”. No results.</p>
<p>Step 9: Wallow in non-Italian-speaking misery.</p>
<p>Step 10: Ctrl-<span class="all-sc">F</span> “Dutch” as a last-ditch effort. You <em>have</em> been meaning to brush up on it…</p>
<p>Step 11: Oh my god they did a Dutch translation before an English one.</p>
<p>Step 12: Google “amazon” even though you know the <span class="all-sc">URL</span>.</p>
<p>Step 13: Click onto Amazon and look up the Dutch name of the comic.</p>
<p>Step 14: Find out there is one (1) copy left in stock.</p>
<p>Step 15: Look at the price.</p>
<p>Step 16:</p>
<p>Step 17: Pretend you didn’t.</p>
<p>Step 18: Buy anyway.</p>
<p>Step 19: Notice that they’ve finally gotten rid of that 2003-ass <span class="all-sc">UI</span> in the purchase phase.</p>
<p>Step 20: You have now completed The Greatest Impulse Purchase In History. It will be there in a week.</p>
Stuff i watched recently, Marchuary edition2024-03-09T21:44:39.909Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/watched-march
<img src="/garden/media/spiceworlds.png" alt="Letterboxd screenshot of a list of “movies about spice worlds”, with the two adaptations of “Dune” and “Spice World”">
<ul>
<li><b><i>Star Trek: The Next Generation</i></b>, season three. How did i let myself <em>not</em> get around to this earlier‽ This is soft sci-fi running at peak performance — a crew of hyper-competent and endearing<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-1" href="#sn-body-1" sn-slug="1"><sup class="note">1</sup></a> people on a starship, sometimes just going on wacky space adventures, other times using science fiction as a lens through which to view our own world. 10/10. My three favourite episodes so far:
<ol type="1">
<li><b>“Tin Man”</b>. Our character actor of the week, Harry Groener, plays a member of a mildly telepathic species who has a small problem: he has Space Autism, thus can’t turn said telepathy off. Man, does this episode <em>get it</em>. Every little thing about him is painfully relatable, the ending reduced me to tears, and i would like seven seasons of a buddy cop spinoff show starring him and Data right now, please and thank you.</li>
<li><b>“The Survivors”</b>. The third episode in the season, this is the one that made me sit up and go: <i>God damn, that’s good television.</i> Our character of the week, John Anderson, is the man of the house for an elderly couple who are the only ones left after the decimation of their planet. I can’t reveal anything more than that, but he sells it like noöne else could.</li>
<li><b>“Deja Q”</b>. This one’s just funny.</li>
</ol>
</li>
<li><b><i>The Revenant</i></b> (2015). Stepdad’s pick for family movie night. When the credits rolled, i thought it one of the best films i’d ever seen… but a few weeks on, i’m not so sure. The cinematography is epic, and Tom Hardy’s brilliant, no doubt, but i really feel more could have been mined from the premise. Leonardo DiCaprio’s half-Pawnee son in particular is the heart of the film, and the key role through which to interpret the conflict between the three warring groups, but he gets unceremoniously killed off halfway through, for no other reason than to bolster Mr Hardy’s villain cred and, i am left to infer, because the writers had no idea what to do with his character for the rest of the story. Mr DiCaprio himself goes completely overboard and could really take Lawrence Olivier’s advice to heart: “My dear boy, have you tried just acting?” 6½/10.</li>
<li><b><i>True Stories</i></b> (1986). My pick for family movie night. This sweet and mild-mannered musical comedy is David Byrne’s only director credit, and that’s a damned shame. Most places call it a satire, and i can’t help but think they’re projecting. This is a genuine ode to small-town American life, whatever its pros and whatever its cons, and next time i’m sick, i know exactly what i’ll be putting on. 8/10.<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-2" href="#sn-body-2" sn-slug="2"><sup class="note">2</sup></a></li>
<li><b><i>The Wicker Man</i></b> (1973). Figured i’d watch a whimsical musical from the seventies in preparation for the next one on the list. Great vibes, great music, great ending, great showing from the legendary Christopher Lee<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-3" href="#sn-body-3" sn-slug="3"><sup class="note">3</sup></a>, but good heavens, is our main character ever an unsympathetic, bigoted prick. He’s stumbled on a conspiracy to murder, and he just won’t let go of the fact that he saw some <span class="all-sc">NEKKID WIMMEN</span> prancing around a henge! 7/10.</li>
<li><b><i>Wonka</i></b> (2024). Mama’s pick for family movie night. This is a bad idea for a movie and they should not have made it. That’s fine, though: lots of good films make poor ideas on paper. This isn’t one of them. Timothée Chalamet is <em>terrible</em>! You never once buy him as anything other than Timothée Chalamet in a hat. He’s far too much of a goody two-shoes — not a droplet of the sinister nature of Gene Wilder and Johnny Depp’s<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-4" href="#sn-body-4" sn-slug="4"><sup class="note">4</sup></a> Wonkæ is anywhere to be found. 3/10.</li>
<li><b><i>An American Werewolf in London</i></b> (1981). Stepdad’s pick for family movie night. A bit of a throwaway, but there’s some good stuff in here, especially the titular American Werewolf (Who Went Hiking In The North But For Some Reason Is Taken To A Hospital) In London’s zombified friend. 6/10.</li>
<li><b><i>I’m Thinking of Ending Things</i></b> (2020). Shades of <i>Tenet</i> and <i>Asteroid City</i> here: it’s not Charlie Kaufman at his best, but it is Charlie Kaufman at his <em>most</em>, and he may have finally metatexted too close to the sun. Some really interesting stuff spread out over a turgidly paced first and second acts and a completely nonsensical third. I presume Jesse Plemons’s directions were just “pretend to be Philip Seymour Hoffman”. 5/10.</li>
<li><b><i>Dune Reloaded</i></b> / <b><i>Dune 2: Dune Harder</i></b> / <b><i>D2NE</i></b> (2024). Seen in Imax. A titanic achievement that improves upon the often unfeeling first in every way. I take back everything i said about <i>Wonka</i> — Mr Chalamet is magnetic in a way that cements him as the zoomer generation’s first true movie star. Every gushing ten-star review you’ve heard is true. See it now on the biggest screen you can, with bass that shakes the leather in your seat, because you’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t. 9/10, with that final point conditional on the inevitable third part hitting the mark.</li>
</ul>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-1" sn-slug="1">
<a href="#sn-ref-1" class="note-number">1</a>
<div>
<p>Except Wesley.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-2" sn-slug="2">
<a href="#sn-ref-2" class="note-number">2</a>
<div>
<p>And even if nobody else in the world liked it… Thom Yorke liked it enough to name his band after a song from it, which is all the approval i need!</p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-3" sn-slug="3">
<a href="#sn-ref-3" class="note-number">3</a>
<div>
<p>Me and a Discord friend have concluded that Sir Christopher’s life is the epitome of a life well-lived. Accomplished actor, Nazi hunter, fluent in five languages, knighted by the Queen, sounds like Sir Christopher Lee, and had ninety-three years on this earth — that’s about everything one could ever dream of. (Other people whose lives go hard include Arthur C. Clarke and James Lovelock.)</p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-4" sn-slug="4">
<a href="#sn-ref-4" class="note-number">4</a>
<div>
<p>I quite liked the Depp <i>Charlie and the Chocolate Factory</i> film as a kid. I dread ever going back to it — i wouldn’t want to tarnish the memory.</p>
</div>
</aside>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XXVIII2024-03-04T17:15:21.268Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/link-roundup-xxviii
<ul>
<li><a href="https://hard-drive.net/hd/entertainment/every-best-picture-winner-ranked-by-how-good-a-muppets-version-would-be/">Every Best Picture winner ranked by how good a Muppets version would be</a></li>
<li>Well this is fucking insane: <a href="https://fastsdxl.ai/"><em>real-time</em> machine-learning image generation</a>.<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-1" href="#sn-body-1" sn-slug="1"><sup class="note">1</sup></a> The singularity is here; it’s just not evenly distributed yet (as the saying goes).</li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NSS6yAMZF78">Motion extraction</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2024/02/talking-whales-project-ceti/677549/">A (perhaps overly credulous) profile of “Project Ceti”, which wants to talk to whales using machine learning</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2024/02/bryan-johnson-dont-die-event/677535/">“I went to a rave with the forty-six-year-old millionaire who claims to have the body of a teenager”</a></li>
<li><a href="https://rootsofprogress.org/why-a-larger-population">Selfish reasons to want a larger human population</a></li>
<li>I don’t know if this is real — i just follow the links; i don’t make them — <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mIhiGqUTaI">but here’s something that claims to be an animation test for a never-announced cancelled Disney movie called <i>King of the Elves</i>.</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.complete-review.com/">The <i>Complete Review</i></a>, a “literary saloon” of reviews specialising in translated obscura</li>
<li><a href="https://www.thebookofdays.com/">Hillman’s Hyperlinked and Searchable <i>Chambers’ Book of Days</i></a>. I’d quite like to do something like this with Apsley Cherry-Garrard’s <i>The Worst Journey in the World</i> once i get around to finishing it.<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-2" href="#sn-body-2" sn-slug="2"><sup class="note">2</sup></a></li>
<li><a href="https://letterboxd.com/gnalkhere/list/movies-that-have-the-aesthetic-of-a-sample/">Movies that have the aesthetic of a sample video file you’d see early Windows computers use to demonstrate their media players</a></li>
</ul>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-1" sn-slug="1">
<a href="#sn-ref-1" class="note-number">1</a>
<div>
<p>Yes, i’m being a pedant. I’ll call it <span class="all-sc">AI</span> when one can convince me it’s intelligent.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-2" sn-slug="2">
<a href="#sn-ref-2" class="note-number">2</a>
<div>
<p>I’ve been arguing with myself over whether the language code there would be <code>en-GB</code> or <code>en-AQ</code>. The latter would be funny, but gosh, i really don’t want to accidentally end up with American hyphenation…</p>
</div>
</aside>
Untitled2024-02-26T22:13:57.772Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/8271a
<p>>called Kim Jong II<br>
>not the second Kim Jong<br>
>called Kim Jong Un<br>
>not the first Kim Jong</p>
<p>????</p>
A map of Paganism in England and Wales2024-02-12T12:52:16.858Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/pagan-england
<p>I’ve been trying to pick up vector mapmaking, since the raster image editing situation on Linux is so dire — so here’s something.</p>
<figure>
<img src="/garden/media/pagan_england.png" alt="A map of Paganism in England and Wales, showing it to be most popular in Wales and the south-west of England, particularly Glastonbury">
<figcaption><a href="/garden/media/pagan_england.png">Full resolution here.</a></figcaption>
</figure>
Untitled2024-02-11T13:17:00.135Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/f5425
<p>60% or so of uploads of “Tainted Love” on Youtube have the 👏️👏️ muffled to a damp squib, and it’s always a game of Russian roulette trying to listen to it. A very, very mild game of Russian roulette. Belarusian roulette, maybe.</p>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XXVII2024-02-05T23:09:37.395Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/link-roundup-xxvii
<p class="has-drop-cap">I started watching <i>Star Trek: The Next Generation</i> recently — starting at season three, of course, as i was repeatedly advised — and i’m positively kicking myself for not doing it earlier. This is bloody good television (except Wesley, but i imagine they give up and throw him out the airlock at some point), and only now do i realise how often i have stood on the shoulders of giants without even knowing it…</p>
<p>(Data’s the best character. Obviously. He’s literally me™.)</p>
<ul>
<li>Anyway: <a href="https://scrollprize.org/grandprize">holy <em>shit</em>, someone won the Vesuvius Challenge!</a> A library of hundreds of ancient scrolls was turned into charcoal by the Pompeii eruption, dug up in the Victorian age, and now, with the advent of machine learning, we can finally find out what’s in them. Glimpses at life? Religious texts? The rest of the Epic Cycle? First up in the pile, it seems, is a newfound treatise on Epicurean philosophy.</li>
<li><a href="http://www.geoffreylandis.com/vacuum.html">What would <em>actually</em> happen if you took your space helmet off in a vacuum? Geoffrey Landis, a Nasa scientist and sci-fi writer, answers.</a> Spoilers: <i>2001</i> was right, you wouldn’t explode, and you could stay alive for around ninety seconds.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-10-21/robert-martiensen-7000-secret-artworks/102969272">Robert Martiensen, a retired rural Australian maths teacher, created thousands of artworks in secret</a></li>
<li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanging_Stone">The Hanging Stone</a> is my Betelgeuse. Come on, tip over already…</li>
<li><a href="https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheFutureWillBeBetter">It’s kind of sad how short the TV Tropes page on works where “The Future Will Be Better” is.</a></li>
</ul>
Untitled2024-02-04T00:07:56.816Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/0afdb
<p>I’ve been programming a music player and gotten deep in the weeds of metadata formatting — turns out the library i <em>was</em> using only supported reading, not editing — and i just have to say: thank the Gods for <span class="all-sc">UTF</span>-8.</p>
In praise of mustelids2024-02-02T09:57:44.688Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/mustelids
<img src="/garden/media/Heubach_European_Otter.jpg" alt="An old etching of a European otter">
<p class="has-drop-cap">Hail, the mustelid! Greatest family of the animal kingdom, nay, the eukaryote demesne. They are nigh universally cute — a charming sausage shape — and often small, but unlike their tamèd brers and sisters in Canidæ and Felidæ, they have never succumbed to human domestication and demeaning.<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-1" href="#sn-body-1" sn-slug="1"><sup class="note">1</sup></a></p>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-1" sn-slug="1">
<a href="#sn-ref-1" class="note-number">1</a>
<div>
<p>Except ferrets — but they are cute enough to get away with it.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>Indeed, they are deceptively mighty for their size; the least weasel, an accurate name if there ever was one, proudly squeaks as the smallest carnivore on land, and with its mighty jaw can take down a rabbit ten times its greater, or even, should you believe the ancient Greeks, a basilisk. (So goes it for the otter, too: a <i>lutra lutra</i> might never look like it has a single thought running through its head, but show it to a streamful of fish, and you will witness a bloodbath that would make Tamerlane blush.)</p>
<p>I might myself take a broader view of the term and insert an <span class="all-sc">O</span> in that <i>mustelid</i>, bringing us up to the dynasty <i>Musteloidea</i>, where not only weasels, martens, and otters roam, but the mischievous American raccoon, the adorable red panda, and the e’er-defensive skunk. But the title says “mustelids”, and i am not one to argue with my fifteen-minutes-ago self, so in our little kindred we shall remain.</p>
<p>A last thing to note before we return to pathetic <i>Prīmātēs</i>, the greatest thing in all the family, the peak of all the realm of life, the chief reason among chief reasons that mustelids are the best:</p>
<p>They all sound like squeaky toys.</p>
<iframe class="rubric-youtube" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/2X3AybtLAEk"></iframe>
Stuff i watched recently2024-01-23T11:25:08.951Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/watched-recently
<figure>
<img src="/garden/media/poorthings.jpg" alt="A still from “Poor Things”">
<figcaption><i>Poor Things</i> (2023)</figcaption>
</figure>
<ul>
<li><b><i>Some Like It Hot</i></b> (1959). My pick for family movie night. I’ve been accused of being a bit of a “miserabilist” (i’m sorry, but <i>Synecdoche, New York</i> bangs, and i have no regrets on making them watch it), so i thought i’d kick the year off with something a bit funny, a bit light-hearted, and a bit gay, and cor, was this an absolute classic! A comedy from the fifties about two men cross-dressing to infiltrate a women’s jazz band should be positively radioactive, but this misses all the potential pipelines of “well, you know, back in the day…” sewage and instead hits a gold-mine of timeless commentary on gender relations. I’m on Team Daphne — he’s so much more confident in being a woman than Josephine and does not deserve that terrible toad man. (And, having seen both this and <i>Rear Window</i>, i can finally weigh in: Grace Kelly is a thousand times prettier than Marilyn Monroe. Sorry.) An instant 10/10.</li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYcHOEjGzPA">“Noöne knows who created skull trumpet (until now)”</a>. Had to click this as soon as it appeared on my feed. There’s really something beautiful about the amateurism of the early web, how a woman with no formal training in graphic design or anything of the sort could make all these wonderful, whimsical images, and have one of them persist into the present day. Rest in peace, Cathy Jarboe, you beautiful diamond, you. 6½/10.</li>
<li><b><i>The Master</i></b> (2012). Mama’s pick for family movie night. Philip Seymour Hoffman is <em>incredible</em> in this as an L. Ron Hubbard–style cult leader, to the extent that you often find yourself agreeing with him — i totally get why people join these sort of things now. Joaquin Phoenix, on the other hand… man, i hate to say it, but i might be falling off the Phoenix train? He’s always doing that same snivelling Joker thing, even when it’s totally inappropriate like in <i>Napoleon</i>, and it’s getting kind of old. Joaquin Phoenix Play A Character With Social Skills Challenge (Impossible). Paul Thomas Anderson directs the shit out of this. 6/10.</li>
<li><b><i>The Hudsucker Proxy</i></b> (1994). Rewatched with mama.<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-1" href="#sn-body-1" sn-slug="1"><sup class="note">1</sup></a> Loved it even more than the first time, especially Jennifer Jason Leigh’s character. Just a terribly good-natured film that only sits in obscurity because of its obsequious title. It’s a shame Tim Robbins disappeared after this — i looked up his filmography and he seems to have been in bomb after bomb (<i>Green Lantern</i>, <i>Mission to Mars</i>…). 9/10.</li>
<li><b><i>Poor Things</i></b> (2023, but didn’t come out until 2024 here). Watched at the <a href="https://tynesidecinema.co.uk/">Tyneside</a>. I’d been eagerly awaiting this since i saw the bonkers trailer back in September, and it didn’t disappoint. There was a moment 15% of the way through where i thought i might walk out, but good lord, did it ever win me back over! Bella Scissorhands goes on a steampunk adventure across Europe filled with childlike whimsy, discovers herself, has lots of sex, and winds up Mark Ruffalo. Everyone is absolutely brilliant in this — special commendation to Willem Dafoe as a Scottish mad scientist. Already the strong front-runner for my favourite of the year. 9/10.</li>
</ul>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-1" sn-slug="1">
<a href="#sn-ref-1" class="note-number">1</a>
<div>
<p>The only people to have ever watched this are me, her, and <em>the fucking Nostalgia Critic</em>, because this is where he got his “you know, for kids!” catchphrase.</p>
</div>
</aside>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XXVI2024-01-13T22:21:26.919Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/link-roundup-xxvi
<figure>
<img src="/garden/media/mars-neptune.jpg" alt="A collage of two film stills — in one, an astronaut exits a capsule illuminated by Neptune’s deep blue; in the other, a rover rides around the vivid crimson hills of Mars">
<figcaption>If <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-67892275"><span class="smallcaps">Neptune</span> isn’t really that blue</a>, can we at least put it in the club with <span class="smallcaps">Mars</span>, where we just <em>pretend</em> it’s that bright because it looks cooler in movies? <small>(Top: <i>Ad Astra</i>; bottom: <i>The Martian</i>)</small></figcaption>
</figure>
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.projectmapping.co.uk/">ProjectMapping.co.uk, a veritable hoard of transportation maps from Britain and around the globe</a></li>
<li><a href="https://drawing.garden/">Drawing.garden</a></li>
<li>Via <i>Techdirt</i>, the most based article ever written: <a href="https://www.techdirt.com/2024/01/09/plagiarism-is-fine/">“Plagiarism is fine”</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.loc.gov/nls/who-we-are/guidelines-and-specifications/nls-other-writings-say-how/">The Library of Congress’ pronunciation guide to names of public figures</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.solarsystemheritage.com/uranus.html">The rare old-school sci-fi which sets itself on <span class="smallcaps">Uranus</span></a></li>
<li><a href="https://mattlakeman.org/2024/01/01/notes-on-the-ivory-coast/">Notes on the Ivory Coast</a></li>
<li><a href="https://ithkuil.net/"><span lang="art-x-ithkuil">Wisn­int­ospa wios­aḑc­iżp­üozj­uvx­ünfie Iţkuil</span></a> — The new fourth revision of Ithkuil, everyone’s favourite ridiculously complicated conlang</li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGhcSupkNs8">Jeff Bezos Rowing Boat</a>. I promise you you have no idea where this is going.</li>
</ul>
The 2023 /Satyrs’ Forest/ Horny Awards™2024-01-09T16:08:05.055Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2024/2023-awards
<p class="has-drop-cap">I would like to kick off the second annual <i>Satyrs’ Forest</i> Horny Awards™ with an epigraph from myself, at the end of 2021, predicting what lay ahead. I wrote, and i quote:</p>
<blockquote>
<p><a href="/predictions/2022"><i>Avatar 2</i> will bomb and possibly kill James Cameron’s career. Really: who on earth is actually <em>excited</em> by the idea of an <i>Avatar</i> sequel? Someone? Anyone?</a></p>
</blockquote>
<p>Hahahaha <em>oops</em>!!!</p>
<h2 id="the-laurel-wreath-award-for-annual-achievement-in-film" data-fraktur="The Laurel Wreath Award for Annual Achievement in Film" data-antiqua="The Laurel Wreath Award for Annual Achievement in Film"><a href="#the-laurel-wreath-award-for-annual-achievement-in-film">The Laurel Wreath Award for Annual Achievement in Film</a></h2>
<figure>
<img src="/garden/media/avatar-award.jpg" alt="And the award goes to… Avatar 2: The Way of Water!">
<figcaption>It came out in December and i watched it in January of 2023 — i’m counting it.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Look. Look. I’m not happy about this either. But he got me. That fucking James Cameron boomed me. I’ve never even seen the first one!</p>
<p>Everything about <i>Avatar: The Way of Water</i> puts our decade-long glut of superhero movies to shame. The visuals, thirteen years in the making, are indistinguishable from reality. (You will believe the sexy blue cat people are real, and you will rewatch it three times in Imax and still never figure out how they composited the scrawny human kid in.) Every tiny anthropological detail envelops you in the world of Pandora, meticulously constructed by the new god-king of worldbuilding. But most of all, it’s <em>sincere</em>. There are no tiresome quips of ”well, <em>that</em> just happened”. The characters never make fun of how silly this all is. It just lets itself be itself.</p>
<p>Some might shunt the film’s story and characters to the back seat, and in many ways, that’s fair: nobody goes to see an <i>Avatar</i> movie to find out if Jake and Neytiri get a divorce. But that’s just the James Cameron style, man! He paints with a broad brush, and because of that, his stories connect with everyone from Chicago to Chittagong. Noöne ever complained about <i>Titanic</i> just being <i>Romeo and Juliet</i> on a boat, after all.</p>
<p>So, much as it might bug the poser in me to heap praise upon the fourth-biggest film in history, congratulations to the best film of the year: the one with the smurfs.</p>
<h2 id="the-zoetrope-award-for-classic-cinema" data-fraktur="The Zoetrope Award for Classic Cinema" data-antiqua="The Zoetrope Award for Classic Cinema"><a href="#the-zoetrope-award-for-classic-cinema">The Zoetrope Award for Classic Cinema</a></h2>
<img src="/garden/media/synecdoche-award.jpg" alt="And the award goes to… Synecdoche, New York!">
<p class="has-drop-cap">I have too many thoughts about <i>Synecdoche, New York</i> and i’ve never been able to organise them all into anything coherent, so i’ve set a timer for fifteen minutes and i’ll just stop when i stop. This is going to be a mess.</p>
<p>So, first of all, this film is only two hours long. I say “<em>only</em>” because it feels like four when you’re watching it. This takes place over, god, what, thirty or forty years? And you feel time slipping away just as Caden does.</p>
<p>Oh, uh, Caden Cotard is our main character, a hypochondriac playwright with ambitions of dizzying scale, played masterfully by the late great Philip Seymour Hoffman. I’m not sure he’s meant to be a real person; rather, just as his fictional play (the size of the actual city of New York) balloons to its own world with its own Caden and its own play, he is just the creation of the unseen Ellen<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-1" href="#sn-body-1" sn-slug="1"><sup class="note">1</sup></a>, one world up, somewhere in between him and Charlie Kaufman.</p>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-1" sn-slug="1">
<a href="#sn-ref-1" class="note-number">1</a>
<div>
<p>Who appears in Caden’s world as “Millicent Weems” — the surname meaning “from the cave”… Plato’s cave, if you will? 🤔</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>There’s a moment halfway through that might be the best single second in a movie ever. Caden goes to Berlin to find his long-lost daughter Olive working as a prostitute — and as he enters the brothel, the door creaks behind him… sounding just like a baby’s cry.</p>
<p>I put off watching this movie forever because i knew it was bloody depressing, and indeed, i spent the last half barely containing a film of salt water behind my eyes. Two main candidates for best scene (spoilers!) — <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EHeyI28UQqQ">Sammy (the stalker who Caden hires to play himself)’s heart breaking</a>, and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tF9F3TkOzNQ">the very end, where everything fades to grey</a>.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=seAKj4F49jw">Jon Brion’s score</a> is incredible, by the way.</p>
<p>That shot, when Caden finds out his dad died, and Sammy’s shadow looms behind the curtains like the Grim Reaper? Brilliant.</p>
<p>The one piece of the puzzle i still can’t figure out is what’s up with Maria. She’s this corrupting influence on everyone Caden loves, but bears the name of the Virgin Mary — which makes it difficult to slot her in, as i tried, as the Devil to Ellen’s God. Hm.</p>
<p>It’s funny how Caden never really gets any sicker, but the world around him does. (There’s some gender identity stuff in there too, but honestly it all seems like the type of thing that could be attributed to other stuff to me. I don’t think Caden’s literally trans, he just happens to be the self-insert of a woman.)</p>
<p>That’s my fifteen minutes up. <i>Synecdoche, New York</i>! Greatest movie ever made.</p>
<h2 id="the-pebbledash-dildo-award-for-cinematic-disappointment" data-fraktur="The Pebbledash Dildo Award for Cinematic Disappointment" data-antiqua="The Pebbledash Dildo Award for Cinematic Disappointment"><a href="#the-pebbledash-dildo-award-for-cinematic-disappointment">The Pebbledash Dildo Award for Cinematic Disappointment</a></h2>
<figure>
<img src="/garden/media/congress-award.jpg" alt="And the award goes to… The Congress!">
<figcaption>Again, not a 2023 film, but i actually quite liked every 2023 film i watched, and i was annoyed enough by this one to put it on here instead.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">It all started so innocently. It was a family movie night, and me and my mam were in the mood for something uplifting. I’d asked on Reddit for movies with the same manic exuberance as <i>The Fifth Element</i> or <i>Elvis</i>, where some strange new colourful thing is thrown at the screen a mile a minute and the viewer is ripped along for the ride.</p>
<p><i>Mad Max: Fury Road</i>? Seen it. <i>Mandy</i>? Not in the mood for horror. But <i>The Congress</i>? Now that sounded interesting. The reviews were coy, but all praised the psychedelic, mind-bending world crafted by director Ari Folman.</p>
<p>Count us in, i suppose. And so began my journey into hell.</p>
<p>To get the “coveted” Pebbledash Dildo, you don’t just have to be bad. It is, after all, an award for disappointment. You must have a kernel of a great idea within you, one that is so simple to make something good out of, and fuck it all up anyway. That kernel can be found in a single brilliant scene, a diamond within this pile of filmic zirconia.</p>
<img src="/garden/media/congress-scanning.jpg" alt="A live-action Robin Wright stands in the centre of a sphere of cameras blaring at her">
<p>The premise of <i>The Congress</i> is more relevant now than ever, in this age of digital doubles, deepfakes, and <span class="all-sc">AI</span> actors. Robin Wright plays herself, who reluctantly decides to scan herself into digital form, so the studio can use her likeness forevermore without her having to break a sweat. As she stands among the blaring lights of the scanner, her agent recounts to her the story of how they first met, bringing tears to her eyes. It’s a genuinely touching moment, and a springboard off of which so many ideas could dive, a trunk from which so many stories might branch.</p>
<p>Then it all goes to pot, and thirty years later, everyone is permanently on drugs, and so the film switches to oh god what the fuck is that get it off get it off get it <span class="smallcaps">off</span> my <span class="smallcaps">fucking screen</span></p>
<p>So Robin Wright, now in a world of terrifying Newgrounds Betty Boop clones, attends the titular congress, where the <span class="all-sc">CEO</span> of the subtly named Miramount does a Hitler rally for his new drug. Then she meets generic Prince Charming man, the very person who scanned her in to the system — an interesting idea that they do absolutely nothing with — and they have ugly cartoon sex, she gets locked in a freezer for 300 years, and she goes in a balloon to find her terminally ill son… or… something?</p>
<p>I have never seen a film fumble the ball this badly, and be such an assault on the senses to boot. You won, Ari. Enjoy the money; i hope it makes you happy. Dear lord, what a sad little life, Ari. You’ve ruined my night completely.</p>
<h2 id="miscellaneous-awards" data-fraktur="Miscellaneous awards" data-antiqua="Miscellaneous awards"><a href="#miscellaneous-awards">Miscellaneous awards</a></h2>
<ul>
<li><strong>The Golden Lyre Award for Excellence in New Music</strong>: Edinburgh-based Young Fathers’ euphoric senior album <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPyC0JUfZrU"><i>Heavy Heavy</i></a> stole the show this year.</li>
<li><strong>The Broken Link Award for Best Use of Hypertext</strong>: The best “miscellaneous thing” i saw online was <a href="https://www.atlasaltera.com/"><i>Atlas Altera</i></a>, an absolutely ludicrous worldbuilding project dedicated to the surgical maximalisation of global diversity.</li>
<li><strong>The Fred Figglehorn Memorial Award for Online Video</strong>: Spanning the end of 2022 to the start of 2023, Geowizard’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0A8VBQb2s8&list=PL_japiE6QKWrCfn7NFL86bRSWez5DTDWt">“How not to travel America”</a> series brightened up my day every time a new one appeared on my feed. People are just nice!</li>
<li><strong>The Hubert J. Farnsworth Award for Good News, Everyone!</strong>: This one may be a wee bit controversial, but i have to go with <a href="https://www.economist.com/business/2023/09/28/pharmas-big-push-for-a-new-generation-of-obesity-drugs">the rollout of a new generation of obesity drugs</a> (most famously semaglutide) — which not only finally work to combat obesity, but seem to dull all sorts of other harmful impulses too. One step closer to true freedom of form?</li>
</ul>
The pauper’s jQuery2023-12-29T00:27:49.249Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/pauperquery
<figure>
<img src="/garden/media/picomputer.jpg" alt="Black and white film still of a man in thought surrounded by grimy computer wiring">
<figcaption>Pic loosely-related, from Darren Aronofsky’s <i>π</i> — <span class="all-sc">JS</span> makes me want to drill my brain out sometimes, too.</figcaption>
</figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap"><a href="https://youmightnotneedjquery.com/">Javascript has come a long way since the days of marquee tags and spacer gifs</a>. You can do a lot with the <span class="all-sc">API</span> they give you to mess around with your web page’s content — but alas, so many of the functions have such verbose names!</p>
<p>To solve this, while not having to deal with the heaving weight of <a href="https://jquery.com/">jQuery</a>’s ten billion lines of <span class="all-sc">IE6</span> compatibility, i made my own little alternative, and carry it everywhere with me:</p>
<pre><code class="hljs language-javascript"><span class="hljs-keyword">const</span> <span class="hljs-title function_">$</span> = sel => <span class="hljs-variable language_">document</span>.<span class="hljs-title function_">querySelector</span>(sel);
<span class="hljs-keyword">const</span> <span class="hljs-title function_">$$</span> = sel => <span class="hljs-variable language_">document</span>.<span class="hljs-title function_">querySelectorAll</span>(sel);
<span class="hljs-title class_">Element</span>.<span class="hljs-property"><span class="hljs-keyword">prototype</span></span>.<span class="hljs-property">$</span> = <span class="hljs-title class_">Element</span>.<span class="hljs-property"><span class="hljs-keyword">prototype</span></span>.<span class="hljs-property">querySelector</span>;
<span class="hljs-title class_">Element</span>.<span class="hljs-property"><span class="hljs-keyword">prototype</span></span>.<span class="hljs-property">$$</span> = <span class="hljs-title class_">Element</span>.<span class="hljs-property"><span class="hljs-keyword">prototype</span></span>.<span class="hljs-property">querySelectorAll</span>;
<span class="hljs-title class_">EventTarget</span>.<span class="hljs-property"><span class="hljs-keyword">prototype</span></span>.<span class="hljs-property">on</span> = <span class="hljs-title class_">EventTarget</span>.<span class="hljs-property"><span class="hljs-keyword">prototype</span></span>.<span class="hljs-property">addEventListener</span>;
<span class="hljs-keyword">const</span> <span class="hljs-title function_">documentReady</span> = fn => <span class="hljs-variable language_">document</span>.<span class="hljs-title function_">on</span>(<span class="hljs-string">"DOMContentLoaded"</span>, fn);
</code></pre>
<p>What it does, in a nutshell: Use <code>$</code> to select something matching a <span class="all-sc">CSS</span> selector, and <code>$$</code> to select an array of <em>everything</em> it matches. (This is already available in your browser’s dev tools!) You can also use it on an element to restrict your search to its children — say, <code>$(".post").$$("aside")</code>, or some other such fanciful chaining.</p>
<p><code>.on</code>, meanwhile, lets you listen out for events like so: <code>$("#my-button").on("click", () => { /* Your function here… */ })</code></p>
<p>Finally, <code>documentReady</code> is just a nicer name for the frankly obtuse “DOMContentLoaded”.</p>
<p>Enjoy. Or don’t, i suppose. Hopefully it makes your hypertext tinkering just a little nicer. :-)</p>
Lords of Misrule 2023: The rest2023-12-22T10:29:34.231Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/misrule-misc
<p>I must apologise most profusely for not putting the other submissions for Lords of Misrule on the blog in a timely fashion. They were quite long, and i tended to procrastinate for quite a while on their inclusion, and so i ended up not bothering for fear of cluttering up the timeline with endless scrolling past other people’s creations — not a particularly dignified viewing environment for them.</p>
<p>But here they are in all their glory, on the main site:</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="/misrule/2023/objective">It’s an Ayn Rand Christmas</a>, from one Baki: Scrooge discovers the true meaning of objectivism.</li>
<li><a href="/misrule/2023/plumbing">Space Plumbing</a>, from one Chris of <i>Vacuum Forest</i>: A space station suffers an unfortunate mishap.</li>
<li><a href="/misrule/2023/theoxenia">The Tale of Theoxenia Trismegistus</a>, from one Ræl H. Bishop: A satyr discovers the outside world.</li>
</ul>
Lords of Misrule 2023: Pedestrian Diversions2023-12-18T14:55:31.341Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/misrule-pedestrian
<p><i>Iō Saturnalia! Today’s post comes from an anonymous reader in Santiago — to comment, please visit its page on <a href="/misrule/2023/pedestrian">the main site</a>.</i></p>
<hr>
<p>as a kid coming down the portway into the harbourside through here was always so epic: going past the rugby club, along the seamills bridge, down the hill, past the willow whale, seeing climbers on the gorge, the tunnels randomly sticking out the cliff looking like something out of minecraft, then coming around the bend and seeing the absolutely massive iconic bridge so high up. diving into the short tunnel type thing and then being greeted with an truly odd mix of architecture being the announcement of entering the city so dramatically. first ashton gate sticks out slightly, and then driving past the first row of house (the last one before the turn has a waving flag of the spanish republican international brigades — always fun for us, i am from spain but grew up in the middle of farmyland severn vale — we always came down via the m5 and even there i remember the giraffe cranes at avonmouth and the hovis silos), then being greeted with these brutalist tendales towards the airport, but we would always come off and into the redeveloped harbourside of its modern style and parked in the (very expensive im told) millenium square car park. the short drive through hotwells road was always very strange to me because its old georgian and victorian housing sandwiched between two far more modern areas. the nautical theme with the absolutely massive victorian ss great britain is also great, it used to have even more colourful flags !</p>
<p>the trip back was still good but never as cool as that experience, just a bunch of huge weed-themed graffiti on the quarryfaces across the river. will probably look much cooler if the train ever comes back that side.</p>
/The Satyrs’ Forest/’s 2023 word of the year2023-12-11T11:13:50.822Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/word-of-2023
<p class="has-drop-cap">It’s that time of year again for the dictionaries of the world to come remind people that they still exist, and that there is absolutely, definitely a reason for anyone to ever pay for them instead of going on <a href="//en.wiktionary.org">Wiktionary</a> for free<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-1" href="#sn-body-1" sn-slug="1"><sup class="note">1</sup></a>, by proclaiming a singular lemma to be Word Of The Year™.</p>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-1" sn-slug="1">
<a href="#sn-ref-1" class="note-number">1</a>
<div>
<p>Oxford gets a pass because they’re Oxford and have details on every word ever coined — but what on earth is Merriam-Webster‘s business model except riling up Republicans on social media at this point?</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>They’re not usually very good at it. Irritatingly often they plump for words that were around for hundreds of years before that year, slang terms that won’t be around in five years, let alone fifty, or terms with dubious status as words at all. That is why last year, as chief etymologist and steward of this noble wood, <a href="/garden/2022/word-of-2022">i picked my own</a> — “special military operation”. In hindsight, i might have chosen something less dour, but that’s the way the biscuit breaks.</p>
<p>So then, how can you capture the essence of the year that was 2023 in a single word? It has been a year of political stagnation, social carrying-on-per-usual, but of technological upheaval. Merriam-Webster thought <i>authentic</i> summed it up best, as a counter to industry plants and <span class="all-sc">GPT</span> malaise… but i’m sorry, that’s bollocks and they know it. Not a word from 2023, been around for decades, go straight to gaol, do not pass go.</p>
<p>Oxford, on the other hand, had a rather different, more vernacular choice — one i am inclined to agree with. The word of the year for 2023 is:</p>
<p><strong>rizz</strong></p>
<p><i>noun. (colloquial)</i> Effortless charisma, the sort that lets you win friends, influence people, and get the girls.</p>
<p>I’ll admit, it’s not <em>quite</em> a 2023 word. It first gained steam in late 2022, and was popularised by the streamer Kai Cenat all the way back in 2021 — but to hell with it! The first mention in my group chat is January of this year, and it has taken the youth by storm in such a way that it seems destined to stick around, even if only to call back to the twenties the way <i>radical</i> might the nineties or <i>groovy</i> the sixties.</p>
<p>It too captures Merriam-Webster’s reaction to the plastic sheen of modern technology. Your friends might have rizz. The people you follow online might have rizz. But Chat<span class="all-sc">GPT</span>? <i>I’m sorry, Dave, but as a large language model, it is not possible for me to have rizz.</i></p>
<p>Merry rizzmas, everyone, and a happy new year — let’s hope 2024’s word is as undour as this one!</p>
Untitled2023-12-06T12:55:43.146Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/b5c8b
<p>I hope dearly that Jodie Whittaker gets 9,000 Big Finish stories to make up for the Chibnall years of <i>Doctor Who</i>. She deserved better.</p>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XXV2023-12-03T11:49:47.363Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/link-roundup-xxv
<ul>
<li><a href="https://xn--gckvb8fzb.com/">マリウス.com</a></li>
<li><a href="https://dukope.com/devlogs/papers-please/lcdplease/">Lucas Pope on making a Game and Watch–style demake of <i>Papers, Please</i></a></li>
<li><a href="http://abarothsworld.com/"><i>Abaroth’s World</i></a>: “An eclectic mixture of my interests including models, optical illusions, historic buildings, roleplaying games, heraldry, puzzles and gardening.”</li>
<li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Society_for_the_Prevention_of_Calling_Sleeping_Car_Porters_%22George%22">The Society for the Prevention of Calling Sleeping Car Porters “George”</a></li>
<li><a href="https://neglectedbooks.com/">The Neglected Books Page</a>, where forgotten books are remembered</li>
<li><a href="https://diamondssuck.com/">Diamonds Suck!</a></li>
<li><a href="https://lochgarry.wordpress.com/">Lochgarry’s Blog</a></li>
<li><a href="https://paratheatrical.com/">“ParaTheatrical ReSearch”</a>: Some weird Italian bullshit of some kind going on here</li>
<li><a href="https://www.spirit-alembic.com/">“The <span class="smallcaps">Spirit-Alembic</span> of the Matreiyan Order of Hsien Tao: A non-religious Mystical-Science New Age Order”</a></li>
<li><a href="https://yip.pe">yip.pe</a>: fun little paint tool thingy</li>
</ul>
Untitled2023-11-19T12:44:41.581Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/7d7d6
<p>I have officially decided to become annoying and switch to Linux. I can tolerate many things from Microsoft, but i will not tolerate them taking away my vertical taskbars!</p>
Lords of Misrule 2023 — let the misrule begin!2023-11-17T13:14:25.929Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/misrule-2023
<p class="has-drop-cap">It’s been a long year. That’s the traditional thing to say, but honestly, it’s been quite a <i>short</i> year for me, and autumn has crept up without me even noticing. That can only mean one thing…</p>
<p><i>Io <span class="theonym">Saturnalia</span>!</i></p>
<p>It’s time, once again, for our third annual <a href="/misrule"><b>Satyrs’ Forest Lords of Misrule</b></a>, where in the spirit of the season, i put <em>you</em> (yes, you) in charge of the site.</p>
<p>If you write or put togeher something — absolutely anything* — and email it to <strong>misrule@satyrs.eu</strong>, come <span class="theonym">Saturnalia</span> (December 17 to 23, for those who aren’t up to date on their Roman calendar) i’ll put it up on the site, on the blog and on its own dedicated permanent subpage, etched in stone for all to see.</p>
<p>As in years past, i ask only that you refrain from political polemics and anything that would get this noble forest in legal trouble. Other than that, the sky is the limit. A video essay on the occult implications of <i>Gremlins 2</i>? A rant about that new skyscraper that blots out the view of your favourite billboard? Anything goes. Whatever you — my lords of misrule — want.</p>
<p>You can submit your entries from today until the 16<sup>th</sup> of December, 2023. Have fun, and don’t be afraid to get weird with it!</p>
<p><i>— Xanthe</i></p>
Untitled2023-11-16T14:31:28.779Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/eb6fb
<p><i>Gremlins 2</i> is the hardest i’ve laughed at a film in some time — a movie written and directed by cocaine.</p>
<p>I think i broke something when the smart gremlin started talking in a <em>New Zealand</em> accent.</p>
A dispatch from Barnard Castle2023-11-12T14:52:25.266Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/bowes
<img src="/garden/media/bowesmuseum.jpg" alt="A shot looking up at an old Georgian palace with glass trees in the foreground">
<p class="has-drop-cap">Hello. I’ve been to the <a href="https://thebowesmuseum.org.uk/">Bowes Museum</a>. I thought i might tell you about it.</p>
<p>Housed in a gloriously incongruous French mansion in the small town of <a href="http://abarothsworld.com/Places/Barnard%20Castle.htm">Barnard Castle</a><a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-1" href="#sn-body-1" sn-slug="1"><sup class="note">1</sup></a>, it was built to house the art collections of the noble Bowes-Lyons — a family lucky enough to count the Queen Mother herself among their members.</p>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-1" sn-slug="1">
<a href="#sn-ref-1" class="note-number">1</a>
<div>
<p>Now famous for Dominic Cummings’ <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dominic_Cummings_scandal">trip to Specsavers</a>. Yes, i took a selfie outside. No, you don’t get to see it.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>Its collection lies largely parallel to the “main” visual arts: ceramics, fashion, textiles, furniture, and other such things which must account for function as much as form. Most of it plunges headfirst into the latter, a bit frilly even for my often anti-modernist tastes, but i did like this caduceus-adorned wooden cabinet:</p>
<img src="/garden/media/caduceus.jpg" alt="A dark wooden cabinet whose middle is adorned with a beautiful embossed caduceus">
<p>The star of the show here is the Silver Swan, a gorgeous eighteenth-century automaton which preens and sways on a bed of glass water. Unfortunately, it’s broken, and the closest you’ll get to see it is its dismembered corpse awaiting restoration, so [<i>raspberry noise</i>]. You <em>can</em>, however, see their exhibition on its legacy, which houses a wonderful collection of modern animatronics made by crafters and tinkerers from all over the world, like this 10/10 pianist:</p>
<video controls src="/garden/media/pianist.webm"></video>
<img class="align-end" src="/garden/media/differenceengine.jpg">
<p>There are a few items which don’t fit into the above. They’ve managed to snag some real Goyas, Canalettos, and El Grecos. (Los Grecos?) They even have Charles Babbage’s Difference Engine, somehow — i assume it’s on loan from London?</p>
<h2 id="information-for-visitors" data-fraktur="Information for visitors" data-antiqua="Information for visitors"><a href="#information-for-visitors">Information for visitors</a></h2>
<ul>
<li><b>Admission:</b> £15.50 for an annual membership; £13.50 for locals — don’t be fooled by the eye-watering <em>£18</em> day ticket for shmucks!</li>
<li><b>Address:</b> <i>The Bowes Museum, Newgate, <span class="smallcaps">Barnard Castle</span>, <span class="all-sc">DL12 8NP</span></i></li>
<li><b>Accessibility:</b> The museum has an accessible entrance and a lift serving all three floors.</li>
<li><b>Getting there:</b> Bus network’s fucked at the minute. Sorry.</li>
</ul>
Untitled2023-11-10T18:27:11.383Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/c98db
<p>?</p>
<img src="/garden/media/finches.webp" alt="A diagram showing the evolution of finches into different species adjusted to different niches">
<img src="/garden/media/beatles.png" alt="A before-and-after pic of the Beatles in 1963 and 1970">
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XXIV2023-10-20T12:44:06.075Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/link-roundup-xxiv
<img src="/garden/media/curvilinear.jpg" alt="A decorative frontispiece for a Victorian book of “curvilinear” designs">
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.johncoulthart.com/feuilleton/2023/09/11/rudiments-of-curvilinear-design/">Rudiments of curvilinear design</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6D7H0_0M6-M">woahhh</a></li>
<li><a href="https://youtu.be/hUYtDA7j19c">The <i>Hot Ones</i> crew unveils Pepper X, the new world’s hottest</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.economist.com/obituary/2023/10/04/the-sycamore-gap-tree-held-a-particularly-deep-place-in-peoples-hearts">The <i>Economist</i> has a lovely obituary for the Sycamore Gap tree — may it rest in peace.</a></li>
<li>Two iceberg charts of <a href="https://icebergcharts.com/i/Surreal_Movies">surreal movies</a> and <a href="https://icebergcharts.com/i/Strange_Films">strange films</a>. I may have to watch, erm, all of these — especially <i>Wax or the Discovery of Television Among the Bees</i>, which keeps coming up in my dives into net-art history…</li>
</ul>
Untitled2023-10-06T22:13:20.360Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/afd97
<p>Yep, that one's going in my Rich Evans Folder (2.1<span class="all-sc">TB</span>)</p>
Untitled2023-09-28T20:58:08.790Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/139ad
<p>Hope whoever <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-tyne-66947040">felled the Sycamore Gap tree</a> enjoyed whatever kicks they got out of destroying a centuries old piece of local heritage. Sick cunt.</p>
De Sledgehammerprojectie (nl)2023-09-28T12:09:09.839Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/sledgehammerprojectie
<img src="/garden/media/sledgehammer.webp" alt="Een oppervlaktegetrouwe kaart van de landen van de wereld, met een gebogen rand die zachtjes naar de polen toe buigt">
<p><i>Deze pagina berust op <a href="https://caniuse.com/mathml">chique nieuwe functies in <span class="all-sc">HTML</span></a>, dus werkt mogelijk niet op uw browser. Sorry.</i></p>
<p class="has-drop-cap">De Sledge­hammer­projectie — vernoemd naar <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJWJE0x7T4Q">het Peter Gabriel-lied</a> — is een nieuwe opper­vlakte­getrouwe kaart­projectie in dezelfde niche als de Winkel-tripel. Een samenstelling van de projecties van Hammer en Peters behoudt oppervlakte, geeft aantrekkelijke curven aan zowel meridianen als parallellen, en haar puntige polen vervormen verre noordelijke regio’s veel minder dan haar afgeplatte equivalenten. (Ik durf wel te zeggen dat zelfs de Antarctis er goed genoeg uitziet!)</p>
<p>De precieze formule, afgeleid van het techniek <a href="https://www.mapthematics.com/Downloads/An_efficient_technique_for_creating_a_continuum_of_equal_area_map_projections_AM.pdf">Strebe (2017)</a>:<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-1" href="#sn-body-1" sn-slug="1"><sup class="note">1</sup></a></p>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-1" sn-slug="1">
<a href="#sn-ref-1" class="note-number">1</a>
<div>
<p>Volledig citaat, voor de betweters: Daniel “daan” <span class="smallcaps">Strebe</span> (2017). “<span lang="en">An efficient technique for creating a continuum of equal-area map projections</span>” [Een efficiënte techniek om een continuüm van opper­vlakte­getrouwe kaart­projecties te creëren], <i><span lang="en">Cartography and Geographic Information Science</span></i>, 45(6), pp. 529–538.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<ul>
<li><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>Sledge</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>λ</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>φ</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow><mo>=</mo><mrow><mtext>p</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>(</mo><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mo>′</mo><mrow><mo>[</mo><msqrt><mrow><mfrac><mn>1</mn><mn>2</mn></mfrac></mrow></msqrt><mo>⋅</mo><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>λ</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>φ</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow><mo>]</mo></mrow><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math>, waar
<ul>
<li><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>λ</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>φ</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math> naar de Hammerprojectie<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-2" href="#sn-body-2" sn-slug="2"><sup class="note">2</sup></a> verwijst,</li>
<li><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mo>′</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>x</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>y</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math> naar haar inverse<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-3" href="#sn-body-3" sn-slug="3"><sup class="note">3</sup></a> verwijst, en</li>
<li><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>p</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>λ</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>φ</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow><mo>=</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><mfrac><mn>8</mn><mn>9</mn></mfrac><mo>⋅</mo><mfrac><mn>3</mn><mi>π</mi></mfrac><mi>λ</mi><mo>,</mo><msqrt><mrow><mfrac><mn>4</mn><mn>3</mn></mfrac></mrow></msqrt><mrow><mi>sin</mi><mi>φ</mi></mrow><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math></li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-2" sn-slug="2">
<a href="#sn-ref-2" class="note-number">2</a>
<div>
<p><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>λ</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>φ</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow><mo>=</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><mfrac><mrow><mn>2</mn><msqrt><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></msqrt><mrow><mi>cos</mi><mi>φ</mi></mrow><mrow><mi>sin</mi><mfrac><mrow><mi>λ</mi></mrow><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></mfrac></mrow></mrow><mrow><msqrt><mrow><mn>1</mn><mo>+</mo><mrow><mi>cos</mi><mi>φ</mi></mrow><mrow><mi>cos</mi><mfrac><mrow><mi>λ</mi></mrow><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></mfrac></mrow></mrow></msqrt></mrow></mfrac><mo>,</mo><mfrac><mrow><msqrt><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></msqrt><mrow><mi>cos</mi><mi>φ</mi></mrow><mrow><mi>sin</mi><mfrac><mrow><mi>λ</mi></mrow><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></mfrac></mrow></mrow><mrow><msqrt><mrow><mn>1</mn><mo>+</mo><mrow><mi>cos</mi><mi>φ</mi></mrow><mrow><mi>cos</mi><mfrac><mrow><mi>λ</mi></mrow><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></mfrac></mrow></mrow></msqrt></mrow></mfrac><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math></p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-3" sn-slug="3">
<a href="#sn-ref-3" class="note-number">3</a>
<div>
<p><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mo>′</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>x</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>y</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow><mo>=</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><mn>2</mn><mrow><mi>atan</mi><mfrac><mrow><mi>z</mi><mi>x</mi></mrow><mrow><mn>2</mn><mrow><mo>(</mo><mn>2</mn><msup><mi>z</mi><mn>2</mn></msup><mo>-</mo><mn>1</mn><mo>)</mo></mrow></mrow></mfrac></mrow><mo>,</mo><mrow><mi>asin</mi><mi>z</mi></mrow><mi>y</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math>, waar <math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mi>z</mi><mo>≡</mo><msqrt><mrow><mn>1</mn><mo>-</mo><msup><mrow><mo>(</mo><mfrac><mi>x</mi><mn>4</mn></mfrac><mo>)</mo></mrow><mn>2</mn></msup><mo>-</mo><msup><mrow><mo>(</mo><mfrac><mi>y</mi><mn>2</mn></mfrac><mo>)</mo></mrow><mn>2</mn></msup></mrow></msqrt></mstyle></math></p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>De inverse:</p>
<p class="equation"><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>Sledge</mtext></mrow><mo>′</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>x</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>y</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow><mo>=</mo><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mo>′</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><msqrt><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></msqrt><mo>⋅</mo><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>[</mo><mfrac><mn>9</mn><mn>8</mn></mfrac><mo>⋅</mo><mfrac><mi>π</mi><mn>3</mn></mfrac><mi>x</mi><mo>,</mo><mrow><mi>asin</mi><mrow><mo>(</mo><msqrt><mrow><mfrac><mn>3</mn><mn>4</mn></mfrac></mrow></msqrt><mi>y</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow></mrow><mo>]</mo></mrow><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math></p>
<p>En eindelijk een formule voor de buitenrand van de kaart:</p>
<p class="equation"><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><msup><mi>tan</mi><mn>2</mn></msup><mrow><mo>(</mo><mfrac><mn>3</mn><mn>16</mn></mfrac><mi>π</mi><mi>x</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow></mrow><mo>=</mo><mn>3</mn><mo>-</mo><mn>3</mn><msup><mi>y</mi><mn>2</mn></msup></mstyle></math></p>
<p><a href="https://observablehq.com/d/e8a2c0c6b595410d">U kunt hier een interactieve versie finden.</a></p>
The Sledgehammer projection2023-09-28T11:12:37.968Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/sledgehammer
<img src="/garden/media/sledgehammer.webp" alt="An equal-area map of the countries of the world, with a curved outline curving in gently towards the poles">
<p><i>This post relies on some <a href="https://caniuse.com/mathml">spiffy new</a> browser features, and might not work on your machine. Apologies.</i></p>
<p class="has-drop-cap">The Sledgehammer projection — named after <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OJWJE0x7T4Q">the Peter Gabriel song</a> — is a novel equal-area map projection designed to fill the same niche as the Winkel Tripel. A composite of the Hammer and Peters projections, it preserves area, gives both parallels and meridians pleasing curves, and with its pointed poles, it does not distort areas in far northern latitudes to the extent that flat-topped projections such as <a href="https://equal-earth.com">Equal <span class="smallcaps">Earth</span></a> do. (I dare even say that it handles Antarctica alright.)</p>
<p>The exact formula, based on <a href="https://www.mapthematics.com/Downloads/An_efficient_technique_for_creating_a_continuum_of_equal_area_map_projections_AM.pdf">Strebe (2017)</a>’s technique:<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-1" href="#sn-body-1" sn-slug="1"><sup class="note">1</sup></a></p>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-1" sn-slug="1">
<a href="#sn-ref-1" class="note-number">1</a>
<div>
<p>Full citation, for the pedantic: Daniel “daan” <span class="smallcaps">Strebe</span> (2017). “An efficient technique for creating a continuum of equal-area map projections”, <i>Cartography and Geographic Information Science</i>, 45(6), pp. 529–538.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<ul>
<li><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>Sledge</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>λ</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>φ</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow><mo>=</mo><mrow><mtext>p</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>(</mo><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mo>′</mo><mrow><mo>[</mo><msqrt><mrow><mfrac><mn>1</mn><mn>2</mn></mfrac></mrow></msqrt><mo>⋅</mo><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>λ</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>φ</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow><mo>]</mo></mrow><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math>, where
<ul>
<li><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>λ</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>φ</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math> refers to the Hammer projection<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-2" href="#sn-body-2" sn-slug="2"><sup class="note">2</sup></a>,</li>
<li><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mo>′</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>x</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>y</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math> refers to its inverse<a class="sidenote-ref" id="sn-ref-3" href="#sn-body-3" sn-slug="3"><sup class="note">3</sup></a>, and</li>
<li><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>p</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>λ</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>φ</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow><mo>=</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><mfrac><mn>8</mn><mn>9</mn></mfrac><mo>⋅</mo><mfrac><mn>3</mn><mi>π</mi></mfrac><mi>λ</mi><mo>,</mo><msqrt><mrow><mfrac><mn>4</mn><mn>3</mn></mfrac></mrow></msqrt><mrow><mi>sin</mi><mi>φ</mi></mrow><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math></li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-2" sn-slug="2">
<a href="#sn-ref-2" class="note-number">2</a>
<div>
<p><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>λ</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>φ</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow><mo>=</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><mfrac><mrow><mn>2</mn><msqrt><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></msqrt><mrow><mi>cos</mi><mi>φ</mi></mrow><mrow><mi>sin</mi><mfrac><mrow><mi>λ</mi></mrow><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></mfrac></mrow></mrow><mrow><msqrt><mrow><mn>1</mn><mo>+</mo><mrow><mi>cos</mi><mi>φ</mi></mrow><mrow><mi>cos</mi><mfrac><mrow><mi>λ</mi></mrow><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></mfrac></mrow></mrow></msqrt></mrow></mfrac><mo>,</mo><mfrac><mrow><msqrt><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></msqrt><mrow><mi>cos</mi><mi>φ</mi></mrow><mrow><mi>sin</mi><mfrac><mrow><mi>λ</mi></mrow><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></mfrac></mrow></mrow><mrow><msqrt><mrow><mn>1</mn><mo>+</mo><mrow><mi>cos</mi><mi>φ</mi></mrow><mrow><mi>cos</mi><mfrac><mrow><mi>λ</mi></mrow><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></mfrac></mrow></mrow></msqrt></mrow></mfrac><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math></p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note" id="sn-body-3" sn-slug="3">
<a href="#sn-ref-3" class="note-number">3</a>
<div>
<p><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mo>′</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>x</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>y</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow><mo>=</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><mn>2</mn><mrow><mi>atan</mi><mfrac><mrow><mi>z</mi><mi>x</mi></mrow><mrow><mn>2</mn><mrow><mo>(</mo><mn>2</mn><msup><mi>z</mi><mn>2</mn></msup><mo>-</mo><mn>1</mn><mo>)</mo></mrow></mrow></mfrac></mrow><mo>,</mo><mrow><mi>asin</mi><mi>z</mi></mrow><mi>y</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math>, where <math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mi>z</mi><mo>≡</mo><msqrt><mrow><mn>1</mn><mo>-</mo><msup><mrow><mo>(</mo><mfrac><mi>x</mi><mn>4</mn></mfrac><mo>)</mo></mrow><mn>2</mn></msup><mo>-</mo><msup><mrow><mo>(</mo><mfrac><mi>y</mi><mn>2</mn></mfrac><mo>)</mo></mrow><mn>2</mn></msup></mrow></msqrt></mstyle></math></p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>To invert:</p>
<p class="equation"><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><mtext>Sledge</mtext></mrow><mo>′</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><mi>x</mi><mo>,</mo><mi>y</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow><mo>=</mo><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mo>′</mo><mrow><mo>(</mo><msqrt><mrow><mn>2</mn></mrow></msqrt><mo>⋅</mo><mrow><mtext>h</mtext></mrow><mrow><mo>[</mo><mfrac><mn>9</mn><mn>8</mn></mfrac><mo>⋅</mo><mfrac><mi>π</mi><mn>3</mn></mfrac><mi>x</mi><mo>,</mo><mrow><mi>asin</mi><mrow><mo>(</mo><msqrt><mrow><mfrac><mn>3</mn><mn>4</mn></mfrac></mrow></msqrt><mi>y</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow></mrow><mo>]</mo></mrow><mo>)</mo></mrow></mstyle></math></p>
<p>And, finally, an equation describing the outer boundary of the map:</p>
<p class="equation"><math><mstyle displaystyle="false"><mrow><msup><mi>tan</mi><mn>2</mn></msup><mrow><mo>(</mo><mfrac><mn>3</mn><mn>16</mn></mfrac><mi>π</mi><mi>x</mi><mo>)</mo></mrow></mrow><mo>=</mo><mn>3</mn><mo>-</mo><mn>3</mn><msup><mi>y</mi><mn>2</mn></msup></mstyle></math></p>
<p><a href="https://observablehq.com/d/e8a2c0c6b595410d">An interactive version is available here.</a> Happy mapping!</p>
</hiatus>2023-09-23T21:15:41.569Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/end-hiatus
<iframe class="rubric-youtube" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen src="https://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/_QVjG6V1yqc"></iframe>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Welcome back, ladies and gentlefolk! I’ve been trapped labouring in a Colombian salt mine for the past four months, but after a daring escape which my lawyers have advised me not to speak of, i’ve returned to safety to provide you all with yet more content®™.</p>
<p>Some links i’ve had sitting around gathering mothballs to start you off:</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.adelfaure.net/ascii/">One Adel Faure’s collection of ascii art</a></li>
<li><a href="https://toyrus.ngrok.io/~ted/pawpaws/">Ted’s pawpaw page</a></li>
<li><a href="https://tenochtitlan.thomaskole.nl/">I am, admittedly, a big sop, but this 3<span class="all-sc">D</span> reconstruction of the city of Tenochtitlan made me cry a little. All the things we’ve lost!</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_G2Q1qsoGEU">Tom Scott visits England’s first longbarrow in a thousand years</a> — file under “Pagan interest”, of course; in general, i just love to see modern revivals of our ancient traditions</li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3o_pA_MmAxo">See It. Say It. Sorted.</a></li>
</ul>
/Looking at the Big Sky/: the world in 20252023-06-16T14:56:05Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/latbs-2025
<p>I was, tentatively, putting off finishing this until i’d gotten the relevant part of the main site in a working state. But, given that i’m rebuilding the whole thing from scratch, and i was itching to put it out there — behold! The world in 2025 of <em>Looking at the Big Sky</em>, a sci-fi alternate-history -type setting i’m working on. (It’s not particularly sci- at the moment, i’ll admit — this is just a stepping stone on the way to 2338.)</p>
<p><a href="/garden/media/LatBS_english_final.png">You can find the full resolution image here. Wordpress is just being something of a shit.</a></p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/LatBS_english_final.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1867"/></figure>
Hey, wanna see the most beautiful thing i’ve ever seen?2023-05-28T20:31:25Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/rainbow
<p>I don’t know if it’ll come across too well in photo form. I was lying <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3romsFIcbAg">on the grass</a>, as one does, and lo and behold, there in the sky appeared what i could only describe as a double-backwards-double-rainbow: </p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/mostbeautiful_blog.webp" alt="Two iridescent arcs intersect in the sky, a smaller version of the same phenomenon playing out below" class="wp-image-1861"/></figure>
<p>I’ve never seen anything like it. Maybe that makes me a shut-in? I don’t know. Some quick prodding around revealed it to be not a rainbow, but a halo: a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Circumzenithal_arc">circum-zenithal arc</a>, its iridescent colours made by the low sun’s light filtering through the icy clouds above.</p>
<p>The Sagrada Familia. The view from a Pennine peak. My home town from above, caught by pure chance on a flight to Turkey. The first sight of the Tyne Bridge down Grey Street. And now this. That’s the top tier — sights i’ll never forget in my life.</p>
A minor pause2023-05-19T20:49:45Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/pause
<p class="has-drop-cap">Hello. You’ve probably figured this out by now, but my personal life has been getting quite busy at the moment, and postings on the site will be taking a back seat until, hm, let’s say the end of June or thenabouts. Don’t call it a hiatus — it’s just a minor pause.</p>
<p>Please enjoy these filler photos in the meantime:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/canal.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1853"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/canal2.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1854"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/onlycod.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1855"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/thingy.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1856"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/walking.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1857"/></figure>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XXIII2023-05-05T14:46:51Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/link-roundup-xxiii
<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/raccoon-stealing.gif" alt="" class="wp-image-1844" width="456" height="447"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption"><em>Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3</em> was really good. Can you guys believe it was the last Marvel film they’ll ever make?</figcaption></figure>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://foreignpolicy.com/2023/04/23/china-mongolia-tibetan-buddhism-reincarnation-dalai-lama/">China’s reincarnation ban has found a Mongolia-shaped thorn in its side</a></li>
<li><a href="https://nathanrooy.github.io/posts/2023-04-12/visual-book-recommender/">A visual book recommender</a> — like a big map of the literary world, designed to simulate the experience of looking through a <a href="https://www.barterbooks.co.uk/">used book store</a>. Wish there were something like this for films!</li>
<li>Along the same lines, here’s <a href="https://www.gnod.com/">Gnod, the “global network of discovery”</a>… and i suppose there’s never a bad time to link to <em><a href="https://everynoise.com/">Every Noise at Once</a></em></li>
<li><a href="https://www.bikobatanari.art/posts/2023/state-of-neocities">The State of Neocities</a> — largely orthogonal to why i packed up ship for a proper host, but interesting nonetheless</li>
<li><em><a href="https://www.thewayoftheninja.org/">n</a></em></li>
<li><a href="https://www.deviantart.com/telamontabulicus/art/A-Wealth-of-Nations-Atlas-Altera-869717839">Atlas Altera: “A Wealth of Nations”</a></li>
</ul>
Untitled2023-04-30T16:05:42Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/1840
<p>Good evening, “Greece” was a 1000-year social experiment conducted by Oxford’s classics department. Thank you for your coöperation.</p>
Untitled2023-04-17T16:01:08Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/1836
<p>2008 Tom Scott video: The First Annual Yorkshire Pudding And Spoon Race<br>2013 Tom Scott video: The Blinking Light That Keeps Pedestrians Safe<br>2018 Tom Scott video: I Got To Go-Kart Around A Particle Accelarator<br>2023 Tom Scott video: It's like a TARDIS for foxes.</p>
Untitled2023-04-08T08:46:04Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/1831
<p>Well, i rode it out for three years, but i finally caught covid. <code>o7</code></p>
Movie review: /Goncharov 2/ (Gonchathon day 37)2023-04-01T13:11:32Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/gonch<style>.rael, aside.note.rael>*, #secondary aside.note.rael>*, sup.note.rael {font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Liberation Sans, system-ui, sans-serif; color: red;} .xanthe {font-family: var(--serif); color: var(--text);} code.xanthe{font-family:var(--monospace);} sup.note.xanthe{color:var(--accent-strong);} .comic{font-family: Comic Sans MS, Comic Sans, Comic Neue, Chalkboard, sans-serif}</style>
<p class="has-drop-cap">The internet was lit ablaze last year with the rediscovery of Martin Scorcese’s obscure masterpiece <em>Goncharov</em>, and it’s easy to see why. Accessible yet complex, of its time and yet progressive, it was ripe for a critical reëvaluation.</p>
<p>What people don’t often hear about is its sequel — one that Marvel’s biggest fanboy didn’t even know existed. The rights having fallen into the lap of the bloated corpse of Cannon Entertainment, they dumped it straight to video in 1989, leaving it to be forgotten.… until now!!!</p>
<p><em>Goncharov 2: The Quest for Gonch</em> (sold in the <span class="all-sc">USSR</span> as <em>The Quest For God</em>) is the biggest piece of shit since the fat one i laid in the McDonald’s deep fryer last weekend.<sup class="note">1</sup> The Gonch himself is no longer played by Robert DeNiro — clearly too good for this shit — but an up and coming Danny DeVito, wearing an unconvincing latex mask which sits somewhere in between <a href="/garden/2023/vanilla/" data-type="post" data-id="1790">Tom Cruise in <em>Vanilla Sky</em></a><em> </em>and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4Fv3LFGCgo">that one<em> I Think You Could Leave</em> skit</a>.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>This is a lie. It was actually at Burger King.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p class="rael"><a href="https://raelhbishop.neocities.org/">Personally, I think this was one of Devito’s better roles.</a> Casting Devito to replace Deniro was an odd choice, but that’s what happens when the Farrelly Brothers direct a mafia film.</p>
<p class="rael">Yes, this was the Farrelly Brother’s first picture. They tried taking a more serious film for their first work, but it falls flat on its face in many places. I found the scene where the Gonch huffs thirteen cans of glue to be quite amusing for all the wrong reasons. Devito put his heart—</p>
<p>I neither know nor care who you are but please stop defending The Quest for Gonch™. The Goncharov Cinematic Universe does not need this sort of slander, and neither does this blog!</p>
<p class="rael">Listen, there is TONS of potential for the Goncharov Cinematic Universe to expand from this film. It’s not the best film, sure it’s… well… </p>
<p class="rael">…..</p>
<p class="rael">…well, it is definetly<sup class="note xanthe">2</sup> <em>a</em> film.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">2</span>
<div>
<p><i>Sic</i>.<sup class="note rael">3</sup></p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note rael">
<span class="note-number">3</span>
<div>
<p>shut up<sup class="note xanthe">4</sup></p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">4</span>
<div>
<p>You’re not allowed to use footnotes. That’s <em>my</em> thing.<sup class="note rael">5</sup></p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note rael">
<span class="note-number">5</span>
<div>
<p><i>I sure as heck can. I am summoning the ghost of <span class="all-sc">Terry Pratchett</span> to do so.</i>.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>Well if you’re going to get technical, it’s not a film! It’s a video! I’d say it was shot on a potato, but that’s an insult to potatoes — when you compare it to the beautiful composition of Gonch 1™’s ending clock shot, this was shot on a yam.</p>
<p class="rael">Ok, sure, the picture quality wasn’t the best, but I’d blame that on the film’s rushed development. It was first approved by Scorceses in the late 1980s as a fallback in case he was killed by a conservative lynch mob during the production of <em>The Last Temptation of Christ</em> as a fallback.</p>
<p>You have no understanding of the complex lore behind <code>/The Quest for Go(nch|d)/</code>, you absolute fucking nitwit. You fool. You Fucking Nimrod.</p>
<p class="rael"><em>The Last Temptation of Christ</em> was released in 1988, and Concharov <span class="all-sc">II</span> was released in 1989—</p>
<p>Martin Scorcese had no involvement in this. This was that fucker Matteo Bunchofnumbers’ idea. You know how i know that? Because if Martin Scorsese knew about the existence of Goncharov 2: The Quest for Gonch, he’d have not only killed himself, but figured out how to kill himself twice.</p>
<p class="rael">You’re half-right; he had no involvement in the film, but he did approve its creation solely to profit off of any <span class="all-sc">VHS</span> sales. I know this because a friend’s cousin’s nephew’s sister-in-law’s boss’ son’s great uncle knew a guy who worked for the Cleveland Plain Dealer and did an interview with Scorsese not long before the film’s release.</p>
<p>I guess killing yourself twice just results in you coming back to life. Look — regardless of Marty McFly or whatever his name is’ affiliation with it, can we focus on the end product? I mean, that scene where Kremlinova trips over her high heels in that blue dress, and then when it cuts to the next shot, it’s orange! <em>Orange</em>! Don’t you try and fucking pretend it’s some deep symbolism that predicted the rise of every movie poster in the 2000s, it’s just the director having a fucking washing sponge<sup class="note">6</sup> for a brain!</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">6</span>
<div>
<p>I don’t know what the word is and i no longer care. I’m not looking it up for <em>Goncharov: 2: The: Quest: For: Gonch.</em></p>
</div>
</aside>
<p class="rael">Actually, I thought it was one of the more insightful scenes of the film. The dress colors symbolize the slow and gradual fall of Russian society from great pride in an idealistic world to the growing realization that said utopian dreams will never fruition, and the subsequent moral collapse <code class="xanthe">127.192.34.2</code><sup class="note">7</sup> therein.</p>
<aside class="note rael">
<span class="note-number">7</span>
<div>
<p>Your mom</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p class="rael">They could’ve used a better dress for the scene, though. <code class="xanthe">73 West Boulevard, Ocala, Florida</code><sup class="note">8</sup></p>
<aside class="note rael">
<span class="note-number">8</span>
<div>
<p>Your dad.<sup class="note xanthe">9</sup></p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note xanthe">
<span class="note-number">9</span>
<div>
<p>At least i have one.<sup class="note rael">10</sup>.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note rael">
<span class="note-number">10</span>
<div>
<p>Low blow, ha-man. Low blow.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<div class="overlap" style="position: relative;">
<p style="z-index: 5;position: relative;">So then Goncharov gets aids. You know — given how tenderly G1 / <em>Gonch Wick Chapter 1</em> handled its gay love scenes, there’s a real opportunity there! But since this is being directed by Thomas Ouiseau (no relation? I think?), he “catches aids from a government cactus”, starts coughing up blood, and immediately says “i have the aids” and dies. Yes! I’m writing over you! Fuck you!</p>
<p class="rael" style="z-index: 2;position: absolute;top: 0;margin: 0;rotate: 3deg;">My least favorite part of the film would be the scene where Goncharov punches an Albanian consort woman. It was not necessary to the plot at all, and just felt like a dated excuse to throw in a bar fight scene. Oh my god, are you <em>seriously</em> writing over me? Wha- how is this even possible?</p>
</div>
<p class="rael">Fine, you know what, here.</p>
<p class="rael">You’ve heard of Marsyas and Applo before, right?</p>
<p class="rael">You’re in Comic Sans now.</p>
<p class="comic">hhhNOOOOO</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/Untitled.jpg" alt="when the goncharov is the the gonch goncharov" class="wp-image-1819"/></figure>
<p class="comic">You know what, hang on, this is my blog. I don’t have to put up with this crap. I can just tell you to leave. Or whatever.</p>
<p class="comic">That feels rude, actually, now i think of it.</p>
<p class="rael">I was never invited, so telling me to leave simply doesn’t work in the first place. Algorian logic. Pretty deep stuff interdimensional. Don’t think a normie like you would understand.</p>
<p class="comic">Look, can we just agree on a rating out of 10 and then go? The people need to know if G2® is worth the purchase!</p>
<p class="rael">…</p>
<p class="rael">0.85/10.</p>
<p class="comic">I think you’re being too nice with that 0.85. I mean, what is this? <span class="all-sc">IGN</span>?</p>
<p class="rael">Thrembo/10. Too many overly long sex scenes.</p>
<p class="comic">That’s not even a real number. Not since <em>the incident</em>.</p>
<p class="comic">Anyway — i give Goncharov 2: The Quest for God (God never shows up, incidentally, unless you count the Kandinsky painting in the beach scene) an (<em>e<sup>iπ</sup></em>+1)/10.</p>
<p class="rael">I revise my earlier rating. Rational numbers are better for ratings.</p>
<p class="rael">I give the film a <span style="display: inline-grid; font-size: 0.6em; grid-template-rows: 1fr 1fr;vertical-align: top;text-align: center;font-variant-numeric: lining-nums;"><span style="border-bottom: 1px solid;">-<i>b</i>±√(<i>b</i>²-4<i>ac</i>)</span>
<span>2<i>a</i></span></span>/10. Has the potential for greatly expanding the Goncharov universe, but its attempts at being both a psychological thriller and a slapstick humor film wrapped into a mafia film are simply too confusing for most viewers.</p>
<p><span class="comic">Thankfully, the first Gon</span>charov<sup class="note">11</sup> film on <span class="all-sc">VHS</span> was also the last. And it’s stayed that way ever since. (We don’t talk about the Blockbuster trilogy.<sup class="note rael">12</sup>) Good night.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">11</span>
<div>
<p>Oh, Garamond! How i’ve missed you!</p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note rael">
<span class="note-number">12</span>
<div>
<p>If you want to watch an actually decent direct-to-<span class="all-sc">VHS</span> sequel, I suggest watching “Aladdin <span class="all-sc">IV</span>: Jafar May Need Glasses”. If you can get your hands on a copy - after I watched iit, my tape exploded, so my co-host and I had to base our review on the only clip available online and sleep deprived memory. Please mail me a copy if you find it.<sup class="note xanthe">13</sup></p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">13</span>
<div>
<p> I am going to actually kill you if you don’t stop haunting my blong.<sup class="note rael">14</sup></p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note rael">
<span class="note-number">14</span>
<div>
<p>*blog</p>
</div>
</aside>Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XXII: emergency edition2023-03-29T17:06:00Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/links-xxii
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/alexandria.webp" alt="The burning library of Alexandria" class="wp-image-1805"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">I hate this sort of thing, you hate this sort of thing, let’s get it out of the way. In addition to capturing old web pages, the Internet Archive is also home to untold thousands of old videos, games, and books — each of the latter of which correspond to a real, physical book in their collections. They lend them out like a library, for only one person at a time… until the pandemic, when they made the perhaps ill-advised decision to lift the borrowing limits for that limited time. Publishing companies, who weren’t too happy with that, pushed the nuclear button, sued them over the entire idea of digital lending, and <a href="https://blog.archive.org/2023/03/25/the-fight-continues/">now a federal court’s decided against them</a>. They’re planning to take the fight as high as they can go — <a href="https://archive.org/donate">and they could use your donation</a>.</p>
<p>As i said, i hate to do this — you don’t need me to tell you about all the ways the world is fucked up — but i’m willing to make an allowance when it affects me in particular. So many pieces of internet history, even on this site, now only exist as digital ghosts in their machines (hell, i even had to replace one of the links here with an Archive.org link after the author was suspended from Twitter). And i can’t count the number of musty out-of-print books that i would have never been able to access here from my comfy chair in England if it weren’t for the IA preserving them for a new generation.</p>
<p>So please — <a href="https://archive.org/donate">toss them a few bucks and protect our history</a>.</p>
<p>Anyway.</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/6/66/Nature_Timespiral.png">Nature_Timespiral.png</a></li>
<li><a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20230319005118/https://twitter.com/TripleKyun/status/1636505378828746752">In which Captain Underpants carries the entire western comic industry on its back</a>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNqFhON-jtQ">“Steamed Hams”, but the frames are reorganised so they’re singing “Call Me Maybe”</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AyEmW4c0MtY">“Steamed Hams”, but Skinner makes a “Steamed Hams” video</a></li>
<li><a href="https://youtu.be/Iol3Xydcn4I">“Steamed Hams”, but it’s “Take On Me”</a> (bizarrely high effort)</li>
<li><a href="https://apnews.com/article/mammoth-meatball-cultivated-meat-agriculture-sustainability-30e0731838f52cc18fb22d1faee1f8ce">Mammoth meat meatball</a> (sadly went uneaten)</li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul>
Untitled2023-03-26T14:33:19Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/1802
<p>The uncanny-valley tendencies of <span class="all-sc">AI</span> should be used to innovate and create new, terrifying non-binary genitalia, neither male nor female but a horrifying third thing the likes of which <em>homines sapientes </em>have never before seen</p>
Movie review: /Vanilla Sky/2023-03-20T13:49:18Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/vanilla
<p><strong>Title of movie: </strong><em>Vanilla Sky</em></p>
<p><strong>Year of release:</strong> 2001</p>
<p><strong>Starring: </strong>Tom Cruise</p>
<p><strong>Director:</strong> “Cameron Crowe” (possibly Tom Cruise in a latex mask)</p>
<p><strong>Plot:</strong> Rich prick gets in a car accident, has some nasty dreams, and then Mr Exposition shows up in the great glass elevator from <em>Charlie and the Chocolate Factory</em> in the last 10 minutes to explain everything</p>
<p><strong>Director’s taste in music: </strong>Same as mine; you can tell because this film has like fifteen pointless needle drops<sup class="note">a</sup></p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">a</span>
<div>
<p>Assuming Cameron Crowe is a real person, he’s the one who directed the famous <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S5Y8tFQ01OY">“In Your Eyes” boombox serenade</a>. Methinks it went to his head a little.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p><strong>Does it contain a Tom Cruise Triathlon™?</strong><sup class="note">b</sup> No, although he does do a Tom Cruise Run™ at least once</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">b</span>
<div>
<p>A gold-medal Tom Cruise Triathlon™ requires Toom Crooz to run, get on his motorbike, and swim, all in the same film. If he doesn’t swim, taking command of an aircraft may count for the lesser bronze Toom Crooz Triathlon®.</p>
<p>Should Mr Cruise do all that <em>and</em> shoot someone, you have the rare and coveted Thom Cruz <em>Pentathlon</em> on your hands — to my knowledge, the only film to contain this is <i>Edge of Tomorrow</i>, with the possible addition of <i>Mission: Impossible: Rogue: Nation</i> if you’re willing to count clinging on to the side of a plane as “taking command”.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p><strong>Does it at least have good ideas?</strong> It has the germs of things that might be called ideas, but none that haven’t been done better before</p>
<p><strong>Overall review:</strong></p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/wishdotcom.jpg" alt="WHEN YOU BUY ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND ON
ON WISH DOT COM" class="wp-image-1791"/></figure>
My first love2023-03-16T15:26:28Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/interstellar
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/docking.jpg" alt="A shuttle and a destroyed spacecraft framed in shadow against an ice-white planet" class="wp-image-1779"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">When i was eleven, my dad told me to come downstairs. (I was on holiday at the time, you see, on my semiannual Divorce Custody Trip® back to the fatherland, where i could gorge myself on as many sweets and spit out as many cuss words as i wanted.) He had something to show me on his home cinema setup.</p>
<p>Normally it would be some documentary about watchmaking or nuclear waste storage or any number of things that took his fleeting fancy. Neither of us were much for fiction, and my young self especially wasn’t much of a cinephile. I don’t think my taste in movies had updated much since i watched <em>Finding Nemo</em> on a loop at age three.</p>
<p>Two and a half hours later, there i was, on his lily-white fake-leather sofa, my jaw agape, needing a lie down to take it all in. That was the day i met my first favourite film: <em>Interstellar</em>.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/dust.jpg" alt="Dust storm" class="wp-image-1781"/></figure>
<p>Christopher Nolan has a reputation for mind-bending bombast, but his directing is actually quite plain when you get down to it. His palette of colours would be more at home in a hardware store than an art department.<sup class="note">a</sup> He has little time for the fancy camera trickery so beloved by his fellow mass-market auteurs like Spielberg and Zemeckis. He shoots his pictures as they are, not as a painter might like them to be.</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">a</span>
<div>
<p>I still don’t understand why, after some genuinely brilliant action scenes, bathed in vivid blue and red, he decided to make the final battle in <i>Tenet</i> a boring grizzly-grey fight against a faceless army. Damn you, Nolan!!!</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>It works to his detriment as often as in his favour. The <em>Dark Knight</em> trilogy’s dedication to surgically removing every ounce of colour and whimsy from its inherently campy source sucks it dry of life and fun. (<em>Whenever Heath Ledger isn’t on screen, all the other characters should be asking, “where’s the Joker?”</em>) But in the intervening years, it seems that Mr Nolan figured out how to use his un-style to his advantage.</p>
<p>On Earth, he shoots everything like, well, a Christopher Nolan film — a look that perfectly suits such a drab, dying world of omnipresent dust storms and weltering crops. When the plot shoots past the stratosphere and into the stars, he anchors his fantastic alien worlds and black holes of tantalising beauty against that same pedestrian style; devoid of his peers’ tricks and flourishes, you get the sense that if his gargantuan star-eaters and tome-tiled tesseracts <em>were</em> real, this is exactly what they would look like.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/crying.jpg" alt="Matthew McConaughey crying" class="wp-image-1783"/></figure>
<p>Much has been made of <i>Interstellar</i>’s Achilles’ heel: <em>lurve</em>. I'd like to offer a lukewarm defence. Many take Anne Hathaway’s speech about love as a force “transcending dimensions of time and space” as exposition, seeing her character, Amelia Brand, as a simple mouthpiece for the Messrs Nolan’s hamfisted platitudes. I would call this a severely mistaken interpretation.</p>
<p>Dr Brand’s lines come at the lowest point in her life. She has spent years — decades, from Earth’s view — floating alone in space; now, the crew have to decide how to use their one remaining shot to save all mankind. She isn’t making any profound statements or logical arguments. She is desperately trying to explain to the two men beside her why she thinks, right or wrong, that they should take the risk and visit her former lover’s last known location rather than the closer world the other two prefer. It’s clunky and melodramatic, but that’s the point: she’s grasping at straws, willing to do anything to see her love again. Her speech gives balance against her comrades’ assumption that cold, hard logic is all that matters, throwing gut feeling and emotion out the airlock.</p>
<p>When Cooper falls into that black hole and finds himself wall to wall with a myriad versions of his daughter, it isn’t some literal fundamental force of “love” that brings him there. It is his acceptance of Dr Brand’s romanticism over Mann’s enlightenment. Cold calculations have brought him nought but ruin, forcing him to watch his daughter grow up in front of his eyes and nearly killing both him and the whole human race; so, he lays down his mask, dives into what science tells him is certain doom, and lets the man who wept at those 20 years of messages take control.</p>
<p>I’m not sure that it all comes together in the end. Matthew McConaughey is a fine performer, but the role of Cooper deserves someone who can give it the gravitas (heh) and sensitivity his trauma deserves — not just screaming “Murph!!!” over and over. Mr Nolan’s script is utilitarian as ever; misunderstood as it may be, Dr Brand’s tangent fits into the rest of the film about as well as a cat fits into a baseball glove.</p>
<p>That slack-jawed night on the sofa would begin a new tradition. Every time i shuttle back and forth between England and Holland, i queue up Hans Zimmer’s score on my earbuds, and try to time it <em>juuuuust</em> right, such that the second the jet takes off, “Mountains” comes to its peak or “No Time for Caution”’s organs begin to blare. There’s a lot of flicks i like better these days — <em>Interstellar</em> would probably barely scrape the top ten — but there’ll always be a warm place in my heart for my first love.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/wormhole-1.jpg" alt="A cool wormhole" class="wp-image-1784"/></figure>
Untitled2023-03-05T00:40:21Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/1774
<p>(Guy who writes headlines for newspapers) I love Ben, Jerry's</p>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XXI2023-02-23T19:43:20Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/links-xxi
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/soundengineer.jpg" alt="Breaking Bad meme with Walter White screaming out of a car window, captioned (in all caps) “Nooo 1960s sound engineer don’t hard pan literally everything to one side except the vocals ahhhh in the future people will listen to music piped directly into their ears it will render the mixes unlistenable on headphones noooooo!”" class="wp-image-1768" width="405" height="406"/></figure>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AIAzkL9ZOM">The King Crimson wars</a></li>
<li><a href="https://youtu.be/-BLM1naCfME">Most Apple <span class="all-sc">TV+</span> shows look fake, but this <em>Tetris</em> movie actually looks pretty good</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c4Gd0bR2kb4">The Corridor crew break down <em>Avatar 2</em>’s visual effects</a></li>
<li><a href="https://maximumeffort.substack.com/p/ancient-alien-linguistics-the-pyramids"><em>Stargate</em>’s surprisingly accurate Ancient Egyptian</a></li>
<li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oakland_Buddha">The Oakland Buddha</a>, or, in which a Buddha statue does a better job at stopping crime than the Oakland police department</li>
<li><a href="https://twitter.com/weirddalle/status/1628414141030359043">Joe Rogan goes to the beach that makes you old</a></li>
</ul>
Affleck’s Palace: tidbits from Manchester2023-02-15T14:52:22Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/afflecks
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/Afflecks.jpg" alt="A stairwell covered in music posters" class="wp-image-1753"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image alignright size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/frank.jpg" alt="A statue of Frank Sidebottom" class="wp-image-1756" width="194" height="279"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">It has now been over three months since i visited the city of Manchester. What once was a vivid memory has been obscured by the fog of ever-ticking time. But there is unfinished business to be dealt with — so let me sing to you, dear reader, of Affleck’s Palace.</p>
<p>Cottonopolis’ pop- and counter-culture mecca found its place in a bourgeois defunct department store; its hollowed husk has been stuffed beyond recognition with dozens of stores over four floors, from fashion to cassettes to Hatsune Miku–themed fizzy pop.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image alignleft size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/weeb.jpg" alt="An anime-themed bubble tea shop" class="wp-image-1754" width="256" height="144"/></figure>
<p>It’s an absolutely disorienting place to get your head around. The meme up in Newcastle is that the <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/NewcastleUponTyne/comments/n9ej7i/someones_review_of_the_grainger_market/">Grainger Market</a> is an Escherian nightmare where nothing is ever where it was last time, but Affleck’s is a whole other level (three of them, in fact). Stairs lead to more stairs which lead to corridors which somehow lead back to the same stairs. It took me five goes to find the cassette tape store, and when i did, it was closed for a fag break. It’s the sort of place where a non-specifically foreign woman who you never see again sells you a cursed trinket that brings ruin to your family.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/hippieshit.jpg" alt="A bath bomb store covered in bamboo and tie-dye cloth" class="wp-image-1755"/></figure>
<p>I can only tolerate hippie shit in small doses, and, thankfully, this little bath-bomb dispensary was the perfect small dose. Incense sticks? Tie-dye decorations? Sure, why not.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/biggay.jpg" alt="A shop selling various LGBT-themed wares" class="wp-image-1758"/></figure>
<p>This shop claims to be Europe’s largest <span class="all-sc">LGBT</span> specialty store, which i’m sure is true, if only because half of Europe has the same attitude towards gay and trans people as a moderate Westboro Baptist.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/consoom.jpg" alt="A wall stocked full of funko pop vinyls" class="wp-image-1759"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Bad and naughty intellectual properties go to Funko Pop Jail, where they belong.</figcaption></figure>
<p>And if counter-culture isn’t your thing, there’s enough stalls hawking Disney merchandise to keep you occupied. (I clapped when i saw the thing i know!!!)</p>
<p>I hardly even remember getting in or out of the building, which leaves me at a loss for how to end this post. Maybe it’s more of a feeling than a real place — you just wake up one day, teleported inside, and have to complete a vision quest to buy a cone of rose-flavoured ice cream to find out how to leave.</p>
Untitled2023-02-12T17:52:26Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/1747
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/holyshitreference.jpg" alt="Meme captioned "Holy shit!! Is that a motherfucking [Newcastle upon Tyne] reference???" surrounded by various things which almost look like things from Newcastle" class="wp-image-1748"/></figure>
Where the United States got their names2023-02-06T15:40:08Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/states
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/image-1.png" alt="A map of where the United States got their names. On the east coast, most were named after a person or place from Europe; further west, most were named after Indian tribes or native place names. Idaho in particular was "made up out of whole cloth by an eccentric prospector pretending to be a delegate from a nonexistent territory"." class="wp-image-1744"/></figure>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XX2023-02-05T00:41:48Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/link-roundup-xx
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlgcqWf6evk
</div></figure>
<ul>
<li>Wikipedia’s list of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Works_based_on_dreams">works based on dreams</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.stemplayer.com/stemprojector">The Stem Projector</a> is the kind of ridiculous gadget i’d think up when i was seven, with no regard for any practical value or market — haptic channel surfing! Instagram filters for movies! Automatically-generated mood boards! Just complete nonsense and i want it now.</li>
<li><a href="https://thespinoff.co.nz/atea/24-01-2023/the-side-eye-the-stink-a">“The Stink A”</a>, or, why Kiwis have trouble typesetting Māori</li>
<li><a href="https://rddnickel.com/atlas.html">“The R.D.D. Nickel Atlas of the Universe”</a></li>
<li>Oops, all Youtube!
<ul>
<li>In the spirit of every Youtube video since 2016, i would first like to say that this segment is brought to you by <a href="https://sponsor.ajay.app/">Sponsorblock</a>. Begone with those crummy razors and earbuds!</li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oovj3aX0TQ8">How HD TVs ruined sitcoms</a> (12′)</li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bq6N7w7IMqM">Mobile gaming is the definition of wasted potential</a> (17′)</li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHxhcaNRAMo">Garfield lore</a> (16′)</li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yTjXaM_OJtI">The origins of cursed images</a> (12′)</li>
</ul>
</li>
</ul>
I had a religious experience yesterday2023-01-26T20:23:59Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/experience
<figure class="wp-block-video"><video controls src="/garden/media/8mb.video-jjP-AaNHZBCZ.mp4"><track src="/garden/media/my_captions.vtt" label="English" srclang="en" kind="captions"/></video><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Viewers are kindly forewarned that this video contains flashing lights.</figcaption></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">I had a religious experience yesterday.</p>
<p>It’s a common metaphor. A playful exaggeration of what happens when something goes beyond a mere dopamine hit and passes into <a href="https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Fred-Previc/publication/322766001_Dopamine_Altered_Consciousness_and_Distant_Space_with_Special_Reference_to_Shamanic_Ecstasy/links/5a8db7190f7e9b2fac829249/Dopamine-Altered-Consciousness-and-Distant-Space-with-Special-Reference-to-Shamanic-Ecstasy.pdf">complete shamanic bliss</a>.</p>
<p>If most of the people in the crowd there with me had said that, they wouldn’t have meant it literally. They’re atheists. Christians. Muslims. “Spiritual, but not religious”. Either they see no point in all this God-bothering, or their spiritual needs are well accounted for.</p>
<p>As for your correspondent? Well, <a href="/shrines/dionysos/">loud, boisterious ecstasy</a> is exactly the type of old-time religion i’m after. Hundreds of sweating, screaming, beautiful humans, swimming in the sea of each other, without a care in the world, freed, just for a moment, from the stresses of their mundane daily life<sup class="note">1</sup> — and all led by a charismatic <s>preacher</s> front man. What else could you call such a thing?</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>This is why i’ve never been able to begrudge <i>The Matrix Reloaded</i>’s oft-derided rave scene. What could be a better representation of the last bastion of humanity than that?</div>
</aside>
<p>When you’re a shy bairn who follows a dead religion, you take what you can get.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity"/>
<p><em>Also</em>… about halfway through the show, the band put up a big caption on the side screens saying “guest starring Harry Styles”<sup class="note">2</sup> (greeted with rapturous applause). They then proceeded to bring out Lewis “iwageddicannaustibeisumwunyuluuuuuuh” Capaldi instead (greeted with considerably less rapturous applause), and have him sing the absolute holy grail of 1975 concerts: <a href="https://youtu.be/_TMBVefvLsA?t=73">“Antichrist”</a>, a song from their very first <span class="all-sc">EP</span> which the band have steadfastly refused to ever play live. Masterful trolling.</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">2</span>
<div>Not as implausible on the face of it as you might think — they’d had <a href="https://www.standard.co.uk/culture/music/taylor-swift-1975-best-surprise-appearances-b1052814.html">Taylor Swift</a> at the same tour’s London show.</div>
</aside>The 2022 /Satyrs’ Forest/ Horny Awards™2023-01-17T18:23:51Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/2022-awards
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/Pasted-image-20221229141558.png" alt="Will Smith slapping Chris Rock, but they both have ram’s horns crudely drawn on" class="wp-image-1669"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Welcome, one and all, to the 2798<sup>th</sup> annual Horny Awards! Every year since humans figured out how to count them, the Satyrs’ Forest has presented hand-made, custom trophies to the best works of the year that was. It’s an astoundingly long-lasting tradition, and definitely not something i made up just now.</p>
<p>2022 was one of the years ever. Things, i’m told, occurred. People were born; people were taxed; people died. King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard released several albums. It will go down in the history books as “the year between 2021 and 2023”. On with our show.</p>
<h2>Film</h2>
<h3>The Laurel Wreath Award for Annual Achievement in Film</h3>
<p>Our first category marks all the wonderful movies that were made in this past year — which is quite a lot, so my apologies to all those films who i either didn’t mention or didn’t have time to see!</p>
<p>There can only be one winner, but i’ll start off with a lightning round of honourable mentions. Baz Luhrmann’s <strong><em><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HQlHwS-arpw">Elvis</a></em></strong> was like being locked inside a room with an insane person for two and a half hours, and i loved every ridiculous, extravagant, kinetic minute of it. Tom George’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uB1x5A6CUM"><strong><em>See How They Run</em></strong></a> and Rian Johnson’s <strong><em><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pt_kY3igK0Q">Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery</a></em></strong> were brilliant and funny throwback mysteries which really needed more time and appreciation in the cinema. And i dearly hope David Letich’s <strong><em><a href="https://youtu.be/iUZ5H1g5CSg?t=61">Bullet Train</a></em></strong> becomes the new <em>Fast and Furious</em> — <em>2Bullet2Train</em>! <em>Bullet Train 3: This Time it’s a Plane</em>! <em>Bullet <span class="all-sc">ISS</span></em>! The possibilities are endless.</p>
<p>An especially honourable mention goes to Luca Guadagnino’s<strong><em> Bones and All</em></strong>, a tender horror romance which almost made it to the main list before i realised that i hadn’t actually all that much to say on it. It’s a metaphor for <em>something</em>, i tell ya hwat…</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/EEAAO.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1671"/></figure>
<p>It could have done with less of the hot-dog fingers, but anyone who would leave our first “official” runner-up off of their year-end list is a heartless bastard. On paper, <strong><em><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1UQ7yvfctOU">Everything Everywhere All at Once</a></em></strong> is a recipe for everything everywhere to go totally wrong: a riff on <em>The Matrix</em> with a tenth of the budget, directors whose last work was a movie where Daniel Radcliffe farts a lot, and a sense of humour firmly dated to Reddit circa 2012. Yet it pulls it off.</p>
<p>This is a movie where people beat each other up with dildos, where a hallway of people literally explodes into colour and light, and where the equivalent of the Death Star is an everything bagel. It is <em>also</em> one of the only movies to have made me bawl like a baby in the cinema. <em>Everything Everywhere</em> is an anti-cynical, anti-nihilistic manifesto for our time. Yes, nothing matters! and yes, you might not write the next great American novel or paint a masterpiece! but the world has so much joy and beauty, so many minuscule details that you pass by every day, so for goodness’ sake, even if you’re <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bV-YkkeGqyI">just doing laundry and taxes</a>, take your time to enjoy the little things in life.</p>
<p>I need to go hug my mum.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/Maverick.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1672"/></figure>
<p>Blockbusters aren’t what they used to be, are they? Ever since <em>Endgame</em>, Marvel have been running on autopilot, releasing a steady stream of snarky <span class="all-sc">CGI</span> sludge made more out of obligation than passion. They don’t even work as escapism anymore — the fantastical isn’t fantastic when every billion-dollar release is set in a world of superheroes and sci-fi.</p>
<p>Like <em>Everything Everywhere</em>, our other runner-up is a prime example of a movie that just shouldn’t work. It’s a sequel to a 40-year-old film so mediocre i turned it off halfway through, made as a cynical cash-grab recruitment ad for the navy, with a topic and plot designed to appeal exclusively to Your Dad.<sup class="note">1</sup> Yet, through sheer dumb luck, Paramount hit the jackpot on <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PTxm1lBQeQ"><strong><em>Top Gun: Maverick</em></strong></a>.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>I speak, of course, of not your dad or my dad specifically, but of Your Dad, the platonic ideal of Waspy fatherhood.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>Obviously, Tom Cruise is an absolute charisma magnet and the best part of every movie he’s ever been in. But that seductive Scientologist smile only goes so far <a href="https://youtu.be/kRqxyqjpOHs?t=70">(just look at <em>The Mummy</em>)</a>, and that’s where our director comes in. Joseph Kosinski doesn’t have a particularly long track record; it would be easy to mistake him for a typical director-for-hire. His dialogue scenes don’t stand out from the pack, and he’s not particularly creative with the camera, but that doesn’t matter. What he excels at is <em>spectacle</em>.</p>
<p>2010’s <em>Tron: Legacy</em> is a profoundly middling film in terms of its plot and characters, but it gained a cult following thanks to the delicious combination of Daft Punk’s killer score with Mr Kosinski’s brilliant visuals and action. He took that computerised world of bits and bytes and gave it stakes, weight, and a sense of scale, where a Marvel hack would have told the <span class="all-sc">VFX</span> guy to just press render and go with whatever comes out.</p>
<p>So you take a director whose most known work is a spectacular <span class="all-sc">CG</span> effects-fest and a lead actor famous for his insistence on doing all of his own stunts, and what do you get? The best blockbuster film of the decade, that’s what. The original <em>Top Gun</em>’s plane scenes drag and drag with no real purpose; in <em>Maverick</em>, every flight has something at stake, with non-stop action — but the film still knows when to pull back and take a breather to give its characters heart. My icy, cynical heart <em>knew</em> that i was being manipulated every step of the way, <em>knew</em> that every pull of the strings was planned out in advance, <em>knew</em> that this film was made for money and nothing else… but i’ll be damned if i didn’t start crying at that Val Kilmer cameo.</p>
<p>Go and see <em>Top Gun: Maverick</em> on the biggest screen you can, whether that’s a 1080p computer monitor or an Imax cinema. You won’t regret it.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/Northman.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1673"/></figure>
<p>Our two runners-up were films that i would recommend to anyone, anywhere, of any age, and at any time. They have something for everyone. First place, on the other hand…</p>
<p>If you believe the lame-stream media, our winning film was the result of arthouse horror hero Robert Eggers being given a blank check by Universal to make a big period action movie. This is false. It was created by scientists in a lab in Durham to appeal to me and me specifically. (You can tell because i was the only person who actually went out and watched it.)</p>
<p>Based on the Norse legend behind Shakespeare’s <em>Hamlet</em>, <strong><em>The Northman</em></strong> is an epic following Large Scandinavian Man as the viking Amleth, son of a deposed king, on his journey to avenge his father with the power of <span class="theonym">Odin</span> and testosterone<sup class="note">2</sup> on his side.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">2</span>
<div>
<p>This film has so much testosterone that it probably had a measurable effect on my transition.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>When i call Amleth a viking, i do not mean that all-too-common sanitised Hollywood depiction of a 20th-century Christian in pagan clothing. No; his society and its ways are portrayed as they were, warts and all, regardless of what the audience might feel about it. The vikings of this film keep slaves, burn down houses, consult witches (memorably played by Anya Taylor-Joy, Willem Dafoe, and Björk, in decreasing order of screentime), mock Jesus, and pray to Gods as a fact of life. (The film never particularly demeans them for the latter three, which i found a welcome reprieve from paganism’s usual relegation to the villains of horror schlock.) The only concession to modern mores is <a href="https://traditionsofconflict.substack.com/p/the-northman-the-decline-of-western">the absence of polygamy</a>, because splashing people with period blood and cutting off heads is okay but good heavens a <em>second wife</em>?????</p>
<p>Mr Eggers and his crew schlepped all the way to Iceland for filming and made good bloody use of it. Whether its long shots are focused on nature’s rolling fields and bursting volcanoes or humanity’s flame-lit funerals and grimy oarsmen, the result is consistently one of the most beautiful things of the year.</p>
<p>It’s not for everyone. It’s long, and those just there for the action will find themselves asking when they’re going to get to the fireworks factory. It’s gory. It’s grim. But it’s definitely for me.</p>
<h3>The Zoetrope Award for Classic Cinema</h3>
<p>Hey, did you like the <em>Matrix</em> sequels? Do you want to watch a three-hour-long film where every character is played by the same six actors? No? Well, too bad, because the best film i watched in 2022 that wasn’t released that year was the Wachowski sisters’<sup class="note">3</sup> <strong><em>Cloud Atlas</em></strong>.<sup class="note">4</sup></p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">3</span>
<div>
<p>And some other guy.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">4</span>
<div>
<p>Some other good films i watched this year, in no particular order — <em>12 Angry Men</em>, <em>Terminator 2: Judgment Day</em>, <em>It’s a Wonderful Life</em>, <em>Total Recall</em>, and <em>The Fifth Element</em>.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/CloudAtlas.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1675"/></figure>
<p>There was a point, about 60% of the way through this three-hour-long movie, where i started to wonder if it was all worth it. I’d seen Tom Hanks attempting a Cockney accent, Hugo Weaving in unconvincing Asian prosthetics, and a lot of people saying “tru-tru” a lot of times. Surely it was impossible to tie this all together into a satisfying conclusion.</p>
<p>I started having flashbacks to <em>The Matrix Resurrections</em>, an endlessly creative film plagued by its own self-obsessions and Lana Wachowski’s inability to <em>not</em> put the first thing that came into her head into the script. Was this going to be the same? Are the sisters trapped in an endless cycle of almost-but-not-quite?</p>
<p>And then there was a point, about 90% of the way through, where i started crying. They’d squared the circle, tied all six stories up into a neat bow; an epic told on the scale of centuries, where actors cross boundaries of time, nationality, race, and gender; a film that would be their <em>magnum opus</em> were it not for the long shadow of <em>The Matrix</em>. I don’t know how they did it, but they did — and thus nudged their record of hits against misses slightly to the positive side.</p>
<h3>The Pebbledash Dildo Award for Cinematic Disappointment</h3>
<p>2022 was a good year for bad movies. <em>Moonfall</em> was the peak of so-bad-it’s-good Emmerichian excess. <em>Morbius</em> morbed all across the internet. And the usual Marvel schlock was even shlockier than usual. But nobody thought those films would be any good anyway — it’s hard to be disappointed when you don’t have any expectations in the first place.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/Nope.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1676"/></figure>
<p>So, by God, was i disappointed in <strong><em>Nope</em></strong>. From Jordan Peele, critics’ favourite rising star, this sci-fi Hollywood horror brims with so many creative ideas and metaphors that they all boil over and don’t go anywhere. I can only imagine that a quarter of the script got sucked up into a <span class="all-sc">UFO</span> and they decided to just keep shooting. There are so many great ideas in this film, and it’s a darned shame they wound up such an anticlimax.</p>
<h3>The Comfy Sofa Award for Peak Television</h3>
<p>I don’t actually watch much television; i’ve always found it hard to get invested for the “long haul”. Ben Stiller’s <em>Severance</em>, made for Apple’s floundering streaming service, is a slow burner, the sort of thing i despise — but its slowness is methodical, carefully drip-feeding you bits of information whilst never wasting its time on fluff and filler.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/Severance.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1677"/></figure>
<p>It’s strange. It’s puzzling. It’s brilliant. And the final episode is some of the best <span class="all-sc">TV</span> i’ve ever seen. If i could, i’d sever myself — just to watch it all over again.</p>
<h2>Music</h2>
<h3>The Golden Lyre Award for Excellence in New Music</h3>
<p>It’s The 1975.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/BFIAFL.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1678"/></figure>
<p>Well, no point in dragging that out. They may not be the best band in the world, but they are my <em>favourite</em> band in the world; their eclectic pop-rock sensibilities are what got me into music, and i’ll always appreciate them for that.</p>
<p>This isn’t just a sentimental pick. <em><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ORCNXtnlD38">Being Funny in a Foreign Language</a></em> sees the band trim away the fat and bloat of their previous works and hold back on the eclectic experimentation of the <em>Music for Cars</em> era, settling on a distilled, refined version of the sound that defined their first record. There are no bloated instrumentals, no experimental noodlings; just, as their international tour proudly suggests, The 1975 At Their Very Best.</p>
<p>No album came close to blowing them out of the water — because i’m a soppish fanboy — but to whet your appetite, here are some more of my favourite songs of 2022. (In no particular order.)</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eH5mqLjwg6U">Alvvays, “Pharmacist”</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs4KjJfRFG8">Djo, “Gloom”</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5YBsuShotg">Heal and Harrow, “Lilias”</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F4leHWEEnSA">Lichen Slow, “Hobbies”</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jnFvquNDCGQ">Munly and the Lupercalians, “Ahmen”</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPyC0JUfZrU">Young Fathers, “I Saw”</a></li>
</ul>
<h3>The Hurdy-Gurdy Award for Enduring Musical Resonance</h3>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/AppleVenus.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1679"/></figure>
<p>It was with some trepidation that i typed the word “Pagan” into RateYourMusic’s charts function, knowing the reputation that explicitly religious music has. The words “Christian rock” have always been accented with a sneer, and the most well-known Pagan musician of the modern age is an unrepentant church-burning neo-nazi.</p>
<p>Right at the top, after i’d filtered out all of the metal (apologies, metalheads; it just isn’t my bag), sat <span class="all-sc">XTC</span>’s <strong><em><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMeQjcmt52g">Apple Venus Volume One</a></em></strong>. You won’t find it on streaming — frontman Andy Partridge has few kind words for the likes of Spotify — but i made do with a pirate Youtube playlist until i tracked down a physical copy at the shops.</p>
<p><em>Apple Venus</em> is the group’s penultimate album, and even knowing nothing about them, I could tell. It drips with aching sincerity, the kind that dips into corny pastiche, in that particular way that only happens when a band who have spent their whole career dripping with snark and cynicism realise that they’re getting too old for this shit.</p>
<p>And that’s all i wrote.</p>
<p>Some other favourite old songs i discovered this year:</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2tOutF8B3f8">Aphex Twin - Xtal</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jry1OuZJNL8">Gorki - We zijn zo jong</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=samjNSsnHXA">Holy Fuck - Lovely Allen</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xcyfPXF770U">Ride - Leave Them All Behind</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-GUjA67mdc">The Stranglers - Golden Brown</a></li>
</ul>
<h3>The Sad Trombone Award for Most Disappointing Music</h3>
<p>I’ve been getting into post-rock recently, and there are a few albums which seem to be near and dear to fans’ hearts. Sigur Rós’ <em lang="is">Ágætis byrjun</em>, a surprisingly accessible masterclass. Godspeed You Blank Emperor’s <em>Lift Your Skinny Fists</em>, the best soundtrack for a movie that never existed. Talk Talk’s <em>Spirit of Eden</em>, a bit too jazzy for my tastes. A few more that i’ve yet to listen to.</p>
<p>Then there’s <em>The Earth Is Not a Cold Dead Place</em>.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/EarthIsNotAColdDeadPlace.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1689"/></figure>
<p>Explosions in the Sky’s third album is widely beloved. It tops lists with the big guns. It often shows up on genre “starter pack” lists. There is a teensy, tiny problem with this: it’s shite.</p>
<p>Well, alright, i thought, two tracks in. Maybe it picks up by the end? Everyone is raving about that closing track, “Your Hand in Mine” — and then that was shite too!</p>
<p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdiY6kijYHE">This is music for a car commercial.</a> It is the Imagine Dragons of post-rock. It’s the sort of music a <span class="all-sc">TV</span> network might play as inspirational backing for their Paralympic coverage. It is sappy, insipid, and uninspired dross of the purest and vilest sort, and it boggles the mind to think how it ever got the reputation it now has. See me after class.</p>
<h2>The electronic arts</h2>
<h3>The King’s Dice Award for Interactive Entertainment</h3>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/ObraDinn.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1690"/></figure>
<p>Just one game found its home amongst my digital shelves this years, and i have yet to find the opportunity to complete it. Lucas Pope’s <em>Return of the Obra Dinn</em> wins by acclimation — so far it’s stylish, intriguing, and fun to solve, but again, i’ve not finished it! We’ll see if it sticks the landing.</p>
<h3>The Broken Link Award for Best Use of Hypertext</h3>
<p><em>Homestuck</em> isn’t very good. It has an undeniably appealing cast of characters and charmingly naïve art — you don’t get millions of fans without doing <em>something</em> right — that are sadly weighed down by its author’s baffling decision, faced with all the sprawling multi-media possibilities of the web, to tell its story entirely in walls of unreadable monospaced text.</p>
<p><a href="https://fauux.neocities.org/"><em>Wired Sound for Wired People</em></a> isn’t my thing. It has undeniably mastered a medium: its flickering pink pixels and eerie soundscapes build an unmistakable mix of intrigue and unease, beckoning you to follow it down the rabbit hole. But it lacks a message to go with it — there’s no story to speak of, just a collage of strange and trippy scenes.</p>
<p>So what if someone were to combine the best bits of both, and undo their shortcomings? Idiosyncratic, eerie audiovisuals, with relatable <em>dramatis personæ</em>, <em>and</em> a compelling story which uses the power of hypertext to its fullest?</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/Corru.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1691"/></figure>
<p>Enter <strong><em><a href="https://corru.observer/">Corru.observer</a></em></strong>. Linked to me by someone whose homepage i’d complimented — with no other comment than that it was a friend’s “personal site” — <em>Corru</em> puts you in the seat of an archæologist(?) some decades(?) in the future(?), trying to piece together the memories of an alie… i’ll let you find out the rest. There’s only an “episode” and a half out right now, and i can’t wait to see where it goes.</p>
<h3>The Fred Figglehorn Memorial Award for Online Video</h3>
<p>2022 was not short of epically un-short videos. Internet Historian put together a fully animated <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ip9VGZeqMfo&t=1098s">retelling of the story of Floyd Collins</a>, a 1920s farmer who found himself stuck upside down in a treacherously narrow cave. It clocks in at an hour and ten minutes. Kevin from Defunctland’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_rjBWmc1iQ">weirdly emotional investigation into the Disney Channel theme</a> runs an hour and a half. Stuart Brown’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gBu77h2FSCM"><em>Xcom</em> retrospective</a>? 1:40.</p>
<p>But in the age of Tiktok and Vine, it pays to be succinct. Our winner by no means reaches the six-second nirvana of those two platforms, but at 25 minutes, it would fit comfortably into a half-hour broadcast slot on telly — not bad on a site increasingly dominated by 7-hour videos about people watching sitcoms for children.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/ManInCave.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1692"/></figure>
<p>That winner is Michael Stevens’s video on <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMaBVfIedFw">the origin of selfies</a>. In it brief runtime, it answers every question i never knew i had about the selfie, while spinning in a number of fascinating tangents and eyebrow-raising questions (in the typical Vsauce house style). It even got me to renovate <a href="/gallery">the gallery</a> just to add that photo by Anastasia. Cheese!</p>
<h2>The real world</h2>
<h3>The Spruce Panflute Award for Outdoor Splendour</h3>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/Ouseburn.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1693"/></figure>
<p>I perused many places during my walks out and about this year, but none so consistently provided me with so many new sights as the <strong>Ouseburn</strong>, a small but mighty stream which winds its way in the east of Newcastle from suburbs to leafy woods to industry to hipster vegan cafés. Every time i thought i’d seen it all, the Ouseburn revealed a new cranny, some quirky establishment or warp in the city’s fabric, something different to explore.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/IMG_20220104_163003.jpg" alt="Dusk falls on the river Tyne as all five bridges which span it are seen in the background" class="wp-image-1709"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">This is what we in the industry refer to as “the money shot”.</figcaption></figure>
<h3>The Crackling Heath Award for Indoor Wonder</h3>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/Afflecks.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1694"/></figure>
<p><strong>Affleck’s Palace</strong> is the beating heart of Mancunian counterculture; a labyrinthine maze of shops which across their three floors sell everything from rose ice cream to bath bombs to incense to Hatsune Miku–themed fizzy drinks… and i can’t tell you any more than that, because i haven’t finished my post about it yet!</p>
<p>Really, though — Affleck’s has it all and more, and i’ll be sure to stop by next time i go down south.</p>
<h3>The Hubert J. Farnsworth Award for Good News, Everyone!</h3>
<p>Day in, day out, we are flooded with the latest news of disasters and terrors from around the globe. It gets the views, it gets the hits, and it gets the clicks; it’s no wonder journos love to accentuate the negative.</p>
<p>The Hubert J. Farnsworth Award is an antidote to doom and gloom, honouring the <em>best</em> thing that happened in 2022. It was a late entry, but it could hardly be anything other than…</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/NIF.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1695"/></figure>
<p>…The <strong>National Ignition Facility</strong>, the U.S. government lab who reported that, for the first time, <a href="https://theconversation.com/why-fusion-ignition-is-being-hailed-as-a-major-breakthrough-in-fusion-a-nuclear-physicist-explains-196475">they’d gotten more energy out than they put in via fusion power</a>. There are hiccups, of course; the facility’s magnets guzzled dozens of times more power than the reactor itself. But every stepping stone has its imperfections, and this is the first great step to a truly prosperous future — where energy is too cheap to meter, where power is so abundant that there will be hardly a grain of economic sense in the idea of tapping any more of <span class="theonym">Gæa</span>’s precious little black gold.</p>
<p>Happy belated new year, everyone. And as always — may it be better than the last!</p>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XIX2023-01-16T13:09:38Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/link-roundup-xix
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/applepie.jpg" alt="A slice of apple pie and ice cream in a bowl" class="wp-image-1699"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">I found out that Mark Toney’s<sup class="note">1</sup>, in Newcastle, serves Dutch-style apple pie, and it immediately gave me flashbacks to my childhood like the critic in <em>Ratatouille</em>. I honestly started crying. Delicious stuff. …Sorry, what’s that?</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>I have always thought that someone should start a rival ice cream parlour called Cleopatra’s.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>Apologies for the interruption; my legal team have informed me that i have to actually put links in my link roundups. Who knew‽</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2022/12/27/nancy-epley-100-jackets-virginia/">A 100-year-old Virginian woman hand-makes custom jackets to give away</a></li>
<li><a href="https://tedgioia.substack.com/p/my-afternoons-with-the-singing-bowl">“My afternoons with the singing bowl lady”</a> — A rare sympathetic portrayal of new-agers, one that neither revels in tired atheistic snark nor makes me want to tear my hair out with vapid bollocks</li>
<li><a href="https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2022/08/08/what-should-a-nine-thousand-pound-electric-vehicle-sound-like">What should a 9000-pound electric vehicle sound like?</a></li>
<li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_mythological_objects">Wikipedia’s list of mythological objects</a></li>
<li><a href="https://thelampmagazine.com/2023/01/09/how-to-write-english-prose/">How to write English prose well</a> — A welcome antidote to the usual scolding towards uninspired curtness</li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E0HFazH29nk">How (Saint) James Cameron made the water in <em>Avatar: The Way of, erm, Water </em>look so good</a><sup class="note">2</sup></li>
</ul>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">2</span>
<div>
<p>I’m holding off on spilling all of my thoughts on the film until after i rewatch it in Imax, but for now, i will simply command you to go see it on the biggest, grandest, fanciest screen you can possibly find.</p>
</div>
</aside>Untitled2023-01-11T15:07:45Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/1661
<p>The blue people from <em>Avatar</em> are hot, and i’m tired of pretending they’re not.</p>
<p class="has-small-font-size">Editor’s Note: Xanthe has not yet seen either <em>Avatar</em> film.</p>
A despatch from Ashington2023-01-07T01:26:14Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2023/ashington
<p class="has-drop-cap">I’ve been hammering away at a big ol’ 2022 recap post, trying to get it ready before it’s irrelevant. It seemed cruel to leave you all with nowt over the new year, though, so i thought i might send you some photos from a recent evening walk.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/Untitled.webp" alt="A quixotic signpost for the National Cycle network, done up in rainbow colours and pointing towards destinations in elaborately decorated lettering" class="wp-image-1656"/></figure>
<p>Ashington<sup class="note">1</sup> is a poor erstwhile mining town at the very tip-top of the local conurbation, Newcastle’s last gasp before coal and collieries give way to princes and pastures. It takes pride in two things: one, its mining history, and two, the fact that two Ashingtonians delivered England the world cup in a final remembered by ever fewer people.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>Affectionately and disaffectionately known by locals as “Ashghanistan”.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/Sunset.webp" alt="The moon glistens over a large pond in the evening sky; to the right, there's a lifebelt in the foreground and a strange purplish pinprick of light in the background" class="wp-image-1655"/></figure>
<p>This is the Queen Elizabeth II Country Park — not to be confused with the <a href="https://diamondgeezer.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2022-07-30T07:00:00%2B01:00&max-results=3">Queen Elizabeth II Olympic Park</a> down in that London — a marvellous regeneration project which has turned a spoil heap into a lovely lake complete with a Premier Inn. That purple light off in the distance is the <a href="https://museumsnorthumberland.org.uk/woodhorn-museum/">Woodhorn Colliery Museum</a>, a whistle-stop tour of Northumberland’s mining history which apparently fancies itself the Blackpool of the North.<sup class="note">2</sup></p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">2</span>
<div>
<p>“But Blackpool is already in the North!”, i hear you cry. Nonsense. The North begins at the Tees, and we all know this.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/Blackpool.webp" alt="A closer look at the museum reveals that a cutter-like building is lit up in purple, while two old mining rigs have their spokes illuminated as if they were neon" class="wp-image-1654"/></figure>
<p>And that’s all i wrote. Tune in next time for either another bashed-together filler postcard (by Gods, am i going to have to make Blyth sound appealing next?), or the first annual Horny Awards™. We’ll see how far the Procrastination Monster lets me progress. :-)</p>
And this is where i’d switch to a Marshallese web host, If I Had One2022-12-29T21:30:11Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/marshallese
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/image-2.png" alt="Rage comic with a kid riding away on a trike overlaid with the words "Goodbye Mom!" and the Marshallese flag" class="wp-image-1649"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Today i learned that the Marshall Islands have almost no copyright laws. Since the U.S. handles most of their foreign affairs for them, they’ve slipped through the cracks of international treaties: per <a href="https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Commons:Copyright_rules_by_territory/Marshall_Islands#General_rules">Wikimedia Commons</a>, the only restriction is that you can’t directly copy/rip/transfer/sell/publicly perform another citizen’s work and try to make money off of it. (Which i think is quite sensible — even as someone who opposes the whole idea of copyright as a nasty intrusion of people’s freedom of speech — so long as we live in a capitalist society.)</p>
<p>Good on you, Ṃajeḷ. Now if only they had decent internet…</p>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume X(mas)VIII2022-12-24T19:12:23Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-xviii
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/snowypath.jpg" alt="A dirt path by a farm lightly covered in snow" class="wp-image-1641"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Merry Christmas to all who celebrate, and good tidings to everyone else — my gift to you is one last sack full of links to send off the year. <em>Mx Tynehorne’s Link Roundup</em>®™ will return in 2023.</p>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wif1EAgEQKI">Tom Scott fesses up to a mistake</a></li>
<li>The state of Tennessee adopted an official “Bicentennial Rap” in 1996. This has never been repealed. <a href="https://youtu.be/TfPmFndDX7U">It’s everything it sounds like it would be.</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.katebush.com/news/merry-christmas-0/">Kate Bush’s annual Christmas message</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.terriwindling.com/blog/2022/12/the-folklore-of-winter.html">The folklore of winter</a></li>
<li><a href="https://auctions.ukraineaidops.org/victory-gallery-online-store/Campaign/Details">’Tis the season for giftgiving, so why not buy a piece of Russian figher-jet shrapnel impaled on the state symbol of Ukraine?</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.economist.com/interactive/christmas-specials/2022/12/20/how-will-the-haj-change-as-global-temperatures-rise">How the hajj might change alongside its climate</a></li>
</ul>
Lords of Misrule 2022: Waves, by Ræl H. Bishop2022-12-21T09:31:04Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/lords-of-misrule-2022-waves-by-rael-h-bishop
<p><em>Our final submission of the season comes from one <a href="https://raelhbishop.neocities.org/">Ræl H. Bishop</a>, a dear friend of mine. Thank you so much for all the entries this year — it’s a lovely thing to have a tradition continue, especially when i’d worried you’d all forgotten i existed. And as always, please leave all your comments <a href="/misrule/2022/waves" data-type="URL" data-id="/misrule/2022/waves">on the main site</a>.</em></p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity"/>
<p class="has-drop-cap">This past summer, I lived in a big coastal city. After two months, things took a turn for the worse and I had to move out. I found the city plastic and frustrating anyways. During my time there, I would go to the beach quite often. But not to swim or make sand castles. In the mornings, I’d walk with a book and a bottle of water and watch the sun dance over the horizon. In the evening, I’d find a vacant spot and watch the cargo ships sail over an increasingly indigo skyscape. It was very cathartic. I feel it’s the same feeling all cathedrals, mosques, and mandirs try to cultivate: a sense of awe and serenity that lets our minds meld and our troubles wash away.</p>
<p>I have a very beach-y metaphor for your consideration. The emotions we experience in our lives are like waves lapping onto a shoreline. All emotions are found in these waves. We get caught up in waves of anger, of depression, of pride and lust, of sorrow and shame, greed and jealousy, euphoria and ecstasy. They are strong, powerful waves. We all stand on these shores, but most folks spend their lives getting tossed and turned by these waves, smashed into the undercurrent and washed up to repeat the process the next day. What we need to do in the face of these waves is not to get knocked over by them, but to hold steadfast and let the waves pass. We observe the waves as they emerge, not “pushing back” and not “falling in”, but noting as they come and noting as they pass. The waves leave, and more take their place, but they’re all transient nonetheless.</p>
<p>I’ve tried taking this notion to heart since I realized it. I hope you can find use of this. The next time you’re caught in a slump, or a fit of rage, or in some all-consuming obsession, just remember that it’s another wave approaching from the distance. You have the power, the strength, the will to keep standing in its wake.</p>
<p>You are not these waves, these fleeting emotions. You are yourself. γνῶθι σεαυτόν. तत्त्वमसि.</p>
Lords of Misrule 2022: Three poems2022-12-20T11:43:08Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/lords-of-misrule-2022-three-poems
<p><em>Today’s post(s) come to us, in no particular order, from three different people, because like buses, good things come in threes. As always, please leave your comments on <a href="/misrule/2022/poems">the main site</a>.</em></p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity"/>
<h2 id="cernunnos"><a href="/misrule/2022/poems/#cernunnos">child meets Cernunnos</a><br><small>B.</small></h2>
<p>i met Him in the woods and He told me to hold my chin up His</p>
<p>skin black as ash shining</p>
<p>hunt-drunk</p>
<p>blood in the snow, He gave me a bow fitted for me and said to shoot</p>
<p>i said what for, to shoot what, i don’t want to hurt a creature</p>
<p>and He said the cycle of life requires death, if you reap then you will sow, to kill a cræture is</p>
<p>to give it back.</p>
<p>i said alright but i was scared and He said what if the other hunters come not my Hunters the other ones</p>
<p>man-shaped and hunting crætures like you</p>
<p>and i shot</p>
<p>the arrow fell through the shadow, spilling, and i said to protect i would do anything</p>
<p>and He said now you understand what this is for. and He said daughter, your destructive anger</p>
<p>can construct mountains and miracles. don’t listen to those as say death and life and rot and growth are anything different from each other. look at the berries grow through the snow. it kills the snow, the snow feeds them, they are not beautiful in this way without the snow.</p>
<p>i said, i understand i am an arrow and a Hunter and i am not yours i am my own and i protect</p>
<p>and like this is how my i became an I</p>
<p>two months later i called for Him</p>
<p>with my head in a bush</p>
<p>because the other ones had taken away my I again</p>
<p>and he said take it back and this time He gave me a knife</p>
<p>and I stole nothing</p>
<p>but I held the knife and sat with Him and remembered that i am I.</p>
<p>Listen to Hanif Aburraqib who says</p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote">
<p><em>“I don’t know if I believe in rage as something always acting in opposition to tenderness. I believe, more often, in the two as braided together. Two elements of trying to survive in a world once you have an understanding of that world’s capacity for violence.”</em></p>
</blockquote>
<p>and go lightly but know yourself Leave a comment</p>
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<h2 id="sinxelo"><a href="/misrule/2022/poems/#sinxelo">sinxelo, lost</a><br><small>Sent in by an anonymous reader from Santiago</small></h2>
<p>know true, feel feind</p>
<p>creer, pensar<br>concocer,<br>enamorar;</p>
<p>se</p>
<p>estou na miña lengua perdide<br>non coa morriña, ni pobo.<br>pobre.</p>
<p>lellos turn, so they wanted</p>
<p>perdéronmenós<br>beg, simple:<br>¿ Leave a comment</p>
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<h2 id="untitled"><a href="/misrule/2022/poems/#untitled">Untitled</a><br><a href="https://fi-do-manin.neocities.org"><small>Fidomanin</small></a></h2>
<p>I’m a poet of the future<br>poet by mission<br>With pen in hand<br>I let any dick hard</p>
<p>Strong Viagra is my verse<br>Fills souls with lust<br>blowjob by passion<br>To all subverse morals</p>
<p>I open the gates of hell<br>Like a lady’s legs<br>For I am invited to both</p>
<p>May this verse last forever:<br>I feel sorry for those who love<br>destined for sadness.</p>
Lords of Misrule 2022: Art, by Ariel2022-12-19T10:39:03Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/lords-of-misrule-2022-art-by-ariel
<p><em>Today’s post comes to us from one <a href="https://libraryphantasmagoria.net/">Ariel, of the Library Phantasmagoria</a>. I highly recommend looking at <a href="/misrule/2022/art">the version on the main site</a>, because it’s done up with its own custom styling, per request of the author — and that you direct any comments there for the sake of consistency. Anyway. The post.</em></p>
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<p class="has-drop-cap">I’ve been slowly taking up drawing as a hobby. I wouldn’t consider myself a very artistic person. In school, I was more math and science oriented. Now I work in computer security. But I want to share some of what I’ve learned.</p>
<p>One of the first things I learned when I started is that using a pencil is hard. When you write, you can have some variation in the angles and curves of your letters while still maintaining “good form”. An “E” still looks like an “E” whether you write it with curves or corners or one stroke or three or squared-off or angled. Contrast this with something like drawing a circle or a 3D box. Even a small variance in curve or angle will turn your perfect drawing into something that looks <em>wrong</em>.</p>
<p>There are tricks you can learn to making more accurate circles or boxes. For example, the lines going out from the corner closest to the viewer on a box need to have obtuse angles between them. If an angle is perfectly 90°, then the viewer will have to be looking at a side straight-on. If the angles are acute, then the box will look skewed. Drawing boxes doesn’t get easier just by knowing the rules, though.</p>
<p>Even though I’ve come up with how every angle and line relates to every other angle and line, I still draw skewed boxes. My hand just doesn’t know how to control the pencil properly. The solution is simple: the knowledge must be applied - a lot. That’s the idea behind <a href="https://drawabox.com">Draw a Box’s lessons</a>. (No, this is not an advertisement for DaB.) I think that’s the idea behind a lot of art lessons. Hell, it’s probably the idea behind most things you can learn.</p>
<p>A long time ago, I was browsing a forum thread on a fairly unpleasant website. The forum thread had something to do with programming, and someone was asking about <em>learning</em> programming. I don’t remember the programming language in question, the person in question, or anything else. But I do mostly remember the response.</p>
<p>It was a well-formatted, but very sarcastic paragraph about the “greatest developers”. These “greatest developers” would spend years studying the fundamentals of the language. They learn the nuances of the compiler. They learn the most efficient algorithms for every problem. They read books and watch tutorials and browse forums until they understand the language better than the people that created it. And so on and so fourth. But one line from the paragraph summarizes the idea and stands out most in my mind: "The greatest developers go years without writing a single line of code." (And in case it wasn’t clear, the post was satire.)</p>
<p>I don’t think I appreciated that line at the time, but I find myself thinking about it more and more lately.</p>
<p>I’m one of those people with a tendency to “learn” more than I practice something. I’ll watch hours-long YouTube videos on obscure topics, and my favourite podcast(s) came from the How Stuff Works group: Stuff You Should Know, Stuff You Missed in History Class, etc. I’ve read books on the history of tea, the book index, and capital punishment in France. It’s knowledge that can’t really be applied in my life, or is only applicable to hyper-specific niches. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with this - it’s a form of entertainment for me.</p>
<p>Yet, learning as enjoyment and learning to apply are two different things. Returning to the art topic: I’ve spent more time watching the Draftsman Podcast, browsing r/artistlounge, and similar activities than putting pencil to paper. I - like many in my position - justify it as time spent learning, and there <em>is</em> value in learning from others. (“Don’t reinvent the wheel,” as they say.) But that time is really more <em>entertainment</em>-learning than <em>applied</em>-learning. It’d be better spent putting pencil to paper and improving. Using the pencil is hard, though, because it means having to face failure when the boxes don’t look right despite my best effort.</p>
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<p>I don’t have any good words on failure or dealing with it. That’s another thing I’m still learning. But I don’t want to end on a sour note, so I want to highlight another thing I’ve learned through art: how to see it.</p>
<p>I know that sounds a bit pretentious, but hear me out.</p>
<p>I’m going to be using a digital painting by the artist “WLOP” as an example. It’s titled “Civilization3” and you can find it on <a href="https://www.deviantart.com/wlop/art/Civilization3-837660328">his DeviantArt</a>. (I’m avoiding posting it here directly because I’m unsure of his re-upload policy.) The art is of a girl playing a magical steampunk-esque violin with lots of floating gears. I think it’s a really pretty piece, and I’d probably be able to know it was one of WLOP’s at a glance (even if it didn’t have a big watermark saying so).</p>
<p>There’s a few things about the painting that I wouldn’t have noticed before I started learning art. For example, look at the part of the violin furthest from the girl. It’s only a few simple strokes and even has some bits randomly floating off to the side. The more you look, the more you notice things like that. The gear under her chin has misshapen teeth. The leaf pattern on her dress is just bean-shapes and circles with a few thin lines running through it.</p>
<p>I don’t say this to make fun of or insult the piece. It’s actually an amazing trick that I hope to be able to emulate one day! But it’s something that I wouldn’t have noticed before I started learning to make art instead of just looking at it. (I also apologize to the artists to whom I’m probably stating the obvious.) WLOP focused on the areas that most people would unconsciously notice the most flaws with (the face and hands) and let the viewer’s mind fill in the detail for the less important parts (the pattern on the dress).</p>
<p>Here’s another one to look at: <a href="https://www.deviantart.com/yuumei/art/Breathe-remake-792439807">Breathe by Yuumei</a>. It’s another portrait. This time it’s a girl wearing a respirator of sorts with roses where the filters should be. One of the first things you’ll notice is the clear brushwork-iness of it and the lines again. But this one I point out for the <em>colour</em>. At first glance, she’s wearing a tan coat, but notice the left side: it’s blue. So is part of her hair and face. (Also, if you go back to WLOP’s image, you’ll notice the character’s hair is actually a bit green. Especially in the back.) Before learning a bit about colour, I’d probably have defaulted to a black or grey for shading.</p>
<p>I’m happy that I’ve learned to see things this way. It’s like I’ve learned a secret to unlocking a hidden part of the world.</p>
Lords of Misrule 2022: The Gift of the Influencers, by Baki2022-12-17T06:25:00Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/misrule-2022-influencers
<p><em>Iō Saturnalia! Just as last year, a month ago, i flipped the tables and invited you all to send me whatever you wanted and i would put it up on the site. I’m pleased to say that even more took up my offer than last year, and over the next five days, you’ll be seeing a variety of their works. Our first submission for 2022 comes from a reader by the nom de plume of Baki. </em><em>Enjoy.</em></p>
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<p class="has-drop-cap">One thousand eight hundred and seventy dollars. That was all. She had put it aside, one dollar and then another and then another, in her careful posting of selfies and other online activity. Della counted it three times. One thousand eight hundred and seventy dollars. And the next day would be Christmas.</p>
<p>There was nothing to do but post an Instagram Story and cry. So Della did it.</p>
<p>While the lady of the home is slowly growing quieter, we can look at the home. A <span class="all-sc">VW</span> van. There is little more to say about it.</p>
<p>The engine had decided to finally stop working completely and needed replacement. In the back there was an area too small to hold a toilet. There was a bed, but it was not long enough. Also there was a barely functional kitchen with the names of the owners above the tiny window surrounded by little hearts, Della and James Young.</p>
<p>When the names were placed there, Mr. James Dillingham Young was being paid $300 a week via PayPal, Venmo, and Patreon from people supporting their #vanlife social media lifestyle. Now, when he was being paid only $200 a week, the name seemed too long and important. It should have been “Jamie Young.” But when Mr. James Dillingham Young entered the van, his name became very short indeed. Mrs. James Dillingham Young put her arms warmly around him and called him “Jim.” You have already met her. She is Della.</p>
<p>Della finished her Instagram Story and wiped the tears from her face. She sat by the window and looked out with no interest. Tomorrow would be Christmas Day, and she had only one thousand eight hundred and seventy dollars with which to buy Jim a gift. She had put aside as much as she could for months, with this result. Two hundred dollars a week is not much. Everything had cost more than she expected. It always happened like that.</p>
<p>Only $1,870 to buy a gift for Jim. She had had many happy hours planning something nice for him. Something nearly good enough. Something almost worth the honor of belonging to Jim.</p>
<p>There was the interior of the van. Perhaps you have seen the kind of interior of a van that is created by two people living #vanlife on social media. There was wood. There were lots of fairy lights. There was a colorful blanket to tie it all together. It was very narrow and hard to photograph properly with an iPhone that was two generations out-of-date. However, if she were very patient and used a cheap five dollar fish eye lens attachment, she might be able to get a good pic of the interior. Della, being quite patient, had mastered this art.</p>
<p>Suddenly she stopped trying to film the interior of the van and stared at her phone. Her eyes were shining brightly, but her face had lost its color. Quickly she turned off her phone and set it down on the colorful blanket.</p>
<p>The James Dillingham Youngs were very proud of two things which they owned. One thing was Jim’s <span class="all-sc">VW</span> van. It had been their reason for quitting their boring forty hour a week jobs so they could live their #bestlife. The other was Della’s iPhone, the only camera they owned which allowed them to document their #vanlife on social media so they could be influencers.</p>
<p>If a queen had lived in the campsite next to them, Della would have taken pics of her with the two generation old iPhone and posted them so the queen could see. Della knew that her pics were more beautiful than any a queen could have taken with much more modern equipment.</p>
<p>If a king had lived in the campsite next to them, with his fancy $200,000 <span class="all-sc">RV</span> with pop outs and self-leveling, Jim would have invited him over for a ramen dinner. Jim knew that no king had anything as wonderful as his <span class="all-sc">VW</span> van.</p>
<p>So Della stared down at her iPhone then picked it up again. She stopped for a moment and stood still while a tear or two ran down her face.</p>
<p>With the bright light still in her eyes, she created an eBay auction for her phone then announced it on social media.</p>
<p>“Will you buy my phone? Only two hours to bid!” Della Instagramed.</p>
<p>“Wonderful iPhone for sale. Only two hours to bid!” Della Facebooked.</p>
<p>“Get it while you can! #carpediem #2hourauction” Della Tweeted.</p>
<p>Two hours later, PayPal announced a four hundred dollar increase in their account.</p>
<p>Oh, and the next thirty minutes seemed to fly. She was going from online store to online store, to find a gift for Jim.</p>
<p>She found it at last. It surely had been made for Jim and no one else. There was no other like it in any of the online stores, and it was from a shop very close to them.</p>
<p>It was an original replacement engine for the <span class="all-sc">VW</span> van.</p>
<p>As soon as she saw it, she knew that Jim must have it. She paid the two thousand two hundred and seventy dollars for it. The owner of the shop was a fan, a subscriber to their YouTube channel, and promised it would be delivered within the hour.</p>
<p>What luck! To find the engine so close to their location and so close to Christmas!</p>
<p>Humming Christmas carols under her breath, Della quickly posted that “big things were afoot” and that she “might be off social media for a while” to her social media accounts then packed up her iPhone to be shipped to the winner of the eBay auction.</p>
<p>When Della had done this, her mind quieted a little. She began to think more reasonably. She started to try and cover the sad marks of what she had done. Love and large-hearted giving, when added together, can leave deep marks. It is never easy to cover these marks, dear friends – never easy.</p>
<p>Within forty minutes her head looked a little better and the engine had been delivered. “If Jim doesn’t kill me,” she said to herself, “after he realizes we can’t post to social media any longer. But what could I do – oh! What could I do with one thousand eight hundred and seventy dollars!”</p>
<p>At seven, Jim’s dinner was ready for him.</p>
<p>Jim was never late when he was out scouting new locations worthy of being photographed. Della held the colorful blanket that the engine lay on and sat cross-legged on the bed. Then she heard his step outside and her face lost color for a moment. She often said little prayers quietly, about simple everyday things. And now she said: “Please God, make him think the engine is nice.”</p>
<p>The van door opened and Jim crawled in. He looked very fit and he was not smiling. Poor fellow, he was only twenty-eight – and with only a couple hundred followers on Twitter!</p>
<p>Jim stopped inside the door. He was quiet as a hunting dog when it is near a bird. His eyes looked strangely at Della, and there was an expression in them that she could not understand. It filled her with fear. It was not anger, nor surprise, nor anything she had been ready for. He simply looked at her with that strange expression on his face.</p>
<p>“You’ve bought me an engine?” asked Jim slowly. He seemed to labor to understand what had happened. He seemed not to feel sure he knew.</p>
<p>Jim put his arms around Della. For ten seconds let us look in another direction. Two hundred dollars a week or a million dollars a month – how different are they? Someone may give you an answer, but it will be wrong. The magi brought valuable gifts, but that was not among them. My meaning will be explained soon.</p>
<p>From inside the coat, Jim took something tied in paper. He threw it upon the blanket. “I sold the van to get the money to buy you the new iPhone.”</p>
<p>For there lay The Latest iPhone – the iPhone that Della had been reading reviews about for months. A beautiful iPhone with improved lenses and increased memory, perfect for taking selfies and pics of their van. She had known it cost too much for her to buy. She had looked at it without the least hope of owning it. And now it was hers, but the van was sold.</p>
<p>And then she cried, “Oh, oh!”</p>
<p>The magi as you know, were wise men – wonderfully wise men – who brought gifts to the newborn Christ-child. They were the first to give Christmas gifts. Being wise, their gifts were doubtless wise ones. And here I have told you the story of two influencers who were not wise. Each sold the most precious thing they owned in order to buy a gift for the other.</p>
<p>But let me speak one last word to the wise these days. Of all who give gifts, these two were the most wise. For when Della popped back onto social media that night using her new iPhone to tell their followers this story, Della and Jim went viral. Money and offers of sponsorship poured in. The lady who bought Jim’s van gave it back to him for nothing. The shop who sold Della the engine installed it for free. Of all who give and receive gifts, such as they are most wise. Everywhere they are the wise ones. They are the influencers.</p>
<p>#blessed #bestlife #vanlife</p>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XVII2022-12-16T11:32:45Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-xvii
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/asstro.jpg" alt="A grainy picture of the Pleiades" class="wp-image-1620"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">It turns out astrophotography is not very convenient or good-looking on a smartphone. Who knew?</figcaption></figure>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://interconnected.org/home/2022/11/30/queen">“My pitch for a colossal photorealistic statue of the queen”</a></li>
<li><a href="https://tywkiwdbi.blogspot.com/2022/12/ancient-roman-blanket.html">This cool Roman blanket is actually an earthquake-warped mosaic</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4EfprAYID-o">The history of Newgrounds’ school-shooting games</a></li>
<li><a href="https://theeggandtherock.substack.com/p/i-wrote-a-story-for-a-friend">The author of <em>Minecraft</em>’s end poem on how it came about and why he put it in the public domain</a> after a retreat to a <a href="https://earthawareness.nl/english">Dutch psychedelic mushroom temple</a></li>
<li><a href="http://www.thehistoryblog.com/archives/65878">A man gripping his phallus is the world’s oldest known narrative scene</a>, further confirming that modern people are massive prudes</li>
<li><a href="https://maxread.substack.com/p/the-man-who-bought-pine-bluff-arkansas">The man who bought Pine Bluff, Arkansas</a> (<a href="https://archive.ph/0KJ54" data-type="URL" data-id="https://archive.ph/0KJ54">jump the paywall</a>)</li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vaBFLNWnQ0E">100 Gecs have done a collaboration with Skrillex, because of course they have</a></li>
</ul>
<p>P.S. Lords of Misrule starts tomorrow. Hope you enjoy everyone’s submissions — i know i did! :-)</p>
Untitled2022-12-15T15:56:21Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1614
<p>I like a lot of <span class="all-sc">SCP</span> stuff, but man, they really shot themselves in the foot by giving them all <em>numbers</em> and never using the “official” article titles. It makes it impossible to tell what people are talking about unless they’re talking about a <em>really</em> famous one like 173 or 3008: how am i meant to tell the difference between <del><span class="all-sc">SCP</span>-5031</del> the one where they realise torture is bad, <del><span class="all-sc">SCP</span>-3930</del> the one that doesn’t exist, and <del><span class="all-sc">SCP</span>-4999</del> the one who offers you one last smoke for the road, all great in their own right, when they all have iPhone passwords instead of names?</p>
Dear Tate Modern, i have a very cool idea for an art exhibit that i think you would really like. P.S. I am not a crackpot.2022-12-14T19:07:19Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/dear-tate
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/image-1.png" alt="A man looking at two versions of Caspar David Friedrich’s “Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog” — the original, and a noticeably less good AI version" class="wp-image-1610"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">There’s been a lot of kerfuffle in the art world as of late about the ethics and capabilities of <span class="all-sc">AI</span> art (<a href="http://garden/2022/10/aiconolatry">previously</a>), and as Britain’s leading institution for contemporary art, you seem like just the right people to bring it to the public. My proposal is simple, but effective — let man and machine compete on equal footing.</p>
<p>Eight or so talented human artists will be given a prompt to work from. At the same time, the same prompt will be given to a state-of-the-art machine-learning algorithm, like Midjourney or Stable Diffusion. In the gallery, the two works — one made by metal, one made by flesh — will be hung side by side, and the audience will not be told which is which.</p>
<p>Next to each diptych will sit two bins where visitors can dispense plastic tokens (like the ones they have at Asda) to vote on which painting is their favourite. At the end of the exhibition’s run (or perhaps updating live; your call), the votes will be tallied up, and we’ll finally find out whether us or our creations are the better artists.</p>
<p>If you really wanted to provoke, you could ask the humans to provide you with a list of every painting they’ve ever seen, every photo they’ve ever taken, every film they’ve ever watched, and every song they’ve ever heard. Then you put that big list up on the wall, tell the visitors that Advanced Biological Neural Learning Algorithms have taken quote-unquote “inspiration” from all of these copyrighted works, and put to vote whether you should contact the rightsholders and ask them to sue. It would be only fair.</p>
<p>Chære and regards, Xanthe. <span class="all-sc">P.S.</span> — I am not a crackpot.</p>
Untitled2022-12-10T21:04:27Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1605
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/image.png" alt="An edited Simpsons screenshot reading “Note: [it's coming home] died on the way back to [its] home planet”" class="wp-image-1606"/></figure>
/The Satyrs’ Forest/’s 2022 word of the year2022-12-07T12:38:10Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/word-of-2022<p class="has-drop-cap">Every December, every dictionary in the English language comes crawling out of the woodwork to reveal their “word of the year”: a single word or phrase that they deem to sum up the past twelve months. And every December, every dictionary in the English language cocks it up. I plan to fix that.</p>
<p>There are a few principles that a good “word of the year” pick should follow. For one, <strong>the word of the year should be a word</strong>, or at the very least, <strong>a phrase with a distinct meaning</strong>. You’d think this would be easy, but one of the Oxford English Dictionary’s nominees for 2022 was <em>#IStandWith</em> — a hashtag that only means, well, “i stand with”. See me after class, Oxford.</p>
<p><strong>The word of the year should be from this year.</strong> It doesn’t have to have been <em>coined</em> this year, but it should, at the very least, have seen a spike in popularity: another nominee from Oxford was <em>metaverse</em>, invented by Neal Stephenson in 1992 but buoyed by Facebook’s trendy rebrand. Merriam-Webster<sup class="note">1</sup> are consistent failures in this regard, and this year’s pick was particularly egregious. Not only has <em>gaslight</em> been in use for years, but it was even the American Dialect Society’s pick for “most useful word of the year” all the way back in <em>2016</em>!</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">1</span>
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<p>Perhaps i’m being unkind to them. I still hold a grudge from that time they unilaterally declared the term <i>sexual preference</i> — which i find to be quite useful, as a bisexual who draws a distinction between my preference and my orientation — offensive just because a Republican said it. (Bloody Americans.)</p>
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</aside>
<p><strong>People should have heard of the word of the year. </strong>I’m sorry to keep picking on Oxford here, but i highly doubt your average man on the street is familiar with the concept of going <em>goblin mode</em>.</p>
<p>Finally, <strong>the word of the year should last beyond this year</strong>; ideally, people will still be talking about it in a decade’s time. This is, to some extent, unknowable, but we in the present can take a good stab at it. We can surmise that 2007’s <em>carbon footprint</em> was a sturdier choice than 2006’s <em>bovvered</em>, and that 2014’s <em>vape</em> was a better selection than, say, <em>loom band</em>.</p>
<p>So then. What does that make <em>The Satyrs’ Forest</em>’s word of the year? It might not be a word, but as a phrase, it certainly has a meaning beyond the sum of its parts. It entered the public consciousness this year, and anyone in Europe who’s been paying any attention knows what it means. It is destined to enter the history books: though they might not use it in conversation, every time someone in 2122 looks up the history of the twenty-first century, our word of the year will be there, staring them in the face. It is:</p>
<p class="has-large-font-size"><strong>special military operation</strong></p>
<p><em>noun. </em>(<em>euphemistic</em>) A war which cannot be referred to as such, particularly the 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine.</p>
<p>Infamously coined by Vladimir Putin in his euphemistic February address, no single utterance has had as much impact on the year that was. I could have chosen <em>Kyiv</em> or <em>slava Ukraini</em> — but the word of the year is not an award for positive impact, and without <em>special military operation</em>, those two would be unlikely to have entered the popular lexicon. I could have gone with <em>metaverse</em>, but it’s an ugly word, and one on which i am personally bearish. <em>Lettuce</em> would have amused, but if i wanted to declare a <em>British </em>Word of the Year, i would have called it that in the first place.</p>
<p>So — “congratulations” to <em>special military operation</em> on its victory, which is probably the only such victory Mr Putin’s side will ever have. Let us hope that 2023’s defining phrase will strike a more optimistic note.</p>
/Back to the Future/ (2024)2022-12-05T20:41:49Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/back-to-the-future-2024
<p><span class="all-sc">POV</span>: Robert Zemeckis just died and you are a cynical Universal exec with dollar signs in your eyes.</p>
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<td colspan="2" style="display:table-cell;text-align:center;vertical-align:top;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position: initial; background-repeat: initial; color: rgb(6, 69, 173); background-attachment: scroll; background-clip: border-box; background-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); background-image: none; background-origin: padding-box; background-size: auto; cursor: pointer; text-decoration: rgb(6, 69, 173);" rel="noopener"><img alt="A poster showing a DeLorean with the tagline “You're gonna see some serious stuff”." data-file-height="381" data-file-width="261" decoding="async" loading="lazy" src="/garden/media/evil.jpg" style="min-height: 321px; min-width: 220px; border: 1px solid rgb(234, 236, 240); height: 321px; vertical-align: middle; width: 220px; aspect-ratio: auto 220 / 321;" width="220" height="321"></a>
<div style="display:block;">Theatrical release poster</div>
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<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">Directed by</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener">Joseph Kosinski</a></td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">Screenplay by</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;">
<div style="display:block;">
<ul style="display:block;line-height:18.48px;list-style-image:none;list-style-position:outside;list-style-type:none;margin-block-end:0px;margin-block-start:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-inline-end:0px;margin-inline-start:0px;margin-left:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-top:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-inline-start:0px;padding-left:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-top:0px;">
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener">Michael Waldron</a></li>
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener">Phil Lord</a></li>
</ul>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">Based on</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;">
<div style="display:block;"><a href="" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;"><i>Back to the Future</i></a><br>by<br><a href="" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;">Robert Zemeckis</a><br><a href="" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;">Bob Gale<br>
</a></div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">Starring<sup class="note">1</sup></th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;">
<div style="display:block;">
<ul style="display:block;line-height:18.48px;list-style-image:none;list-style-position:outside;list-style-type:none;margin-block-end:0px;margin-block-start:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-inline-end:0px;margin-inline-start:0px;margin-left:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-top:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-inline-start:0px;padding-left:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-top:0px;">
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener">Tony Revolori</a></li>
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener">Jamie Lee Curtis</a></li>
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener">Florence Pugh</a></li>
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener">Kedar Williams-Stirling</a></li>
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener">Austin Butler</a></li>
</ul>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">Music by</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;">
<div style="display:block;">
<ul style="display:block;line-height:18.48px;list-style-image:none;list-style-position:outside;list-style-type:none;margin-block-end:0px;margin-block-start:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-inline-end:0px;margin-inline-start:0px;margin-left:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-top:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-inline-start:0px;padding-left:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-top:0px;">
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener">Alan Silvestri</a></li>
</ul>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">
<div style="display:inline-block;line-height:14.784px;padding-bottom:1.232px;padding-left:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-top:1.232px;">Production<br>companies</div>
</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;">
<div style="display:block;vertical-align:middle;">
<div style="display:block;">
<ul style="display:block;line-height:18.48px;list-style-image:none;list-style-position:outside;list-style-type:none;margin-block-end:0px;margin-block-start:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-inline-end:0px;margin-inline-start:0px;margin-left:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-top:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-inline-start:0px;padding-left:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-top:0px;">
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;">
</li>
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener">Amblin Entertainment</a></li>
<p><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener">Skydance Media</a>
</p>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">Distributed by</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener">Universal Pictures</a></td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">
<div style="display:inline-block;line-height:14.784px;padding-bottom:1.232px;padding-left:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-top:1.232px;white-space:normal;">Release dates</div>
</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;">
<div style="display:block;">
<ul style="display:block;line-height:18.48px;list-style-image:none;list-style-position:outside;list-style-type:none;margin-block-end:0px;margin-block-start:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-inline-end:0px;margin-inline-start:0px;margin-left:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-top:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-inline-start:0px;padding-left:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-top:0px;">
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;">June 7, 2022<span style="display:none;"> (<span>2022-05-27</span>)</span> (United States)</li>
</ul>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">
<div style="display:inline-block;line-height:14.784px;padding-bottom:1.232px;padding-left:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-top:1.232px;white-space:normal;">Running time</div>
</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;">152 minutes<sup id="cite_ref-1" style="font-size:9.856px;font-style:normal;font-weight:400;line-height:1;unicode-bidi:isolate;vertical-align:super;white-space:nowrap;"><a href="" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;">[1]</a></sup></td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">Country</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;">United States</td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">Language</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;">English</td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">Budget</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;">$200 million<sup id="cite_ref-VarietyProj_2-0" style="font-size:9.856px;font-style:normal;font-weight:400;line-height:1;unicode-bidi:isolate;vertical-align:super;white-space:nowrap;"><a href="" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;">[2]</a></sup></td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">Box office</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;">$985 million<sup id="cite_ref-BOM_3-0" style="font-size:9.856px;font-style:normal;font-weight:400;line-height:1;unicode-bidi:isolate;vertical-align:super;white-space:nowrap;"><a href="" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;">[3]</a></sup><sup id="cite_ref-NUM_4-0" style="font-size:9.856px;font-style:normal;font-weight:400;line-height:1;unicode-bidi:isolate;vertical-align:super;white-space:nowrap;"><a href="" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;">[4]</a></sup></td>
</tr>
<tr style="border-bottom-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-left-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-right-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);border-top-color:rgb(162, 169, 177);display:table-row;vertical-align:middle;">
<th scope="row" style="font-weight:700;display:table-cell;padding-right:8.008px;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;white-space:nowrap;">
<div style="display:inline-block;line-height:14.784px;padding-bottom:1.232px;padding-left:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-top:1.232px;">Sequels</div>
</th>
<td style="display:table-cell;text-align:left;vertical-align:top;">
<div style="display:block;vertical-align:middle;">
<div style="display:block;">
<ul style="display:block;line-height:18.48px;list-style-image:none;list-style-position:outside;list-style-type:none;margin-block-end:0px;margin-block-start:0px;margin-bottom:0px;margin-inline-end:0px;margin-inline-start:0px;margin-left:0px;margin-right:0px;margin-top:0px;padding-bottom:0px;padding-inline-start:0px;padding-left:0px;padding-right:0px;padding-top:0px;">
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;">
</li>
<li style="display:list-item;margin-bottom:0px;text-align:left;"><a href="" target="_blank" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;" rel="noopener"><i>Back to the Future: Time Crash</i></a> (2026)<br><a href="" style="background-position:initial;background-repeat:initial;-webkit-background-clip:border-box;color:rgb(6, 69, 173);background-attachment:scroll;background-clip:border-box;background-color:rgba(0, 0, 0, 0);background-image:none;background-origin:padding-box;background-size:auto;cursor:pointer;text-decoration-color:rgb(6, 69, 173);text-decoration-line:none;text-decoration-style:solid;text-decoration-thickness:auto;"><i>Back to the Future: Across the Multiverse</i></a> (planned)
</li>
</ul>
</div>
</div>
</td>
</tr>
</tbody>
</table>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<ul>
<li><strong>Tony Revolori</strong> as Marty McFly</li>
<li><strong>Jamie Lee Curtis</strong> as Doctor Emma “Doc” Brown</li>
<li><strong>Florence Pugh</strong> as Lorraine Baines-McFly</li>
<li><strong>Kedar Williams-Stirling</strong> as George McFly</li>
<li><strong>Austin Butler</strong> as Biff</li>
</ul>
<p><strong>Christopher Lloyd</strong> cameos as a hapless high school teacher in 2025. <strong>Michael J. Fox</strong>, assisted by computer synthesis, provides the voice of the DeLorean’s on-board <span class="all-sc">AI</span> systems.</p>
</div>
</aside>Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XVI2022-12-03T14:47:07Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-xvi
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jm6vL729GY
</div><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">I heard this lovely song on Radio 6 and was shocked to discover it only had about two thousand views on Youtube. Go get it up to three thousand, will you?</figcaption></figure>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.economist.com/united-states/2022/11/17/oklahomas-gay-rodeo-illustrates-an-important-social-phenomenon">The gay rodeos of Oklahoma</a></li>
<li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pissoir">Pissoirs</a> are exactly what they sound like from the name.</li>
<li>People who rid their sites of just Javascript are cowards. <a href="https://no-ht.ml/">All the cool kids have no <span class="all-sc">HTML</span>!</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wYYBC6oyh54">A wonderful, <em>wonderful</em> video showing the moment that two scientists find a lost species of bird in New Guinea.</a> It’s impossible to watch it without smiling.</li>
<li><a href="https://ktn.substack.com/p/nobody-knows-when-movies-come-out?r=hd59">Nobody knows when movies come out any more</a> — seriously, when actually is that Barbie movie coming out?</li>
<li><a href="https://worksinprogress.substack.com/p/notes-on-progress-representation">What we lose when we hide the violence of the past</a> — see also <em>Everything<sub>2</sub> </em>on <a href="https://everything2.com/title/visceral+insulation">“visceral insulation”</a></li>
<li>Immerse your brain in psychedelic internet goop with <em><a href="https://mindmelt.party/">Mindmelt.party</a></em></li>
</ul>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCp_3zw-CxA
</div><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Bonus music, because i love you. (Platonically. As much as an author <em>can</em> love a hypothetical reader whose life she knows no deta— you know what i mean.)</figcaption></figure>
Arts and crafts: tidbits from Manchester2022-12-01T20:54:26Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/mag
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/Baroque.jpg" alt="In a gallery hangs a large landscape painting depicting the Gods and Goddesses of the classical world" class="wp-image-1549" width="655" height="368"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">I included this photo to show that the gallery still makes plenty of room for the “old masters” — but, to be honest with you, it sums up everything i dislike about some renaissance and baroque art. Just a huddled mass of mythological figures, with no life, no colour, no attention paid to the greater picture. Sad!</figcaption></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Manchester is not particularly renowned as a home for the aristocracy or patrons of the high arts, so i was pleased to discover upon a visit that the <a href="https://manchesterartgallery.org/">Manchester Art Gallery</a> is one of the finest of its kind. </p>
<p>The Mag (as nobody calls it)’s success lies not in the size of its collection — it’s no larger than my local, the Laing — but in its presentation. Like many museums, its curators have lately been making efforts to diversify their collections and make them more relatable to the average yoof of today. It’s a process that can often come off as haphazard and rushed<sup class="note">1</sup>, but the team at the Mag have pulled it off with care and respect.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>To paraphrase Simon Pegg, <em>we are not using the <span class="all-sc">W</span>-word!</em></p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/BernieSearle.jpg" alt="A painting of a black woman covered in coal laying on a cloth-covered black table, as if deceased" class="wp-image-1551" width="398" height="249"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Berni Searle, <em>In Wake Of</em>, 2014.</figcaption></figure>
<p>Newer works are dotted in each gallery in such a way that they complement, rather than denigrate, the greats of old. A visa rejection letter from a group of Pakistani artists hangs alongside Victorian paintings of eastern caravans; where a gallery about protest and revolution could have added some shrewd, vapid letterpress and called it a day, the museum’s curators have instead chosen to incorporate a thoughtful self-portrait by a South African painter, made in the wake of the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marikana_massacre">Marikana massacre</a>.<sup class="note">2</sup></p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">2</span>
<div>
<p>The exception to the rule is the haughtily-named “climate justice gallery” — but it’s a temporary exhibition in a single room and you can easily skip it if you find people pontificating over how their collages will save the world to be a bit too much.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image alignright size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/IraAlridge.jpg" alt="A portrait of a dashingly handsome Shakespearean actor" class="wp-image-1552" width="241" height="348"/></figure>
<p>The captions accompanying each artwork face a similarly complicated task. Be too conservative and you’ll disappear up your own arse into a world of romanticist masturbation; be too reactionary and you’ll come off as cloyingly didactic, engaging in pseudohistoric iconoclasm for iconoclasm’s sake. The Mag hit a stroke of genius here: after a brief description in the typical style, the captions adorning prominent works also include conversations and thoughts from a variety of perspectives, be it historians, curators, or the artists themselves. It’s a brilliant way to further inform the visitor without beating them over the head with one opinion, alienating them with arcane academese, or leaving out unsavoury histories.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/tapestry.jpg" alt="A lit up colourful glass tapestry marked with traditional Ghanaian patterns" class="wp-image-1561" width="389" height="171"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image alignleft size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/fml.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1553" width="163" height="272"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Someone, please, tell me what this painting is called. I have to know.</figcaption></figure>
<p>Other highlights on the lower floors include a portrait of the early black tragedian Ira Aldridge (the very first work in the museum’s collection, which rather surprised me coming from the people of 1858), a Ghanaian tapestry that i was surprised to learn was actually made of glass, and a lovely painting of an industrial scene lit by hazy fog whose name — to current me’s infuriation — i neglected to include in the photo, taken from an angle so inconvenient that reverse image search returns nothing of relevance. Past me is a bastard and i’m killing him when i get the chance.</p>
<p>Upstairs sit the gallery’s temporary exhibitions. The most prominently advertised was on the topic of the history of men’s fashion, something i regrettably could not get myself to muster up any interest in. I’m sure it’s quite interesting if that’s your sort of thing. The other (smaller) exhibition sits in a surprisingly grand hall which, from what i can tell, normally houses the museum’s pottery galleries, and it’s about tea. No wait come back i sw—</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/teaset.jpg" alt="An all-black, marbled tea set" class="wp-image-1566"/></figure>
<p>I jest, but there really is some fascinating stuff in there. The room’s cabinets are packed with advertisements, old jugs, and all sorts of other things detailing how hot drinks have shaped Britain and the world over the years — from sparking conversation to funding colonisation. But there was one thing that stuck out to me the most. A newly-created work of art, perhaps meant to inspire some thought or another in the viewer, but that our whole group agreed could only be described as one thing:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image aligncenter size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/Dreamcatcher.jpg" alt="A collection of tea stoppers, hung on ropes in such a way that they really quite resemble a dreamcatcher made of buttplugs" class="wp-image-1565" width="261" height="326"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Buttplug dreamcatcher.</figcaption></figure>
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<p><span class="all-sc">PS</span>: I had to ask what the abbreviation “dbl” (“double”) on the signs for upcoming trams meant. My poor exurban soul simply could not comprehend the idea of a transit system that consistently ran so <em>punctually</em> — i had been thinking it stood for something like “delayed by late”.</p>
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<p><span class="all-sc">PPS</span>: This was meant to be the last post in the series, but my rambling about the gallery got so out of hand that i thought i’d spin off its intended complement into its own part. Tune in next week<sup class="note">3</sup> for one last dispatch from Affleck’s Palace.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">3</span>
<div>
<p>“Next week” is not guaranteed to actually be a week from now. Terms and conditions apply — ask your doctor if <i>The Garden</i> is right for you.</p>
</div>
</aside>The Saturnine Rites of the Cult of Phanes2022-11-26T15:10:53Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/rites
<p>Time travel is often thought of as a scientific affair, with precisely-calibrated equipment, sleek uniforms, and incomprehensible jargon. As any physicist can tell you, this is bullshit. It’s nonsense. It’s impossible. It’s a complete violation of the laws of physics.</p>
<p>…There’s a word for that, you know. It’s called magic.</p>
<h1>The Saturnine Rites of the Cult of Phanes</h1>
<h2><em>The cult</em></h2>
<p>Long ago, before the people of Greece knew alpha from omega, a priestly faun received a revelation. That faun’s name has been lost to time, but the cult he started, kicked out from his tribe for such incredible heresy, continued to grow in number well through the centuries, initiating hundreds into its mysteries — the mysteries of chronomancy.</p>
<p>The satyrs’ creed is simple: the Cultists of Phanes are to bring Bacchic joy and ecstasy to the people of the future, for our numbers are far greater than theirs, and they are to spread the word of peace and love. Many thousands of lives have been touched by them, and most will never even know it.</p>
<h2><em>The physics of time travel</em></h2>
<p>There is much disagreement even within the cult on the precise mechanics of chronomancy, but among its astrologers, a rough consensus had developed (prior to the return of Libanomene) on its approximate physics.</p>
<p>As Bill and Ted would put it, the clock is always running in <del>San Dimas</del> Delphi. The universe seems to have an unchanging “present”: while the future is fluid and can be changed as one likes, the past is set in stone, unchanging and unrachable.</p>
<p>The Saturnine Rites, as they are called, use magic to set a stable “anchor” from which our brave congregants are launched into the future. Once an anchor is set up, it takes far less effort for a chronomancer to return to whence they started; they need only perform a simple solo ritual with the materials strapped to their belt.</p>
<h2><em>The rite</em></h2>
<p>A solo traveller can accomplish hops of a few years by themself with a small stone circle and enough prayer, but serious business requires a serious ritual. The Great Saturnine Rite is the cult’s time-tested method of flinging their members up to a thousand olympiads into the future and bringing them back safely. It goes, roughly, as follows.</p>
<p><strong>1</strong>. A circle of gypsum chalk — any material will do in a pinch, the closer to its natural form the better — is drawn on the ground in the form of a sigil, based by cult chronastrologers on the precise position of the stars and planets at any given time. (It often represents a date a precise amount of years in the future; this is not a physical limitation, merely something the cult likes to do to reduce the star-speyers’ workload.)</p>
<p><strong>2.</strong> The ritual space is fumigated with lavender, rosemary, and cannabis, first introduced to the fauns by an uptime dealer, until the air is foggy and thick with smoke. This creates a trance-like effect once the already drunken fauns enter to begin the ritual proper; it is best done in a cave, building, or other enclosed space.</p>
<p><strong>3. </strong>Our brave chronomancers enter, supplies and utility belt in hand. Due to the rite’s nature, they are always of an even number; the cult’s priests have attempted adaptations for one or three members, but they are far less effective. We will be assuming for the remainder of the description that there are only two within the circle.</p>
<p><strong>4.</strong> The rest of the cult chants and dances in a ring around the circle, rhythmically howling and singing songs of praise, while the time-sailors within recite prayers and hymns to Gods whose names i am not party to.</p>
<p><strong>5.</strong> With a toast to <span class="theonym">Dionysos</span>, the two fauns within the circle eagerly drink up a small flask of hand sanitiser. This used to be a calyx-ful of wine, but modern advances in technology have allowed travellers to get far drunker, far faster. (The High Priest says He strongly approves.)</p>
<p>The Cult of Phanes are self-described “hippies” who eschew violence when out and about. The daggers they keep are blunted, used only to intimidate, and never to hurt. They keep bouquets of flowers in their hair, and preach a gospel of unity and equality. All this makes the final step of the ritual shocking to the unacquainted observer — but we must remember that much as they idealise peace and love, they are also an Orphic cult, one that deals in sacrifice and reincarnation.</p>
<p><strong>6. </strong>The High Priest (or, if they will be tagging along for the ride, a priest of lower rank) hands one of the travellers a freshly sharpened scythe.</p>
<p>I am not a member of the cult myself, and this account is based only in the whispers i have heard from members <em>in vino veritas</em>; thus, i cannot attest to the precise meaning behind the rite. It seems to me to be derived from myths of <span class="theonym">Saturn</span>, <span class="theonym">Dionysos</span>, and (bemusingly) <span class="theonym">Mithras</span>, but the cultists i have spoken to are all of the laity, and they have no more of a clue than i do.</p>
<p><strong>7. </strong>In one fell swoop, one of the chronomancers slices the scythe through their hand and strikes the other with it in the calf. As drops of the two’s blood fall to the floor, the rite takes effect, transporting them and their belongings hundreds of years into the future. The only remnants are a blood-splattered scythe and a metallic taste in the air.</p>
<p>A few hours, days, or weeks later, the travellers materialise back in the circle, confident that they have successfully spread peace and love to the denizens of the future and ready to do it all over again.</p>
<h2><em>The return of Libanomene</em></h2>
<p>It is said that Hallowe’en is when the veil between spirit and matter is at its thinnest, and the same too goes for Saturnalia. Around the winter solstice, the fabric of time becomes far more susceptible to human (or satyr) intervention; far less work is needed to launch someone millennia into the future, or to send dozens of cultists on one trip. This is why Christmas (as we now know it) is such a wondrous time of the year. The troops in 1914, the warm family reunions, the children screaming with joy over their new gifts — all made possible, in some part, by the Cult’s activities.</p>
<p>But even in those weakened days, the laws of chronomancy held true, much to the chagrin of Phanes’ priests. The Gods are unchanging and eternal, exempt from our mortal notions of time; why, then, should prayer and magic be beholden to our earthly rules? It was by accident that, last year (1970 <span class="all-sc">BCE</span> to us uptimers), the cult discovered an exception.</p>
<p>It was high noon on midwinter’s day. The high priest Libanomene and their assistant Ombrosilphion were readying themselves for an expedition to gods-know-when, gods-know-why (the precise order of the day has been forgotten since), and as a ruddy scythe clattered to the floor, all seemed well. But, just as the cult’s other members were shuffling out the room to tend to other business, Libanomene returned to the circle in a state of frenzy, barely a few minutes after they had left. They claimed to have seen visions of a distant future, with their first and second eyes, no less, of dark golden clouds blotting out the sky, onyx-shard buildings cutting through, and — well, my drinking companion passed out before they could say what else was spoken of.</p>
<p>The priest’s assistant, however, was unaccounted for, and a search party set out. For days on end, they scoured Delphi’s hills and valleys, until they found the missing faun, battered, bruised, and broken-horned, in an ivy-covered ditch. Ombrosilphion was despatched back to the temple, wrapped in a woolen blanket, and fed a steaming bowl of soup. Once the trembling cultist mustered up the ability to speak, they revealed that they had been lying there, unsure of what had happened, for “seven days and seven nights”.</p>
<p>It had only been three days since the rite.</p>
Lords of Misrule 2022 — let the misrule begin!2022-11-17T21:15:54Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/lords-of-misrule-2022-let-the-misrule-begin
<p><em>This is a copy of the <a href="/misrule">main page</a> for this event.</em></p>
<p>The cycle of a year is a wonderful thing. Trees grow and wilt, rivers ebb and flow, and every winter, <span class="theonym">Gæa</span> blankets Herself in a snowy coat. All across Europe, people gather together, huddling around, exchanging gifts. Most would call it Christmas.</p>
<p>For us? Well… <em>Io <span class="all-sc">Saturnalia</span>!</em></p>
<p>It’s time for the second annual <strong>Satyrs’ Forest Lords of Misrule</strong>! In the spirit of the topsy-turvy season, i’m putting <em>you</em> in charge of the site.</p>
<p>If you write or put together something — absolutely anything — and email it to <strong><a href="mailto:misrule@satyrs.eu">misrule@satyrs.eu</a></strong>, come <span class="all-sc">Saturnalia</span> (that’s December 17 to 23, for those who aren’t up to date with their ancient festivals) i’ll put it up on the site, both on the blog and on its own dedicated, permanent subpage, etched in stone for all to see.</p>
<p>Like last year, i would ask that you refrain from political polemics or anything that would get this noble forest in legal trouble. Apart from that, anything goes. Your gran’s chocolate cake recipe? An impassioned defence of <em>Freddy Got Fingered</em> as an ironic masterpiece? Hell, i’ll even let you vandalise one of the permanent pages for a bit if you ask me to. Whatever you — my lords of misrule — want.</p>
<p>You can submit your entries from today until the 16th of December, 2021. Have fun, and don’t be afraid to get weird with it!</p>
<p><em>— Xanthe</em></p>
Old book smell: tidbits from Manchester2022-11-16T21:23:45Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/old-book-smell
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/musick.jpg" alt="Modern, Ikea-like bookshelves adorn the halls of an ancient library" class="wp-image-1521" width="655" height="327"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">The tail end of the room which houses the Central Library’s extensive music collection.</figcaption></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Manchester’s influences on British culture and life spread far and wide — music, politics, industry, <span class="all-sc">TV</span> — but it’s fair to say it’s not exactly renowned for its literary output. And yet, nevertheless, i found myself wandering the halls of two great libraries in Cottonopolis.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image alignleft size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/heraldry.jpg" alt="A ceiling stucco decorated with coats of arms" class="wp-image-1522" width="262" height="147"/></figure>
<p>The first and grander of the two is the <strong>Manchester Central Library</strong>, whose imposing hall first squat itself upon St Peter’s Square in 1934. Upon walking in, there are a number of things the discerning visitor might notice. Hir eyes might wander upwards to the expertly crafted stained-glass window of Shakespeare and his protagonists, or all the way up to the ceiling, generously coated with the arms of authorities priestly, princely, and popular. Or, if our hypothetical visitor is a Geordie, shi might instead notice some things that the rest of the country’s eyes would gloss over: clean, well-designed signage; sleek open space; swooshy modern æsthetics… All paid for out of the council’s pockets.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image alignright size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/shakespeare.jpg" alt="A stained glass window depicting the works of Shakespeare" class="wp-image-1523" width="250" height="417"/></figure>
<p>There are no decaying bridges, no council computers running Windows <span class="all-sc">XP</span>, no decade-old untouched brownfields. When ministers talk a big game about “levelling up the North”, this is the North they’re talking about. Cumbria? Newcastle? Middlesbrough? Isn’t that in Scotland? It’s best not to dwell on these things (for cynicism doesn’t do the mind good), but one can’t help but feel like they’re rubbing it in.</p>
<p>The Central Library is a treasure trove. It houses an impressive collection of musical paraphernalia, from sheet music to encyclo-glee-diæ to biographies of Saint Noel Gallagher. Its central atrium is home to the “archives plus”, where Mancunians can drill into their city’s history without needing to be fluent in acadamese. The reference library on the upper floors is so tightly packed that it uses mechanical bookshelves which reveal themselves with the push of a button. By all accounts, it serves the people of Manchester well. Perhaps that’s the problem: for a tourist like me, it’s hard not to get jealous.</p>
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<p>The <strong>Portico Library </strong>is an older, humbler affair, constructed at the height of the industrial revolution and taking up but the first floor of its classically-inspired building. Anyone can enter, but i’m afraid the full collection is a members-only joint; my group were just here to check out a book a family friend had paid to be restored. (A page fell out while we were handling it. Whoops!)</p>
<p>While the back catalogues might be off limits to us plebes, there’s still plenty to pique the passing itinerant’s interest. The central hall is still decorated in its original homely Victorian fashion, having a delightfully idiosyncratic way of catalogueing its books: “biography”, “travels and voyages”, and “polite fiction” (a vestige of the time when the middle classes were still joining “polite” society).</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image alignleft size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/portico.jpg" alt="A tiny, Middle Eastern-style cardboard house" class="wp-image-1524" width="229" height="344"/></figure>
<p>An exhibition of architectural art circles the middle seating area. While much of it was the usual arty bollocks, i found myself captured by the adorable cardboard houses of Thu Le Ha, an artist and volunteer at the library. Ms Ha has a vanishingly small online footprint, but i hope she keeps at it — this is the sort of thing the world needs more of! Cute little whimsy.</p>
<p>And that’s all i wrote. Next up, some less wordy centres of Mancunian culture.</p>
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<p><span class="all-sc">P.S.</span> On the way back from the Sigur Rós gig, we bore witness to a throng of teenyboppers and weary parents making their way back from a different gig held at the famous Arena. What could possibly inspire such turnout from such a young crowd: Taylor Swift? Olivia Rodrigo? Some <span class="all-sc">K</span>-pop act i’d never heard of? Nope — they were there to see the Backstreet Boys.</p>
<p>Some things never change.</p>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XV2022-11-13T22:09:22Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-xv
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/discordia.jpg" alt="A parked lorry, late at night, bearing the name "Discordia" on its side." class="wp-image-1510" width="655" height="368"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">Seen on the way back home from Manchester — why on earth would you call your logistics company “Discordia”? It’s like calling an airline “Icarus”. Just asking for trouble.</figcaption></figure>
<ul>
<li><a href="https://condor.depaul.edu/mfiddler/hyphen/humunivers.htm">A list of “human universals”</a> — things said to be common across all human civilisation.</li>
<li><a href="https://bakcheion.wordpress.com/our-god/an-american-god/">“I agree with the flag-waving patriots that America is God’s own land — I just happen to believe that that God is <span class="theonym">Dionysos</span>.”</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/yf035z/are_the_first_airplanes_produced_by_boeing/">Are Boeing’s first aeroplanes secretly being stored underneath a sacred mountain in New Zealand?</a></li>
<li>Is there any song more melancholic, and yet, so hypnotically addictive, as <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qca9ByvLhBA">“Golden Brown”</a>? Something about that harpsichord just sends me to another world.</li>
<li>I’m going to need you all to look at this <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/worldbuilding/comments/yt6548/ovrhvn_e22_earth_in_2022_ovrhvn/"><em>ridiculously</em> comprehensive, wide-ranging sci-fi alternate history map project Thing</a> — including the associated <a href="https://docs.google.com/document/d/15Z7Y6-lOiD91tmAEWx6B7YcAU3YcVyubsVbv0J3iq-I/edit">lore docs</a>, which are currently longer than the first <em>Harry Potter</em> book. Joanne could never.</li>
</ul>
A jolly good show: tidbits from Manchester2022-11-12T14:17:51Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/manchester
<p class="has-drop-cap">Hello. I’ve been to Manchester. I thought i might tell you about it. Wait no come back i promise this isn't just showing you my holiday ph</p>
<p>The last time i went to that wonderful southern city, i was hardly ten years old, and hadn’t much of a chance to explore — a mistake i was itching to rectify this go around. Over the next few days i’ll be sharing some of the things i saw, heard, and third verb goes here.</p>
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<figure class="wp-block-video"><video controls src="/garden/media/8mb.video-3kP-4y39dQBl.mp4"><track src="/garden/media/sigurros-2.vtt" label="English" srclang="en"/></video></figure>
<p>First things first, our trip’s <em>raison d’être</em>: Sigur Rós were on a world tour, and though they might not have been schlepping up to Newcastle, i sure as hell wasn’t going to miss the chance to see them.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image alignright size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/teaset.jpg" alt="A case with some tea and incense strewn about, branded "Flotholt: Sigur Rós × Fischersund"" class="wp-image-1481" width="239" height="206"/></figure>
<p>Sigur Rós are a post-rock band, and their gig made clear that it’s with a strong emphasis on the “post-”. It was an all-seated audience, with vanishingly little banter from the band (one has to imagine they’re not 100% confident in their English), excepting a brief pantomime bit at the end of „Andvari”. No complaints from me, though: a laid-back, almost classical atmosphere quite befits their ætheral soundscapes. I mean, could you imagine people going wild in the pit to „Vaka”?</p>
<p>As „Popplagið” came to a close and everyone shuffled out the venue’s doors, i noticed a curious item at the merch table: an officially licensed Sigur Rós tea and incense kit. What a world we live in. (I didn’t buy it — there was only one left, and i probably wouldn’t be the one to make the most use out of it.)</p>
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<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/skyline.jpg" alt="A Google Earth render of the skyline of Manchester, containing a modest few tall buildings" class="wp-image-1486"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">MAN WAS NOT MEANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS</figcaption></figure>
<p>As an official, Lisa Nandy–certified resident of a Town™, i was left slightly dumbstruck and intimidated by the dense forest of tall buildings that is Manchester’s city centre. Sure, it’s not like i’m a stranger to the idea of <em>a city</em>, but of the two big cities i have most haunted over the years , Newcastle only has a stumpy luxury apartment and a few council houses strewn about the suburbs, while Amsterdam’s skyscraper district is sectioned off behind the other side of a ring road, far from the centre of town.</p>
<p>But Manchester? Nay — Manchester is England’s second city, and they’ll show it any way they like! Dozens upon dozens of architectural phalli jut up from the ground in all directions, a veritable orgy of capital. I pray thee, have we as a species learnt nothing from the tales of Icarus and the Tower of Babel? Nothing‽ This is hubris writ large, i tell you!</p>
<p>Or, you know, something like that. Their green spaces don’t even have cows.</p>
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<p>They both serve the same purpose, really, but i just want to rub in that where we up north has a fully-fledged <em>metro</em>, Manchester merely has to do with <em>trams</em>. Sure, ours might be delayed every five minutes, and theirs might be uber-reliable and extend throughout the urban area, but who’s really winning?</p>
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<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/pankhurstgallagher.jpg" alt="Montage of portraits of Emmeline Pankhurst and the brothers Gallagher" class="wp-image-1494" width="480" height="316"/><figcaption class="wp-element-caption">(I don’t actually know or care which Gallagher is which. Apologies.)</figcaption></figure>
<p>Manchester has no shortage of iconic residents — Morrissey, Danny Boyle, Burgess, Wanksy — but Mancunians have taken it upon themselves to idolise two people above all else. Everywhere you look, there are statues, plaques, and posters in their memory.</p>
<p>The first is Emmeline Pankhurst. An early leader of the suffragette movement, she and her allies often used violent tactics to get their way, from breaking windows all the way up to arson. You can see why the left-wing, industrial city, birthplace of the labour movement, would be proud to honour her.</p>
<p>The other is Noel Gallagher.</p>
<p>Naturally.</p>
Untitled2022-11-05T19:19:35Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1472
<p>Does anyone else think the guitar riff from “21 Guns” sounds like the <em>Full House </em>theme, or am i just crazy?</p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=195&v=r00ikilDxW4
</div></figure>
Mx Tynehorne’s link roundup, volume XIV2022-11-01T22:08:53Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-xiv
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/tookmybin.jpg" alt="A bin with the front and binbag taken off" class="wp-image-1467"/><figcaption>Fuckers took my bin. Can’t have shit in… erm… wherever the exit to this forest is?</figcaption></figure>
<ul><li>If you have any interest in web development stuff — which i suspect is a decent chunk of my dear readers — then you should <a href="https://deck-24abcd.netlify.app/">look at these Pokémon cards right fucking now</a>.</li><li><a href="https://twitter.com/Benaclejames/status/1586453891498926080">Sign language in <em>VRChat, </em>using a cool new hand-tracking feature!</a> Furries’ spare cash 1, Facebook’s billions upon billions 0. Well — it’s probably more like Furries 50, Facebook 0 at this point.</li><li><a href="https://slowroads.io/">“Slow Roads”, a neat little driving simulator.</a> Every day i grow more astonished at what people can do in a web browser.</li><li>The Youtube rabbit hole:<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qj8kqmLpYO8">“Dear <em>Raid: Shadow Legends</em>: I don't want your money. I want a Date.”</a> [3′]</li><li>Watching <em>The Fifth Element</em><sup class="note">1</sup> recently had me thinking, naturally, about Russian pop singer Vitas’ 1999 classic <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=989-7xsRLR4">“The <em>Seventh</em> Element”</a>, which is far catchier than it really deserves to be. [4′] <aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>A bizarre, truly mad sci-fi blockbuster that moves at a thousand miles a second and refuses to ever have a moment to breathe. Absolutely brilliant, absolutely the sort of thing that could only have been made in <span class="all-sc">Y2K</span>-era Europe.</p>
</div>
</aside>
</li><li>The criminally underrated Captain KRB on <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEqGWyq-HJs">the downfall of Myspace and the ruins of the web</a>, which, well, you’re probably on Neocities, you’re going to watch it either way [30′]</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hgxky4fnWto">BlameItOnJorge investigates creepypasta lost media</a>, which is the sort of thing that’s basically guaranteed to make me watch your video. [33′]</li></ul></li></ul>
THE WAR ON SANTA2022-11-01T00:21:35Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/santa
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/santa-gun.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1460"/></figure>
<p>ALRIGHT BUCKO IT’S FUCKING NOVEMBER, PUT YOUR GODDAMNED HANDS UP!</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image alignright size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/carey.jpg" alt="MARIAH CAREY DEFROSTING" class="wp-image-1461" width="250" height="250"/><figcaption>MARIAH CAREY IS DEFROSTING RIGHT FUCKING NOW AND THERE’S NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT</figcaption></figure>
<p>THIS FUCKING HALLOWE’EN SHIT IS OVER <em><strong>MERRY CHRISTMAS</strong></em> I WANT YOU TO REPEAT AFTER ME “MERRY CHRISTMAS” RIGHT NOW AND I’M NOT LETTING YOU GO UNTIL YOU DO IT</p>
<p>MERRRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU TOO</p>
<p>NOW YOU MIGHT BE WONDERING WHY I’VE BROUGHT YOU HERE TODAY AND THERE’S ONE SIMPLE REASON. THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS? IT’S FAKE. IT’S A FUCKING PSYOP. WE’RE RECRUITING YOU INTO THE REAL WAR. <strong>THE WAR ON SANTA CLAUS.</strong></p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/KILL.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1462"/></figure>
<p>THIS RAT FUCKING BASTARD SANTA IS AGGLOMERATING CHRISTMAS INTO ONE CORPORATISED YANKEE MEGATRADITION AND THIS CANNOT STAND! FATHER CHRISTMAS IS THE REAL ONE. SINTERKLAAS AND HIS WEIRD RACIST FRIENDS ARE THE REAL ONES. SATURN IS WEIRD BUT WE KIND OF STOLE HIS SHTICK AND ALSO WE’RE PRETTY SURE HE’D EAT US IF WE DIDN’T LEAVE HIM BE. DED MOROZ IS STAYING. BUT SANTA CLAUS? WE’RE KILLING THAT ELF-ENSLAVING ASSHOLE</p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9jbdgZidu8
</div></figure>
<p>YOUR SOUNDTRACK FOR THIS MISSION WILL BE “FAIRYTALE OF NEW YORK”, PLAYED ON REPEAT FOR SEVENTY-TWO HOURS STRAIGHT. THIS IS BECUASE SANTA IS HOMOPHOBIC AND YOU NEED TO GET ACCLIMATISED TO HIM CALLING YOU A WELL YOU KNOW</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image alignleft size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/lasereyes.jpg" alt="FATHER CHRISTMAS WITH LASER EYES" class="wp-image-1464" width="183" height="219"/><figcaption>WE HAVE LASER EYES POWERED BY THE MAGIC OF CHRISTMAS AND WE ARE NOT AFRAID TO USE THEM</figcaption></figure>
<p>AND AFTER WE’RE DONE, OH TRUST ME BUCKO, WE’RE NOT STOPPING THERE. YOU THINK NOVEMBER IS BAD? WE’RE GONNA EXTEND CHRISTMAS SEASON TO ALL YEAR ROUND. HALLOWE’EN? YOU MEAN PRECHRISTMAS? SUMMER HOLIDAYS? YOU MEAN CHRISTMAS IN JULY??? THAT’S RIGHT FUCKER IT’S CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY THE PROPHECY IS TRUE MERRY CHRISTMAS</p>
Untitled2022-10-27T22:15:55Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1457
<p>Now playing:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KACt6YhOyY
</div></figure>
<p>(New posts eventually™. Promise.)</p>
Untitled2022-10-22T19:29:52Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1450
<p>“There She Goes” is <em>such</em> an addictive song.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZXLLMbJdZ4
</div></figure>
/Don’t Worry Darling/ is not the greatest film ever made2022-10-20T17:46:43Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/worry
<p class="has-drop-cap">I was bored the other day, so i thought i’d go see a film. The problem, my dear readers, is that i have this terribly unlucky habit: 70% of the time, when i go see a film at the cinema, it’s not very good — and i can confirm that <em>Don’t Worry Darling</em> is, indeed, not very good. </p>
<p>If you’ve heard anything about <em>Don’t Worry Darling</em>, it’ll be about the juicy, juicy behind-the-scenes drama, involving saucy affairs between director Olivia Wilde and the film’s leading male star, an exasperated Chris Pine, and Shia LaBeouf. But we’re not going to be talking about any of that — instead, we’ll be talking about the topic everyone is desperately avoiding: the movie itself. Oh dear.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/concernedpugh.jpg" alt="A promotional still showing Florence Pugh making a confused and terribly concerned face at the camera" class="wp-image-1442"/><figcaption>© Universal or whoever distributed it i don’t really care.</figcaption></figure>
<p>The film boils down to a thin <em>Truman Show </em>pastiche following a troubled couple in an idyllic American suburb, wherein a 1950s housewife, imaginatively named Alice Warren, questions what her controlling husband, the inexplicably British Jack Chambers, actually does at his mysterious government job. The wonderful Florence Pugh, hot off of 2019’s Midsommar, gives her all with the script she’s given as Alice, and is easily one of the standout parts of the film. Jack, on the other hand… Jack is played by Harry Styles, a man who should not act. (Every pop star nowadays seems to think they can walk the tightrope between music and cinema as easily as Lady Gaga does, and it never quite seems to work out for them.)</p>
<p>So, let’s put ourselves in Ms Wilde’s shoes. You have one common plot structure, one brilliant lead actress, and one so-so lead actor. How do you make this movie… good?</p>
<p>Well, first you load up the secondary cast with talented people. KiKi Lane and Chris Pine both absolutely kill it in their respective roles — Margaret, a troubled neighbour to Alice, and Frank, Jack’s hammy villainous boss — but neither character feels fully fleshed out; Mr Pine in particular finds himself with not much to do despite ostensibly being the driving force behind the plot.</p>
<p>You can also pour piles upon piles of money into your film’s technical aspects. The quaint suburb in which Jack and Alice live is designed to within an inch of its life, and every shot is clear, crisp, and packed with colour while not being too overbearing — like a James Bond film or, if you’re being unkind, a perfume commercial.</p>
<p>Alright. You’ve got your cast, you’ve got your style, now you just need to… ah, god, what was it? You look down at the smudged writing on your hand — ah, yes, the script! You have to write a script, with, like, a plot and stuff.</p>
<p>You wake up from a terrible dream. You are no longer Olivia Wilde. You are once again the handsome reader of the blog of an even handsomer webmixter, who politely informs you that the film’s one-block-wide Jenga tower of a storyline, while it seemed to be setting up for an interesting conclusion, falls apart completely in the third act. The film’s writers pull out every cliché in the book — “it was all in <span class="all-sc">VR</span>!” “our protagonist’s best friend was in on it!” “if you die in the game you die in real life!” — in the space of about ten minutes, with barely any of it given room to breathe. (In fact, that third revelation comes <em>after</em> a pivotal death scene.) Just as the audience wonders what impact this will have on the plot going forward, the film just… ends, with a distinctly unsatisfying resolution to our hero’s story, and an air of “well why did they even bother?” about the villainous plot.</p>
<p>All in all, i really can’t recommend watching <em>Don’t Worry Darling</em> — perhaps catch it on streaming when it comes out if it piques your interest, but don’t spend your heard-earned Lizzies on going to the cinema to watch Harry Styles gaslight his wife for an hour and a half. (5/10)</p>
<h2>Pass notes: some other films of note</h2>
<p><strong><em>See How They Run</em></strong> is a fun, Wes Anderson–lite romp of a mystery story that gets in and out and does what it needs without making too much of a fuss about itself. Saoirse Ronan and Sam Rockwell drive around in a tiny blue ’50s police car; what more could you possibly want? (7½/10)</p>
<p><strong><em>The Woman King</em></strong> is a fine enough (alternate-)historical epic carried on the backs of some terrific performances by Thuso Mbedu and Viola Davis. (6/10)</p>
<p>I wasn’t expecting to be so spellbound by a seventy-year-old drama film of a bunch of people talking in a room, but i absolutely could not take my eyes off of <strong><em>12 Angry Men</em></strong>, which you should really just go watch right now. (9/10)</p>
Untitled2022-10-19T12:01:03Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1430
<p>I’ve decided that <abbr class="all-sc" title="Hormone replacement therapy">HRT</abbr>, and all other drugs and techniques which can be used to express one’s right to freedom of form, should not only be available over-the-counter, but government-subsidised to ensure equal access for all.</p>
<p>I will not be elaborating at this time.</p>
Just write about gardening or the Bible or /Zootopia/ fanfiction or something2022-10-16T20:05:24Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/leoldweb
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/image.png" alt="Cyberpunk AI art of a hacker typing into their computer about how much they hate the internet" class="wp-image-1427"/><figcaption>(Generated with Stable Diffusion.)</figcaption></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">I have to say, it gets on my nerves when, on my regular surfing sessions across the high seas of the web, i see a cool-looking website… and then its only content is just about how much its creator misses Le Old Web before they invented capitalism or whatever.<sup class="note">1</sup></p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>You could probably convert a fair number of these people to Luddism if you told them the internet was invented by the U.S. military, but that’s neither here nor there.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>There’s certainly room for meta-puffery about the internet (i wouldn’t have made this site what it is without <a href="https://www.kickscondor.com/">Kicks Condor</a> doing exactly that), but after a dozen sites in a row all moaning the same moan without an original insight in sight, it starts to get tired. I’m begging you, just write about gardening or the Bible or <em>Zootopia</em> fanfiction or something!</p>
<p>What makes the free web beautiful is the sheer diversity in the topics covered and how people’s little idiosyncracies and quirks and interests shine through — it saddens me how most sites in the “old web” (did it ever really go away?) revival movement are doing nothing but lamenting their own existence.</p>
Untitled2022-10-15T19:07:49Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1420
<p>Pleased to say that <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LG83fGCKNv4">the new 1975 album</a> is indeed the greatest album ever made.</p>
Shatner on space2022-10-11T11:00:00Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/shatner-on-space
<p class="has-drop-cap">I was originally going to post this excerpt from William Shatner’s new memoir, printed in <em>Variety</em>, alongside the usual link roundup, but something about it touched me enough to give it its own post.</p>
<p>Mr Shatner, in his own words, on his first trip to space:</p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>I continued my self-guided tour and turned my head to face the other direction, to stare into space. I love the mystery of the universe. I love all the questions that have come to us over thousands of years of exploration and hypotheses. Stars exploding years ago, their light traveling to us years later; black holes absorbing energy; satellites showing us entire galaxies in areas thought to be devoid of matter entirely… all of that has thrilled me for years… <strong>but when I looked in the opposite direction, into space, there was no mystery, no majestic awe to behold … all I saw was death.</strong></p><p>I saw a cold, dark, black emptiness. It was unlike any blackness you can see or feel on Earth. It was deep, enveloping, all-encompassing. I turned back toward the light of home. I could see the curvature of Earth, the beige of the desert, the white of the clouds and the blue of the sky. <strong>It was life. Nurturing, sustaining, life. Mother Earth. <span class="theonym">Gaia</span>. And I was leaving her.</strong><br>[…]</p><p><strong>It was among the strongest feelings of grief I have ever encountered.</strong> The contrast between the vicious coldness of space and the warm nurturing of Earth below filled me with overwhelming sadness. Every day, we are confronted with the knowledge of further destruction of Earth at our hands: the extinction of animal species, of flora and fauna … things that took five billion years to evolve, and suddenly we will never see them again because of the interference of mankind. It filled me with dread. My trip to space was supposed to be a celebration; instead, it felt like a funeral.</p></blockquote>
<p>Upon returning to earth, and trying to put his story into words for the first time, he was, as you may remember, bluntly cut off by Jeff Bezos, asking for more champagne:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qfVXLQBygw
</div></figure>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, volume XIII2022-10-10T12:51:37Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-xiii
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/okhandbathtub.jpg" alt="The shadow of a bathtub tap appears to form an OK hand" class="wp-image-1405"/><figcaption>I can’t believe i got 👌’d by a sodding <em>bathtub</em>.</figcaption></figure>
<p>I suppose it’s only fair that the first roundup of October is spooky number thirteen, and we’re starting things off with a suitably spooky link:</p>
<ul><li><a href="https://waxy.org/2022/09/a-mysterious-voice-is-haunting-american-airlines-in-flight-announcements-and-nobody-knows-how/">Why is a mysterious voice haunting the intercoms of American Airlines flights?</a></li><li><a href="https://languagehat.com/mystery-translator/">The closely guarded secret of the <em>New York Times</em>’ Yiddish translator</a></li><li><a href="https://www.nationalgeographic.com/history/article/miracle-plant-eaten-extinction-2000-years-ago-silphion">Holy shit, they found silphium!</a> I hope some day, many years down the line, when cultivation comes to fruition, we can all finally taste this ancient spice.</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kqPZg4gULaQ">John Green explains why his first non-fiction book suddenly became a hit with old people</a> [4″]</li><li><a href="http://hummingbirdclock.info/about">The Hummingbird Clock</a>, or, using the grid to investigate misdeeds</li></ul>
What does AI make of the Gods?2022-10-04T21:45:43Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/aiconolatry
<p class="has-drop-cap">I recently bought 1000 images’ worth of credits on DreamStudio — a machine-learning<sup class="note">α</sup>-powered art generator — on a whim and, after the requisite “Boris Johnson taking a bath of baked beans” joke entries, i thought it would be an interesting test to get it to generate some images for my shrines (on- and offline).</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">α</span>
<div>
<p>“<span class="all-sc">AI</span>” makes for a snappier headline, but is somewhat inaccurate — i’ll believe in “artificial intelligence” when one can personally convince me it’s intelligent.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/image.png" alt="Four images of god. From left to right: a stone carving resembling Zeus, a tapestry with a four-armed figure draped in green robes, fire reaching into the sky with a nebula in the centre, and a stone carving by the seaside resembling the face of Jesus of Nazareth." class="wp-image-1359"/><figcaption>Just typing in “God” brought a fascinating cavalcade of interpretations — some clearly Hellenic, some Christian, some taking more inspiration from the dharmic faiths, and the occasional completely abstract depiction.</figcaption></figure>
<p>My motivations were twofold: first, due to copyright constraints, all of the icons adorning these shrines were either old baroque paintings or freely-licenced photos of even older marble statues, which didn’t necessarily represent my mental image of the Gods’ appearances — a topic which, of course, will vary massively from artist to artist and culture to culture. Second, i thought it would be a fascinating experiment to see how this machine learning algorithm, which has taken in hundreds upon thousands (perhaps millions; i’ve not checked) of images, views the Gods in its latent space. Just as it has a prototypical idea of a “dog” and a “cat”, surely it also has one for “God” and “<span class="theonym">Dionysos</span>”.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/image-1.png" alt="Hestia in a toga leaning on a pillar near a hearth, with a halo-like glow emanating from Her head" class="wp-image-1362"/></figure>
<p>As is tradition, we begin this article with <span class="theonym">Hestia</span> (although Her portrait was actually the final one to be generated). On the broad strokes, my computer collaborator knocked it out of the park — but a closer look reveals some glaring imperfections in the face and hands, a theme which we’ll be seeing a lot of (and which i sometimes managed to harness to my advantage).</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/apollon.jpg" alt="Apollon — a lithe, youthful, Caucasian man with waving blonde locks of hair — reaches up towards the heavens in front of a hilly valley" class="wp-image-1375"/></figure>
<p>I should note that i’m not just feeding it theonyms with no added context: the programme works best if you help it along to your goal with a heaping of adjectives and descriptors, say, to tell it that this is indeed meant to be an artwork (“4<span class="all-sc">K</span> ultra <span class="all-sc">HD</span>”, “trending on ArtStation”), the details of the pose and background you want (“blonde hair”, “raising His hand to the sky”), or the style and artists you want it to take from (“baroque painting by Thomas Cole”, a prominent painter of beautiful, well-lit landscapes). If you calibrate it just right, it can make some genuinely beautiful stuff, like the above picture of <span class="theonym">Apollon</span> (which i did, admittedly, have to manually touch up to get rid of a prominent Habsburg chin).</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/gaea.jpg" alt="Gæa, framed by Celtic knotwork, as a green-skinned, bare-chested woman with leaves for hair" class="wp-image-1376"/></figure>
<p>It may be an immensely powerful tool, but DreamStudio can also be rather prudish.<sup class="note">β</sup> It blurs out any images it thinks might contain the utterly offensive sight of the genitalia with which we are all born, which can be a real problem if the relevant pictures it’s learnt from are all Greek and Roman statues — not exactly works known for their nether modesty. The detection software isn’t perfect, though, and sometimes, like in this portrait of <span class="theonym">Gæa</span>, it lets a few slip past (perhaps because of the greenish tone with which i instructed it<sup class="note">γ</sup> to portray Her skin).</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">β</span>
<div>
<p>I could have run the underlying software, Stable Diffusion, on my own computer and disabled filtering, but that would have quintupled the time it took to generate a picture.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">γ</span>
<div>
<p>This did, i’ll confess, involve some prodding with the keyword “She-Hulk”. You’ve got to get there somehow!</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/hermes.jpg" alt="Hermes as a swarthy young man wearing a three-feathered crown, fleshy wings emanating from His sides" class="wp-image-1377"/></figure>
<p>The algorithm sometimes has issues with more complex prompts, for it is just a machine, and doesn’t actually <em>understand</em> that “ball on top of a red box” means that the ball indeed should be on top of the box, as opposed to by its side, beneath it, or fused together in a horrific amalgam. These troubles somewhat manifested themselves in the above portrait of Hermes; the winged cap He is traditionally depicted with has transformed itself into both a crown and a hulking pair of soaring, fleshy wings emanating from His shoulders, and the recognisable caduceus has been reduced to a bamboo stick by His side.</p>
<p>Perhaps it’s just the style i instructed it to paint in — sixteenth-century European paintings aren’t renowned for their diversity — but DreamStudio also has some real trouble with darker skin tones. You can cry “dark skin, dark bronze skin, dark skin, dark skin, <em>dark skin</em>, black” all you want, but the only thing that can consistently get it to generate anything a shade below the average Spaniard is “African American”, which tends to bring along a heap of other associated physical changes besides just skin tone. (I have to say, i don’t particularly envision Hermes as the eponymous <em>Futurama</em> character in my head.)</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/thisistheone.png" alt="Hermaphroditus as an androgynous, twinkish fellow with three arms, laying down by a pond in a bed of leaves" class="wp-image-1373"/></figure>
<p>It also has quite some trouble with arms and legs. Originally, i thought of its odd morphings and multiplications as a bug to be stamped out, but i came to see them as a feature, representing the manifold, varied aspects of the Gods, their omnipresence, transcending the limits of human form. (This is also why the Hindus do it, if i recall correctly.)</p>
<p>I would have rather the above portrait of <span class="theonym">Hermaphroditos</span> been slightly more, ah, gynomorphic around the chest, so to speak, but i’d been trying to get a decent pose for what felt like an hour and i didn’t feel like fighting the blur anymore.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/portlygoat.png" alt="Dionysos as a three-legged and -armed bearded man, overweight but muscled, covered in flowers" class="wp-image-1374"/></figure>
<p>So then — it’s a bit off in places, and lacks the leopard-skin toga i would have liked, and lord knows what the objects He’s holding are meant to be, and it turned out the computer really, really, struggled with the basic concept of a faun or satyr’s legs, but we end this post with DreamStudio’s interpretation of an icon of <span class="theonym">Dionysos</span>, framed by some beautiful landscape.</p>
<p>Navigating through the neural net’s knowledge and limitations has been a fascinating, illuminating exercise, which has left no doubt in my mind that “<span class="all-sc">AI</span> art” is, indeed, just that: art. It seems to me much more comparable to something like photography than painting: rather than doing the hard work by hirself with brush strokes and pencil lines, the artist guides hir computer collaborator through latent space, pressing “click” when sie finds something appealing. One can only hope the Muses would approve.</p>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, volume XII2022-09-23T18:17:43Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-xii
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/flowerclock.jpg" alt="A clock made of flowers" class="wp-image-1355"/></figure>
<ul><li><a href="https://colossal.com/de-extinction/">Everyone working at this mammoth deëxtinction company looks exactly how i would expect someone working at a mammoth deëxtinction company to look.</a></li><li><a href="https://www.bldgblog.com/2022/08/numbers-pool/">The numbers pool and the ultimately large telescope</a></li><li><a href="https://www.cyborgnest.net/">I would say “shut up and take my money” to this cyborg ankle bracelet if only they listed a price tag of any sort</a> — if this isn’t vapourware i want one so badly. From the people who brought you the <a href="https://newatlas.com/cyborg-nest-north-sense/47282/">magnetic north organ</a></li><li><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmurdermysteries/comments/xlm904/who_or_what_group_was_responsible_for_scratching/">Who scratched the word <span class="all-sc">“PRAY”</span> on every phone booth in New York in the seventies?</a></li><li>The Youtube rabbit hole:<ul><li>Are you <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HE8YGDJzCA">gnomepilled</a> yet? (14′)</li><li>Justin Whang presents <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l9g-IQOB87s">The game composer who was caught faking being deaf</a> (21′)</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pJE0IewAT-Y">Roasting every state welcome sign</a> (24′)</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q2tJqO6nCSc"><em>Jet Lag</em> is back, and they’re playing a game of tag across Europe!</a> (26′)</li></ul></li></ul>
The Elizabethan era2022-09-09T10:18:59Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/the-elizabethan-era
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/crowning.jpg" alt="Queen Elizabeth crowns then-prince Charles" class="wp-image-1350"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">I don’t remember finding out that Britain had a Queen. It’s one of those basic, primal facts you learn before you even enter primary school, in “My First Dictionary” books and little picture stories — this is a cat, this is a dog, and this is the Queen.</p>
<p>My mother didn’t either. Even my grandmother was just a bairn when Elizabeth came to the throne. Our family have lived our entire lives never knowing anything else — she seemed like such an immutable constant of British life, an unchanging, unmoving symbol of a country constantly in flux.</p>
<p>Of course i knew it couldn’t be forever. The Netherlands had already gone through this when Queen Beatrix abdicated and all the shops out up cheeky advertisements about the national holiday’s change from <em>Koninginnedag</em> to <em>Koningsdag</em>. But then, she abdicated, didn’t she? William-Alexander didn’t have to wait until his mother died to get her old job. Such is the unique cruelty of the situation His Majesty Charles III — a title i’ll never get used to — finds himself in now.</p>
<p>As Britain leaves the Elizabethan era — from the first televised coronation to a death announced over the internet, from Empire to Commonwealth, an age of immense advancement and change — and enters its third Caroline era, in this increasingly polarised and uncertain time, there is but one thing to say: The Queen is dead. Long live the King.</p>
Some election maps2022-09-06T19:55:40Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/some-election-maps
<p>I’ve been terribly bored recently, and have been occupying myself by trying out a way i came up with of mapping out elections — a compromise of sorts between geographic maps (which don’t always show the whole picture) and cartograms (which tend to be butt-ugly).</p>
<p>I chose to map out 2019’s results in the North East to get a feel of things:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding-1.png" alt="A map showing the most recent general election as it was in North East England, with Labour winning a majority of seats" class="wp-image-1340"/></figure>
<p>New Zealand is relatively small, so i figured it would be the best choice for the first full country:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding-3.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1343"/></figure>
<p>And, finally, the most recent council election in good old Northumberland<sup class="note">1</sup>:</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>Excluding the parts that were illegitimately lopped off in 1974, of course. #Historic<wbr>Counties<wbr>Truther</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding.png" alt="A map showing the results of an election in Northumberland, with the Conservatives winning" class="wp-image-1339"/></figure>
The toponymic bankruptcy crisis2022-08-27T14:26:06Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/the-toponymic-bankruptcy-crisis
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding.png" alt="Two street signs, one labelled Birch Street, the other Bob Marleystraat" class="wp-image-1336"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Oak Street. Acacia Grove. Orchard Way. These are all streets in my local area… and probably in yours as well. And this has to stop.</p>
<p>Tree theme naming is the final vestige of the toponymically bankrupt planner: the man with no connection to his local area, who hasn’t an original bone in his body, and who has a pathological fear of causing even the slightest offence or puzzlement to anyone else. The famous roads of Britain — Oxford Street, Northumberland Street, Watling Street, the Great North Road — all have characteristic, descriptive names which reflect their environs’ history. Not so for the pedestrian Elm Streets of the world.</p>
<p>Perhaps this is a uniquely British sickness. In America, they prefer a neurotic obsession with rectilinear grids and similarly plain street names — Main Street, Second Avenue, Fourth Street, and so on until the end of the world — while the Netherlands, where i grew up, is home to a positive cornucopia of diversity in road toponymy. In Almere alone — a planned city with no local history to speak of, the optimum place to give up and resort to arboreal laziness — there are districts themed after musicians (<em>Jimi Hendrixstraat</em>), fruits (<em>Ananasstraat</em>), Gods (<em>Donarstraat</em>), even particle physics (<em>Elementendreef</em>). But in England? Nothing but trees, baby!</p>
<p>We need a complete and immediate moratorium on naming streets in the UK after trees. The urban planners of this perfidious isle would be well-served to do some actual research into the local area, and where that fails, grow a creative bone in their body — for the good of the ordinary citizens of this great isle.</p>
Untitled2022-08-18T20:36:01Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1332
<p>I have to say — there’s something strangely haunting about this cover of “Idioteque” using just the soundfont from <em>Super Mario 64</em>. Those marimbas…</p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOxaFIeYjzU
</div></figure>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, volume XI2022-08-17T20:09:36Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-xi
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/gateshead.jpg" alt="The skyline of Gateshead" class="wp-image-1329"/><figcaption>Pic, as always, unrelated.</figcaption></figure>
<ul><li><a href="https://opus.bsz-bw.de/msh/frontdoor/deliver/index/docId/37/file/BIID_successful_Wannabes.pdf">Morbidly fascinated by this study of people who felt an overwhelming lifelong urge to cut one of their limbs off, did so, and were actually quite a bit happier afterwards</a></li><li><a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/CfyT6xcA27D/">First person video of someone caught in the collapse of a glacier in Kyrgyzstan</a></li><li><a href="https://www.deviantart.com/concavenator/art/Gods-of-Salt-773947897">I’ve decided to become an elephant civilisation truther.</a></li><li><a href="https://meghanboilard.substack.com/p/how-urban-legend-destroyed-the-ball"><span class="all-sc">RIP</span> ball pits, too good for this impure world</a></li><li><a href="https://slate.com/culture/2022/06/american-flag-history-scam-designer-robert-heft-50-stars.html">The story of the man who lied about designing the U.S. flag</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjrU0_AaoXE"><em>Wallace and Gromit</em> is terrifying</a></li></ul>
Untitled2022-08-11T19:26:33Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1324
<p>Finally listening to Björk at the repeated insistence of <a href="https://raelhbishop.neocities.org/">a friend</a>, and my word, i think <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r2Kai_fkIks">“Hyperballad”</a> might be one of the best songs i’ve ever heard.</p>
A walk down Bedlington Country Park2022-08-07T23:37:30Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/bedlington-park
<p class="has-drop-cap">Hello again. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I went on a nice riverside walk and thought i’d send you some photos. (Look, i was getting desperate and it was either this or a post about why seven is my favourite number.)</p>
<p>Our scene today is the southern end of Bedlington, a reasonably sized and — if i’m to be honest — terribly mediocre town right in the middle of that conurbation in the southeast of Northumberland. Thankfully, we’re not going to concern ourselves with the town centre (a place whose selling points are a Greggs and a void that used to be a Tesco) — no, we’re going down a steep and heavy slope until we wind up on the steep banks of the river Blyth, where the local parish have kindly set up a path. Won’t you join me?</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity"/>
<figure class="wp-block-video"><video autoplay controls loop muted src="/garden/media/8mb.video-FV8-lSXXAUwl.mp4"></video></figure>
<p>Seeing this, i was simply overcome by the androgynous urge to stomp and plod around in a stream. (It’s what <span class="theonym">Hermaphroditos</span> would have wanted.) Alas, my shoes were terribly unfit for such activity, and i had to call it off for another day. A national tragedy!</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity"/>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/ducks.jpg" alt="Four or so ducks swim peacefully down a rocky stream, flanked on their left by a small islet overshadowed by leaves." class="wp-image-1316" width="495" height="400"/></figure>
<p>About halfway down the river, there’s this small leafy island that some ducks appear to have claimed as their home. I would have admired it further, but i was being shadowed by by a couple with some particularly yappy and aggressive dogs and really just wanted to get the whole predicament over with.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity"/>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/damstraight.jpg" alt="A view from the middle of a river — water pours down a dam on the right, while in the dead centre, a pillar is visible in the distance." class="wp-image-1317"/></figure>
<p>I’m not 100% sure what’s going on with the pillar in the middle — it’s about where the path on the opposite side comes to a sudden stop; perhaps it used to be the support for some kind of railway bridge. </p>
<p>I did, i admit, have to trespass on a dam for this view — the ducks, i hope, would never be grasses. It’s just not in their <span class="all-sc">DNA</span>.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator has-alpha-channel-opacity"/>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/visualstorytelling.jpg" alt="A fencepost crudely vandalised with some sort of four-way grid, an owl saying “Peace”, and the burnt-in initials of one “R.C.”" class="wp-image-1318"/></figure>
<p>Some incredible visual storytelling here. Someone’s drawn an owl saying “Peace!”, then someone else has come and vandalised it with a swastika, <em>then</em> someone <em>else</em> went and turned the swastika into something resembling the Windows logo. I don’t know where “R.C.” comes into this, but if they were the last fellow, i salute them. Truly, one of the heroes of our time.</p>
<p>(I was somewhat tempted to scribble over it myself and turn it into <em>Loss.jpg</em>…)</p>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, volume X2022-07-17T12:38:21Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/mx-van-hoorns-link-roundup-volume-x
<figure class="wp-block-image size-medium"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding-2.png" alt="A comparison between Hubble and JWST images of a ring nebula; the side representing Webb has far more detail" class="wp-image-1301"/><figcaption><em>Don’t make a Goatse joke, don’t make a Goatse joke, don’t make a Goatse joke…</em></figcaption></figure>
<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZV0cJnIZTY">Who made the music for the Wii homebrew channel?</a></li><li>Vsauce is back! <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjqt8T3tJIE">Did people use to look older?</a></li><li><a href="https://www.robinrendle.com/essays/in-praise-of-shadows/">Robin Rendle on the joys of analogue photography</a></li><li><a href="https://slimemoldtimemold.com/2022/07/12/lose-10-6-pounds-in-four-weeks-with-this-one-weird-trick-discovered-by-local-slime-hive-mind-doctors-grudgingly-respect-them-hope-to-become-friends/">Fuck it, Potato Diet</a></li><li><a href="https://runawaymarbles.tumblr.com/post/689360615700070401/handbinding-project-my-immortal-by-tara-gilesbie">In which a group of Tumblr users get together to beautifully typeset and hand-bind <em>My Immortal</em></a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T6nT7DEokOA">Steven Spielberg used to own a submarine-themed chain of submarine sandwich restaurants</a></li><li><a href="https://www.webbcompare.com/">This tool lets you compare photos taken by Hubble with those taken by the new James Web Space Telescope</a></li><li><a href="https://www.vice.com/en/article/pkgbwm/chinese-woman-fake-russian-history-wikipedia">A bored Chinese housewife faked hundreds of years of Russian history on Wikipedia</a></li><li>Amazing Content™ as <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b01PDkSjcDY">sad covid boy Hank Green eats foods he hates but can’t taste</a></li><li><a href="https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/a5c06236-0387-11ed-a4ba-b61f33f3c1cb?shareToken=011bf908cab85e1c4523edeb28c6896a">Which Tory leadership candidate do you support?</a>, a fun quiz for people who hate themselves (I got Tom Tugendhat)</li></ul>
Two wolves2022-07-16T18:47:45Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/wolves
<figure class="wp-block-image size-medium"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding.png" alt="An image macro of Scotty from Star Trek. Top text: Inside you there are two wolves. Bottom text: Sorry about the transporter malfunction." class="wp-image-1294"/><figcaption>Have to say, the “Make a Meme!” watermark really puts the cherry on top.</figcaption></figure>
<p>There are two wolves inside of me. One is a fantasy author who will gladly write thirty-word run on sentences until they’re purple in the face; the other is a copy-editor for the <em>Economist</em> who wants to hack at every sentence until it’s shorter than their last relationship.</p>
<p>I suspect the fantasy author is winning — much as the copy-editor is the one who writes my style guide, they’d probably be mortified by the liberty with which their counterpart peppers texts with em-dashes and semicolons.<sup class="note">1</sup> And anyway — i’m a blogger, not a journalist! I have no requirement to make my writing erudite to the average businessman. (Well, maybe if this site suddenly pivots audiences…)</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>Kurt Vonnegut once famously called semicolons “transvestite hermaphrodites representing absolutely nothing”; this is why i try to use them as much as possible.</p>
</div>
</aside>Untitled2022-07-11T21:00:25Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/juryrigged
<p>One thing i’d like to do at some point, i think, is find a way to synchronise or link up the WordPress comments here on the blog with the jury-rigged <span class="all-sc">PHP</span> comments on the main site. Much as i admire the single-style, chronological blog format, it can be terribly limiting at times — i’d love to be able to post simultaneously here and there and not have people worry about missing out on the discussion.</p>
A lush cover of “Running up that Hill”2022-07-10T21:24:46Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/cover
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e20W7aj5cxM
</div></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Look. Reader, you’re probably sick to death of “Running up that Hill”<sup class="note">1</sup> at this point — it’s been everywhere for weeks. But i’m not, because it’s a bloody great song and i neither listen to pop radio nor watch <em>Stranger Things</em>, so here’s a brilliant, luscious cover by the inexplicably non-Australian band<sup class="note">2</sup> the Wombats.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>It occurs to me now that i have no idea if i’m capitalising that properly in the title…</p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">2</span>
<div>
<p>They’re named after an Australian animal. They’re performing the cover for an Australian radio station. Why are they from Liverpool‽</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>(P.S. — I <em>still</em> can’t remember that post idea i had the other day, no matter how many bike rides to the same place i run… was it a religious thing? Some meta-internet naff? Was i going to get political? If someone has access to my brain’s Recycle Bin folder, please tell me.)</p>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, Volume IX2022-07-09T13:40:50Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-ix
<p class="has-drop-cap">I had a really good idea for a post the other night. Then i fell asleep and promptly forgot it, so you’re getting this instead — apologies.</p>
<ul><li>It’s here it's here it’s heeere! The 1975 have released <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87nG3LuabUs">the first single off their new album</a>, and by god, they might not be the greatest band in the world, but they got me into music, so i can’t help but call them my <em>favourite</em> band in the world.</li><li>From <em>Atlas Obscura</em>, <a href="https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-rise-and-suspiciously-rapid-fall-of-freedomland-u-s-a">the rise and suspiciously rapid fall of Freedomland, USA</a></li><li><a href="https://tedium.co/2022/06/10/insights-about-reflection/">What’s the deal with mirrors?</a></li><li>I think you should take a look at this <a href="https://www.davidrumsey.com/luna/servlet/detail/RUMSEY~8~1~290417~90061976:The-World-?sort=Pub_List_No_InitialSort%2CPub_Date%2CPub_List_No%2CSeries_No">beautiful illustrated map of the world</a>.</li><li><a href="https://colinmorris.github.io/blog/compound-curse-words">The Matrix of Reddit Profanity</a> — may need to incorporate some of these into my vocabulary</li><li><a href="https://www.mcspotlight.org/people/interviews/starmer.html">An absolutely ancient interview with a pre-politics Keir Starmer</a></li><li>The Youtube rabbit hole:<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=weTotAPorpY">Why isn’t it possible?</a> [10 seconds]</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QDeJ06iRbWA">Scott the Woz on the history of 3<span class="all-sc">D</span> gaming</a> [25 minutes]</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LEENEFaVUzU">Kurzgesagt tries to answer the question “how many humans will there be?”</a> [10 minutes] They’re also starting a bunch of new channels in languages like Hindi and Korean, which is nice.</li></ul></li></ul>
Untitled2022-07-07T23:11:02Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1271
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/IMG_20220707_201855.jpg" alt="A forested crevasse bathed in golden light, with a thin dirt path running through" class="wp-image-1272"/></figure>
The July media catchup2022-06-25T22:58:39Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/july-catchup
<p class="has-drop-cap">I’ve missed, erm, quite a lot of “monthly updates”, so here’s me catching you up on everything i’ve watched, listened to, and otherwise done since February.</p>
<p>(I should note that from here on out i’ll be using numeric ratings instead of letters — i find it much easier to figure out whether something’s a 7 or an 8 than whether it’s an A or a B.)</p>
<h2>🎥 Films on the big screen</h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding-6.png" alt="Michelle Yeoh with a googly eye on her face in an office" class="wp-image-1259"/></figure>
<ul><li>There are few films i would recommend unconditionally to anyone and everyone, but by Gods, <strong><em>Everything Everywhere All At Once </em></strong>(2022) is one of them. It’s belly-laugh funny, has brilliant action, and features some of the most truly ridiculous scenes ever put to film, but all without ever losing its sincere, heartfelt core. Just go watch it.<sup class="note">a</sup> (9) <aside class="note"><span class="note-number">a</span> <div> <p>I will say i thought they overdid it with the hot dog fingers.</p> </div> </aside> </li><li><strong><em>The Northman </em></strong>(2021) is Robert Eggers’ first attempt at a big blockbuster film — and probably his last, looking at the box office. Which is a shame — this weird, grim, beautiful, gory Pagan epic just tickled me in all of the right places, and very well might be in my top 3 films ever made. I loved how it struck the balance of “maybe it’s magic, maybe it’s mundane”; Björk and Willem Dafoe absolutely steal the show in their brief appearances. (10-)</li><li><strong><em>Top Gun: Maverick </em></strong>is everything a blockbuster should be. It’s so, so refreshing to watch something so grounded in the real world after what feels like decades of fantastical superhero <span class="all-sc">CGI</span> fluff dominating the box office. Yes, it’s a recruitment ad for the US Navy and probably the Sea Org, but who gives a shit? It had me glued to my seat start to finish.<sup class="note">b</sup> (8) <aside class="note"><span class="note-number">b</span> <div> <p>And, ye gods, they gave Tom Cruise a love interest who’s <em>the same age as him!</em> I didn’t even know that was allowed!</p> <p>I remember a minor kerfuffle pre-pandemic about them removing the Japanese and Taiwanese flags from Mr Cruise’s jacket, but they must have been added back at some point, as i didn’t notice any funny business.</p> </div> </aside> </li><li>The same, alas, cannot be said of its predecessor, which i tried to watch to bring me up to speed. <em>Tried</em> is the operative word there: homoerotic beach volleyball and extreme Dad Movie energy can only go so far to prop up flat characters and stakeless action; i ended up turning it off halfway through. I can’t recommend it to anyone who’s not a Dad Who Likes Planes. (2)</li><li>Sam Raimi takes the wheel at the newest Marvel theme park ride, <strong><em>Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness</em></strong>. Mr Raimi’s hectic style shines through in some glorious, fleeting moments, but most of it is just another by-the-numbers intellectual property orgy which left me sorely disappointed. I considered walking out of the screen several times. (5-)</li><li><strong><em>The Batman</em></strong> is a very good adaptation of a story we all know by now. I loved, loved, <em>loved</em> Paul Dano’s weird incel version of the Riddler, the Pat-man’s eyeshadow, and that one part where he flubs the landing with his cool flying squirrel suit. (7+)</li><li>I watched <strong><em>Morbius</em></strong> in the cinema. Dear god, why did i watch <em>Morbius</em><strong> </strong>in the cinema? Why did i do that to myself? Don’t believe the memes. Excepting one truly glorious scene with Matt Smith, this isn’t the funny kind of bad. It’s just plain bad. (2+)</li><li><strong><em>Moonfall</em></strong>, on the other hand… now that’s a good bad movie. I swear my <span class="all-sc">IQ</span> dropped several points after walking out of the cinema. (5) Here are some things that actually happen in this actual movie that was actually released into actual cinemas across several actual countries and made millions of actual dollars:<ul><li>The government successfully covers up the fact that <em>the moon is falling</em>, and not a single person notices except for a crazed conspiracy theorist.</li><li>Said conspiracy theorist is inexplicably British.</li><li>The characters take the Space Shuttle out of a museum because their other rocket broke, and it still works just as well as the day it was put in there. Also, someone graffiti’d it with the words <span class="all-sc">“fuck the moon”</span>.</li><li>The day is saved by superior Chinese technology, because of course it is.</li><li>On that note — there is a character in here whose sole purpose, i’m pretty sure, is to just stand there, say some lines now and then, and be Chinese for the Chinese audience. You could cut her out of the film and literally nothing would change.</li><li>You can guess what the department of defence wants to do to the moon. That’s right, they try to nuke it!</li><li>But they don’t because a five-star general knows his ex-wife is up there.</li><li>There is a shot of the moon falling on New York City in which, i shit you not, <em>every building except the World Trade Centre </em>gets absolutely blown to smithereens.</li><li>Someone’s brain is uploaded to the moon.</li><li>One of the main characters’ friends owns a Lexus™ dealership. All of the characters drive Lexus™ cars, and they escape oxygen thieves(??) by activating Turbo Mode on their Lexus™ automobile.</li><li>The Space Shuttle is vaguely “secured” by the Russian cybersecurity firm Kaspersky, who, just weeks after my screening, got sanctioned by the EU in the wake of the special peacekeeping operation™.</li><li>A main character gets trapped underneath a log and <em>he escapes because the moon’s gravity pulls it off of the ground! </em>This really happens! I am not making this up! Someone says <em>“Sonny, the moon will help us!”</em></li><li>“I know; that’s why we lost the house.” — a seven-year-old </li></ul></li></ul>
<h2>💿 Music</h2>
<ul><li>Sigur Rós’ <em><strong>() </strong></em>— I may now have a new favourite album. At the very least, it’s my favourite album where none of the tracks have titles and my favourite album where every song is sung in asemic gibberish. Check out <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqJ8hFgYwVg">the opening track</a>. (9)</li><li>John Grant’s <strong><em>Queen of Denmark</em></strong> — A surprise gift from my papa. A really lovely piano record — check out <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlRbdD9bRc8">the title track</a>. (7+)</li><li>Spinvis’ <strong><em>Spinvis</em></strong> — Hallelujah, Dutch-language music that doesn’t suck donkey dick! Check uit <em><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wHDUGZZMoiI">„Voor ik vergeet”</a></em>. (7-)</li><li>After acquiring it on black plastic, i thought i’d give Green Day’s <strong><em>American Idiot</em></strong> a spin — last time around i gave it a C+, but it’s much better when you’re able to properly appreciate each track on its own merits. You know the hits, so check out <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fi-MLyBfB0">“Letterbomb”</a>. (8)</li><li>Charli XCX’s <strong><em>Crash</em></strong> is pretty good, but anchored too firmly in the mainstream for my liking. Check out the hyperpop-inflected <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RJTv1KZrbuQ">“Lightning”</a>. (7)</li><li>Thom Yorke and Jonny Greenwood’s new side gig, The Smile, released their debut album <strong><em>A Light for Attracting Attention</em></strong>, and it could easily pass for a tenth Radiohead album. Check out <s>Pablo Honey 2 </s><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-EB5NhI2RQQ">“You Will Never Work in Television Again”</a> and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_nmutqhuWFE">“Skrting on the Surface”</a>. (8)</li></ul>
<h2>🌍 Everything else!</h2>
<ul><li>📺 Apple TV+’s <strong><em>Severance</em></strong> is some of the best bloody television i’ve ever seen. I pray to the heavens above that they don’t fuck up that cliffhanger. (9+)</li><li>📺 Netflix’s animated <strong><em>Inside Job</em></strong> has a wonky start, with an abundance of forced pop-cultural references, but really finds its footing by the end of the season. Here’s hoping they don’t cancel it — i can’t wait to see where it goes next! (7)</li><li>🖥️ On the Youtube side of things, <strong>Captain KRB </strong>is a fantastic and underrated (only 40 thousand subs) videomaker who you should consider giving a shot. Check out <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2VIXO471qU">his video about <em>The Stairway to Stardom</em>, an obscure public access show</a>. (6+)</li><li>🖥️ Kane Parsons continues to breathe new life into a worn-out e-horror setting with his <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XwlWXtpaCM"><strong><em>Backrooms</em></strong></a> series. (7)</li><li>⛰️ I am, as of last month, an official sponsor of the otters at <strong><a href="https://www.northumberlandzoo.co.uk/">Northumberland Country Zoo</a></strong>. My only regret is that i’m not allowed to hug them. (cute/10)</li></ul>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/otters.jpg" alt="Three Asian small-clawed otters resting on a log" class="wp-image-1257"/><figcaption>Cat tax. Otter tax?</figcaption></figure>
<ul><li>⛰️ Finally, as ever, i can highly recommend <strong><a href="https://hmpg.net/">going outside and touching grass</a></strong>. Really, one of the most fulfilling things you can ever do. (10+)</li></ul>
A walk down to the Quayside2022-06-19T13:34:13Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/quayside
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1eN8vyVFIM
</div><figcaption>This article comes equipped with its own optional soundtrack for those who want to follow along with my listening habits as well as my walk.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/hjh-1.jpg" alt="A decaying building’s brick-arched frontage contrasts with a concrete underpass." class="wp-image-1229" width="655" height="294"/><figcaption>We begin at the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holy_Jesus_Hospital">Holy Jesus Hospital</a>, whose site served as an almshouse for the poor for seven hundred years.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/hjh2-1.jpg" alt="More brick arches, trailing off into the background." class="wp-image-1230"/><figcaption>The current 17<sup>th</sup>-century building now serves as office space for the National Trust. No noseys allowed (shame!)</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/tileworld-1.jpg" alt="The frontage of a shop by the name of “Tile World” (with a globe replacing the O), its shutters now covered with graffiti." class="wp-image-1231" width="655" height="294"/><figcaption>Anyone need some tiles?</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-video"><video controls src="/garden/media/8mb.video-wGQ-cCIjO0Zm.mp4"></video><figcaption>I’m pretty sure this is either “Hallelujah” or “Jerusalem”, but i have absolutely no idea which. </figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQlAEiCb8m0
</div></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/bt-1.jpg" alt="A hulking grey concrete building scrapes the sky." class="wp-image-1233" width="655" height="294"/><figcaption>Only a scant few BT-branded trucks occupy the parking lot of this <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/NewcastleUponTyne/comments/ituv9m/bt_building_on_melbourne_street/">hulking concrete husk</a>, surely far too big for its intended purpose.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/rowhouses-1.jpg" alt="Four floors of brick flats." class="wp-image-1234" width="655" height="294"/><figcaption>Ahhh — reminds me of home, back in Hoorn.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/brexit-1.jpg" alt="A worn European Union flag hangs over a balcony." class="wp-image-1235" width="655" height="410"/><figcaption>The tragedy of Brexit.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/pharmacy-1.jpg" alt="Quayside Pharmacy" class="wp-image-1236"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/happyhour-1.jpg" alt="An advert for Greggs’ all-day coffee, reading “Every Hour’s Happy”." class="wp-image-1237"/><figcaption>Is it, Greggs? Is it?</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hHSH9sJUEo
</div></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/leafy-1.jpg" alt="Leafy trees and paths cover another brick flat." class="wp-image-1240"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/commie-1.jpg" alt="A diagram of the flat of St Ann’s Close has been vandalised with a hammer and sickle, a blurred-out website link, and “1312”." class="wp-image-1242"/><figcaption>There’s a lot of commie graffiti scattered along this road, though all of it seems to be by the same person — you can tell because they can’t draw a hammer and sickle.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/showoffs-1.jpg" alt="Walls upon walls absolutely covered with artisan graffiti." class="wp-image-1241" width="655" height="294"/><figcaption>Bloody showoffs. (That reminds me — i have a massive unpublished gallery post of a walk down the full length of the Ouseburn, but never did get around to finishing it… maybe soon?)</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/importantmeal-1.jpg" alt="Your author’s hand holds a nice ice cream." class="wp-image-1243"/><figcaption><a href="https://www.dimeos.co.uk/">The most important meal of the day.<sup class="note">1</sup></a></figcaption></figure>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>I hmmed and hahhed over posting a picture of my hand, but i figured that since i don’t even mention a trace of non-European ancestry on my <a href="/about">about page</a>, a skin tone reveal probably isn’t giving away too much information.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/ticket.jpg" alt="A ticket to see “Top Gun: Maverick” at the Tyneside Cinema." class="wp-image-1245"/><figcaption>I’ve decided to join the Sea Org and give my life’s savings to the military-industrial complex. (In all seriousness, it was a bloody brilliant film — everything a blockbuster should be!)</figcaption></figure>
Untitled2022-06-17T20:17:31Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1211
<p>This whole time i thought Florence and the Machine’s <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GHXEGz3PJg">“Hunger”</a> was a song by the Killers. A—am i losing it?? I can hear Brandon Flowers singing “<em>you made a fool of death with your beauty!</em>” so clearly in my head…</p>
Walking down e-memory lane2022-06-11T20:48:45Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/memory-lane
<p>Sometimes i like to go back in the Wayback Machine and take a trip down memory lane, and see how this place has evolved as i hone my <span class="all-sc">HTML</span>-craft — especially pertinent given the forest’s rapidly approaching fifth birthday. I thought you might like to take a look as well.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="/garden/media/afbeelding.png"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1202"/></a><figcaption>2019 vs. 2022</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="/garden/media/afbeelding-1.png"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding-1.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1203"/></a><figcaption>2020 vs. 2022</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="/garden/media/afbeelding-3.png"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding-3.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1205"/></a><figcaption>2020/2021 vs. 2022</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="/garden/media/afbeelding-4.png"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding-4.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1208"/></a><figcaption>2020 vs. 2022</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="/garden/media/afbeelding-2.png"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding-2.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1204"/></a><figcaption>2019 to 2022. (Older revisions have since been lost to time.)</figcaption></figure>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, Volume VIII2022-05-28T11:22:05Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-viii
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/garf.jpg" alt="Twelve statuettes of everyone’s favourite cartoon cat, Garfield, themed after the twelve signs of the zodiac. " class="wp-image-1196"/><figcaption>Pic unrelated.</figcaption></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Is it really almost June? Good heavens, it’s been a while. Here’s your regular dose of links, to help you surf the inter-webs.</p>
<ul><li><a href="https://www.vogelbescherming.nl/beleefdelente">Beleef de Lente</a> — live cameras of birds in the Netherlands</li><li><a href="https://www.terriwindling.com/blog/2022/05/writing-magic.html">On writing magic</a></li><li><a href="https://www.pnnl.gov/news-media/tri-cities-scientists-magically-mining-metals-water">Scientists at the US’ department of energy have figured out how to extract lithium from water</a></li><li><a href="https://duckchess.com/">Duck Chess!</a> It’s chess with a rubber duck.</li><li>The Youtube rabbit hole:<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lzk-l8Gm0MY">The Apprehension Engine</a>, a horror musical instrument [4 minutes’ watch]</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TLMVjfKg35M">The (semi-)solved mystery of the Toynbee Tiles</a> [40 minutes’ watch]</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YcRhdWQx1co">The iceberg of lost films</a> [1½ hours’ watch]</li></ul></li></ul>
Photos from around Lower Northumberland2022-05-19T15:48:53Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/lower-northd
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/20220519-Stack.jpg" alt="A building demolition in progress around a busy intersection." class="wp-image-1187"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">It’s the end of an era in <strong>Newcastle</strong>, however short it was, as the temporary shipping container food court–cum–public square–cum–shopping centre Stack comes down after three years. The former site of an Odeon cinema was set to be turned into a mixed-use development, but the pandemic caused a change of direction from the developers. The plans have since been slimmed down to just comprise what lockdown proved was truly, 100% necessary:</p>
<p>Offices.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/20220519-Nedderton.jpg" alt="A grassy path surrounded by bright green bushes and trees and a clear cerulean sky." class="wp-image-1188"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">You’d never guess it, but this luscious green path (carefully cropped so that you don’t see the yawning gravel service road behind the camera) is on the former site of a colliery in <strong>Bedlington</strong>. There’s not much left to see — the neighbouring pit town <a href="https://www.bedlington.co.uk/gallery/album/68-the-end-of-netherton-colliery/">was bulldozed in the ’70s</a>, and the farmers have done a bang-up job of hiding any traces of the mines that lie underneath.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/20220519-Morpeth.jpg" alt="An old-fashioned railway station." class="wp-image-1189"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">After <a href="https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/morpeth-railway-station-restoration-opening-18888555">2.3 million pounds</a> and a skyscraper’s worth of scaffolding, <strong>Morpeth</strong>’s central station has finally been restored to its former Georgian glory, red fences and all. The locals will be pleased to know that Lumo, a sparkly new Ryanair-ified third-class train service from Edinburgh to London, have no choice but to stop here thanks to a sharp bend in the track.</p>
Untitled2022-05-19T06:40:00Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1184
<p>2016 Elon Musk could totally beat 2022 Elon Musk in a fight any day.</p>
A crackpot theory about the song “Creep”2022-05-08T21:10:09Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/creep
<p class="has-drop-cap">Alright, hear me out: Radiohead’s “Creep” is about gender dysphoria.</p>
<p>This is a crackpot theory, of course — none of the members of the band have ever even suggested that they might be transgendered<del>, and if they did Jonny might have something to say about it</del>. But it just makes <em>sliiightly </em>too much sense.</p>
<p>The chorus is about ostracisation from society, and the feeling that one doesn’t belong in spaces of one’s gender (take the whole bathroom debacle). There are more thematic hints in the first two stanzas — “You’re just like an angel / Your skin makes me cry” — but the real smoking gun is the third verse:</p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>I don’t care if it hurts<br>I wanna have control<br>I want a perfect body<br>I want a perfect soul</p></blockquote>
<p>Do I even need to spell it out? “Creep” is the trans anthem of the 1990s and noöne will ever convince me otherwise.</p>
I remember2022-05-03T21:02:02Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/i-remember
<p><em>This is a repost from the now-deleted old archives of the blog, originally posted on the ninth of February, 2021. I thought of doing it up as its own page, like the article about <a href="/christmas">our Christmas tradition</a>, but it seemed wrong — this is capturing a very specific moment in my (and everyone’s) life, and it would be gauche to put such an emotional rant on the front page.</em></p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator"/>
<p>I remember watching grown-ups’ TV late at night on the sofa in Oma and Opa’s caravan, nestled between them, a tiny TV in the corner, subtitles on, those black circles with the advisory ratings. <img src="images/remember-kijkwijzer.png" alt=""></p>
<p>I remember watching us lose to Spain, watching crime dramas and not understanding a thing, i remember just being there, the inflatable pool waiting outside for tomorrow, the sofa unfolding itself into a bed. The smell of kitty litter in the toilet, the view outside, the jar of sweets, my bedroom decorated on the walls with maps, like the one under the desk at their house of the 12 provinces, those big books, that one of shape-<em>sjablonen</em>, that maths puzzle book for five-year-olds, the decorated plate, the chicken schnitzel, the horrid smell of their fish dinner, jumping on the trampoline, chlorinating my eyes in the pool, the gravel road, the endless journeys in.</p>
<p>I remember the tacky ceramics, the awful internet back then, falling through the chair (ow!) while browsing <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20081101134607/https://www.coolmath.com/">Coolmath.com</a> on Windows XP, messing with Paint Shop Pro 8, Internet Explorer 7… me always taking down the ‘For Sale’ sign in the window, that little book of the planets and stars, i think there was one about seasonal plants.</p>
<p>I remember them moving the caravan from Schagen to Ede. I remember going to Deventer and meeting that family who lived on a boat (the girl was nice).</p>
<p>I remember Papa’s house, i remember the blackboard where i learned the passcode — 0420 — to an iPod i acquired at far too young an age, i remember that time i sat inside watching videos instead of going outside in the sun, the Chocomel, the Wokkels, that frog-shaped bowl, those letter-shaped stamps <em>op zolder</em>, Opa’s model railway. I remember that tiny “bathtub”, i remember Oma’s scrapbook, her Scooby-Doo plush, i remember watching <em>Finding Nemo</em> over and over, the pond, the playground, the train station, how much the <a href="https://www.pbase.com/image/85211045">giant robot</a> at <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NEMO_(museum)">Nemo</a> creeped me out, <em>Mouse Paint</em>, that board book teaching me how to tie knots, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Corpus_(museum)">Corpus</a>, that weird video from the library with the wireframe man, trying in vain to find that specific top-ten episode of <em>Garfield & Friends</em> on Windows Media Centre, that elephant thing at the preschool fundraiser, that kid who would only drink orange juice out of a specific blue cup, my first day at school, watching <em>Nieuws uit de natuur</em> then going home early on Wednesdays, fighting with Nuri over who got to keep the paper Einstein doll we made, founding a country with Emiel, not understanding Ewout’s <em>Pokémon</em> references, the trip to Aeolus, that time a teacher went to go on a pilgrimage along the Way of St. James, de Speelhoorn, de Waterhoorn, toasties, poffertjes, the pick-and-mix at Kruidvat, the climbing frame–treehouse–sandpit thing in the back garden, the stoomtram to Medemblik, visiting the Zuiderzee Museum on a snowy day, swimming lessons, going to Hema for a sausage roll afterwards, accidentally pressing ‘stop’ on the escalator, <em>Cars 2</em> being the first film i ever saw at the cinema, Fristi, ads for ‘Taxi’ soft drink (never had it), curly fries at Burger King (how i wish they had those over here), the paintings around the house, Papa’s exercise bike in the attic, him playing trance music in the car…</p>
<p>I remember crying when i found out me and Mama were moving back to the UK.</p>
<p>I gave a PowerPoint presentation about Eurovision on my last day of school. I cried as everyone filed out of the classroom. Both because of me leaving, and because i’d made a mistake in it.</p>
<p>They gave me this little booklet as a farewell gift. It’s bound up in a cover of the solar system. Everyone in the class made a little something for it.</p>
<p>I don’t know where it is, and i can’t bear to look at it.</p>
<p>It’s been a year and a half since i last went for a visit. I’ll probably have to skip this year too.</p>
<p>Ik wil naar huis.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator"/>
<p><em>Three years now… and i never got to say goodbye to my grandfather. See you on the other side, opa.</em> </p>
Notes from St Peter’s Marina2022-05-01T22:11:00Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/st-peters-marina
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/stpeters.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1171"/></figure>
<p>St Peter’s Marina confuses me. It’s like someone dropped a quaint postwar Dutch town centre <a href="https://www.google.com/maps/@54.965457,-1.572508,1241a,35y,24.2h,0.16t/data=!3m1!1e3">in the middle of a grimy industrial waste</a>, The river still stinks, and the architecture is — generally — an unconvincing pastiche. Just <em>who</em> is living here?</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/pastiche.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1172"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/cherry.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1173"/></figure>
Pssst2022-04-27T21:35:00Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/pssst
<p class="has-drop-cap">Hey, kid, wanna hear a secret? Don’t tell anyone i told you this, but i’ve got some Secret Links for you. This isn’t your usual weekly shit — these are the links i’m saving for the big satyrs dot ee you slash linkroll. Deluxe links. Gourmet, even. Straight from my “Work (Copy 3) (final)” folder.</p>
<ul><li><a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://longbets.org/" target="_blank">https://longbets.org/</a></li><li><a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/index.htm" target="_blank">https://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/index.htm</a></li><li><a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://www.thenutshellpub.co.uk/index.html" target="_blank">https://www.thenutshellpub.co.uk/index.html</a></li><li><a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://stumblingon.com/" target="_blank">https://stumblingon.com/</a></li><li><a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://polyhedra.tessera.li/" target="_blank">https://polyhedra.tessera.li</a></li><li><a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://sailorhg.com/home_sweet_homepage/" target="_blank">https://sailorhg.com/home_sweet_homepage/</a></li><li><a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://tic80.com/" target="_blank">https://tic80.com</a></li><li><a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://arachnoid.com/" target="_blank">https://arachnoid.com</a></li><li><a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://random.earth/" target="_blank">https://random.earth</a></li><li><a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://www.confluence.org/" target="_blank">https://www.confluence.org/</a></li><li><a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="https://cwandt.com/" target="_blank">https://cwandt.com/</a></li></ul>
Untitled2022-04-17T11:35:02Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1160
<figure class="wp-block-image"><img src="https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/812448086966272030/965211377331503134/unknown.png" alt="A two-panel meme: Panel 1: A wolf in the snow saying: Humans at a campfire.... It’s cold and I’m starving, maybe I should ask for some scraps. Whats the worst that could happen? Panel 2: A pug in a birthday cake costume, with the caption "10000 years later""/></figure>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, Volume VII2022-04-16T11:24:12Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-vii
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/desirepath.jpg" alt="A dirt path reroutes itself around a fallen birch tree under a canopy." class="wp-image-1156" width="655" height="368"/><figcaption><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Desire_path">Desire paths</a> have started to solidify around the trees felled by Storm Arwen. (Human) nature is healing.</figcaption></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Good lord, has it really been a month since the last one? Anyway. New month, <a href="https://satyrs.eu">new <span class="all-sc">URL</span></a>, new links. You know the drill.</p>
<ul><li><a href="https://scatchy.art/why-do-we-lose-our-sense-of-wonder-and-imagination/">How to regain your childhood imagination</a></li><li><a href="https://notaninart.itch.io/gridle">Gridle</a>: Reject words. Embrace grids.</li><li><em><a href="https://sailorhg.com/home_sweet_homepage/">Home Sweet Homepage</a></em>, a lovely comic about making your first personal website by one Amy Wibowo</li><li><a href="https://www.backpacker.com/news-and-events/news/yellowstone-is-offering-a-1500-annual-pass-that-you-wont-be-able-to-use-for-150-years/">For $1,500, Yellowstone National Park will sell you an annual pass that you won’t be able to use until 2172</a></li><li><a href="https://grapee.jp/en/199026">Tokyo’s Manuscript Writing Café won’t let you leave until you’ve finished whatever you’re writing</a> — brb, moving to Japan</li><li><a href="https://random.earth/">Random.earth</a></li><li>The Youtube rabbit hole:<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjrC21-AHYc">Why London’s “Harrods of the East” didn’t go to plan [6 min]</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ducKritwW14">The Bruno Powroznik Iceberg [22 min]</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hZGeo-78Cg">Roman Abalin, a Russian Youtuber, reflects on how the Russia he grew up in doesn’t really exist anymore [15 min]</a></li></ul></li></ul>
Untitled2022-04-10T12:25:44Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1149
<p>I think <em>Morbius</em> might legitimately be the worst film i’ve ever seen on the big screen. The basic idea has potential, and for the first 15 minutes or so, i was cautiously optimistic — but then it all gets smothered by a mountain of pure gobshite and some of the worst dialogue ever put to screen.<sup class="note">i</sup></p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">i</span>
<div><q>To bats, it’s lethal. To humans, it’s deadly.</q> — a real line of dialogue said by a real human (well, alright, it’s Jared Leto, so we can’t be sure) in this real film</div>
</aside>I am not good at computer2022-04-02T21:39:10Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/i-am-not-good-at-computer
<p class="has-drop-cap">Non-techies, you can safely ignore this post and go on with your day. But, tech people, if you’re still reading… a little help for an ignorant soul, please? 😅</p>
<p>I’m planning to add a comment section to the main part of my website. The problem is, of course, that i’ve barely ever touched PHP and Sql before, let alone tried to make something like a comment system, and as such, i have no fucking idea what i’m doing.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding.png" alt="" class="wp-image-1143"/></figure>
<p>I’ve got a design figured out — see above — and a rough idea of what the database will look like:</p>
<ul><li>postId: Integer, generated by adding some random digits to the end of a Unix timestamp</li><li>timestamp: Integer, just a Unix timestamp of when the comment was submitted</li><li>commentLocation: Unicode string, max. 32 chars?, indicating on which comments section the comment was posted</li><li>displayName: Unicode, max. 128 chars?, is what it says on the can</li><li>emailAddress: Unicode, max. 128 chars?, used to generate the avatar via Gravatar and maybe filter spam if it comes to that</li><li>website: Unicode, max. 128 chars?, used to… link to the commenter’s website</li><li>commentText: Unicode, max. 4096 chars?, the actual text of the comment; will be processed as a subset of Markdown</li><li>planet: Unicode, max. 16 chars?, any comment for which the response isn't <em>earth </em>will get thrown out</li></ul>
<p>So, erm… any suggestions? Improvements? Ways of not getting my site hacked? Polite ways of telling me that this was a terrible idea? are welcome in the comments below.</p>
Untitled2022-03-28T18:36:51Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1136
<p>“Hello, Spotify? I’d like to listen to Green Day’s ‘<em>Normal </em>Idiot’.” [<em>maniacal laughter</em>]</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/normalidiot.jpg" alt="Chris Evans, in costume as Captain America, laughs hysterically." class="wp-image-1137" width="375" height="375"/></figure>
Dispatches from a coastal walk2022-03-26T18:20:54Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/dispatches
<p>I had some time to kill after buying my mam a present from Tynemouth’s station market and decided to spend it by taking a walk in the golden hours of the day, now that spring is coming around and the weather isn’t quite so permanently miserable. I thought i might show you some photos.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-video"><video autoplay controls loop muted src="/garden/media/8mb.video-Ufs-bhTry7Eh.mp4"></video><figcaption>These are not the warm, jade waters of the Mediterranean — the North Sea is (usually) grim, cold, and trying to kill you.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-video"><video autoplay controls loop muted src="/garden/media/8mb.video-9nO-YhmXqgyv.mp4"></video><figcaption>St Mary’s Lighthouse, off the coast between Seaton Sluice and Whitley Bay. Fond memories of many a school trip.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/benchdimension.jpg" alt="A very long series of public benches" class="wp-image-1129" width="655" height="368"/><figcaption>Oh shit i took both pills and now i’m stuck in the Bench Dimension</figcaption></figure>
Chvrches at City Hall2022-03-22T15:54:41Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/chvrches
<figure class="wp-block-video"><video controls src="/garden/media/VID_20220315_210417-online-video-cutter.com_.mp4"></video><figcaption>I swear this is fair dealing.</figcaption></figure>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignright size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/clearestblue.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1115" width="249" height="257"/></figure></div>
<p class="has-drop-cap">I went to see everyone’s favourite synth-pop act Chvrches a few nights back, and i must say they put on a hell of a show. Even at the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Newcastle_City_Hall">City Hall</a> — quite a stuffy venue by most standards — the crowd went absolutely <em>mental</em> for “Clearest Blue” at the end! (I <em>barely</em> know what came over me.)</p>
<p>Great staging, too — i counted three costume changes throughout the night, including a delectably bloody <span class="all-sc">“FINAL GIRL”</span> shirt for the encore. (Their latest album has a horror-movie gimmick crafted entirely to let them swap remixes<sup class="note">1</sup> with John Carpenter — not that i’m complaining.)</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>Remices?</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-video alignleft" style="float: left;"><video width="340" controls src="/garden/media/VID_20220315_200110-online-video-cutter.com_.mp4"></video><figcaption>Now imagine the same distorted whingeing and generic melody for half an hour straight.</figcaption></figure>
<p>The opening act were an Ozzie band called HighSchool who, being brutally honest, should go back to PrimarySchool. They’re one of those acts that basically only know how to write one song over and over, and it’s alright at first, but by take number five of the same sludge you’re praying for it to end, you know? (See also the inexplicably successful 1975 cover band Pale Waves.)</p>
<p>9/10, would stand in line for several hours again.</p>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, Volume VI2022-03-13T11:32:43Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-vi
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/graffiti.jpg" alt="Graffiti covers the walls of an archway underpass, its floor tiled with loose cobbles" class="wp-image-1106" width="655" height="368"/><figcaption>Found under a Newcastle viaduct.</figcaption></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Well, i don’t know about you, but i’ve had a nice few weeks. Went to see the new Batman at the cinema, bought some records, went out on a couple of jaunts — you get the idea. Anyway. Links.</p>
<ul><li><a href="https://www.noahverrier.com/">Noah Verrier, oil painter</a></li><li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angus_Barbieri%27s_fast">Angus Barbieri’s fast</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tLpnEp1-rT0">Jim Carrey covers “Creep”</a> — perhaps the only song that gets <em>better</em> when sung off-key</li><li><a href="https://www.gojauntly.com/">The GoJauntly app generates green walking routes in your local area</a> — right up my alley! I think it’s only in the UK for now, alas</li><li><a href="https://consequence.net/2022/03/billy-joel-biopic-no-rights-greenlit/">Hollywood greenlights a Billie Joel biopic… despite not having any rights to his music, name, or image</a> — good luck with that</li><li><a href="https://www.economist.com/science-and-technology/makeshift-arms-are-pouring-out-of-ukraines-ateliers/21808082">Ukraine’s ateliers are pivoting to the business of Molotov cocktails</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fiu7RqzbTAk">An ominous emergency broadcast two days before a train crash in Hoboken: “Would you, could you, on a train?”</a></li><li><a href="https://kyliedog.com/pod/index.html">An excellent website for an excellent dog</a></li><li><a href="http://www.gnuterrypratchett.com/"><span class="all-sc">GNU</span> Terry Pratchett — “A man is not dead while his name is still spoken.”</a></li><li><a href="https://imgur.com/gallery/9KWrH">A manhwa<sup class="note">1</sup> version of Asimov’s <em>The Last Question</em></a></li></ul>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>That’s the Korean equivalent of manga, usually consumed more as webcomics than physical books. I have no idea why English segregates its words for comic books by country either.</p>
</div>
</aside>Eulogy for a food court2022-03-08T20:58:47Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/eulogy-for-a-food-court
<p class="has-drop-cap">I was on my usual city constitutional the other week when i noticed that <a href="https://www.manhuacha.com/">my favourite bubble tea place</a><sup class="note">1</sup> had shuttered. <em>Hm, that’s odd</em>, i thought. <em>Last time that happened was lockdown. Don’t know why they’d do it again.</em> I assumed they’d be back again swiftly, and went on with my day.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>Every time i think Newcastle has reached Peak Boba, it proves me wrong. I walked past a bubble tea shop selling <em>cheese foam tea</em> the other day. We live in a golden age of ’grammable Taiwanese drinks.
</div>
</aside>
<p>Then the week after i noticed that the entrance to the <a href="https://stacknewcastle.com/">über-hip shipping-container food court</a> of which it was a part was blocked off. <em>Hm, that’s odd</em>, i thought. <em>Ah, well. It’s probably just construction. These things happen all the time.</em></p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/stonks.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1095"/></figure>
<p>It was only yesterday that i saw the crane lifting one of the shipping containers away and realised something (other than the container) was up. Sure enough, one quick google reveals the flashy new development that’ll be taking its place — originally it was going to be <a href="https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/new-images-reveal-plans-200m-16879018">mixed-use</a>, but covid crunch caused them to scale back to the thing that covid really, conclusively proved was absolutely 100% necessary and in demand, definitely: <a href="https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/north-east-news/plans-newcastles-largest-office-scheme-21558692">offices</a>.</p>
<p>“Pilgrim’s Quarter” is part of a broader redevelopment of the neglected Pilgrim Street, which may or may not include a pedestrianisation — i don’t know; it’s all in jargonese and i can’t make heads or tails of what Enhancing The Public Realm is meant to mean. (Or, for that matter, why they’ve misspelt it as “Pilgrim’s <em>Quater</em>” on the official brochure.)</p>
<p>The permission slips are all in place — so here’s to you, Stack. You might have had some exorbitant prices (sorry, Korean place, but i’m not paying £12 for a few chicken wings and fries), but otherwyze you were a shining beacon of small businesses in the city centre — you were too good for this world. *<em>Pops open a bottle of champagne</em>*</p>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, Volume V2022-02-27T19:03:11Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-v
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/cokeshaker.jpg" alt="A pair of salt and pepper shakers labelled "cocaine" and "heroin" for sale in a museum gift shop" class="wp-image-1090"/><figcaption>Pic unrelated.</figcaption></figure>
<p>You know how this works. From X to Y, here’s some links i’ve scavenged from around the ’net.</p>
<ul><li><a href="https://aroundtheworldsolo.co.uk/">The site of Travis Ludlow, an 18-year-old Brit who recently became the youngest person to fly solo around the world</a></li><li><a href="https://www.asiaone.com/digital/i-ride-bike-not-submarine-grab-apologises-rider-who-was-tasked-deliver-food-seletar-island">“I ride bike not submarine”: Grab, a delivery app, apologises to a rider who was tasked to deliver food to a bridgeless island in the Straits of Johor</a></li><li>From the ever-provocative <em>Atlantic</em>: <a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2022/01/old-music-killing-new-music/621339/">Old music is killing new music</a></li><li>Dann of <em>Dannarchy.com </em>on <a href="https://dannarchy.com/en/0018/index.html">that time Sears sold a ray which shot concentrated arcs of electricity at your skin</a></li><li><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/CasualUK/comments/sx663b/a_cross_section_of_uk_life_on_a_passing_train/">A cross-section of British life on a passing train.</a> Something about this video is just so… lovely?</li><li><a href="https://www.nbc12.com/2022/02/21/virginia-teen-born-without-legs-named-state-wrestling-champ/">Teen born without legs named Virginia state wrestling champion</a> — I suppose as long as you’ve got arms…</li><li> The Youtube rabbit hole:<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVAie3i18SA">Where the hell did the Jeff the Killer image come from, anyhow?</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw0vB4Lm1Tk">Why Fred is the best <em>Scooby-Doo </em>character</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBGPfR21Zvo">That time the Hell’s Angels tried to buy a Canadian nuclear bunker</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ih59SiVF0Ps">Peter Bergmann, the man who never existed</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cd1eNS9HtXo">Red Letter Media on the Bruce Willis fake movie factory</a></li><li>A three-part series on the rise and fall of Hendrik Schön, the German “scientist” who almost faked his way to a Nobel prize (<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfDoml-Db64">I</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Riio1eKOSKg">II</a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsSuhP60qnI">III</a>)</li></ul></li></ul>
The Big Here2022-02-21T18:03:31Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/the-big-here
<p class="has-drop-cap">Kevin Kelly, ex-editor of the <em>Whole Earth Catalog</em> and founder of <em>Wired</em>, brings us <a href="https://kk.org/thetechnium/the-big-here-quiz/">“The Big Here Quiz”</a>, a 30(+4)-question test of how well you know your local area. I thought i’d give it a shot. Mr Kelly says he’s “extremely interested in hearing from anyone who scores a 26 or better on the quiz on their first unassisted-by-Google try”, which <em>absolutely does not include me</em>. You’ve got to learn these things somehow…</p>
<ol><li>Point north.<ul><li>Easily done — that’s what a lifetime of staring at maps and stargazing will do!</li></ul></li><li>What time is sunset today?<ul><li>My intial guess was twenty past five; Google helpfully confirms that i was off by only five minutes.</li></ul></li><li>Trace the water you drink from rainfall to your tap.<ul><li>My local water company’s water is primarily sourced from the Kielder reservoir, in the Northumbrian outback — i’ll confess i’m not entirely sure what system of pipes brings it to my house…</li></ul></li><li>When you flush, where do the solids go? What happens to the waste water?<ul><li>There are several sewage treatment works near my house; could be any one of them. (The local water company’s website is <a href="https://www.nwl.co.uk/services/sewerage/dwmp/">hopelessly vague</a> about what happens to the wastewater — perhaps i should have paid more attention in school.)</li></ul></li><li>How many feet (meters) above sea level are you?<ul><li>My intial guess was in the vicinity of 15 metres — hopelessly far off. The actual figure was more like fifty!</li></ul></li><li>What spring wildflower is consistently among the first to bloom here?<ul><li>No idea. (The Woodlands Trust helpfully informs me that primroses appear as early as December when the winter is mild.)</li></ul></li><li>How far do you have to travel before you reach a different watershed? Can you draw the boundaries of yours?<ul><li>I couldn’t draw the boundaries, but the next town over is in a different watershed basically any way i travel.</li></ul></li><li>Is the soil under your feet, more clay, sand, rock or silt?<ul><li>Clayey — oh, so clayey.</li></ul></li><li>Before your tribe lived here, what did the previous inhabitants eat and how did they sustain themselves?<ul><li>The question strikes me as a little Amerocentric — should i just ask my Welsh friend what he had for breakfast? (And, in any case, since i’m half immigrant, who exactly are the previous inhabitants? The Normans? The Anglo-Saxons? Romans? Celts?)</li></ul></li><li>Name five native edible plants in your neighborhood and the season(s) they are available.<ul><li>Garlic, from summer to early autumn.</li><li>Blackcurrants, in summer. (Banned in America!)</li><li>Blackberries, from August to September.</li><li>This is about where my limited knowledge runs out.</li></ul></li><li>From what direction do storms generally come?<ul><li>The southwest.</li></ul></li><li>Where does your garbage go?<ul><li>Landfill, mostly. (A quick Google reveals many landfill sites nearby, mostly owned by <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suez_Recycling_and_Recovery_UK">Suez</a>.)</li></ul></li><li>How many people live in your watershed?<ul><li>I have a right to privacy, Kevin.</li></ul></li><li>Who uses the paper/plastic you recycle from your neighborhood?<ul><li>I should hope myself. I’d be a bit peeved if it all just gets shipped off to the Gambia or somewhere like that.</li></ul></li><li>Point to where the sun sets on the equinox. How about sunrise on the summer solstice?<ul><li>You’re not going to believe this, but i can, in fact, point to the west. (Some tinkering about with <a href="https://stellarium.org/">Stellarium</a> informs me that the sun rises almost due northeast on the solstice.)</li></ul></li><li>Where is the nearest earthquake fault? When did it last move?<ul><li>Iceland, i would imagine. It’s constantly moving, but the last tectonic activity that reached the British ear was the eruption of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eyjafjallaj%C3%B6kull">Eyjafjallajökull</a>.</li></ul></li><li>Right here, where you are, how deep do you have to drill before you reach water?<ul><li>No idea.</li></ul></li><li>Which (if any) geological features in your watershed are, or were, especially respected by your community, or considered sacred, now or in the past?<ul><li>Taking “watershed” more broadly, the river Tyne was and is quite highly regarded. The <a href="http://www.stone-circles.org.uk/stone/duddo.htm">Duddo Five Stones</a> have expansive views of the Cheviots. The Tyne Valley is home to Hadrian’s wall — dotted with temples and such for Roman soldiers — and the oft-photographed <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sycamore_Gap_Tree">Sycamore Gap tree</a>.</li></ul></li><li>How many days is the growing season here (from frost to frost)?<ul><li>No idea — after some research, it’s about 280 days… which is a full month longer than it was thirty years ago. Probably not a <em>great</em> sign.</li></ul></li><li>Name five birds that live here. Which are migratory and which stay put?<ul><li>Kittiwakes (migratory; the bastards have colonised the Tyne Bridge and made the whole quayside smell of bird cack), robins (stay put), common ravens (stay put), barn owls (stay put), tawny owls (stay put).</li></ul></li><li>What was the total rainfall here last year?<ul><li>I’m no statistician, mate… (It was about 690 millimetres.)</li></ul></li><li>Where does the pollution in your air come from?<ul><li>Petrol emissions and the occasional blast of dust from the Sahara, though one presumes coal once made up a greater part.</li></ul></li><li>If you live near the ocean, when is high tide today?<ul><li>No idea, at first — my 2022 Almanac tells me it was at about 4 p.m.</li></ul></li><li>What primary geological processes or events shaped the land here?<ul><li>I know about the geological history of the Channel and the Scottish Highlands, but my earthlore regarding the north east is dreadfully lacking. Something something Pennines?</li></ul></li><li>Name three wild species that were not found here 500 years ago. Name one exotic species that has appeared in the last 5 years.<ul><li>Grey squirrels, murder hornts, and Japanese knotweed. In today’s globalised world, exotic species aren’t very — but perhaps the pet otter trade has driven up the numbers for <em>Aonyx cinereus</em>.</li></ul></li><li>What minerals are found in the ground here that are (or were) economically valuable?<ul><li>Coal, <a href="https://museumsnorthumberland.org.uk/woodhorn-museum/">coal</a>, <em><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7pnRgBan7c">coal</a></em>!</li></ul></li><li>Where does your electric power come from and how is it generated?<ul><li><a href="https://grid.iamkate.com/">Bit of gas here, bit of nuclear there, and some wind over there.</a> Coal is slowly being phased out, thank the heavens.</li></ul></li><li>After the rain runs off your roof, where does it go?<ul><li>Right into the gutter, mate.</li></ul></li><li>Where is the nearest wilderness? When was the last time a fire burned through it?<ul><li>“Wilderness” can be a messy term to define, but a decent candidate is Northumberland National Park. No idea about the history of fires.</li></ul></li><li>How many days till the moon is full?<ul><li>Ten. There are some benefits to using a <a href="/calendrical">lunisolar calendar</a>!</li></ul></li><li>What species once found here are known to have gone extinct?<ul><li>Wooly mammoths, Irish elk…</li></ul></li><li>What other cities or landscape features on the planet share your latitude?<ul><li>In Europe, we have Copenhagen and Moscow. In America… erm, Churchill, Manitoba?</li></ul></li><li>What was the dominant land cover plant here 10,000 years ago?<ul><li>No idea.</li></ul></li><li>Name two places on different continents that have similar sunshine/rainfall/wind and temperature patterns to here.<ul><li>Wellington and Vancouver, maybe?</li></ul></li></ol>
<p>While i might not have got the questions 100% correct, i still found it a fascinating learning experience. How many did you get right?</p>
Een tierlijst van geuren, aroma’s, en stanken (nl)2022-02-13T11:01:02Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/een-tierlijst-van-geuren-aromas-en-stanken
<figure class="wp-block-table"><table><tbody><tr><td class="has-text-align-center" data-align="center"><strong>S</strong></td><td>Lavendel, kaneel, vers gemaaid gras</td></tr><tr><td class="has-text-align-center" data-align="center"><strong>A</strong></td><td>Vanille, oude boeken, nieuwe boeken, buitenlucht</td></tr><tr><td class="has-text-align-center" data-align="center"><strong>B</strong></td><td>Knoflook, nieuwe auto’s, citrusvruchten, knisperend brandhout, mest*</td></tr><tr><td class="has-text-align-center" data-align="center"><strong>C</strong></td><td>Lijm, bleek, verf, koffie, je eigen lichaamsgeur</td></tr><tr><td class="has-text-align-center" data-align="center"><strong>D</strong></td><td>Mest*, natte honden, lichaamsgeur van anderen, cannabis, uitlaatgassen</td></tr><tr><td class="has-text-align-center" data-align="center"><strong>F</strong></td><td>Sigarettenrook, rotte eieren, kattenpis, menselijke uitwerpselen</td></tr></tbody></table></figure>
<p><small><em>* Mest zit in een superpositie waarin het alle tiers tegelijk zou kunnen bezetten — aan de ene kant stinkt het naar stront (omdat het dat ook is), maar na zo lang op het platteland te hebben gewoond, kan ik niet anders dan het verfrissend vinden voor de zintuigen. Het is de geur van het ontsnappen aan de stad - de geur van <span class="theonym">Demeter</span>!</em></small></p>
Smells tier list2022-02-13T10:53:53Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/smells-tier-list
<figure class="wp-block-table"><table><tbody><tr><td class="has-text-align-center" data-align="center"><strong>S</strong></td><td>Lavender, cinnamon, freshly-mown grass</td></tr><tr><td class="has-text-align-center" data-align="center"><strong>A</strong></td><td>Vanilla, old books, new books, “the outdoors”</td></tr><tr><td class="has-text-align-center" data-align="center"><strong>B</strong></td><td>Garlic, new cars, citrus, crackling firewood, manure*</td></tr><tr><td class="has-text-align-center" data-align="center"><strong>C</strong></td><td>Glue, bleach, paint, coffee, one’s own body odour</td></tr><tr><td class="has-text-align-center" data-align="center"><strong>D</strong></td><td>Manure*, wet dogs, other people’s body odour, cannabis, exhaust fumes</td></tr><tr><td class="has-text-align-center" data-align="center"><strong>F</strong></td><td>Cigarette smoke<sup class="note">1</sup>, rotten eggs, cat piss, human waste</td></tr></tbody></table></figure>
<p><small><em>* Manure is in a curious superposition where it could probably occupy every tier at once. On one hand, it smells like shit (because it is), but after so long living in the country, i can’t help but find it refreshing to the senses. It’s the smell of having escaped the city — the smell of <span class="theonym">Demeter</span>!</em></small></p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">1</span>
<div>
<p>Say what you will about the æsthetics of taking a drag, but the stink of tobacco is one of the only smells that can consistently bring me to gag.</p>
</div>
</aside>Untitled2022-02-06T18:34:48Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/1046
<p>Currently on repeat (thx, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Say4vpTkLo8">Todd</a>):</p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://youtu.be/tKjZuykKY1I?t=11
</div></figure>
<p>Love me some unabashedly silly glam-rock from, erm, 2003.</p>
The increasingly irregular monthly recap, “Fuck you, it’s February!” edition2022-02-04T23:43:20Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/feb-2022-recap
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/keanoo.jpg" alt="Keanu Reeves as Neo stares into the Wordle Dimension" class="wp-image-1040"/></figure>
<p>Hello. I’ve done some things in the past month and a half. They were alright.</p>
<h2 id="films-watched">Films watched</h2>
<ul><li>Miranda July’s <strong><em>Kajillionaire</em></strong>: watched on a whim as part of my local art-house cinema’s “best of 2020” programme. A soppy gay kiss and a solitary touching scene can’t save this film from its own worst tendencies, with irritatingly quirky characters, jokes so dry they don’t deserve to be called “humour”, and a flat, unemotional lead. (D)</li><li>Quentin Tarantino’s <strong><em>Kill Bill, Vol. 1</em></strong> (2003): Man sure does like his feet. (A)</li><li>Marvel’s <strong><em>Spider-Man: No Way Home</em></strong> (2021): I can’t be a cynic about this — it’s just plain fun from start to finish. Willem Dafoe and Andrew Garfield absolutely steal the show, almost making up for the former’s goofy mask and the latter’s abysmal Spider-flicks. Some of that <span class="all-sc">CGI</span> was a bit dodgy, though, wasn’t it? (B+)</li><li>The Wachowskis’ <strong><em>The Matrix Reloaded</em></strong> (2003): I’m going to say it: i enjoyed it more than the first one! Is it a <em>better</em> film? I don’t know about that. But it takes itself so seriously while being so unabashedly goofy that i can’t help but fall in love with it. Where else can you find <span class="all-sc">PS</span>2 Keanu fighting hundreds of Hugo Weavings in the same film as a monologue about the meaning of free will? (A-)</li><li>The Wachowskis’ <strong><em>The Matrix Revolutions</em></strong> (2003): This one, on the other hand, did the worst thing a film can do. It bored me — which you’d think wouldn’t be possible given its massive scale. (D+)</li><li>Lana Wachowski’s <strong><em>The Matrix Resurrections</em></strong> (2021): Finally, the film i binge-watched the other three to see. I appreciate what it was trying to do, and some of the worldbuilding was fascinating, but as much as i want to like it, it just falls flat on its face everywhere else. Hugo Weaving’s tech-bro replacement is a poor fit for the job. The action is just plain <em>awful</em>, and the dialogue isn’t much better (<em>Lana, please log off</em>). The best part about it was the cut-ins from the original film. Sorry, Ms Wachowski, but i think i’ll be taking the blue pill. (C-)</li><li>Jason Reitman’s <strong><em>Ghostbusters: Afterlife</em></strong> (2021): It’s a cynical cash-grab any way you slice it, sure. It’s less of a sequel to the original film and more a sequel to a parallel, schmaltzier Spielbergian version of it which never existed. There’s a character called “Podcast.” But… i enjoyed it! It recaptures the spark of those classic eighties kids’ films — <em>The Goonies</em>, <em>E.T.</em>, <em>&c.</em> — in a way that’s been sorely missing for the last decade. (B)<details><summary>Spoilers</summary><p>Not sure how i feel about the ethics of <span class="all-sc">CGI</span> Harold Ramis, mind…</details></li></ul>
<h2 id="things-which-are-not-films">Things which are <em>not</em> films</h2>
<ul><li>📺 Adult Swim’s <strong><em>Smiling Friends</em></strong> (2021): I have no idea what this absolutely deranged cartoon is, but i would like three more seasons and a movie greenlit immediately, thank you very much. (A)</li><li>📺 The <span class="all-sc">BBC</span>’s <strong><em>Around the World in 80 Days</em></strong> (2021): Just not my thing, i’m afraid. (E)</li><li>🎮 Josh Wardle’s <strong><em>Wordle</em></strong> (2021): A nice way to unpick my brain at the start of the day. (C+)</li><li>📚 Mary Roach’s <strong><em>Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers</em></strong> (2003): I was very much enjoying my copy, which i had received as a Christmas gift, until i misplaced it… <em>somewhere</em>? It is, one presumes, now in the same dimension where all the socks and pens go.</li><li>💿 Talking Heads’ <strong><em>Speaking in Tongues</em></strong> (1983): Picked this classic up at <a href="https://beatdownrecords.org/">Beatdown</a>. “This Must Be the Place (Naïve Melody)” may just be the greatest song ever written. (A)</li><li><span class="theonym">🏞️ Gæa</span>’s <strong>Ouseburn</strong> (4.5 billion <span class="all-sc">BCE</span>), with assistance from Lord Armstrong and T. Dan Smith: The finest place for a walk in Newcastle, if i do say so myself. I’ve been working on a post for ages about all the nuances of it, but, alas, the heavy writer’s block sits unmoving on my keyboard. (A+)</li></ul>
<h2 id="other-recent-minutiae">Other recent minutiæ</h2>
<ul><li>Your author’s pinky finger was recently intimately acquainted with the inside of an antiseptic wipe dispenser, and she had to go to <span class="all-sc">A<i>&</i>E</span> to get it fixed.<sup class="note">i</sup> Not my proudest moment.</li><li>Home-made flatbread. Need i say more?</li><li>Gods bless whoever’s been sticking up all those <em>anti</em>-anti-vax stickers. They’re fighting the good fight! “It’s not Covid-1984.”</li></ul>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">i</span>
<div>
<p>Did you know they have tablets at the entrance now‽ You just fill out a little questionnaire and they send you on your merry way to the Minor Injuries Unit (because, let’s face it, it’s not exactly a broken knee). We live in the future.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/zerowaste.jpg" alt="A shop in a crowded market: Nil Living / Zero Waste and Refill Shop / Newcastle-upon-Tyne" class="wp-image-1035" width="655" height="368"/><figcaption>I don’t mean to be a cynic, but something about the concept of a “zero-waste shop” does strike me as a little oxymoronic… and if not that, then at least a bad business model.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/newbiggin.jpg" alt="A beach fades into the distance under cloudy skies" class="wp-image-1036" width="655" height="157"/><figcaption>Newbiggin-by-the-Sea: it’s <em>okay</em>™!</figcaption></figure>
Leaked: 10 Downing Street’s playlist2022-01-31T19:23:07Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/boris
<p>One of the more surprising results of the recent investigation into Big Boris’s lockdown conduct was the unearthing of a playlist used to motivate employees during their completely ordinary work events. Highlights include:</p>
<ul><li>Miley Cyrus - Regular Work Event in the U.S.A.,</li><li>Vengaboys - We Like to Engage in Normal Work Proceedings,</li><li>Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Want to Become Civil Servants,</li><li>Arctic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Productive in the Office,</li><li>Avicii - Waiting For The Results Of The Independent Investigation And Report Conducted By Sue Gray,</li><li>Walk the Moon - Dance then Shut Up, and, of course,</li><li>Shaggy - It Wasn’t Me</li></ul>
<p>This list of songs, no doubt, absolves the government of any kind of wrongdoing.</p>
Cat sighted2022-01-30T19:12:22Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/cat-sighted
<p>Just a month or so after Arwen, another storm has decided to come over here and mess things up — this time <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-60171581">Storm Malik</a> (no relation to Rami or Terrence). Ripped-up power poles, blustering winds, uprooted trees… but this mog seems fine with it.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/mog.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-1016" width="600" height="426"/></figure>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, Volume IV2022-01-23T17:50:02Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/link-roundup-iv
<p class="has-drop-cap">I fucked up my fingers prying open a Yankee Candle too hard the other day. At least it was my off hand. Anyway. Links!</p>
<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PI-5fBzMHQo">The Missourian town which was overrun by deadly cobras [29 minutes]</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIChm1M1HDY">If “American Idiot” was a bro-country song</a> — truly, truly cursed in the best way</li><li><a href="https://www.ordnancesurvey.co.uk/newsroom/blog/our-favourite-maps-around-the-world-in-2021">The Ordnance Survey’s favourite maps of 2021</a> — some good taste from the boys in the newsroom</li><li><a href="https://www.worksinprogress.co/issue/womb-for-improvement/">The quest for an artificial womb</a></li><li><a href="https://blog.zarfhome.com/2021/06/hyperbolic-text.html">Books set in hyperbolic space, where parallel lines curve away and never meet back up</a></li><li><a href="https://www.thelasttuesdaysociety.org/museum/">The Viktor Wynd Museum of Curiosities, Fine Art, <em>&</em> Natural History</a>, a division of the <a href="https://www.thelasttuesdaysociety.org/">Last Tuesday Society</a> — straight onto the bucket list</li><li><a href="https://binocularshot.tumblr.com/" class="all-sc">Bin∞cular shot</a> — a gallery of inaccurate binocular shots in films. Once you see it, you can never unsee it</li></ul>
Playlist suggestions wanted2022-01-16T00:29:47Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/playlist-suggestions-wanted
<p class="has-drop-cap">Spurred on by a brief shower thought, i’ve tried my hand at making <a href="https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjvy9eyUSCLA1de2K5q6ARZleaVKPmzKl&feature=share">a playlist “for the bad days”</a>: songs (mostly rock) with big, soaring crescendos that feel like an out-of-body experience. Your “Bitter Sweet Symphonies”, your „Hoppípollas”, your “‘Heroes’-es” — the songs that make you have faith in humanity, and make you not want to jump out of a thirtieth-storey window so badly.</p>
<p>I’ve been asking around for suggestions on the usual (Discord) channels, and have got some cracking songs in return — so, do any of you want to try your hands at it? I’d love to hear your ideas. :-)</p>
<p>Here’s the current set of songs on the playlist, to give you an idea of the general “vibes” — exceptional examples are highlighted in <strong>bold</strong>.</p>
<ul style="font-size: 0.9em;column-width: 30ch;"><li>The 1975, “I Always Wanna Die (Sometimes)”</li><li>Bleachers, “Rollercoaster”</li><li>Arcade Fire, “My Body Is a Cage” (thx, Pike)</li><li><strong>David Bowie, “‘Heroes’”</strong></li><li>Kate Bush, “Cloudbusting”</li><li>Coldplay, “Viva La Vida”</li><li>Daft Punk, “Giorgio by Moroder”</li><li><strong>Elbow, “One Day Like This”</strong></li><li><strong>Sam Fender, “The Dying Light”</strong></li><li>Fun; “Some Nights”</li><li><strong>Keane, “Somewhere Only We Know”</strong></li><li><span class="all-sc">LCD</span> Soundsystem, “Dance Yrself Clean”</li><li>The Naked and Famous, “Higher”</li><li>Oasis, “Don’t Look Back in Anger”</li><li>Oasis, “Champagne Supernova”</li><li>Radiohead, “All I Need”</li><li>Radiohead, “Videotape” (live at Bonnaroo)</li><li>Porter Robinson, “Unfold”</li><li><strong>Sigur Rós, „Hoppípolla”</strong></li><li>Snow Patrol, “Chasing Cars”</li><li>Suede, “Life is Golden” (thx, Pike)</li><li>Tame Impala, “Let It Happen”</li><li><strong>The Verve, “Bitter Sweet Symphony”</strong></li><li>The War on Drugs, “I Don’t Live Here Anymore”</li><li>The White Stripes, “Seven Nation Army”</li><li><strong>The Who, “Baba O’Riley”</strong></li></ul>
Thanks, Ms Bigot2022-01-15T21:23:29Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/thanks-ms-bigot
<p class="has-drop-cap">I saw an awful transphobic sticker on my daily constitutional the other day. I shan’t bother repeating the exact contents, because the sad sack who made it really doesn’t need more exposure, but it was just the usual “biological wombyn won’t wheesht!!!” crap. Yi kna the type.</p>
<p>At first it got me down, as it probably would any sane person. But then i thought — Whoever made that sticker, their bigoted views are now so unpopular, so marginalised, that they’ve had to resort to plastering stickers everywhere: the last resort of covid-conspiracy cranks, climate ostriches, football hooligans, and a number of others whose views are utterly unacceptable in polite company. </p>
<p>We might not be there yet as far as the law is concerned — lord knows people still have to jump through an ungodly number of hoops just to change a letter on their passport — but socially, it’s a good sign that the Inexorable March of Progress™ is continuing as planned.</p>
<p>Anyway. That’s how a nasty bigot made my day.</p>
Update: sidenotes are back!2022-01-10T19:36:20Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/sidenotes
<p class="has-drop-cap">It’s a meta one, this; you can safely ignore this post if you’re just here for the trudges through increasingly-obscure north-eastern locations and hauls of links to websites which aren’t this one.</p>
<p>That being said, sidenotes<sup class="note">i</sup> are now back and functioning again! My apologies for the delay.</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">i</span>
<p> </p>
<div>
<p>You know, these things.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>Your regularly scheduled programming will be resuming soon, with a walk down a stream which turns into an unexpected microcosm of local history. I’m sure all the Americans in my audience are <em>thrilled</em>.</p>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, Volume III2022-01-02T20:09:22Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/mx-van-hoorns-link-roundup-volume-iii
<p class="has-drop-cap">New year, new me, <a href="/">new site name</a>, new links. You know the drill; here’s the internet’s finest content, scavenged, foraged, and brought to you by yours truly.</p>
<ul><li><a href="https://www.google.com/maps/@54.2691443,-0.3939847,3a,75y,328.65h,76.89t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sMQw13IU0uPYj8tted1NKsQ!2e0!7i13312!8i6656">Look to your right. Keep going forward</a>. You have entered The Bench Dimension.</li><li><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2021/dec/26/respair-cacklefart-positive-words-english-language">From ‘respair’ to ‘cacklefart’, the joy of reclaiming positive words</a> — my favourite of these has to be ‘confelicity’, the opposite of schadenfreude: being happy because someone else is happy.</li><li><a href="https://icebergcharts.com/i/Obscure_Unsolved_Mysteries">The iceberg of obscure unsolved mysterious, paranormal things, and general strange ‘Forteana’</a> — 90% bullshit, but isn’t that what makes these things fun?<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1o2fnTNxE_Q">Similarly, here’s one for anthropology and archæology — absolutely fascinating, and with less… you know, bullshit</a> [54 minutes]</li><li><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/radiohead/comments/kpl7c3/radiohead_iceberg_how_deep_does_your_obsession_go/">And one for Radiohead</a>. I was able to find most of them, but what the <em>hell</em> is “Ivory Hands, Not Anyone’s”? </li></ul></li><li><a href="https://everywhereist.com/2021/12/bros-restaurant-lecce-we-eat-at-the-worst-michelin-starred-restaurant-ever/">Eating at the world’s worst Michelin-star restaurant</a></li><li><a href="https://www.brightwalldarkroom.com/2019/12/20/a-grand-yuletide-theory-the-muppet-christmas-carol-is-the-best-adaptation-of-a-christmas-carol/">Why <em>The Muppet Christmas Carol </em>is the best adaptation of Dickens’ original novel</a></li><li><a href="https://www.brightwalldarkroom.com/2019/12/20/a-grand-yuletide-theory-the-muppet-christmas-carol-is-the-best-adaptation-of-a-christmas-carol/https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aY5a3Un3y8g">David Bowie’s first ever appearance on television, 1970</a> [4½ minutes]</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2C5R3FOWdE">What the internet did to Garfield</a> [1 hour, 20 minutes]</li></ul>
My favourite things of 20212022-01-01T01:28:28Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2022/fave-2021
<p class="has-drop-cap">2021 has come and gone, and i dare say it was <em>a fucking relief</em> compared to the previous year. Yes, it was still <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2021_United_States_Capitol_attack">a bit</a> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2021_Myanmar_coup_d%27%C3%A9tat">shit</a> <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qfVXLQBygw">in</a> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fall_of_Kabul_(2021)">parts</a>, but overall, vaccination rates are up, restrictions are down, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vU0fx8d2FiY">that awful man</a> is no longer president of the United States, and poverty’s probably down again i don’t know i haven't checked. Here are some of the things that made me happy last year (in no particular order).</p>
<h2>Music</h2>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SZEDBFPpgw
</div></figure>
<p>I’m not usually the <span class="all-sc">EDM</span> type — too much meaningless soulless wub-wub for my taste — but <strong>Porter Robinson’s <em>Nurture </em></strong>brings some much-needed heart to the genre. So much of it resonated with me and helped me get through some tough times, be it “Get Your Wish’s” finding a reason to keep moving forward, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkiIPzG37vQ">“Mirror’s”</a> teardown of anxious thoughts, or <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-74HTjRbuY">“Musician’s”</a> struggles with creativity. Cheers, Mr Robinson.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-4-3 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAifgn2Cvo8
</div></figure>
<p>I’m a Geordie boygirl born and raised, so i was predisposed to enjoy the new <strong>Sam Fender </strong>record, <em><strong>Seventeen Going Under</strong></em>— there’s a reason he’s already done two sold-out arena shows in Newcastle, after all. This album was the perfect companion to my walks throughout the region (more on those later); representing the north-east in all its many facets, from deprivation and government neglect to a proud history and modern culture. </p>
<p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o5p8dGHELOc">“Aye”</a> is like a supercharged, upgraded version of the frankly embarrassing “White Privilege” from his last album — think that “Daniel vs the cooler Daniel” meme; <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoODq7Ol1so">“Spit of You”</a> brings me back to memories of my family in the Netherlands, and makes me wish i’d appreciated them more; Not to mention the final track, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPtyj4y2x7M">“The Dying Light”</a>, which shows Mr Fender at his most Springsteen, tugging at heartstrings with a soaring anti-suicide power-ballad.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0xjD7KbxgGQ
</div></figure>
<p><strong>Wolf Alice’s</strong> third record, <em><strong>Blue Weekend</strong></em>, shows them at their anthemic, genre-fluid best. It opens with “The Beach”, which soars to highs so high you’d think they’d never top them — but the quality is so consistent throughout that it’s hard for me to pick out just a few. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEfxTD13eLM">“How Can I Make It OK?”</a> is an enchanting throwback about feeling unable to care for a loved one; towards the back of the album, the thrashing <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bhWAx67iGyc">“Play the Greatest Hits”</a> and emotional <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xzH6toY_EPw">“The Last Man on Earth”</a> feel completely at home together, despite only having a single track between them.</p>
<p>Some honourable mentions go to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7U_LhzgwJ4U"><strong>Chvrches</strong></a>, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GG7fLOmlhYg"><strong>Silk Sonic</strong></a>, and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgnSMftcFN0"><strong>Will Wood</strong></a>, all of whom have produced some bloody brilliant music in the past year.</p>
<h2>Film and television</h2>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqS1hviOsI4
</div></figure>
<p>It might not have been the <em>best </em>film of the year — or even the best superhero film of the year, for that matter — but my pick for my <em>favourite</em> film this year can hardly go to anything other than James Gunn’s <em><strong>The Suicide Squad</strong></em>, simply by the merit of being the first film i saw in cinemas since <span style="font-family: UnifrakturMaguntia,UnifrakturCook,Fraktur,Textura,Blackletter,Old English Text MT, var(--serif)">Þe Before Times</span>. It’s raucous, gorey fun which i wouldn’t have experienced any other way.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRrhXjH1M70
</div></figure>
<p>Independent of viewing-place — and you know this is true because i watched it on my computer — i’d say the best film of the past year would have to be <em><strong>Censor</strong></em>, a stylish indie horror from first-time director Prano Bailey-Bond. Set in the shadow of the “video nasty” panic, this moody mystery takes its time — but it’s worth every second.</p>
<p>Shawn Levy’s <strong><em>Free Guy</em></strong> was unapologetically shlocky, but i had fun with it, even if i did roll my eyes when <em>that scene</em> at the end happened (yi kna the one). I enjoyed <strong><em>Pig</em></strong>, with Nicolas Cage — check out <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDPeLlMR2D4">the restaurant scene</a>. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFa0jyEOcVw"><strong><em>Dune</em></strong></a> was the most gorgeous thing i’ve ever had the privilege of seeing on the big screen. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcPk2p0Zaw4"><em><strong>The French Dispatch</strong></em></a> is Wes Anderson at his Andersonianest, and you’ll either love it or hate it — one thing we can all agree on, though, is that Jeffrey Wright should be the voice of every audiobook. Capping off the year was <strong><em>Spider-Man: No Way Home</em></strong>; of which, despite me having never seen any of his films, Andrew Garfield was absolutely the best part.<sup class="note">α</sup></p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">α</span>
<p> </p>
<div>
<p>Yes, it’s technically a spoiler, but come on. We all know he’s in it. You know. I know. Namibian hunter-gatherers know. Cousin Steve who went to join a primitivist commune in the Highlands five years ago and hasn’t been seen since knows.</p>
</div>
</aside>
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urrhPYLP-eI
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<p>I didn’t watch much TV this year, but what i did watch i rather enjoyed. <strong><em>Inside №9 </em></strong>was the absolute highlight; a distressingly bingeable horror-comedy-drama-<em>thing</em> anthology series with big names and bigger twists. So hard to pick, but my favourite episodes, if you want to start somewhere, are <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b08h7trr/inside-no-9-series-3-3-the-riddle-of-the-sphinx?seriesId=b08ghppm">“The Riddle of the Sphinx”</a>, <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b086zcd6/inside-no-9-series-3-1-the-devil-of-christmas?seriesId=b08ghppm">“The Devil of Christmas”</a>, <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b03vkx2t/inside-no-9-series-1-2-a-quiet-night-in?seriesId=b03tvq6m">“A Quiet Night In”,</a> and the delightfully meta <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0bqn4g3/inside-no-9-live-dead-line?seriesId=b09lddtr">live special</a>.</p>
<p><strong><em><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rrwycJ08PSA">Dark</a> </em></strong>is a brilliant German time-travel twisty-mystery with a ridiculously talented casting department and (thank the heavens) an actually satisfying conclusion that keeps you going all along the ride. Go in blind — you’ll regret it if you don’t!</p>
<p>I finally got around to watching <strong><em>Chernobyl</em></strong>, too, and it was just as good as everyone said it was. More effective horror than anything James Wan’s ever made, that’s for sure!</p>
<h2>The “real world”</h2>
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eD0ELfiZyNk
</div></figure>
<p>On the last day of 2020, i wrote up some predictions for 2021 — and one of them was that live sports and concerts would remain off limits until at least 2022. How happy i was to be proven wrong when i got dragged to an <a href="https://www.setlist.fm/setlist/elbow/2021/o2-academy-newcastle-newcastle-england-738c6e7d.html">Elbow gig</a> one September night. Guy Garvey, methinks, is one of the unsung heroes of Brit-pop/rock — so many artists have taken after Elbow, but they have a comparatively diminutive presence in the popular conscience compared to your Blurs, Oases, and Radioheads.</p>
<p>In more physical terms, this was the year i started (long December nights have gotten in the way of finishing it) my project to <a href="/garden/tagged/walking-the-blyth-and-tyne/">walk the Blyth and Tyne railway before it reopens</a>, which has given me a fascinating look at the current fabric of this urbanised corner of Northumberland. I haven’t much more to say on that except that it’s been so, so lovely being able once more to get out and about more often — and <a href="/garden/2021/11/the-penshaw-monument/">ticking something off my bucket list</a> too!</p>
<p>Well, that’s your lot. I’ve had a nice enough 2021 — i hope yours has been too.</p>
Chrimbo updates2021-12-26T22:36:15Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/chrimbo-updates
<p>I’ve mentioned a number of Christmas traditions i keep up here in the past, and thought you all might have wanted some updates.</p>
<p>I, alas, lost <a href="/thegarden/12020/11/the-pogues-game/">the Pogues Game</a> on the very first day — i was putting on “Driving Home for Christmas” and failed to notice that The Algorithm had queued the song of my nightmares up for me next. (I proceeded to lose <em>again</em> on the night before Christmas, this time at the hands of Bradley Walsh.)</p>
<p>You’ll be pleased to hear that <a href="/thegarden/12020/12/christmas/">our annual exchange of Christmas gifts on <em>Minecraft</em></a> went all according to plan this year. Someone built me a little shrine to do as i pleased with, which was quite nice of them.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding.png" alt="" class="wp-image-920"/><figcaption>Not pictured: the already-burnt Gävle goat.</figcaption></figure>
<p>Finally, i’ve added the <a href="/vinyl/">annual haul of records</a> to the database for your perusal… but mostly for my own reference. :-)</p>
My predictions for 20222021-12-25T19:43:03Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/my-predictions-for-2022
<p><em>This post is also available as a <a href="/predictions/">fancy, proper done-up page on the main site</a>.</em></p>
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<p class="has-drop-cap">Well, here we are again. 2021 is almost over, and it was better than 2020, thank… well, you should probably thank <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Deities"><em>every</em> God</a> just to cover your bases and make sure it doesn’t happen again. (And the biologists, too. They have a vial of smallpox and they know how to use it!)</p>
<p>So. What do i think might happen in 2022? Well, here’s my list of predictions, in no particular order. Some of these i’m absolutely sure of; some of these are just a wild guess. I’ll come back at the end of the year and give each one a grade, from “aye” to “kinda” to “nah”.</p>
<h2>🦠 The pandemic 💉</h2>
<ul><li><strong>There will be no mask or distancing mandate in England by the autumn equinox.</strong> The “plan B” measures will likely be relaxed at some point in March — perhaps earlier if Tory backbenchers get too fed up.</li><li><strong>The booster jab rollout will proceed unremarkably</strong>, as we all silently accept that we’re just going to have to treat covid like the ’flu now.</li><li><strong>Australia will continue being paranoid,</strong> but New Zealand will slowly start reducing restrictions.</li></ul>
<h2>🦁 The United Kingdom 🦄</h2>
<ul><li><strong>Queen Elizabeth will die.</strong> I say this every year, but i genuinely do think this will be the year — it’s not uncommon for widows to pass shortly after their spouses, and she’s been attending notably fewer public events recently. Some related predictions:<ul><li><strong>Her death will be <em>after</em> the Platinum Jubilee celebrations</strong>, simply by virtue of them being relatively early on in the year. Nevertheless, it’ll put something of a damper on the national mood.</li><li><strong>Somebody famous will get sacked</strong> as a result of ill-advised commentary, probably from the BBC.</li></ul></li><li><strong>Boris Johnson will muddle along as prime minister</strong> despite intra-party discontent.</li><li><strong>A terrorist attack of some kind will occur in Northern Ireland.</strong> Tensions have been rising for some time, and, though nobody wants it to happen, one can’t escape the feeling that it will.</li><li>In the local elections:<ul><li><strong>The Lib Dems will make gains</strong>, <strong>Labour will also make gains, but not as much</strong>, and <strong>the Reform Party and Ukip will backslide</strong>.</li><li><strong>A refugee from Hong Kong will get elected to a local council.</strong> Just a feeling.</li><li><strong>Someone who is neither male nor female will get elected to a relatively major position</strong> and the press will have a paddy over it.</li></ul></li></ul>
<h2>🦅 The United States 🗽</h2>
<ul><li><strong>The Democrats get absolutely pummelled in the midterms</strong>, as Biden’s popularity flags and roadblocks in the Senate prevent much from passing.</li><li><strong>Donald Trump will have a major figure excommunicated from the Republican party,</strong> likely a potential 2024 candidate. Ron DeSantis? Mitch McConnell? Himself? Who knows!</li><li><strong>Kyle Rittenhouse will run for Congress.</strong> This will somehow be the <em>least</em> stupid thing to happen in the United States in 2022.</li><li><strong>Several people will die at the hands of a or many “QAnon” adherents.</strong> Mass bleach-drinking? Someone shoots up that pizza place again? We’ll have to wait and see.</li></ul>
<h2>🌍 The rest of the world 🌏</h2>
<ul><li><strong>Xi Jinping will shit himself.</strong> Okay, not <em>literally</em>, but many world leaders will likely make efforts to distance themselves from the Chinese government.<ul><li><strong>A multinational company will close its offices in Hong Kong</strong> due to concerns about civil liberties.</li></ul></li><li><strong>Emmanuel Macron will be reëlected as president of France.</strong></li><li><strong>The <a href="https://www.euronews.com/culture/2021/12/09/notre-dame-restoration-plans-to-be-announced-as-controversy-continues">Notre Dame redesign plans</a></strong> will be quietly replaced with something more in keeping with the building’s historic layout.</li><li><strong>Gay marriage will be legalised in another Asian or African country.</strong> We’re coming for you, <em>Uganda!</em> (It won’t be Uganda.)</li></ul>
<h2>📱 Technology (sorry) 💽</h2>
<ul><li><strong>The “metaverse”</strong> will neither be a gigantic flop nor as big as its proponents hope. Some people will quietly adopt virtual office spaces, teenagers will get VR headsets for their birthday, and furries will continue being furries, but there will be no great revolution.</li><li><strong>The NFT bubble will burst.</strong> Sorry, i mean, uh… the token that represents your claim of ownership to a jpeg of the NFT bubble will burst?</li><li><strong>Someone will announce a mid-range or “budget” folding phone,</strong> opening the floodgates to more widespread adoption. Probably Xiaomi.</li></ul>
<h2>🎬 Entertainment 💿</h2>
<ul><li><strong><em>Avatar 2</em> will bomb</strong> and possibly kill James Cameron’s career. Really: who on earth is actually <em>excited</em> by the idea of an <em>Avatar</em> sequel? Anyone? Literally anyone?</li><li><strong>The year’s blockbusters will largely be <em>fine</em>.</strong> Nothing great, nothing terrible. Wow, another Marvel sequel? I’d have never guessed! <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xx97DuHGr2o">That one where the moon crashes into the Earth</a> might be good dumb fun.</li><li><strong>Someone will drop the album of the decade.</strong> You hear those rumours about Kendrick Lamar?</li></ul>
Lords of Misrule 2021: “Dancing.png” (for lack of a proper title)2021-12-21T17:00:48Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/misrule-dancing
<p><em>As the solstice arrives, the week winds down, and the days begin once more to lengthen, it’s time for our final submission for this year’s Lords of Misrule. This one comes from an artist known only as <a href="https://pleurodelinae.neocities.org">Newt S.</a></em> <em>For the last time this year, Io <span class="theonym">Saturnalia</span>!</em></p>
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<figure class="wp-block-image"><img src="/misrule/2021/dancing/dancing.png" alt="In the style of an old carving (of some sort), a group of anthropomorphic animals (including a snake, fish, flamingo, and what i think is a hamster?) dance in a circle wearing traditional European ceremonial dress as the sun sets behind their forest clearing." title=""/></figure>
<p><em>My sincerest thanks for everyone for participating this year. I wasn’t expecting a single submission, let alone five of the bloody things.</em></p>
Lords of Misrule 2021: Walking and picking up trash will benefit //you// personally2021-12-20T11:01:54Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/misrule-trash
<p><em>Today’s submission, a plea to pick up litter while on your morning (or evening) constitutional, comes from one <a href="https://quinncasey.com/">Quinn Casey</a>. Io <span class="theonym">Saturnalia</span>!</em></p>
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<h2 id="1-forces-you-to-walk-slower">1. Forces you to walk slower</h2>
<p>I normally walk at an incredibly brisk pace. I have found a zen to slowing down to A) pick up the garbage and B) turn around slowly and admire the clean patch.</p>
<h2 id="2-a-pass-to-roam-in-less-than-public-land">2. A pass to roam in “less-than-public” land</h2>
<p>I’m not talking about hopping a fence into someone’s farmland. There are areas in the US that are legally private property, but in practice are wild, unused spaces.</p>
<p>For a rule-follower like myself it’s a “you know it when you see it”. Some real life examples of property I regularly trespass on and cleanup:</p>
<ul><li>A paved sidewalk that ends onto an HOA stormdrain, with well trodden dirt paths throughout.</li><li>Government / Utility company land</li><li>Land beside train tracks, under bridges, and on maintenance roads</li></ul>
<p>Picking up trash adds a layer of innocence to your case when pleading ignorance of your trespassing. Even if you are never confronted, it may help immerse you and ease your law-abiding mind.</p>
<h2 id="3-repeated-hikes-are-prettier-than-the-last">3. Repeated hikes are prettier than the last</h2>
<p>Paths you roam frequently will be cleaned faster than they accumulate garbage, and there comes a point where the space looks <em>natural</em>, untouched by human kind. In my opinion, having those wild spaces close to where we live is essential to mental health.</p>
<h2 id="4-an-excuse-to-go-for-longer-hikes">4. An excuse to go for longer hikes</h2>
<p>I’m stubbornly attached to the (unhealthy) notion that a productive day is a successful day.</p>
<h2 id="5-a-problem-local-enough-to-solve">5. A problem local enough to solve</h2>
<p>Where does this trash go when you bring it all back to the bin? Does this encourage more consumption/litter, since the waste isn’t immediately obvious anymore? Is litter even a substantial environmental problem, or is it just aesthetic?</p>
<p>I don’t pretend to know the answer to these. These are problems for a society, a larger than life culture. For too many years this was the excuse I used to not care at all. To not take any action whatsoever.</p>
<p>What’s the point of helping at all?</p>
<p>Well now I’ve found one. (5, if you’ve been keeping count) reasons to take action in a localized, meaningful way.</p>
<p>Small but constant effort by everyone is just as impactful as a one off million dollar idea. For true change we need to alter our behavior for the long term.</p>
<p>Relax, take a walk. Bring a bag.</p>
New book smell / old book smell2021-12-19T18:49:24Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/book-smell
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/printingpress.jpg" alt="Paper streams through a printing press" class="wp-image-904"/><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/photos/Wq4lqogZKMY">Srdjan Ivankovic</a>.</figcaption></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">When i was a bairn, my mam would take me to this great big bookstore in Amsterdam, just a hop and a skip away from the city’s central plaza. It’s held a special place in my mind ever since. What burns brightest in my memory, though, isn’t a book or an item of decor or an especially kind employee, but a machine. On the top floor, around the corner from the gift shop, sat the shop’s on-demand printing service.</p>
<p>Twenty-four hours a day, new pages would roll through its glass walls, printing and printing and printing until a book was fully-formed. I don’t remember what was in these books, or what they looked like — i was seven, give me a break — but i’ll be damned if i don’t remember that <em>smell</em>. Freshly-stamped ink, that petrichor of paper, that which one can still catch a whiff of in just-delivered magazines on one’s front porch.</p>
<p>All things must pass eventually, of course. Ink dries, paper cools, and before you know it, your beautiful book smells like nothing at all. Yet in between the tiny strands of ground-up wood that make it up, something else, something just as fragrant, is happening — and to understand the power of that, we must head across the North Sea.</p>
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<p>I’ve blogged about Barter Books before: the Mecca of second-hand books, housed in a comically oversized railway station in Alnwick (built that way to the Duke of Northumberland’s specification). It is, in no uncertain terms, one of the coziest places on earth, despite its immense size. Daylight streams through the windows, and when none are to be found, artificial lights decorate the air with a firey golden glow. The most important factor in its <em>gezelligheid</em> (to borrow a term) has long eluded me, but i think i may have finally figured it out.</p>
<p>As books grow musty and yellow with age (a common condition second-hand), they, as any fule kno, gain a certain odour, similar to and yet entirely different from “new book smell”. Crack open the spine, and an earthy, wooden aroma wafts into the nose, with a slight hint of vanilla and an inkling of all the people who’ve leafed through it before. When enough of these old books are in the same place, the air becomes less like that of a building, and more like that of a <em>forest</em> — a way of being outdoors without being outdoors.</p>
<p>Maybe that’s why it’s so cozy in there.</p>
Lords of Misrule 2021: “A Saturnalia piece”2021-12-18T21:12:35Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/misrule-missing
<p><em>Welcome back to our first annual Lords of Misrule! Today’s poem comes to us from one <a href="https://noa-s.org">Noa S.</a> </em>Enjoy.</p>
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<p>do you<br>do you<br>do you ever<br>ever ever<br>wonder whether<br>maybe maybe<br>something else<br>is hiding<br>hiding<br>in this world</p>
<p>sometimes<br>nighttime<br>i see things<br>scary<br>barely<br>anything but<br>something<br>nothing<br>physical<br>hiding<br>hiding<br>in this world</p>
<p>would i<br>could i<br>if there were<br>love these things<br>like i loved her<br>maybe<br>she is<br>touching me<br>hiding trying<br>to watch me<br>maybe<br>she is<br>missing me<br>now she<br>loves me<br>finally</p>
<p>~noa</p>
Lords of Misrule 2021: “Words of Advice”2021-12-17T17:20:54Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/misrule-advice
<p><em>Iō <span class="theonym">Saturnalia</span>! As you may remember, at the start of the month i announced that to celebrate the holiday season, you could submit anything you wanted to my website and i’d put it up. I’m pleased to say several people took up my offer, and i’ll be putting them up daily starting today. Our somber first submission comes from a reader by the <span style="font-style: normal">nom de plume</span> of <a href="https://raelhbishop.neocities.org/">Ræl H. Bishop</a></em>. <em>Enjoy.</em></p>
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<p class="has-drop-cap">I think I might’ve finally accepted the fact that I’m gonna die some day.</p>
<p>A story has no purpose if it doesn’t have an end.</p>
<p>We will all die some day and never again be able to feel the sun shine on our faces, shielding us with warmth.</p>
<p>But it’s that very fact that lets us enjoy the sun for his bountiful rays.</p>
<p>Be here, now.</p>
<p>For even the sun will burn out one day and never shine again.</p>
The not-particularly-monthly-anymore recap, “good heavens, is it really almost 2022?” edition2021-12-12T22:34:23Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/media-diet
<p class="has-drop-cap">Hi, all. Sorry for the wait. Here’s some things i’ve watched and (mostly) enjoyed since August. Hope you enjoy.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/lets-see-paul-allens-album-of-the-year.jpg" alt="Patrick Bateman, main character of “American Psycho”, listens to the album “Seventeen Going Under” in his earbuds." class="wp-image-875"/></figure>
<h2>Films watched</h2>
<ul><li>Michael Sarnoski’s <em>Pig</em> (2021): <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MDPeLlMR2D4">Nicolas Cage.</a> (B-)</li><li>Cary Joji Fukunaga’s <em>No Time to Die</em> (2021): Having never seen a James Bond film before, i have to say i enjoyed it, even if <a href="https://tynesidecinema.co.uk/">the artsy-fartsy cinema i saw it at</a> wasn’t the ideal venue for a massive blockbuster. A racist gets kicked into a vat of acid; what more do you want? (C+)</li><li>Lana and Lily Wachowski’s <em>The Matrix</em> (1999): The most 1999 movie to ever 1999 its way onto the screen. It suffers somewhat from its own success; i’d heard so much good about it that, even though by technical standards i could of course tell it was a good film, i still found myself somewhat underwhelmed by the ending. (B)</li><li>Denis Villeneuve’s <em>Dune: <sub>Part One</sub></em> (2021): I got the immersive experience by really needing to go to the toilet about halfway through and having no idea when the film was going to end. Amazing visuals, amazing scope, amazing score, i did not feel a single emotion. (B)</li><li>Wes Anderson’s <em>The French Dispatch </em>(2021): Part two of an unexpectedly Timothée Chalamet-filled day at the pictures. It’s another Wes Anderson film! If you like Wes Anderson, you’ll like this. If you don’t, you won’t! There is nothing more i can say about this except that the projector was slightly broken and cut off the top 10% of the frame. (B)</li><li>Mary Harron’s <em>American Psycho </em>(2000): Me and a group of friends watched this over Discord for laughs and generally memed our way through it — and yet, even among our decidedly unserious, <a href="https://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2019/12/martin-scorsese-the-irishman-phones">Scorcese-killing</a> atmosphere, we were all genuinely fucking terrified at the chainsaw scene. A masterclass in tension and subtle comedy. (A+)</li><li>Sam Raimi’s <em>Spider-Man</em> (2002): Watched with friends over Discord. It feels like i’m throwing an axe at someone’s altar here, but good fucking heavens, this movie was <em>laaaame</em>. It ticks off basically every cliché on the list, with seemingly no self-awareness… i’ll admit, though, i did have fun on a purely campy level. (C-)</li><li>John McTiernan’s <em>Die Hard</em> (1988): An absolute thrill-ride from start to finish. Every time you think it can’t get any more extreme, it does. <em>“No shit, lady, do i sound like i’m ordering a fucking pizza‽”</em> (A)</li><li>Brian Henson’s <em>The Muppets Christmas Carol</em> (1992): Greatest Christmas film ever made. (B-)</li></ul>
<h2>Music listened to</h2>
<ul><li>Sam Fender’s <em>Seventeen Going Under</em>: I’m naturally biased as a Geordie boygirl myself, but the second i heard this, it went straight to the top of my album-of-the-year rankings — and it’s not even a contest. (A+. Best track: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WAifgn2Cvo8">“Seventeen Going Under”</a>)</li><li>Lucy Dacus’s <em>Home Video</em>: No spoilers, but the closing track? Ye Gods, did the closing track give me a teary eye. (A. Best track: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GVnrnqoZ7o">“Triple Dog Dare”</a>)</li><li>Underscores’ <em>Fishmonger</em>: A fascinating fusion of hyperpop and pop-punk. It’s patchy in a few places, and the repeated samples got on my nerves, but i’m excited to see what this band(?) does next! (B-. Best track: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igqLDdMpHMU">“Spoiled Little Brat”</a>)</li><li>Sigur Rós’s <em>Takk…</em>: I love it. I really do — but i found myself having to take breaks every so often because lead singer Jónsi’s falsetto came dangerously close to giving me a migraine. (B. Best track: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nlVA_e6WQhw">„Hoppípolla”</a>, natch)</li><li>Some interesting stuff from the Isle of Wight-based band <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjpgJjdk52c">Wet Leg</a>, dripping with wit and sardonic vocals. Can’t wait for the album!</li><li>I went to my first concert since, you know, <em>the thing</em>. All glory to Elbow.</li></ul>
<h2>Other recent minutiæ</h2>
<ul><li>I’ve been taking up sketching in my journal to ease the brain. I’m not anywhere near good enough to be posting anything on here — trust me — but it’s just nice to have a creative outlet. :)</li><li>I went on a brief jaunt out to <a href="https://www.english-heritage.org.uk/visit/places/benwell-roman-temple-hadrians-wall/">the old Roman temple at Benwell</a>, but to tell the truth, there wasn’t enough interesting about it to turn it into a full post. I did, funnily enough, pass about <em>five</em> different religious denominations on the bus there — a church, a mosque, a gurdwara, a Hindu temple, and a Hare <span class="theonym">Krishna</span> society.</li><li>Storm Arwen absolutely <em>fucked </em>parts of Northumberland. My neck of the woods was largely unscathed, but the next town over didn’t fare so well — they didn’t have power for about a week.</li><li>There were a couple of Barbadians interviewed on Radio 4 about the country’s transition to a republic, and it rather struck me how similar their dialect is to our West Country accent.</li><li>You simply<em> must</em> listen to <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/play/m001287f">this poor woman’s <em>Aspidistra</em> getting absolutely roasted on <em>Gardeners’ Question Time</em></a>. It’s at about 10 minutes in.</li><li>Now that the nights are getting longer again, it’s getting to be good weather for stargazing. I really must get myself out to that observatory in Wark again at some point…</li></ul>
<h2>Relevant pictures (and one audio file) from jaunts out</h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/benwell.jpg" alt="In the middle of a typical English suburb, the ruins of an old Roman temple. There's not much left — just a stone-brick border and a few altars, the naos being filled in with gravel." class="wp-image-878" width="655" height="368"/><figcaption>The aforementioned temple, dedicated to the obscure Romano-Celtic God <span class="theonym">Antenociticus</span>.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/choppington.jpg" alt="A rickety wooden path is obstructed by a mossy, fallen tree." class="wp-image-880"/><figcaption>One of the many, many trees knocked over by the storm. (And this was taken a fortnight after the fact!)</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-audio"><audio controls src="/garden/media/arwen.mp3"></audio><figcaption>The sound of Arwen pattering against the window.</figcaption></figure>
20212021-11-29T08:55:23Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/2021
<p class="has-drop-cap">I’ve been thinking recently that, despite how i sometimes wish i knew what it was like to live in years gone past, and how it often feels like everything is about to topple over at the hands of { authoritarian reactionary bigots | power-hungry anti-democratic dictators | neurotic puritan ‘progressives’ } (take your pick), i am, at the end of the day, so, so grateful that i live in the modern era, and in a developed country to boot.</p>
<p>I'm grateful to live in a time with the highest living standards in history; where even someone flipping burgers at Macca’s has access to luxuries that would make Louis XIV blush.</p>
<p>To live in a time with modern medicine, where people are inoculated at a young age against pestilences that used to ravage the world, and to live in a country where urgent care is free of charge.</p>
<p>That wars between nations are largely a thing of the past, at least to the scale of World Wars I and II.</p>
<p>That i live in an era and place where being bisexual or gay is, legitimately, <em>no big deal</em> — something that would have been unthinkable just ten years ago.</p>
<p>That every day the acceptance of us transgendered folk is growing, and that, if i had the money and determination, i could get a pretty good approximation of the other sex grafted on — something Heliogalabus could only dream of.</p>
<p>That in the age of the internet, people can find community anywhere, no matter how odd or niche their interests and identities are, and that nearly everyone has access to the sum of human knowledge at their finger tips.</p>
<p>Yes, 2021 has its problems, and so does the UK. But i wouldn't live anywhen or anywhere else. </p>
<p>....Okay, maybe Norway.</p>
Untitled2021-11-28T20:42:05Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/850
<p>Oh shit, were goatees named after that little tuft of hair goats have?</p>
Het Penshawmonument (nl)2021-11-27T17:13:52Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/het-penshawmonument
<p class="has-drop-cap">Op een heuvel in graafschap Durham staat het <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penshaw_Monument">Penshawmonument</a>. Deze negentiende-eeuwse folly werd gebouwd om de prestaties van de graaf van Durham — ene John Lambton — te herdenken, maar je zou het niet weten: het enige teken ervan is een kleine plaquette aan de zijkant. Vorige week vond ik wat tijd om het monument te bezoeken — van hier laat ik de foto’s voor zich spreken.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/fromveryfaraway-2.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-824" width="655" height="368"/><figcaption>Gezicht op het monument vanuit het nabijgelegen park. Er was op de dag van mijn bezoek een motorrace aan de gang.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/comparison-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-821" width="654" height="669"/><figcaption>Het monument werd naar de Atheense <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temple_of_Hephaestus">tempel voor <span class="theonym">Hephæstos</span></a> ontworpen, hoewel in een eerder verkleind formaat (kijk, ma, geen dak!)</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/godrays.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-818" width="655" height="368"/><figcaption>Ik mocht de naos niet binnen, want de organisatoren waren druk bezig met de opbouw voor het <a href="https://www.lumiere-festival.com/">Lumiere</a> festival ’s avonds.<sup class="note">i</sup> (Ze lieten wél een paar mensen met bulldogs binnen - misschien waren ze geïntimideerd?)</figcaption></figure>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">i</span>
<div>
<p>Misschien is dit gewoon omdat ik er geen van de covid-verplichte tickets kon krijgen om in het centrale gebied te komen, maar ik vond dit jaar Lumiere in de stad Durham zelf een beetje een tegenvaller in vergelijking met 2019. De beperkingen waren begrijpelijk, maar de <a href="https://www.lumiere-festival.com/programme-item/spirit-2/">vuurtuin</a>, <a href="https://www.lumiere-festival.com/programme-item/keys-of-light/">gigantische bespeelbare piano</a>, en <a href="https://www.lumiere-festival.com/programme-item/mysticete-2/">holografische walvis</a> van vorige keer werden erg gemist.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-video"><video controls src="/garden/media/8mb.video-rMd-XiOGDv2P.mp4"></video><figcaption>Het nabijgelegen park heeft ook een mooi henge’tje, met uitkijkposten die naar bekende plaatsen in graafschap Durham wijzen — dat zwarte vierkantje dat je kunt zien is de kathedraal van Durham.</figcaption></figure>
<h2>Informatie voor bezoekers</h2>
<ul><li><strong>Adres:</strong> <address>Chester Rd, Penshaw, <span class="smallcaps">Houghton le Spring</span> <span class="all-sc">DH4 7NJ</span></address>.</li><li><strong>Toegankelijkheid:</strong> Om bij het monument te komen moet u een steile helling op; als u niet zo mobiel bent, kunt u beter twee keer nadenken voordat u gaat.</li><li><strong>Vervoer:</strong> De heuvel is bereikbaar via de <span class="all-sc">A</span>183 snelweg en de 2, 2<span class="all-sc">A</span>, en 78 autobussen. Het dichtstbijzijnde treinstation is Chester-le-Street, op acht km afstand.</li><li>De <a href="https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/penshaw-monument">National Trust biedt soms rondleidingen aan op de top van het monument</a>, maar die zijn momenteel opgeschort.</li></ul>
The Penshaw monument2021-11-27T13:20:24Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/the-penshaw-monument
<p class="has-drop-cap">On a hilltop in County Durham sits the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penshaw_Monument">Penshaw<sup class="note">i</sup> monument</a>, a nineteenth-century folly built to commemorate the late Earl of Durham. It’s always been on my bucket list, but it’s a bit of a pain to get to via public transport, and i’d never found the time — last week, though, i found myself with some time off and decided to make the trip. I’ll let the pictures do the talking from here…</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">i</span>
<div>
<p>That’s pronounced <em>Pen</em>-shuh, with an unstressed vowel on the end.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/fromveryfaraway-2.jpg" alt="A panoramic view of a sprawling country park, with some noticeable barriers put up for a race. In the distance, upon a hill, lies a building rather resembling an old Greek temple." class="wp-image-824"/><figcaption>A view of the monument from the nearby country park. As you can see, there was a motorbike race on at the time, which somewhat dampened the otherwise-peaceful atmosphere. Tut tut.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/comparison-1.jpg" alt="On the top, the same building from before, now pictured from a rather closer distance, on a punishing set of stairs. Its façade is black with soot. On the bottom, a pristine ancient Greek temple, surrounded by a row of hedges." class="wp-image-821" width="655" height="670"/><figcaption>The monument was based on Athens' <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Temple_of_Hephaestus">temple to <span class="theonym">Hephæstos</span></a>, though in a rather scaled-down format (see the lack of any kind of roof).</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/godrays.jpg" alt="The sun shines through the monument's columns." class="wp-image-818" width="655" height="368"/><figcaption>We weren’t allowed inside the naos, as they were busy setting it up for that night’s <a href="https://www.lumiere-festival.com/">Lumiere</a> festival.<sup class="note">ii</sup> (They did let some of the people walking their bulldogs up — perhaps because they were too scared?)</figcaption></figure>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">ii</span>
<div>
<p>Maybe this is just because i didn’t manage to snag the covid-compulsory tickets to get into the central area, but this year’s Lumiere within the city of Durham itself was a bit of a letdown compared to 2019. Understandable due to the restrictions, but last time’s <a href="https://www.lumiere-festival.com/programme-item/spirit-2/">fire garden</a>, <a href="https://www.lumiere-festival.com/programme-item/keys-of-light/">giant playable keyboard</a>, and <a href="https://www.lumiere-festival.com/programme-item/mysticete-2/">holographic whale</a> were sorely missed.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-video"><video controls src="/garden/media/8mb.video-rMd-XiOGDv2P.mp4"></video><figcaption>The country park also has this neat little henge, with viewfinders pointing towards some well-known County Durham sites — that little black square you can make out is Durham Cathedral.</figcaption></figure>
<h2>Information for visitors</h2>
<ul><li><strong>Address:</strong> <address>Chester Rd, Penshaw, <span class="smallcaps">Houghton le Spring</span> <span class="all-sc">DH4 7NJ</span></address>.</li><li><strong>Accessibility:</strong> Getting up to the monument requires a steep hike up a hill; if you have impaired mobility, you may want to think twice before going.</li><li><strong>Getting there:</strong> The hill is served by the <span class="all-sc">A</span>183 road and the 2, 2<span class="all-sc">A</span>, and 78 buses. The nearest train station is Chester-le-Street, five miles away.</li><li>The <a href="https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/penshaw-monument">National Trust sometimes offers tours of the top of the monument</a>, though those are currently suspended.</li></ul>
De eerste vorst (nl)2021-11-22T20:31:45Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/de-eerste-vorst
<p class="has-drop-cap">De eerste vorst van het jaar is aangebroken, althans in mijn achtertuin. Het is tijd voor mij om de keuze te maken waar alle Geordie’s elk jaar voor staan: trots ik de kou in niks maar een hoodie, of <a href="http://De eerste vorst van het jaar is aangebroken, of tenminste is dat het geval in míj́n achtertuin. Het is tijd voor mij om de keuze te maken waar alle Geordie’s elk jaar voor staan: trots ik de kou in niks maar een hoodie, of zul ik De Grote Jas halen en mijn innerlijke laffe zuiderling omhelsen? (Hopelijk is deze vroege vorst een goed teken voor een witte kerstfeest/joelfeest/saturnalia/wat-je-ook-viert in het verschiet.)">zul ik De Grote Jas halen en mijn innerlijke laffe zuiderling omhelsen</a>? (Hopelijk is deze vroege vorst een goed teken voor een witte kerstfeest/joelfeest/saturnalia/wat-je-ook-viert in het verschiet.)</p>
First frost2021-11-22T17:08:27Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/first-frost
<p class="has-drop-cap">Humph — the first frost of the year has arrived, at least in my back garden. Looks like it’s time to make the choice every Geordie faces each year: do i brave the cold in nothing but a jacket, or do i <a href="https://twitter.com/ncl_uncovered/status/668419694261506053" data-type="URL" data-id="https://twitter.com/ncl_uncovered/status/668419694261506053">surrender to my inner southern pansy and get out The Big Coat</a>? (Hopefully this early frost is a good sign for a white Christmas/Yule/whatever-you-celebrate ahead.)</p>
Walking the Blyth and Tyne, part three: B L Y T H.2021-11-21T14:57:57Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/blyth
<p class="has-drop-cap">The industry town of Blyth is bordered on four sides by sights iconic of the Northumbrian experience. To the north lies the eponymous River Blyth, carving out a respectable third to the Tyne and Tweed in how it has shaped the course of the county’s history. To the east, the awesome North Sea ebbs and flows, enticing herds of families out to the beach. Southwards, farms and fields stretch on until they meet the city streets. And, to the west, the dismal grey <span class="all-sc">A189</span> motorway cuts its way through impoverished streets and empty grassland.</p>
<p>So guess which path the railway sent me down? That’s right, it was hugging the fucking tarmac for me. There’s a reason the God of travellers is a trickster.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/shuttered.jpg" alt="Two empty, shuttered storefronts. One's text is too faded to read, but the other reads 'Newsham Motorcycles'." class="wp-image-764"/></figure>
<p><strong>Newsham</strong> is perhaps the prototypical post-industrial suburb. The streets are lined with drab row-houses and shuttered shops whose walls sit darkened by cigarette smoke. But even here, there are signs of history, and signs of life. Walking along a small council estate, even in this decidedly hard-to-do area, people's personalities shine through. One car, judging by the bumper stickers, belongs to a proud gay naturist. Another house has a carved relief of an Indian chief (although i doubt the inhabitants have a drop of Native American blood in them). And at the end of the road lies the holy grail: the old station master's house, whose nearby decaying platforms just about peek over the fence.</p>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignleft size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/mastershouse.jpg" alt="A plaque marking the site of the Station Master's house." class="wp-image-760" width="400" height="225"/></figure></div>
<p>After this, our path splits in two: the main line continues up to Bebside, but a spur branches off and swings to the town centre. The first one is mostly a boring romp through farmland and reclaimed forests, so, for now, we'll be following the second line.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<p>There are a lot of things about <strong>Blyth </strong>that i’m sure the town council would <em>love</em> for me to tell you about. It has an historic beach (though it’s all the way on the south end of town, and there’s no reason for you to make the trek when Newbiggin and Whitley Bay are closer and just as nice). There's a weekly market on Thursdays (though on the Thursday i went in, they’d all packed up already), by the plaza next to the <a href="http://keelrow.co.uk/">shopping centre</a> (whose selection of options is laughable when compared to <a href="https://www.manorwalks.co.uk/">Manor Walks</a> in the next town over). And they’re dead proud of their local football team, the Spartans, who famously performed somewhat above average in the 1978 <span class="all-sc">FA</span> Cup (never mind that Ashington spawned <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Charlton">two World</a> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bobby_Charlton">Cup winners</a>).</p>
<p>By now you may have noticed that everything in Blyth seems to be a slightly crappier version of something from elsewhere in Northumberland. This goes too for the ignoble fate of its former station. While some have been turned into houses, shops, pubs, or just returned to the land whence they arose, Blyth’s once-proud central station is now… a Morrisons car park.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/morrisandson.jpg" alt="Cars parked in front of a Morrisons store." class="wp-image-785"/><figcaption>You cannot make this up.</figcaption></figure>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignright size-medium is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/potcat.jpg" alt="A sticker of Top Cat smoking weed labelled 'Pot Cat' (no, really)" class="wp-image-790" width="185" height="200"/><figcaption>This was the only useable photo i got.</figcaption></figure></div>
<p>The branch line itself is now a straight-on footpath, cutting its way through town with a hospital and shopping centre on one side and impoverished estates on the other — until about halfway through, that is, when it suddenly becomes much more suburban in character; charming parks take the place of pools and appendectomies, while a long allotment fills the other side. (It was also — and i cannot stress this enough — absolutely <em>pissing</em> it down by the time i got to this end, and as such, i failed to get any usable footage. Just trust that it eventually meets back up with the main line.)</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<p>Back on the main line, the motorway leads to a depressing interchange at <strong>Bebside</strong>. Just across from the former site of the station sits the grimiest petrol station corner shop i think i’ve ever been to (no photos, alas, again); the site of the station itself has long been bulldozed and turned into a horse riding centre.</p>
<p>I’d love to stay and show you more, but the next phase in our adventure is a big one — because we’ll be taking a brief diversion to County Durham. It’ll all make sense when we get there. Ciao!</p>
Het Internetassortiment, № 2 (nl)2021-11-20T13:23:38Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/het-internetassortiment-%e2%84%96-2
<p>Ze zijn allemaal Engelstalig vandaag, sorry. Er zijn 1,35 miljard van hun en 23 miljoen van ons - wat kan je er over doen? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯</p>
<ul><li>We trappen af rechtstreeks in het de categorie „koppelingen die je niet zou moeten openen als er iemand over je schouder is aan het kijken”. Justin Whang, een kenner van vreemde internetgeschiedenis, brengt ons het verhaal van <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dG8_6F963Jc\">de mannen met lullen op hun armen</a>. [14′]</li><li><a href="https://www.peterharrington.co.uk/blog/euclid-translators/">Vroege vertalingen van de <em>Elementen</em> van Euclides gebruikten flapjes papier voor driedimensionale bewijzen.</a></li><li>Het <a href="https://shadycharacters.co.uk/2014/06/miscellany-49-quasiquote/">“quasiquote”</a>, een soort interpunctie die de auteurs van de eerste fanzines gebruikte voor <s>‘</s>geparafraseerde en onnauwkeurige citaties<s>’</s>.</li><li>Twee mooie verhalen om de dag af te sluiten:<ul><li><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/15/us/riverside-california-deaf-football-team.html">Een doof Californisch footballteam vernietigt zijn tegenstanders</a></li><li><a href="https://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2021/07/25/canadas-next-top-model-little-canada-how-a-businessman-spent-a-decade-and-24-million-building-a-giant-3d-love-letter-to-his-adopted-nation.html">Deze Nederlander bouwt een reusachtig schaalmodel van Canada in Toronto</a></li></ul></li></ul>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, Volume II2021-11-20T13:12:57Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/mx-van-hoorns-link-roundup-volume-ii
<ul><li>Starting us off straight into things you shouldn’t watch if someone else is peeking over your shoulder, weird-internet-history connoisseur Justin Whang brings us the stories of <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dG8_6F963Jc\">the men with knobs on their arms</a>. [14′]</li><li><a href="https://www.peterharrington.co.uk/blog/euclid-translators/">Early English editions of Euclid’s <em>Elements</em> used pop-ups to illustrate 3<span class="all-sc">D</span> proofs.</a></li><li><em>T.i.l.</em> about the <a href="https://shadycharacters.co.uk/2014/06/miscellany-49-quasiquote/">“quasiquote”</a>, a punctuation mark used in early fan zines to indicate <s>‘</s>paraphrased or inexact quotes<em><s>’</s></em>. </li><li>Two nice stories to end the day:<ul><li><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/11/15/us/riverside-california-deaf-football-team.html">A deaf Californian gridiron team is absolutely steamrolling its opponents</a></li><li><a href="https://www.thestar.com/news/canada/2021/07/25/canadas-next-top-model-little-canada-how-a-businessman-spent-a-decade-and-24-million-building-a-giant-3d-love-letter-to-his-adopted-nation.html">The Dutch immigrant businessman building a giant scale model of Canada in Toronto</a></li></ul></li></ul>
Construction work underway2021-11-18T16:56:57Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/construction-work-underway
<p class="has-drop-cap">Hi, all — just a little update to tell you fine folk that i’m doing some retheming around the blog, and, as such, sidenotes will be borked for a little while. Sorry for any inconvenience. (Don’t see anything? Press Ctrl+<span class="all-sc">F5</span>, or ⌘+Shift+R if you’re on a Mac.)</p>
Lords of Misrule2021-11-17T20:56:55Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/lords-of-misrule
<p><em>This is a copy of the <a href="/misrule">main page</a></em> <em>for this event.</em></p>
<p class="has-drop-cap"><strong class="theonym">“Iō Saturnalia!”</strong> So went the cry that marked the start of the eponymous classical holiday. For one glorious week, Roman society was turned on its head: slaves became masters; togas were out and ostentatious displays of colour were in; gag gifts were given; and one lucky person was elected the local King of <span class="theonym">Saturnalia</span>. Whatever orders the King barked had to be followed, no matter how ridiculous. This tradition clung on even into the Christian middle ages as the English “lord of misrule” — a lone pagan vestige in a monotheistic world.</p>
<p>So, in the spirit of those winter holidays, to lighten up this frosty time of year, i thought it would be fun to let you play that rule for my website. Welcome, one and all, to the first annual <strong><em>satyrs.eu</em> Lords of Misrule</strong>!</p>
<p>If you write or put together something — absolutely anything — and email it to <strong><a href="mailto:misrule@satyrs.eu">misrule@satyrs.eu</a></strong>, come <span class="theonym">Saturnalia</span> (that’s December 17 to 23, for those who understandably aren’t up to date with ancient festival customs) i’ll put it up on the site, both on the blog and on its own dedicated, permanent subpage, etched in stone for all to see.</p>
<p>I would ask that you don’t submit any political polemics (we’ve had quite enough of those) or anything that would get me in legal trouble, but apart from that, anything goes. Your gran’s chocolate cake recipe? An impassioned defence of <em>Freddy Got Fingered</em> as an ironic masterpiece? A rant about how keyboards aren’t what they used to be? Whatever you — my lords of misrule — want.</p>
<p>You can submit your entries from today until the 16th of December, 2021. Have fun, and don’t be afraid to get weird with it!</p>
<p><em>— Marijn</em></p>
Untitled2021-11-12T14:13:22Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/745
<p>Two-word horror story: Aeroplane surströmming.</p>
The mystery of Newcastle’s vampire rabbit2021-11-09T17:15:28Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/vampire-rabbit
<p class="has-drop-cap">Down a narrow alleyway to the back end of St Nicholas’ Cathedral, in Newcastle, one can find a rather curious decoration garnishing a door on the opposing façade. The “vampire rabbit” has stood watch over the cathedral for at least half a century; while records are scarce (a quick search of Google Books doesn’t bring up anything until the twenty-first century), it could well date back to the building’s construction in 1901.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/rabbit.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-731" width="400" height="425"/><figcaption>Spooky.</figcaption></figure>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignright size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/bunnicula.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-732" width="300" height="193"/><figcaption>Here’s a noticeably brighter bun, as it looked in 1987.</figcaption></figure></div>
<p>Here’s the thing, though. Nobody knows how it got there. Indeed, even the name “vampire rabbit” is a misnomer; its jet-black fur and red claws were added on some time in the 1990s,<sup class="note">i</sup> as were its distinctly batty ears. Some say it was put there to scare away wannabe graverobbers, but i have my doubts that twentieth-century crooks would be so dumb.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">i</span>
<div>
<p>Most online articles say it was done in 2008, but there are a plethora of sources and photos from the early ’00s depicting it in its distinctive modern appearance. I have no idea where they’ve all gotten that idea from.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>Yet others posit that it represents a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_as_a_March_hare">mad March hare</a>, arising at the time of Easter, or that it refers to Thomas Bewick, a nearby engraver who had a fondness of all things lagomorphic. Most fascinatingly, <a href="https://www.geograph.org.uk/photo/1682338">a theory advanced by one Mr Adam Curtis</a> suggests a Masonic pun in reference to one George <em>Hare</em> Phillipson, a local doctor (hence vampires) and active Freemason, as was the lead architect, one William H. Wood. It being a secret society in-joke would also explain why it’s located around the back, rather than the front, which faces onto one of the busiest streets in town.</p>
<p>Perhaps we might never know for sure. In any case, it’s a fascinating little secret — what do you think is most likely?</p>
<h2>Other people's posts</h2>
<ul><li><a href="https://www.twsitelines.info/SMR/6675">Newcastle City Council’s records, detailing many of the prevailing theories</a></li><li><a href="https://www.icysedgwick.com/vampire-rabbit-newcastle/">Icy Sedgwick: Who or what is the vampire rabbit of Newcastle-upon-Tyne?</a></li></ul>
“Good 4 U” played exclusively using big plastic sticks2021-11-07T18:44:37Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/good-4-u-played-exclusively-using-big-plastic-sticks
<p>I only listen to <em>real</em> music. Presented by a student society of drummers at Harvard:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O63qR2_cq-w
</div></figure>
<p>(hat tip to, uh, the Youtube algorithm)</p>
/{:nl-NL Nee heb je, ja kun je krijgen}/2021-11-06T17:56:24Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/nee-heb-je
<p class="has-drop-cap">We have a saying in the Netherlands: <em>“Nee heb je, ja kun je krijgen.” </em>It translates to something like <em>you’ve already got a no; you might as well try for a yes</em> — it’s always better to ask rather than stay silent.</p>
<p>There’s a few English phrases that are similar. Up north, <em>shy bairns get nowt</em> is a common instruction from parents; across the pond, hockey player Wayne Gretzky contributed the saying <em>you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take</em> to the local lexicon in a 1991 interview.</p>
<p>Are there any similar sayings in your neck of the woods, or your language? I’d love to hear.</p>
Hallowe’en2021-10-31T13:18:27Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/halloween
<p class="has-drop-cap">It was in the evening, just before the sun fell and dusk set in, that i packed my bags and went. A short jaunt to the cemetery, to see some old friends.</p>
<p>I never knew my great-uncle and -aunt, but their name still holds some worth; their middle name and surnames i was bestowed at birth. I searched fruitlessly through the old graves, filled with fallen war-time knaves, but finally, by a bench and basket of waste, i found the couple’s resting place.</p>
<p>I didn’t think it would affect me so much, but just at the sight i felt the touch of a salty trickle running down my cheeks. I knelt and felt i could weep for weeks. As evening turned to dusk and dusk turned to night, i jotted down the words inscribed in white:</p>
<pre class="wp-block-verse"><em>We often think of bygone days when we were all together
The family chain is broken now but memories live forever</em></pre>
<p>Rest in peace, Tim and Annie. Happy Hallowe’en.</p>
Letter of recommendation: //Censor//2021-10-27T18:40:29Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/letter-of-recommendation-censor
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/censor_poster.jpg" alt="A film poster split into two parts by a VHS ripple effect ; the top, a conservatively-dressed woman in 80s style, the bottom, a madwoman holding an axe. The film is called "Censor", starring Niamh Algar." class="wp-image-710"/></figure>
<p>I recently had some downtime and, since ’tis the season, watched <em>Censor</em>, a small British horror film about a film censor during the “video nasty” panic who investigates a strangely familiar scene.</p>
<p>It’s tense, stylish, and scary — all the more impressive coming from its first-time director, Prano Bailey-Bond — becoming more and more surreal the further it progresses. Give it a watch, why don’t you?</p>
Some nice local businesses at Ponteland market2021-10-24T13:40:20Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/ponteland-market
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/alkinthingsgude.jpg" alt="A table filled with alkin goods and crafts" class="wp-image-700"/></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">The family and i went to a local food-and-craft market at Ponteland’s garden centre this morning. I thought i’d send letters of recommendation for some of the stalls.</p>
<p><strong><a href="https://www.facebook.com/urbanbakerygateshead/">Urban Bakery</a></strong>, from Gateshead, make the most decadent cinnamon buns i’ve ever had.</p>
<p><a href="https://www.alnwicksoapcompany.co.uk/"><strong>The Alnwick Soap Company</strong></a> produce wonderful soaps inspired by the scents of rural Northumberland. I plumped for the <a href="https://www.alnwicksoapcompany.co.uk/product-page/ginger-grapefruit">ginger-and-grapefruit</a> and <a href="https://www.alnwicksoapcompany.co.uk/product-page/cedarwood-juniper">cedarwood-and-juniper</a> myself.</p>
<p><strong><a href="https://www.facebook.com/mrsbskitchenpreserves/">Mrs B’s Kitchen</a></strong>, from Durham, sells jams, conserves, chutneys, honey, sauces — all the things you ever need in the top drawer of your fridge. (I got the rhubarb and raspberry.)</p>
<p><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><strong><a href="https://hopsanddots.com/">Hops and Dots</a></strong></span>, of Bishop Auckland, make “accessible craft beer” with Braille on the labels.</p>
<p><strong><a href="https://wildefarm.co.uk/">Wilde Farm</a></strong>, of Ponteland, are ostensibly running the whole thing, and sell... you know, farm things. Carrots, veg, burgers, sausages, turkey — you get the idea. They’re currently taking <a href="https://wilde-farm.myshopify.com/">orders for the winter holidays</a>.</p>
Witte wanden, grijze banken, potplanten (nl)2021-10-22T10:04:40Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/witte-wanden-grijze-banken-potplanten
<p class="has-drop-cap">Mijn oma was een enthousiaste maker van plakboeken en collage’s. Samen met de schilderijen, antieke kasten en kitscherige hondenstandbeeldjes droeg de muren van haar huis kleine collagetjes van grote momenten in haar leven en de mijne.</p>
<p>Met één kijkje rond het huis kon je meteen zien wie ze was, en waar ze om gaf. (Haar honden. Zij gaf veel om haar honden.) Het was ongeorganiseerd; het was chaotisch; het was misschien een beetje rommelig — maar het was echt van háár.</p>
<p>De huidige trends zijn nogal verschillend. Ergens na de grote recessie werd het een beetje tactloos om met je rijkdom te pronken. De stijl <i>du jour</i> heeft zich gewend aan blanke muren, kale tafels en misschien af en toe een bloempot. (Voor groene planten, natuurlijk — wat voor soort gek zou kléúr in zijn huis willen?)</p>
<p>Ik heb het gevoel dat we iets verloren hebben. De topresultaten voor „<i lang="en">minimalist livingg room</i>” op Google Afbeeldingen, bijvoorbeeld, vertellen je bijna niks over de persoon die daar woont:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding.png" alt="Een selectie van spartaanse, wit ommuurde kamers, met af en toe een grijze bank en stoel." class="wp-image-682"/></figure>
<p>Vergelijk die met deze meer rommelige zaken, gevuld met boeken, tapijten, foto's en dergelijke, en het verschil is als dag en nacht:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/Untitled.gif" alt="Verscheidene kamers in verschillende kleuren, boeken tot hoog aan het plafond, overal stoelen, tapijten..." class="wp-image-683"/></figure>
<p>Tja, misschien ben ik gewoon chagrijnig en nostalgisch. Wat denken jullie?</p>
White walls, grey sofas, potted plants2021-10-21T20:40:51Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/minimalism
<p class="has-drop-cap">When i was just a bairn, my oma was an avid scrapbooker and collage-maker. Dotted around the walls, alongside the paintings, antique cupboards, and kitschy statues of dogs, were little collaged images of every important moment in her life — and mine.</p>
<p>Just by looking around her house, you could instantly get a sense of who she was, and what she cared about. (Her dogs. She cares a lot about her dogs.) It was disorganised, it was a wee bit cluttered — but it was <em>hers</em>.</p>
<p>Today’s trends are rather different. Some time after the great recession (when it became, understandably, somewhat gauche to display how much Stuff you owned), the style <em>du jour</em> turned to blank, white walls, with spare tables and maybe (if you were lucky) the occasional potted plant. As this bareness took over, i can’t help but feel something was lost.<sup class="note">i</sup></p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">i</span>
<div>
You could probably draw a comparison between this and the slow transformation of the internet from Geocities to there-are-four-websites-all-grey-white-and-a-bit-of-blue-and-they’re-all-just-filled-with-screenshots-of-the-other-three, but, to be honest, i find writing and reading about anything technological to be soul-suckingly boring, so that’s for someone else to do.
</div>
</aside>
<p>The top results for “minimalist living room” on Google Images, for example, tell you almost nothing at all about the person who might be living there:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/afbeelding.png" alt="A selection of spare, white-walled rooms, with the occasional grey sofa and chair strewn in." class="wp-image-682"/></figure>
<p>Compare with these more cluttered affairs, filled with alkin books, rugs, photos, and the like, and the difference in the amount of personality that shines through is like night and day:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/Untitled.gif" alt="Several clujttered rooms of various colours, books filed high to the ceiling, chairs everywhere, tapestry rugs..." class="wp-image-683"/></figure>
<p>I don’t know. Maybe i’m just grumpy and nostalgic. What do you think?</p>
Untitled2021-10-18T19:45:07Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/675
<p><span class="all-sc">TIL</span> that subwoofers are just the bottom end of a whole range of animal-noise terms for speakers. Subwoofers are the biggest and bassiest, but then you have woofers, squawkers, tweeters, and even <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Super_tweeter">supertweeters</a>! Neat.</p>
Walking the Blyth and Tyne, part two: Oh, Delaval is a terrible place2021-10-15T09:39:22Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/seghill-to-hartley
<p><a href="/garden/2021/09/northumberland-park-to-seghill/"><em>Last time on </em>The Garden</a><em>: A strip mall turns out to be a place of immense historical curiosity, i am interrupted by a rude troupe of boy racers, and find myself caught up in the lyrics of a pro-union folk song.</em></p>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignleft size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/publicfootpath.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-644" width="150" height="165"/></figure></div>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Leaving Seghill, going past a house with a conspicuous <a href="https://www.flaginstitute.org/wp/flags/northumbria-flag/">Northumbrian flag</a>, the landscape once again slips swiftly back into ruralia — a common occurrence on this leg of the journey. No sooner had i left behind the station house than i found myself on a dirt path which i wasn’t <em>quiiiite</em> sure i was meant to be on.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/mareclose.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-643"/></figure>
<p>This was the small hamlet of Mare Close, essentially a farmhouse surrounded by a few cottages. I have a sneaking suspicion that everyone living there has been friends since primary school, though i'll never know for sure. Opposite the cottages, by the next leg of my route, lay a <a href="https://www.achurchnearyou.com/seghill-holy-trinity/">small village church</a> and graveyard which i dared not enter. Onwards.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<p><strong>Seaton Delaval</strong><sup class="note">α</sup> sits at the heart of the valley. Turning one way, there lies a charming local coöperative store, a <a href="https://www.nationaltrust.org.uk/seaton-delaval-hall">genuine lordly manor</a> (owned by the town’s namesake De la Val family, who came over after 1066), the <a href="/thegarden/12021/03/holywell">previously-blogged</a> village of Holywell, and, eventually, the seaside settlement of Seaton Sluice.<sup class="note">β</sup> Unfortunately, we’ll be turning the other way, by where once stood a colliery.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">α</span>
<div>
<p>Seaton Delaval briefly pops up in last week's folk song, <a href="https://youtu.be/AAVKy9WUzeU">“Blackleg Miner”</a>, where it is referred to as a “terrible place” — which i’m not sure is entirely fair.</p>
<p>(I’m obliged to note that, being a Statesider, the bloke in the linked video’s pronunciation is a bit off. It's more like “<em>dell</em>·uh·vuhl”, with only the first syllable having any sort of stress.)</p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">β</span>
<div>
<p>Towns proudly advertising beaches that i can’t visit without straying from the line is going to be an annoyingly recurrent theme.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/seaton_station.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-618"/></figure>
<p>The former site of Delaval’s station can hardly be considered a sight for sore eyes. Cars and lorries pass by, horns blaring, trying to weave their way between those turning into the nearby petrol station.<sup class="note">γ</sup> The location of the station itself is an uninspiring gravel pit on one site with an overgrown nettle-filled path on the other; next door is a chain pub whose car park will be getting embiggened to accommodate the extra traffic once the railway reopens.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">γ</span>
<div>
<p>This leg of the journey was walked prior to the recent shortages. I’d hate to see what it looks like now.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/industrialwasteland.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-641"/></figure>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignright size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/secretgarden.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-639" width="300" height="169"/></figure></div>
<p>It doesn’t get much better. A few interesting-looking eateries (a grimy-looking café called “Only Fools and Sauces”, a venue by the name of the <a href="https://secretgardensd.co.uk/">Secret Garden</a><sup class="note">δ</sup> with a wonderful hand-painted sign) added some initial spice, but soon i was back to the same industrial wasteland: Auto recycling! Furniture wholesalers! Caravan storage! Chemical producers! The works!</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">δ</span>
<div>
<p>No relation.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>...I said something about a colliery, didn’t i?</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<p><em>16 January, 1862.</em> It’s half past ten — or, at least, it might be. You’ve been labouring away in the coal pit since two in the morning, and you’ve not seen the sun since. The shift is almost over, and it’s time to swap over with the next group.</p>
<p>One by one, your comrades file in line to get out. A huddle of people enter the rusting lift. The familiar <em>ketter-ketter-ketter </em>shudders through the cave — but then, for a fraction of a second, all falls silent.</p>
<p>Your heart races. A drop of water falls from the ceiling. Nobody makes a sound.</p>
<p>And then, all of a sudden, it is as though <span class="theonym">Thor</span>’s hammer has crashed into the ground. The earth around you shakes in terror, lets out what can only be described as an otherworldly <em>scream</em>, as ten tonnes of blood-red steel smash into the floor.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignleft size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/whenwewalkonthispath.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-655" width="250" height="266"/></figure></div>
<p>This was the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hartley_Colliery_disaster"><strong>Hartley Pit </strong>disaster</a>, and its shockwaves can still be heard across town.</p>
<p>Just across from the telltale jackhammers and yellow tape of a housing estate so new Google Maps hasn’t caught up yet<sup class="note">ε</sup> sits a lovely memorial garden, explaining the story of the tragedy, with a poem to contemplate as you ramble along the path.</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">ε</span>
<div>
<p>Nor, for that matter, has the freely-editable OpenStreetMap.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/bluebellwoods.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-656"/></figure>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<p>In terms of stations, the town has had two — Hartley and Hartley Pit — both right next to each other, and neither seeming to have any chance of reopening.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/hartley_station.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-619"/></figure>
<p>I was a bit anxious about continuing on, because there were several serious-looking men in hard-hats and high-vis jackets, but they didn’t seem to mind. They really, really should have tried to stop me from going to where i was going next.</p>
<p><em>Coming up on </em>The Garden<em>: your author tries not to disturb some horses, desperately tries to avoid going to fucking Blyth, and accidentally sneaks in a brief trip to Durham. I promise, it makes sense in context.</em></p>
Het Internetassortiment — № 1 (nl)2021-10-13T20:29:26Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/het-internetassortiment-%e2%84%96-1
<p>Tja, volgens mij zal datums op een dag dubbelzinning worden. „Ehhh — waren die de links van 27 oktober 2021, of 27 oktober 2032?” Het is tijd om de telling opnieuw te beginnen. Welkom, iedereen, bij het Internetassortiment!</p>
<ul><li><a href="https://newrepublic.com/article/133773/radiohead-racket"><em>The New Republic</em> schrijft over een beweerde regressie in de songwriting van Thom Yorke — <em>Them’s fightin’ words</em>, zoals men in het Engels zegt</a>!</li><li><a href="http://monkeytype/">Monkeytype, een zéér personaliseerbare typetest </a>— 127 woorden per minuut voor mij</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X54RaHAv6cA"><em>Seinfeld</em>, maar het is een cartoon door Don Bluth uit de jaren 90</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RdOwhmqP5s">De fractal van Newton </a>— niet voor mensen wie wiskunde zaai vinden! </li><li><a href="https://qwerty.dev/calendar-generator/">Een paar leuke ascii-kalenders</a></li></ul>
Mx van Hoorn’s link roundup, Volume I2021-10-13T20:13:25Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/mx-van-hoorns-link-roundup-volume-i
<p class="has-drop-cap">I figure over time dates will get ambiguous — it’s time to start numbering these bad boys, from the top. Five for your perusal this time around…</p>
<ul><li><a href="https://newrepublic.com/article/133773/radiohead-racket"><em>The New Republic</em> on the claimed devolution of Thom Yorke’s songwriting — well-argued, but them’s fighting words!<span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span><span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span></a></li><li><a href="http://monkeytype">Monkeytype, a ridiculously customisable words-per-minute type-tester — clearly <em>someone’s</em> passion project… </a>With proper punctuation turned on, I get around 127 w.p.m, which is apparently four times as fast as the average? 😅</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X54RaHAv6cA">Seinfeld, but it’s a Don Bluth cartoon from the ’90s</a> — shockingly well done</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RdOwhmqP5s">Newton’s fractal — maths nerds only; the plot twist at the end will shock you</a></li><li><a href="https://qwerty.dev/calendar-generator/">Some fun Ascii calendars</a></li></ul>
WashingtonWormhole2021-10-08T21:09:20Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/washingtonwormhole
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFHVc-ypS44
</div></figure>
<p>Look — reader, i understand this about as much as you do. It just popped up in my recommendations one day. I watched the entire series of videos this is apparently a part of, and i still don’t feel like i get it. Something about James Dean and evil national landmarks?</p>
<p>This is one of the better-done things in the recent wave of “analogue horror” that has been circulating the interwebs — short, spooky videos taking inspiration from late-night public television or other media of the past. I just think it's neat. Anyone else want to go through the <span class="all-sc">WASHINGTONWORMHOLE</span>?</p>
Untitled2021-10-02T19:07:17Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/614
<p>I've decided that the only people who are allowed to do <em>the Youtuber voice</em> are the Vlogbrothers. Everyone else has to learn to talk like a normal human being.</p>
Autumn2021-10-01T06:27:34Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/autumn
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/autumndene.jpg" alt="A small covered shelter in a park surrounded by auburn-leaved trees." class="wp-image-603"/><figcaption>Jesmond Dene in the autumn, courtesy of <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/39821974@N06/4090293111">Newcastle Libraries</a>.</figcaption></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">It often feels like, as soon as the calendar ticks over from 22 to 23 September, that autumn, having hidden its face for months upon months, all of a sudden decides to come out all at once. Auburn leaves begin to fall, telling the time until winter like an hourglass; the days get shorter and the nights come earlier, the air gets that particular autumn crispness, and, of course, it begins to rain.<sup class="note">i</sup></p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">i</span>
<div>
<p>“Driest city in the <span class="uppercase">UK</span>” my arse…</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>Not that i’m complaining. Autumn is, in my view, the most wonderful season of the year: yes, summer is nice and warm, and winter is the time for comfort and <em>gezelligheid</em> with family and friends, but autumn is when our festivities are perhaps the closest to how they were millennia ago. Echoes of the last harvest festivals of the year still ring (school assemblies for the young, pumpkin spice for the jaded), and whatever you want to call it — Hallowe’en, All Hallows’ Eve, <span lang="ga">Samhain</span>, Day of the Dead — the atmosphere about that midautumn celebration beats even Christmas for the best time of the year; for a whole month, the western world lets itself get a little morbid for a change<sup class="note">ii</sup>, and the celebrations have the good sense to get out of the way quietly once November shuffles along.</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">ii</span>
<div>
<p>Well, okay, i only <em>know</em> that’s true for the English-speaking world and Mexico. The Netherlands prefer to celebrate the less morbid <a href="https://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sint-Maarten_(feest)" hreflang="nl">Saint Martin’s Day.</a></p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>So. Happy autumn, everyone! Enjoy it while it lasts.</p>
Links for the 27^th of September2021-09-27T19:55:03Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-for-the-27th-of-september
<p>It's been far too long, hasn't it? (Rest assured, i have been continuing my walk along the Blyth and Tyne railway — just at a rather glacial pace…)</p>
<ul><li><a href="https://twitter.com/yabo121/status/1435194521772511235#m">W. H. Smith bingo</a></li><li><a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0b8b7rg">On Radio 4, Tynemouth Sea and Song: “Folk singer Jez Lowe uncovers the traditions of seafaring and song in Tynemouth and North Shields and hears why music is essential to this landscape, its people and its history.”</a></li><li><a href="https://diamondgeezer.blogspot.com/2021/09/the-diamond-geezer-risk-log.html">The Diamond Geezer risk log: Makes me think about the risks to my own blog.</a></li><li><a href="https://blog.mozilla.org/en/internet-culture/deep-dives/why-are-hyperlinks-blue/">Why are links blue?</a></li><li><a href="https://starkeycomics.com/2019/01/11/the-origins-of-northumbrian/">The origins of the dialectal words of the north </a>— I was quite surprised to see how many are from Romani</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hCc0OsyMbQk">English counties explained</a>, by Jay Foreman — good heavens, it’s a mess<ul><li>See also <a href="https://wikishire.co.uk/">Wikishire </a>and their <a href="https://wikishire.co.uk/map">excellent map of the historic counties of Britain and Ireland</a>.</li></ul></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVXVNX4Crh4">Three odd canal crossings</a></li><li><a href="https://www.anglezarke.net/can-you-see-the-republic-of-ireland-from-england/">How to see the republic of Ireland from England</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VQKMoT-6XSg&">It is <em>fascinating</em>, fourteen years on, to watch the reveal of the original iPhone. How many things we take for granted now that were revolutionary back in 2007!</a></li><li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Absement">Absement, the opposite of velocity</a></li><li><a href="https://www.economist.com/graphic-detail/2021/09/25/genes-reveal-how-and-when-humans-reached-remote-corners-of-pacific">Genes reveal how and when Polynesian sailors reached the remote isles of the Pacific</a></li></ul>
Walking the Blyth and Tyne, part one: Northumberland Park to Seghill2021-09-21T20:30:00Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/northumberland-park-to-seghill
<p><a href="/garden/2021/09/walking-the-blyth-and-tyne-introduction"><em>Last time on </em>The Garden</a><em>: the axe falls on the Blyth and Tyne line, and i foolhardily decide to walk its length</em>…</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="/garden/2021/09/northumberland-park-to-seghill/"><img src="/garden/media/northumberlandpark.jpg" alt="A modern looking metro station divided into two platforms, opening up to the sky above." class="wp-image-524"/></a></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Our journey begins at <strong>Northumberland Park</strong>, in North Tyneside. Though it’s the first station we’ll be visiting, it was the last to be constructed, having only opened in 2005 — and it’s quite easy to tell, even after sixteen years of wear and tear; the place is outfitted with modern amenities, lifts, ticket machines flush with the wall, and, more lately, pandemic-themed graffiti opposite the platform. This unassuming metro station will, according to the county council’s plans, serve as the interchange between the old and new lines, heavy rail and metro meeting one last time before splitting apart and going their separate ways.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><a href="/garden/2021/09/northumberland-park-to-seghill/"><img src="/garden/media/pandemik.jpg" alt="A colourful graffito of the word "Pandemik", spelt with a K for reasons unknown." class="wp-image-573" width="655" height="118"/></a></figure>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignright size-full"><a href="/garden/2021/09/northumberland-park-to-seghill/"><img src="/garden/media/northumberlandparkcarpark.jpg" alt="A modern car park with frosted glass panels juts into the cloudy sky." class="wp-image-532"/></a></figure></div>
<p>Setting off from there, the first thing that caught my eye were twin giants: a frosted glass-covered car park and a red-brick Sainsbury’s, unexpected icons of the modern British condition. It didn’t get much better from there; down the road lies an American-style strip mall lined with bookmakers trying to get people to piss away all their money. </p>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignleft size-full is-resized"><a href="/garden/2021/09/northumberland-park-to-seghill/"><img src="/garden/media/sadcart.jpg" alt="A shopping trolley lies half submerged in a sorry looking scummy stream." class="wp-image-545" width="250" height="141"/></a><figcaption>This sorry-looking trolley was, i presume, abandoned from the local Sainsbury’s.</figcaption></figure></div>
<p>This southernmost tip of Northumberland is criss-crossed by innumerable public footpaths, cycle paths, bridleways, and other routes for non-metal-box-related transport; ducking onto one of the reclaimed <a href="https://my.northtyneside.gov.uk/category/244/waggonways-routes">“waggonways”</a> once used to transport coal, i found myself on the site of the second station on the list.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="/garden/2021/09/northumberland-park-to-seghill/"><img src="/garden/media/backworth1.jpg" alt="Twin rail tracks stretch into the background." class="wp-image-536"/></a></figure>
<p>The leafy suburb of <strong>Backworth</strong> has a habit of burying its history. <a href="https://www.britishmuseum.org/collection/object/H_1850-0601-2">A hoard of offerings from Roman times</a> was found underground in the 1810s, the last vestiges of the colliery that once was are long gone, and the tale of this sorry ex-station is rather similar. Opened in 1864 to replace a nearby station closing the same day, Backworth station served its community for over 100 years, surviving the Beeching cuts. But when the Tyne and Wear Metro was announced to come to town, the old station finally closed… for good. It wasn’t until the opening of Northumberland Park that there would be a replacement.</p>
<p>As i wandered through the village's verdant streets, i couldn’t help but think of its resemblance to the straight, cycle-friendly streets of my old hometown. A little greenery can go a long way.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><a href="/garden/2021/09/northumberland-park-to-seghill/"><img src="/garden/media/backworth2.jpg" alt="Behind wire fences and train tracks, a van belonging to Network Rail is visible." class="wp-image-544"/></a></figure>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignleft size-full is-resized"><a href="/garden/2021/09/northumberland-park-to-seghill/"><img src="/garden/media/spookyoverpass-1.jpg" alt="A jet-dark pedestrian underpass, its entrance covered in graffiti." class="wp-image-562" width="235" height="132"/></a><figcaption>The graffiti reads “Monty Brown is a grass”. I would never say such unkind things about Mr Brown.</figcaption></figure></div>
<p>Network Rail were hard at work at the site of the aforementioned original Backworth station, whose plot of land now sits vacant, marking the city’s last hurrah; the further i walked along the dirt back roads, the further the sounds of bustling cars receded, until, ducking under a shady underpass, i found myself utterly alone amongst pastoral fields (and the overwhelming scent of manure).</p>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignright size-full is-resized"><a href="/garden/2021/09/northumberland-park-to-seghill/"><img src="/garden/media/pastoral-1.jpg" alt="Hay bales cover a rolling field of wheat." class="wp-image-566" width="235" height="132"/></a></figure></div>
<p>That peace and quiet was swiftly interrupted by a troupe of boy racers on motorcycles and quad-bikes, but you can’t win them all, you know?</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="/garden/2021/09/northumberland-park-to-seghill/"><img src="/garden/media/countyborder-1.jpg" alt="The border between Northumberland and North Tyneside is highlighted in the middle of an unmarked dirt path." class="wp-image-561"/></a><figcaption>After the county borders were hacked up in 1974, this line became the divider between rural Northumberland and ostensibly-urban Tyne and Wear.</figcaption></figure>
<p>The (post-1974) border town of <strong>Seghill</strong> occupies only the tiniest fragment of the collective English consciousness, popping up briefly in an anti-scab miners’ folk song called <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackleg_Miner">“Blackleg Miner”</a>:</p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>It’s in the evening after dark,<br />when the blackleg miner creeps to work<br />With his moleskin pants and dirty shirt<br />there gans the blackleg miner!</p><p>[...]</p><p>So, divvint gan near the Seghill mine<br />Across the way they stretch a line,<br />to catch the throat and break the spine<br />of the dirty blackleg miner</p><p>[...]</p><p>So join the union while you may<br />Divvint wait till your dying day,<br />for that may not be far away,<br />you dirty blackleg miner!</p></blockquote>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><a href="/garden/2021/09/northumberland-park-to-seghill/"><img src="/garden/media/seghill-1.jpg" alt="A corner shop by the name of "Station House Stores"" class="wp-image-567"/></a></figure>
<p>For our purposes, it’s chiefly notable for the fact that it’s the first disused station on the list whose buildings are still intact and in use, this time as a corner shop, from which i of course bought a copy of the local rag — prominently including a <span class="all-sc">Q<i>&</i>A</span> about the restoration of service on the line, which i thought a fitting reminder of why i set out on this silly old journey in the first place.</p>
<p>After getting some well deserved rest, i headed on off towards the next town over, awaiting what fresh stories i would find...</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<p><em>Next time on “Walking the Blyth and Tyne”: your author is reminded of her own mortality, finds himself in the company of a noble family, and shudders at the thought of having to go to Blyth, of all places on Gods’ green <span class="theonym">Earth</span></em></p>
Langs de Blyth en Tyne: een introductie (nl)2021-09-12T14:55:08Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/langs-de-blyth-en-tyne-een-introductie
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/langs_de_blyth_en_tyne.jpg" alt="Langs de Blyth en Tyne: een treinodyssee te voet" class="wp-image-508" width="659" height="143"/><figcaption>Foto’s: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/66122200@N00/2570201906">Martin Beek</a>, <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/16801915@N06/48586305807">Reading Tom</a>, <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/10390868@N07/8068346421">bazzadarambler</a>, <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/57899800@N00/6690874003">yellow book</a></figcaption></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">Maart, 1963. Groot-Brittannië zit in de greep van de koudste winter in twintig jaar, een nieuwe gezicht bestuurt de Arbeiderspartij, The Beatles hebben net hun debuutalbum uitgebracht, en diep in de krochten van Westminster zit Dr. Richard Beeching een verslag te schrijven — een verslag die het bindweefsel van het land voor altijd zal veranderen.</p>
<p>Dr. Beeching is voorzitter van de Britse Spoorwegen, een staatsbedrijf belast met de exploitatie van het spoorwegvervoer, en zij hebben een klein financiëel probleempje. De <span class="all-sc">BS</span> beheren ongeveer 25.000 kilometer spoor tussen 4.500 stations, en de enige manier waarop ze zo’n grote operatie kunnen runnen is met royale subsidies van de overheid - iets waar de regerende Conservatieven nooit erg blij mee zijn.</p>
<p>Dus legt hij, met een pen in de hand, zijn metaforische bijl aan het netwerk. Duizenden stations zijn klaar om te sluiten. Het is niet prettig, maar het moet gebeuren — mensen kunnen toch gewoon de auto nemen naar de dichtbijste station.<sup class="note">i</sup></p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">i</span>
<div>
<p>Wat bedóél je, „waarom zouden ze de trein nemen als ze al in de auto zitten”‽</p>
</div>
</aside>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/blythtynemap-1.png" alt="Een kaart van de stations van de oude spoorweg." class="wp-image-515" width="439" height="674"/></figure></div>
<p>Zo reden een jaar later de laatste passagiertreinen over 8.000 km spoorlijn door het hele eiland. Dat omvatte de lijnen tussen de mijnsteden van het industriële hart van Northumberland. De Tyne & Wear Metro opende in 1980 en liet sommige heropenen in de buitenwijken van Newcastle en (relatief) welvarende kustplaatsen. Maar een paar km noord ligt de oude Blyth- en Tynespoorweg, al die jaren later nog steeds dicht. Tot nu.</p>
<p>Het lot heeft beslist dat de graafschapsraad en Westminster nu akkoord zijn om deze steden opnieuw te verbinden met de metropool. De Blyth- en Tynespoorweg, nu bekend als de <a href="https://www.northumberland.gov.uk/Highways/Transport-policy/northumberland-line.aspx">Northumberlandlijn</a>, zal, als alles volgens plan verloopt, in 2024 weer open gaan. Om dit historische moment te vieren, dacht ik te kijken wat er geworden is van deze oude stations. Ik heb er veertien geïdentificeerd, verleden, heden en toekomst. Ik zal tussen elk van hen lopen en elk van hun verhalen vertellen. De lijst bevat:</p>
<ul><li><strong>Northumberland Park</strong>, een metrostation dat klaar is om het knooppunt van de nieuwe lijn te worden</li><li>Backworth de tweede</li><li>Backworth de eerste, al lang gesloten tijdens de bijl van Beeching</li><li>Seghill</li><li><strong>Seaton Delaval</strong>, gepland om te heropenen</li><li>Hartley Pit/Hartley, twee oude stations slechts en paar meter van elkaar</li><li><strong>Newsham</strong>, gepland om te heropenen</li><li>Blyth, op een oude aftakking</li><li><strong>Blyth Bebside</strong>, gepland om te heropenen</li><li><strong>Bedlington</strong>, gepland om te heropenen</li><li>Noord-Seaton</li><li><strong>Ashington</strong>, gepland om te heropenen</li><li>Woodhorn: stond op de eerste plannen voor heropening, maar is sindsdien mysterious verdwenen</li><li>Newbiggin: het station bestaat niet meer, maar de route is veilig gesteld voor het geval</li></ul>
Walking the Blyth and Tyne: an introduction2021-09-12T11:11:55Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/walking-the-blyth-and-tyne-introduction
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/walking_the_blyth_and_tyne.jpg" alt="A montage of scenes around Northumberland, with the caption: "Walking the Blyth and Tyne (a railway odyssey on foot)"" class="wp-image-490"/><figcaption>Photo credits: <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/66122200@N00/2570201906">Martin Beek</a>, <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/16801915@N06/48586305807">Reading Tom</a>, <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/10390868@N07/8068346421">bazzadarambler</a>, <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/57899800@N00/6690874003">yellow book</a></figcaption></figure>
<p class="has-drop-cap">It’s March of 1963. The island of Great Britain is in the throes of its coldest winter in two decades, senior frontbench <span class="all-sc">MP</span> Harold Wilson was recently handed the reins of the Labour party, the Beatles have just released their debut album, and, somewhere in the bowels of Whitehall, Dr Richard Beeching is writing a report that will change the country’s connecting tissue forever.</p>
<p>Dr Beeching, you see, is the chairman of British Railways, the state-owned company in charge of rail transport, and they’re in a spot of financial trouble. British Railways are in charge of running fifteen thousand miles of track shuttling between about four and a half thousand stations, and the only way they can do that is via generous subsidies from Her Majesty’s Government — something which the governing Conservatives, as a rule, are never too happy about.</p>
<p>So, pen in hand, he takes a metaphorical axe to the network, marking about half of the island’s stations for closure. It’s not pleasant, but it has to be done — and, after all, people can just take the car to their nearest station if their town’s is shut.<sup class="note">i</sup> I’m sure it won’t be too bad.</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">i</span>
<div>
<p>What do you <em>mean</em> “if they’re already in a car they’re probably going to drive the whole way to their destination anyway”‽</p>
</div>
</aside>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="aligncenter size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/blythtynemap.png" alt="An old map displaying the former lines of the Blyth and Tyne Railway, along the coast of southern Northumberland" class="wp-image-504" width="439" height="674"/></figure></div>
<p>That's how, a year later, the last passenger trains ran along 5,000 miles of railway across England, Scotland, and Wales, including those connecting the mining heartland of industrial Northumberland. The Tyne and Wear Metro, opened in 1980, allowed some of these lines to reopen in Newcastle’s suburbs and (relatively) affluent coastal communities. But just a few miles north, the former Blyth and Tyne Railway has lain dormant ever since the axe fell… until now.</p>
<p>In recent years, the stars have aligned, and both the county council and Westminster have agreed to reopen the line, finally bringing these proud towns back together. The Blyth and Tyne Railway, now rechristened by the more attractive name of the <a href="https://www.northumberland.gov.uk/Highways/Transport-policy/northumberland-line.aspx">Northumberland Line</a>, is set to reopen by 2024. To celebrate this historic moment, i thought i’d see what has become of the stations and towns that were. I’ve identified fourteen stations, past, present, and future, along the line, and i’ll be walking between each of them in turn, seeing what stories they tell. The list includes:</p>
<ul><li><strong>Northumberland Park</strong>, the metro station ready and waiting to become the new line’s interchange</li><li>Backworth (the second)</li><li>Backworth (the first), already long closed by the time the axe fell</li><li>Seghill</li><li><strong>Seaton Delaval</strong>, planned for reopening</li><li>Hartley Pit / Hartley, two old stations just metres apart</li><li><strong>Newsham</strong>, planned for reopening</li><li>Blyth, on an old branch line</li><li><strong>Blyth Bebside</strong>, planned for reopening</li><li><strong>Bedlington</strong>, planned for reopening</li><li>North Seaton, now subsumed within Ashington’s town area</li><li><strong>Ashington</strong>, planned for reopening</li><li>Woodhorn, listed on early plans for reopening but mysteriously disappeared since</li><li>Newbiggin-by-the-Sea, no longer in existence but with the route there safeguarded just in case</li></ul>
<p>Won’t you join me?</p>
Recap augustus 2021 (nl)2021-09-01T13:22:30Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/recap-augustus-2021
<p class="has-drop-cap">Als de maand endigt en de zomer ten einde loopt is het weer tijd voor de maandelijk recap van alles dat is gebeurd. Dit was augustus.</p>
<h2>Bekeken films</h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/thesuicid.jpg" alt="Een ticketstompje voor The Suicide Squad" class="wp-image-472" width="300" height="321"/></figure>
<ul><li>Wes Andersons <em lang="en">The grand Budapest hotel</em> (2014) — Ik wil binnenin deze film wonen, en als dat niet mogelijk is, zal ik een manier vinden om het hele film aan mijn muur te hangen. Een sterke kanshebber voor mijn tweede favoriete film allertijden. (A+)</li><li>Quentin Tarantino’s <em lang="en">Inglourious basterds</em> (2009) — Ik moest me wel afvragen of hun Duits en Frans eigenlijk wel goed was. (A)</li><li>Ilya Naishullers <em lang="en">Nobody</em> (2021) — Een goed actiefilmpje met leuke scènes die ik vermoedelijk zal vergeten binnen de jaar. (C)</li><li>James Gunns <em lang="en">The suicide squad</em> (2021) — Ik ging naar de bioscoop voor de eerste keer sinds de pandemie begon om dit te zien - ik zou alles geaccepteerd hebben! (B)</li></ul>
<h2>Beluisterde albums</h2>
<ul><li>The Beatles’ <em lang="en">Sgt. Pepper’s lonely hearts club band</em> — (Classic/10) [Beste nummer: <a lang="en" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usNsCeOV4GM">„A day in the life”</a>]</li><li>Chvrches’ <em lang="en">Screen violence</em> — Het is ….<em> oké</em>? Niet hun beste, niet hun slechtste. (C) [Beste nummer: <a lang="en" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zu993RzBKPM">„Better if you don’t”</a>]</li><li>Lucy Dacus’ <em lang="en">Home video</em> — Práchtig. (B+) [Beste nummer: <a lang="en" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GVnrnqoZ7o">„Triple dog dare”</a>]</li><li>Green Day’s <em lang="en">American idiot</em> — Tegen het einde begint het allemaal een beetje hetzelfde te klinken. (C+) [Beste nummer: <a lang="en" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ee_uujKuJMI">„American idiot”</a>]</li><li>Will Woods <em lang="en">The normal album</em> — Chaotisch Goed. (A-) [Beste nummer: <a lang="en" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNAk4yS6kRo">„I / me / myself”</a>]</li></ul>
<h2>Diverse foto’s en video’s</h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/bedlington.jpg" alt="Boven een boerderij vol paarden verrijzen voorstedelijke gebouwen, waaronder een pub en een flatgebouw." class="wp-image-467" width="655" height="169"/><figcaption>De saaie — maar uitstekend fotografeerbare — stad Bedlington.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/tynebridge.jpg" alt="Op het dak van een gebouw in een drukke stad, een paar stoelen, een plastic tafel, en een ladder naar een klein houten platform." class="wp-image-466"/><figcaption>Genomen vanaf de Tyne Bridge. Ik kan alleen maar hopen dat de winkeleigenaar me niet gaat aanklagen.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/monument.jpg" alt="Het reuzenetiket van metrostation Monument strekt zich uit naar de achtergrond." class="wp-image-468"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-video"><video controls src="/garden/media/8mb.video-MD2-KsBpw0Yj.mp4"></video><figcaption>Het prachtige uitzicht vanuit de metro over de rivier Tyne.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/gateshead.jpg" alt="Een mozaïek van wolken met uitzicht op een berg is aangebracht boven de bewegwijzering van het metrostation van Gateshead." class="wp-image-469" width="655" height="432"/></figure>
August 2021 recap2021-09-01T12:49:15Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/august-2021-recap
<p class="has-drop-cap">As the month winds up and summer draws to a close, it's time again for the menstrual (<a href="https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/menstrual#English">not that kind!</a>) look back on the month that was.</p>
<h2>Films watched</h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/thesuicid.jpg" alt="A ticket stub for The Suicide Squad" class="wp-image-472" width="300" height="321"/></figure>
<ul><li>Wes Anderson’s <em>The Grand Budapest Hotel</em> (2014) — I want to live inside of this film, and if that is not possible, i will somehow find a way to hang the entire thing on my wall. A strong contender for my second favourite film ever. (A+)</li><li>Quentin Tarantino’s <em>Inglourious Basterds</em> (2009) — You do have to wonder if their German and French was actually any good. (A)</li><li>Ilya Naishuller’s <em>Nobody</em> (2021) — A good action film with fun setpieces which i’ll probably forget i ever watched. (C)</li><li>James Gunn’s <em>The Suicide Squad</em> (2021) — I went to the cinema for the first time since the pandemic began to watch this — I think i would have taken just about anything! (B)</li></ul>
<h2>Albums listened to</h2>
<ul><li>The Beatles’ <em>Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band</em> — I am not entirely sure i could give this album an objective ranking after all these years of it being talked up, so, uh, (Classic/10) [Best track: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=usNsCeOV4GM">A Day in the Life</a>]</li><li>Chvrches’ <em>Screen Violence</em> — It’s.... fine, i guess? Not their best, not their worst. (C) [Best track: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zu993RzBKPM">Better If You Don’t</a>]</li><li>Lucy Dacus’s <em>Home Video</em> — Beautiful. Just beautiful. (B+) [Best track: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-GVnrnqoZ7o">Triple Dog Dare</a>]</li><li>Green Day’s <em>American Idiot</em> — By the end of it it all starts sounding a bit same-y. (C+) [Best track: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ee_uujKuJMI">American Idiot</a>]</li><li>Will Wood’s <em>The Normal Album</em> — Chaotic good. (A-) [Best track: <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNAk4yS6kRo">I / Me / Myself</a>]</li></ul>
<h2>Miscellaneous photos and videos</h2>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/bedlington.jpg" alt="Suburban buildings rise from above a farm full of horses, including a pub and a block of flats." class="wp-image-467"/><figcaption>The dull but eminently photographable town of Bedlington.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/tynebridge.jpg" alt="On the roof of a building in a crowded city, some chairs, a plastic table, and a ladder up to a small wooden platform." class="wp-image-466"/><figcaption>Surreptitiously taken from the Tyne Bridge. I can only hope the shop owner isn’t going to sue me.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/monument.jpg" alt="The giant label of Monument metro station stretches into the background." class="wp-image-468"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-video"><video controls src="/garden/media/8mb.video-MD2-KsBpw0Yj.mp4"></video><figcaption>The beautiful view from the Metro over the river Tyne.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/gateshead.jpg" alt="A mosaic of clouds overlooking a mountain is set above the signage at Gateshead's underground station." class="wp-image-469"/></figure>
Links for the 28^th of August2021-08-28T22:00:44Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-for-the-28th-of-august
<ul><li>Gazing at the tubes:<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cr_rb_pitHk]">The story of Ralph Bakshi and his troubled 1978 adaptation of <em>The Lord of the Rings</em></a>. An hour’s watch, but well worth it.</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FVV8PvWtak">I fear that even writing the title of this video will cause psychic damage to anyone reading it, but this is the music they play in hell</a></li></ul></li><li>Wikipedia wanderings:<ul><li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gli">Gli, cat of the Hagia Sophia</a></li><li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nutellagate">Nutellagate</a></li></ul></li><li><a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-india-58184024">The innovative ways gay South Asian couples celebrate their marriage, blending old and new</a></li><li><a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-guernsey-58357642">The tiny Channel island of Sark, where cars are banned, has hosted a <em>lawnmower</em> race instead</a></li><li><a href="https://www.bruceupyourwedding.com/">Steve Bruce up your wedding</a></li><li><em><a href="https://richardhat.blogspot.com/">Richard in a Hat</a></em>, a blog where a passionate collector of hats posts photos of himself wearing said hats — this is what the internet was made for, i feel <small>(via the ever-excellent, but unrelated, <em><a href="http://languagehat.com/richard-in-a-hat/">Language Hat</a></em>)</small><sup class="note">i</sup></li></ul>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">i</span>
<div>
<p>I’ve said the word “hat” too many times now. It doesn’t sound like a real word anymore.</p>
</div>
</aside>Untitled2021-08-26T19:43:14Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/453
<p>Seen at a post office while out and about:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/divintpaakyecaa.jpg" alt="Two paper signs, the top one reading "Customa notice: Divn't paark yer car on the yella lines or itll have to gan to the scrappy", the bottom reading "Customer notice: Please do not park on the yellow lines / your vehicle creates a safety hazard"" class="wp-image-454"/></figure>
Can you guess the Radiohead song from under a second of audio?2021-08-26T19:10:25Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/can-you-guess-the-radiohead-song-from-under-a-second-of-audio
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5h7nQdWhKg
</div></figure>
<p>Best i could do was 8 out of 15, only one better than the gentleman in the video.</p>
<p>You could make a good webpage out of quizzes like these — i don’t know if i’d be willing to risk the copyright claims, but if anyone else wants a go at it, you’re very welcome to the idea.</p>
The Victoria Tunnel2021-08-21T20:12:07Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/victoria-tunnel
<p class="has-drop-cap">The Victoria Tunnel runs beneath the streets of Newcastle, from the Tyne up to the Town Moor. It traverses not only space, but time, through nearly every corner of England’s history: built to transport coal in the Industrial Revolution, on the site of an old Roman spring, it was used during the second world war to house those fleeing German bombs. It was even considered for use in the cold war, before the government realised that some musty old coal tunnels would probably not provide the <em>greatest</em> protection against a nuclear blast.</p>
<p>And now you can go down it. In 2007, Newcastle City Council decided to refurbish the tunnel and open a small stretch of it — the rest is either unsafe for sending humans down or currently in use as a sewer — up for public tours. Entry is via a side street along the Ouseburn, where the guides will cheerfully show you a map and some old photographs of the entrance. Once you get inside the tunnel itself, hard hats and torches are compulsory, and covid restrictions are still in full force. This was both a benefit and a malefit: yes, the tour was shorter than it would otherwise be, and masks get quite uncomfortable when you’re wearing them for an hour in a dank, dark tunnel, but on the other hand, our small group of family and friends got the place practically all to ourselves, without having to be shepherded alongside other members of the public.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-full"><img src="/garden/media/romanspring.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-445"/><figcaption>The water from the ancient Roman spring is directed through a side channel, to avoid it getting all over the tunnel floor. Sometimes it even works!</figcaption></figure>
<p>The tunnel is just barely wide enough to fit three people side-by-side, and if, like me, you’re of a certain height, bumping your head on the roof is practically guaranteed. By every blast door, there’s a plaque about what’s above you, and how it factors into the tunnel and the city’s history, stories with which the guides will gladly regale visitors (including some rather grim tragedies).</p>
<p>Coming back out the entrance, i felt more informed about this wonderful county’s industrial history — just in time to pop over to a gentrified vegan “superfood pub”. The wonders of modern life.</p>
<h2>Information for prospective visitors</h2>
<ul><li>Tours can be booked <a href="https://www.ouseburntrust.org.uk/visit-vt">on the Ouseburn Trust’s website</a>.</li><li><strong>Price:</strong> £9–11 per adult depending on the length of the tour; £4 per child</li><li><strong>Address:</strong> <address>Victoria Tunnel Entrance, Ouse St., Valley, Newcastle upon Tyne <span class="all-sc">NE1 2PF</span></address> — just next to the CrossFit gym.</li><li><strong>Accessibility:</strong> The tunnel was built in the 19th century and without accessibility in mind, so is not wheelchair-accessible. The Ouseburn Trust do, due to the pandemic, offer a virtual tour.</li><li><strong>Getting there:</strong> The <span class="all-sc">Q3</span> bus from the centre of town stops nearby; otherwise, getting there poses a bit of a hike, due to its location.</li></ul>
Links for the 20^th of August2021-08-20T13:28:44Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-for-the-20th-of-august
<ul><li><a href="https://nitter.42l.fr/budgetfilmmaker/status/1427642241917628419">Recreating the original <em>Thomas the Tank Engine</em> model railway</a></li><li><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2021/aug/18/row-larry-landtrain-visitors-lindisfarne">The holy war over Larry Landtrain</a></li><li><a href="https://www.washingtontunnels.com/">An atlas of the underground tunnels of Washington, D.C.</a></li><li><a href="https://www.openculture.com/2021/08/take-a-trip-to-the-lsd-museum-the-largest-collection-of-blotter-art-in-the-world.html">The Institute of Illegal Images, home to the world’s largest collection of <span class="all-sc">LSD</span> blotter art</a></li><li><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/otu8yw/the_elusive_moose_in_new_zealand_did_they_die_off/">The moose of New Zealand</a>: did they die off in the 1900s, or do they still roam the South Island in secret?</li><li><a href="https://typethealphabet.app/">How fast can you type the alphabet?</a> Best i can do is 3.162 seconds.</li></ul>
Links for the 14^th of August2021-08-14T21:25:14Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-for-the-14th-of-august
<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YOQgTMMpYzA">Ranking all 43 <span class="uppercase">US</span> presidents by looks</a></li><li><a href="https://www.stroom.nl/nl/kor/project.php?pr_id=4355555">There’s a statue of <span class="theonym">Hermaphroditos</span> in <span lang="nl">Den Haag</span>.</a> I might have to pay a visit next time i’m back home...</li><li><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2021/aug/12/nature-is-interconnected-and-collaborative-and-our-business-is-too">Oh, to be a lesbian crofter sustainably farming with my wife in the highlands of Scotland</a></li><li><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/08/10/magazine/camp-i-am.html">In 2008, the mother of a gender-non-conforming son started a gender-non-conforming summer camp — 14 years later, a photographer with the <em>New York Times </em>revisits the attendees</a></li><li><a href="https://www.economist.com/asia/2021/08/07/pacific-countries-face-more-complex-problems-than-sinking">Pacific islands face more complex climate issues than just sinking</a></li></ul>
High Force (nl)2021-08-04T11:11:57Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/high-force-2
<p class="has-drop-cap">Verborgen tussen de heidevelden en Penninsche pieken van County Durham ligt de machtigste waterval in Engeland. Het water van <a href="https://www.raby.co.uk/high-force/waterfall/">High Force</a> tuimelt over 22 meter en 300 miljoen jaar rots naar het poel beneden. De waterval is ontstaan waar de rivier de Tees de <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whin_Sill">Whin Sill</a> kruist, een harde plaat van stollingsgesteente die een groot deel van het noorden van Engeland bedekt. </p>
<p>Als het waterpeil hoog genoeg is splitst de kracht zich in twee stromen, waarvan er een de andere kant op gaat rond de rotsen — na stormen kan het zelfs het hele plateau overstromen. Helaas, mijn groep had niet zoveel geluk, ondanks recente regenbuien.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-video"><video controls src="/garden/media/8mb.video-ee4-NAFW7jRI.mp4"><track src="/garden/media/highforce_en-1.vtt" label="English" srclang="en-GB" kind="captions"/><track src="/garden/media/highforce_nl.vtt" label="Nederlands" srclang="nl"/></video></figure>
<p>De familie Raby, de eigenaars van het landgoed, vragen £5 om het uitzicht vanaf de voet van de waterval te mogen bewonderen. De waterval torent boven degene die durft naar beneden te gaan… en die niet zal missen dat er enkele mensen staan boven aan de rotsen. Die hebben helemaal niets betaald, want zij wandelde langs de gratis <a href="https://www.nationaltrail.co.uk/en_GB/trails/pennine-way/">Penninische Weg</a>. Verdorie.</p>
<h2>Informatie voor bezoekers</h2>
<ul><li><strong>Adres:</strong> <address lang="en">High Force, Forest-in-Teesdale, Barnard Castle, County Durham, <span class="all-sc">DL12 0XH</span>, <span lang="nl">Verenigd Koninkrijk</span>.</address></li><li><strong>Bereikbaarheid:</strong> Openbaar vervoer is schaars in dit deel van het land, dus u kunt het beste een schilderachtige autorit maken door de Pennines en het negentiende-eeuwse dorp Middleton-in-Teesdale.</li><li><strong>Prijs:</strong> Het Raby landgoed rekent £5 voor toegang via de bodem, maar de top is gratis toegankelijk door een wandeling langs de Penninische Weg.</li><li><strong>Toegankelijkheid en faciliteiten:</strong> Het pad is, voor zover ik weet, niet rolstoeltoegankelijk. De familie Raby houden toiletten en een hotel voor wie wil overnachten.</li></ul>
High Force2021-08-04T10:40:04Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/high-force
<p class="has-drop-cap">Nestled amongst County Durham’s moors and Pennine peaks lies England’s mightiest waterfall. The waters of <a href="https://www.raby.co.uk/high-force/waterfall/">High Force</a> tumble over 22 metres and 300 million years of stone, down into the plunge pool below. The falls were formed where the river Tees meets the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Whin_Sill">Great Whin Sill</a>, a tough slab of igneous rock covering much of the north of England.</p>
<p>When the water level is high enough, the force splits into two streams, one going the other way around the rocks — after storms, it can even overflow the plateau entirely. Alas, despite recent showers, my group were not so lucky.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-video"><video controls src="/garden/media/8mb.video-ee4-NAFW7jRI.mp4"><track src="/garden/media/highforce_en-1.vtt" label="English" srclang="en-GB" kind="captions"/><track src="/garden/media/highforce_nl.vtt" label="Nederlands" srclang="nl"/></video></figure>
<p>The Raby family, owners of the estate, charge £2 to see the view from the base of the falls. The falls tower over any mere human who dares navigate down, demanding one’s respect and attention… and making it unmissable that, at the top of the falls, there are several people who walked their on their own via the <a href="https://www.nationaltrail.co.uk/en_GB/trails/pennine-way/">Pennine Way</a>, not having to pay a single dime. Drat.</p>
<h2>Information for visitors</h2>
<ul><li><strong>Address:</strong> <address>High Force, Forest-in-Teesdale, Barnard Castle, County Durham, <span class="all-sc">DL12 0XH</span>.</address></li><li><strong>Getting there:</strong> Public transit connections are few and far between this far into the countryside, so your best bet is to take a scenic drive via car through the Pennines and the nineteenth-century village of Middleton-in-Teesdale.</li><li><strong>Price:</strong> The Raby estate charges £2 to access via the bottom, but the top can be freely accessed by a hike along the Pennine Way.</li><li><strong>Opening times: </strong>10:00–16:00.</li><li><strong>Accessibility and facilities:</strong> The trail is not, to my knowledge, wheelchair-accessible. The site contains toilets and a hotel for anyone wanting to stay the night.</li></ul>
July 2021 recap2021-07-30T23:27:49Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/july-2021-recap
<p class="has-drop-cap">The month of July is almost over, so it’s time for the traditional wrap-up of all that happened.</p>
<p>On the nineteenth of the month, with just over half of our population fully vaccinated against the virus, England finally opened up and embraced full covid anarchy, come what may. For me, the primary feeling was an overwhelming sense of relief: no more having to suffocate myself with a mask at the shops, no more will-they-won’t-they, just… getting on with life.</p>
<p>I’ve taken the opportunity that is the unlocking to (vaguely) plan a series of posts which may come to this blog in the near future. Keep your eyes peeled!</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<h2>Films and <span class="all-sc">TV</span> watched</h2>
<p><em><strong>The Big Lebowski</strong> </em>— A film about three dudes who just want to bowl. I have heard great things about this film since roughly the moment i clicked on the “Internet Explorer” icon for the first time, and i can’t help but feel i would have enjoyed it a little more had it not had all the hype about it. It’s an excellent film, and one i’ll be rewatching soon, but i suspect years on the internet inflated my expectations to an unreasonable extent. (Very good/10)</p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>Yeah, well, that’s just, like, your opinion, man.</p></blockquote>
<p><em><strong>Paddington</strong> </em>— Watched with some friends over Discord. A fine family film, and a decent contender for the dictionary definition of “wholesome”. We could all strive to be a little more like Paddington Bear. (Hard stare/10)</p>
<p><em><strong>Fargo</strong> </em>— A film about a man who just wants to sell a used car. A great black comedy thriller with even better accents (oh yah). (Super/10)</p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>What’d this guy look like, anyway?<br>— Oh, he was a little guy… kinda funny lookin’.<br>— Uh-huh. In what way?<br>— Oh, just a general kinda way.</p></blockquote>
<p><strong><em>Inside №9</em></strong> — This comedy-horror-drama-plot-twistiness-is-that-a-genre?-probably-not anthology show just doesn’t miss. Almost every episode is uproariously funny, slightly creepy, and has a twist that will leave you with your mouth hanging open at the screen.</p>
<p>Highlights include <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b08h7trr/inside-no-9-series-3-3-the-riddle-of-the-sphinx">The Riddle of the Sphinx</a> (the one with the crosswords), <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b03vkx2t/inside-no-9-series-1-2-a-quiet-night-in?seriesId=b03tvq6m">A Quiet Night In</a> (the one without the dialogue), <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b05rd99b/inside-no-9-series-2-4-cold-comfort?seriesId=b05p655x">Cold Comfort</a> (the one with the Samaritans), <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b09m61xl/inside-no-9-series-4-2-bernie-cliftons-dressing-room?seriesId=b09lddtr">Bernie Clifton’s Dressing Room</a> (the one with the washed-up comedians), <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b05pwfcf/inside-no-9-series-2-2-the-12-days-of-christine?seriesId=b05p655x">The 12 Days of Christine</a> (the really sad one), and, of course, their exceedingly meta live special, <a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b0bqn4g3/inside-no-9-live-dead-line?seriesId=b09lddtr">Dead Line</a>. (40 tablets/10)</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<h2>Links for the end of July</h2>
<ul><li><a href="https://stonehenge-aotearoa.nz">New Zealand has its own, crummier Stonehenge</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4SBDH5uhs4Q">Wendy Carlos demonstrates her Moog synthesiser in 1970</a> [4 minute watch]</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FzF1KySHmUA">Guy debunks 9/11 truthers with an actual steel beam</a> [2 minute watch]</li><li><a href="https://admiralcloudberg.medium.com/call-of-the-void-seven-years-on-what-do-we-know-about-the-disappearance-of-malaysia-airlines-77fa5244bf99?postPublishedType=repub">Seven years on, what do we know about the disappearance of <span class="all-sc">MH</span>370?</a></li><li><a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/UnresolvedMysteries/comments/geav5l/around_2000_medieval_era_tunnels_can_be_found/">What's the deal with the <em>Erdställe</em>, the thousands of odd mediæval tunnels scattered across Europe?</a></li><li><a href="https://newfangled.me/young-directors-guide-to-lighting/">The Young Director’s Guide To Lighting</a> (via <a href="https://interconnected.org/home/2021/07/29/filtered">interconnected</a>)</li><li><a href="https://www.inputmag.com/gaming/how-furries-are-making-virtual-reality-worth-visiting">Furries are making virtual reality worth visiting</a></li><li><a href="https://math.stackexchange.com/questions/4207222/why-does-turn-turn-turn-equal-241217-524881">Why does “Turn! Turn! Turn!” equal 241217·524881?</a></li></ul>
Links for the 25^th of July2021-07-25T09:00:38Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-for-the-25th-of-july
<ul><li><a href="https://trevorklee.com/how-to-spot-a-good-fake-id/">How to spot a good fake <span class="all-sc">ID</span> [in the state of Massachusetts]</a></li><li><a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/56720358">The race that only finishes when there’s just one person left running</a></li><li><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/science/2021/jul/15/paralyzed-man-brain-waves-sentences-computer-research">Paralysed man’s brain waves decoded into sentences</a></li><li><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/07/16/technology/what-happened-ibm-watson.html">Whatever happened to <span class="all-sc">IBM</span>’s Watson after <i>Jeopardy</i>? The <i>New York Times</i> answers</a></li><li><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/science/2021/jul/13/safe-space-exploration-planetary-quarantine-mars-nasa">The cosmic importance of interplanetary quarantine</a> (via <a href="https://www.bldgblog.com/2021/07/until-proven-safe/">bldgblog</a>)</li><li><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2021/07/16/arts/kamala-harris-name-sign-language.html">What went into giving Kamala Harris a name in American Sign Language…</a><ul><li><a href="https://limpingchicken.com/2020/11/17/nadia-nadarajah-how-we-created-a-bsl-sign-name-for-kamela-harris-us-vice-president-elect/">…and in <span class="all-sc">BSL</span></a></li></ul></li><li><a href="https://www.sfchronicle.com/projects/2021/jessica-simulation-artificial-intelligence/">The Jessica Simulation: the story of a man who used a chatbot to simulate his dead fiancée</a> (via <a href="https://waxy.org/category/links/">waxy</a>)</li></ul>
A map of Noord-Holland2021-07-15T16:14:42Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/noord-holland
<p>I had that Mapmaking Itch, but, cursed by bike-shedding paralysis about the alternate history map idea i had<sup class="note">α</sup>, i decided to do a little doodle in the back of my journal instead…</p>
<aside class="note">
<span class="note-number">α</span>
<div>
<p>Raster versus vector, what resolution to have it at, that sort of thing.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/mappy2.jpg" alt="A map of North Holland and surrounding provinces doodled on some dotted paper." class="wp-image-380"/></figure>
<p>Don’t mind the chicken scratch. I would have done some nice coloured shading, but i couldn’t be bothered to go downstairs to fetch the coloured pencils.</p>
Untitled2021-07-11T22:18:11Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/376
<p>Absolutely gutted for Bukayo Saka right now. Poor lad…</p>
Untitled2021-07-07T21:51:52Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/372
<p>It’s coming home</p>
Links for the 6^th of June2021-07-06T17:38:02Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-for-the-6th-of-june
<ul><li>Via <em>National Geographic</em>, <a href="https://www.nationalgeographic.com/culture/article/160513-theology-hell-history-christianity">The campaign to (theologically) abolish hell</a> </li><li><a href="https://www.timeout.com/london/shopping/why-is-central-london-suddenly-full-of-american-sweetshops">Why is central London suddenly full of US-American sweetshops?</a> <small>(via lmg)</small></li><li><a href="https://www.polygon.com/2021/2/11/22273073/ban-tran-atari-2600-wabbit-first-female-character-video-games-playable-history-apollo">The search for Ban Tran, forgotten video game pioneeress</a> <small>(ditto)</small></li><li><a href="https://www.28dayslater.co.uk/threads/kingsway-tram-tunnel-london-january-2016.101413/">Exploring London’s forgotten tram tunnel</a> <small>(via things)</small></li><li><a href="https://www.theatlantic.com/photo/2021/06/photos-preserving-hong-kong-miniature/619316/">Miniature models of old Hong Kong</a> <small>(ditto)</small></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QS1xvtLV8Xw">A Royal Military Police video shown to first-time travellers along the corridor to West Berlin through East Germany in the ’80s</a> </li><li><a href="https://www.stripes.com/theaters/middle_east/2021-07-02/pokemon-go-bagram-troop-withdrawal-2027917.html">As the US withdraws from Afghanistan, the locals are taking back the <em>Pokémon Go</em> gyms</a></li></ul>
June 2021 recap2021-07-02T19:38:09Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/june-2021-recap
<p>My apologies for the delay. I <em>knew</em> i’d forgotten something!</p>
<h2>Music listened to and TV watched</h2>
<ul><li>Bo Burnham’s <em>Inside</em>: A strong candidate for my favourite Thing of 2021. It is, frankly, unfair that one man can make me feel so many emotions in the span of an hour and a half — loved almost every minute of it! <small>(That song about sexting does drag on a bit, though…)</small> (A+)</li><li>Wolf Alice’s <em>Blue Weekend</em>: Bloody brilliant. (A)</li><li>Beabadoobee’s <em>Our Extended Play</em>: Yeah, this’ll do for new music from The 1975 while we wait for that Drive Like I Do compilation album. (B+)</li><li>Haim’s <em>Days Are Gone</em>: Didn’t really do much for me. Some alright singles, though! (C-)</li><li>Porter Robinson’s <em>Nurture</em>: After months of promising i’d listen to it in full when i got my hands on the vinyl, i finally admitted to myself that it was out of stock and i’d have to wait until August otherwise. It’s a pretty good album, but part of me wonders how i’d feel about it if i hadn’t worn the singles to death already… (B)</li><li>Euro 2020: I’d never really thought myself the football fan type. Nevertheless… <em>come on England!!</em></li></ul>
<h2>Most viewed pages on the site last month</h2>
<ol><li><a href="/">Index page</a>: 256 views</li><li><a href="/linkroll">Linkroll</a>: 136 views</li><li><a href="/garden"><em>The Garden</em> (index page)</a>: 65 views</li><li><a href="/about">About the author</a>: 46 views</li><li><a href="/bucketlist">Things to do before i die</a>: 28 views</li><li><a href="/music">Music i like</a>: 26 views</li><li><a href="/belief">What i believe</a>: 25 views</li><li><a href="/toaster/shader">Toaster shade generator</a>: 24 views</li><li><a href="/crying">Songs i have cried my silly little heart out to</a>: 20 views</li><li><a href="/continents">There Are Two Continents</a>: 20 views</li></ol>
<h2>Most read posts on <em>The Garden</em> (in no particular order)</h2>
<ul><li><a href="/garden/2021/06/haman">Men, women, ha’men?</a></li><li><a href="/garden/2021/06/bog-trotters">Bog trotters, heart attacks, and a paranoid Auntie</a></li><li><a href="/thegarden/12020/12/christmas">Our Christmas tradition</a></li><li><a href="/thegarden/12021/01/backslashes">Backslashes aren’t real (and other Ascii weirdness)</a></li><li><a href="/garden/2021/06/links-20210604">Links for the 4<sup>th</sup> of June</a></li></ul>
Links for the 29^th of June2021-06-29T12:00:05Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-for-the-29th-of-june
<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKBs9l8jS6Q">A hundred 3<span class="all-sc">D</span> animators put their own spin on the same basic scene.</a> Awesome stuff… the human ability for creativity will never cease to amaze me.</li><li><a href="https://divinecomedy.digital">A digital museum of art depicting scenes from Dante’s <em>Divine Comedy</em>.</a> A lot of it is in untranslated Italian, but hey, visual art is visual art.</li><li>Keeping on the subject of digital museums: <a href="http://www.toastermuseum.com/">an extremely in-depth and <em>extremely</em> 2008 museum of toasters.</a> Would that every website still looked as good and functioned as well as this!</li><li><a href="https://diamondgeezer.blogspot.com/2021/06/madge-gill-on-line.html">Artwork by eccentric artist Madge Gill (and Myrninerest?) has appeared around the Line, a sculpture trail in eastern London.</a></li><li><a href="https://reason.com/2021/06/23/inside-the-battle-over-the-soul-of-the-libertarian-party/">The battle over the future of the U.S. Libertarian party</a>. Low, low stakes here — even our Green parties are more relevant than them...</li></ul>
Untitled2021-06-28T16:49:40Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/357
<p>Highly disappointed in myself for liking that new Ed Sheeran song. Where did i go wrong‽</p>
Wc-wandelaars, hartaanvallen, en een paranoïde BBC (nl)2021-06-26T11:42:54Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/wc-wandelaars
<p><a href="https://hansard.parliament.uk/Commons/1997-06-04/debates/28a8fba5-ae52-4da3-a56e-83613c48d326/ModernisationOfTheHouseOfCommons#contribution-866e87d8-b19e-45d3-99ac-11a442a263bb">Via <i lang="en">Hansard</i></a>, het officiële verslag van het Britse parlementaire debat, laat het toenmalige <span lang="en">Labour</span>-parlementslid <span lang="en">Joe Ashton</span> ons weten wat voor onzin er gebeurde toen de regering een meerderheid van <em>min zeventien </em>had:</p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>Wij hadden vroeger een wc-wandelaar. Wanneer de <span lang="en">division bell</span><sup class="note">α</sup> rinkelde hadden we een boven- en beneden-wc-wandelaar die alle toiletten afliep om te zien of iemand opgesloten zat. We keken onder de deur voor voeten, en als we ze zagen, dan keken we er boven. Als die mens één van hun was liet we hem achter; als hij één van ons was, dan haalde we hem eruit, zoms met een schroevendraaier om de deur van buitenaf te openen. Dat was het soort onzin dat zich voordeed toen het kamer stemde.</p><p>Ik herinner me het beroemde geval van Leslie Spriggs, toenmalig lid voor St. Helens. Er was een staking van stemmen en hij werd naar het kamer gebracht in een ambulance, nadat hij een ernstige haartanval had gehad. De twee <span lang="en">Whips</span> gingen in de ambulance kijken, en daar lag <span lang="en">Leslie Spriggs</span>, alsof hij dood was. Ik geloof dat <span lang="en">John Stradling Thomas</span> tegen <span lang="en">Joe Harper</span> zei: „Hoe weten we dat hij nog leeft?” Dus hij leunde voorover, draaide aan de knop van de hartmachine, het groene lichtje ging rond, en hij zei: „Daar, je hebt verloren — het is 311.” Dat is een absoluut waar verhaal. Het is het soort onzin dat vroeger gebeurde. Niemand gelooft het, maar het is waar.</p><p>[...]</p><p>Toen het parlement voor het eerst op televisie werd uitgezonden, zond de <span class="all-sc">BBC</span> de eerste drie dagen alles uit wat door de luidsprekers kwam. Het was lasterlijk, het was ongelofelijk grof, maar het was hilarisch. De <span class="all-sc">BBC</span> raakte in paniek en zei: „Iemand zal ons aanklagen wegens smaad. Als het in <i lang="en">Hansard</i> staat is het oké, maar als het niet in <i lang="en">Hansard</i> staat worden we aangeklaagd voor smaad.” Dus de <span class="all-sc">BBC</span> stopte met alles uit te zenden; nu blokkeren ze de uitzending zodat mensen alleen „<i lang="en">hear, hear, hear</i>” horen. Ze zijn doodsbang om aangeklaagd te worden voor smaad.
</p></blockquote>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">α</span>
<div>
<p>De <i lang="en">division bell</i> is een bel die door het hele parlement klinkt als het tijd is voor de leden om te stemmen.</p>
</div>
</aside>Bog trotters, heart attacks, and a paranoid Auntie2021-06-25T12:15:47Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/bog-trotters
<p class="has-drop-cap"><a href="https://hansard.parliament.uk/Commons/1997-06-04/debates/28a8fba5-ae52-4da3-a56e-83613c48d326/ModernisationOfTheHouseOfCommons#contribution-866e87d8-b19e-45d3-99ac-11a442a263bb">Via <em>Hansard</em></a>, the official record of British parliamentary business, then–Labour <span class="all-sc">MP</span> <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joe_Ashton">Joe Ashton</a> informs us of the sort of nonsense that went on when the government had a majority of minus seventeen:</p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote"><p>We used to have a bog trotter. When the Division bell rang, we had a top and bottom bog trotter whose job it was to run around all the toilets to see if anyone was locked in. We had to look under the door for feet and, if seen, we looked over the top. If that person was one of theirs we left him, if it was one of ours, we got him out — if necessary with a screwdriver to unlock the door from the outside. That was the sort of nonsense that occurred when the House divided.</p><p>I remember the famous case of <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leslie_Spriggs">Leslie Spriggs</a>, the then Member for St. Helens. We had a tied vote and he was brought to the House in an ambulance having suffered a severe heart attack. The two Whips went out to look in the ambulance and there was Leslie Spriggs laid there as though he was dead. I believe that <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Stradling_Thomas">John Stradling Thomas</a> said to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Harper_(Labour_politician)">Joe Harper</a>, “How do we know that he is alive?” So he leaned forward, turned the knob on the heart machine, the green light went around, and he said, “There, you've lost — it's 311.” That is an absolutely true story. It is the sort of nonsense that used to happen. No one believes it, but it is true.</p><p>[...]</p><p>When Parliament was first broadcast, for the first three days the <span class="all-sc">BBC</span> broadcast everything that came through the loudspeakers. It was libellous, it was unbelievably crude, but it was hilarious. The <span class="all-sc">BBC</span> panicked and said, “Somebody will sue us for libel. If it is in <em>Hansard</em> it is okay, but if it is not in <em>Hansard</em> we will be done for libel.” So the <span class="all-sc">BBC</span> stopped broadcasting everything; now, it jams the broadcast so all people hear is, “Hear, hear, hear.” It is terrified of being sued for libel.</p></blockquote>
<p>This stems from <a href="https://hansard.parliament.uk/Commons/1997-06-04/debates/28a8fba5-ae52-4da3-a56e-83613c48d326/ModernisationOfTheHouseOfCommons#contribution-866e87d8-b19e-45d3-99ac-11a442a263bb">a 1997 debate on the modernisation of parliamentary procedure</a>. More anecdotes from the same speech can be found on the other side of the link.</p>
Notities van een wandeling door {:en-GB Newcastle} (nl)2021-06-25T12:00:36Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/notities-van-newcastle
<p class="has-drop-cap">De verukkelijke vallei van de <span lang="en">Tyne</span> heeft geen gebrek aan uitstekende uitzichten, maar het mooist is mijns inziens dat wat gezien wordt door iemand die langs de <span lang="en">Side</span> loopt.<sup class="note">α</sup> In de schaduw van <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grey%27s_Monument">het Monument</a>, langs de klassieke zuilen van het <span lang="en">Theatre Royal</span> (Koninklijk Theater) en over <span lang="en">Grey Street</span> zodra zij <span lang="en">Dean Street</span> wordt, en eindelijk rechtsaf naar de <span lang="en">Side</span> op de bodem, dan zal de gelukkige reiziger zien dat de gigantische groene boog van de brug over de <span lang="en">Tyne</span> boven hem torent, als een kolos.</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">α</span>
<div>
<p>De kleine straat herbergt ook de <a href="https://www.amber-online.com/side-gallery/" lang="nl">Side Gallery</a>, een fotogalerie verborgen in een zijsteegje, maar dat is voor een andere keer.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image is-resized"><img src="https://live.staticflickr.com/4072/4274283551_5c15154606_b.jpg" alt="De Tyne Bridge, een hoge groene boog over de rivier, overeind gehouden door twee kolossale torens van zandsteen en baksteen." width="655" height="873"/><figcaption>Foto door <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/23108377@N07/4274283551\">Alex Liivet</a>. <span class="all-sc">CC BY</span>-2.0.</figcaption></figure>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignleft size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/image-1.png" alt="Een krakkemikkige oude trap leidt naar een gebied dat verborgen is door overgroeid struikgewas." class="wp-image-280" width="216" height="211"/><figcaption>De rottende houten trap, zoals te zien op Google street view.</figcaption></figure></div>
<p>Ik weet niet of een foto ooit kan weergeven hoe het is om onder die brug te staan. Maar een van de meest opmerkelijke dingen over dit uitzicht heeft niets te maken met het uitzicht zelf. Stel je voor dat onze reiziger nu langs de kade loopt, totdat hij aan een leeg stuk grond komt, en dan halverwege een stel rottende houten trappen oploopt. Hij zal zich vergapen aan het twééde mooiste uitzicht van de stad: een prachtige panorama op elke brug tussen de twee oevers van de machtige <span lang="en">Tyne</span>.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/bridges.jpg" alt="Zeven bruggen over de Tyne, geflankeerd door de oude gebouwen van Newcastle aan de rechterkant en de moderne regeneratie van Gateshead aan de linkerkant." class="wp-image-283"/></figure>
<p>We verdienen deze stad niet.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<p>Ik had geen fles water meegenomen, want ik wou aanvankelijk alleen maar naar het stadscentrum en terug: het roekeloze idee om helemaal naar <span lang="en">Wallsend</span> te gaan kwam spontaan in me op, al ver van huis. De hele weg gaan zonder fles bleek al snel een slecht idee, dus ik klom naar de lokale buurtwinkel — en, godenzijdank, zij hadden al het flessenwater dat iemand ooit zou willen!</p>
<p>Helemaal gehydrateerd, ik was klaar om verder te lopen… maar toen zag ik een wonderbaarlijke ding. Een klein parkje, een opening van groen met een paar banken en inscripties op de grond, verscholen tussen een woonwijk en een bouwplaats. Ik nam enkele foto’s. Ik zou ze graag laten zien, maar helaas, tussen dese reis en het schrijven van deze post werd mijn gsm gestolen.</p>
<p>Als je toch een bezoek wilt brengen, het is dat parkje naast 5 <span lang="en">Belmont Street</span>. Google weigert me een echt adres te geven, maar je kunt het niet missen!</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/technipfmc.jpg" alt="Een kwaadaardig uitziend kantoorgebouw naast een gigantische witte kubus met het logo "TechnipFMC"." class="wp-image-285"/></figure>
<p>Een verslag van mijn denkproces wanner ik het bovenstaande gebouw zag:</p>
<ul><li>Dat gebouw ziet er zeer diabolisch uit, maar ik kan niet precies zeggen waarom…</li><li>Ik ga het bedrijf opzoeken.</li><li>Ah, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TechnipFMC">een fossiele-energie-bedrijf</a> — ze zijn tóch diabolisch!</li></ul>
<p>Over een fiets- en voet­gangers­brug dichtbij kwam it wat graffiti tegen die echt de moderne Engelse psyche samenvatten: een poster van <span lang="en">Extinction Rebellion", een doorgestreept <s class="all-sc">„EDL”</s>,<sup class="note">β</sup> en een pik en kloten.</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">β</span>
<div>
<p>De <span class="all-sc">EDL</span> zijn de <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_Defence_League" lang="en">English Defence League</a> [Engelse Verdedigingsbond], een afschuwelijke islamofobe organisatie van voetbalhooligans.
</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/cockbollox.jpg" alt="Graffiti op een blauwe brugmuur. Van links naar rechts: Een XR poster met 'Act Now', 'Kyle', 'EDL' (doorgestreept), 'Erok', 'FLK', en een lul en kloten." class="wp-image-286"/></figure>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<p>Ik droeg een plaat van <span class="all-sc">HMV</span> (<em>Hot Fuss</em>, door de Killers, als je het zo nodig moet weten) de hele weg mee, en laat me je vertellen, mijn armen deden aan het eind ervan echt pijn! Tenminste kwam zij een tas…</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<p>Om af te sluiten, hier zijn vier foto’s die niet interessant genoeg waren voor een volledige sectie, en een kaart van mijn tocht. Bedankt voor het lezen!</p>
<figure class="wp-block-gallery columns-3"><ul class="blocks-gallery-grid"><li class="blocks-gallery-item"><figure><img src="/garden/media/lookingdown-1.jpg" alt="We kijken van een trap af, omringd door bomen, naar de rivier." data-id="298" class="wp-image-298"/></figure></li><li class="blocks-gallery-item"><figure><img src="/garden/media/fabriek.jpg" alt="" data-id="292" class="wp-image-292"/></figure></li><li class="blocks-gallery-item"><figure><img src="/garden/media/towerinpark.jpg" alt="" data-id="291" class="wp-image-291"/></figure></li><li class="blocks-gallery-item"><figure><img src="/garden/media/wallsend.jpg" alt="" data-id="290" class="wp-image-290"/></figure></li></ul>
<figcaption>Van links naar onder: Een foto naar beneden kijkend van kort na het tweede mooiste uitzicht; een mooi uitzicht op de AkzoNobel fabriek op de tegenoverliggende oever van de rivier; een of andere toren; en het letterlijke <span lang="en">„Wall’s end”</span>.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/de_kaart-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-336"/></figure>
Untitled2021-06-21T11:41:11Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/310
<p>Me writing long run-on sentences for my blog in English: Haha fuck yeah!!! Yes!!</p>
<p>Me having to translate them into Dutch: Well this fucking sucks. What the fuck.</p>
Notes from a walk through Newcastle2021-06-19T20:30:17Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/newcastle-notes
<p class="has-drop-cap">The gorgeous gorge that is the Tyne valley has no shortage of winsome views, but the most beautiful, in my opinion, is that which appears to one who goes down the Side.<sup class="note">α</sup> In the Monument’s shadow, after passing the classical columns of the Theatre Royal and descending Grey Street as it becomes Dean Street, finally taking a turn onto the Side at the bottom, the lucky traveller will find themself towered over by the behemoth that is the Tyne Bridge:</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">α</span>
<div>
<p>The short street is also home to the fantastic <a href="https://www.amber-online.com/side-gallery/">Side Gallery</a> of photography, but that’s a story for another time.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image is-resized"><img src="https://live.staticflickr.com/4072/4274283551_5c15154606_b.jpg" alt="The Tyne Bridge, a soaring green arch over the river, held up by two hulking sandstone-brick towers." width="655" height="873"/><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/23108377@N07/4274283551\">Alex Liivet</a>. Licenced under <span class="all-sc">CC BY</span>-2.0.</figcaption></figure>
<div class="wp-block-image"><figure class="alignleft size-large is-resized"><img src="/garden/media/image-1.png" alt="A rickety old set of stairs leads into an area obscured by overgrown shrubbery." class="wp-image-280" width="216" height="211"/><figcaption>The rotting wooden stairs, as seen on Google street view.</figcaption></figure></div>
<p>I’m not sure any photograph can ever match what it’s like to be there under that bridge. One of the most remarkable things about this view, though, has nothing to do with the view itself, but rather what happens if one walks down the Quayside for a little while, reaches an empty brownfield plot, and clambers up a set of rotting wooden stairs to its right. Because, inexplicably, just a few metres from the most beautiful view in town, one can find the <em>second</em> most beautiful view in town, a glorious lookout on every bridge linking the two banks of the river.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/bridges.jpg" alt="Seven bridges across the Tyne, flanked by Newcastle’s old buildings on the right and Gateshead’s modern regeneration on the left." class="wp-image-283"/></figure>
<p>We don’t deserve this city.</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<p>I had initially neglected to bring a water bottle along with me; i had only intended a quick jaunt to the centre of town and back, and the foolhardy idea of walking all the way to Wallsend came to me spontaneously. This quickly proved a bad idea, and so i made a trek up to the corner shop, who thankfully had all the bottled water anyone could ever want or need.</p>
<p>After leaving fully rehydrated and ready to walk back, i noticed the most wonderful little thing. A parklet, this small opening of green space with some benches and inscriptions, tucked between a housing area and a construction site. I took some pictures — i would have loved to show them to you, but alas, my phone got stolen in the intervening time between this trip and me writing this post, taking the photographs with it.</p>
<p>Nevertheless, if you’d like to visit (or live vicariously through Google street view), it’s that little park adjacent to 5 Belmont Street. (Google stubbornly refuses to give a proper address, but you can’t miss it!)</p>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/technipfmc.jpg" alt="An *exceedingly* evil looking office building next to a gigantic white cube bearing the logo "TechnipFMC"." class="wp-image-285"/></figure>
<p>An account of my thought process upon seeing the above building complex:</p>
<ul><li>That building looks exceedingly evil, but i can’t quite place my finger on why…</li><li>I’m going to look the company up.</li><li>Ah, <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TechnipFMC">a fossil fuel company</a> — they <em>are</em> evil!</li></ul>
<p>Just a few yards ahead, crossing a foot-and-cycle bridge, i happened upon some strikingly relevant graffiti, alongside some other pieces which really sum up the modern English psyche: an Extinction Rebellion poster, a crossed out <s class="all-sc">“EDL”</s>,<sup class="note">β</sup> and a cock and bollocks.</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">β</span>
<div>
<p>For the Yankees in the audience, the <span class="all-sc">EDL</span> are the <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_Defence_League">English Defence League</a>, a particularly nasty Islamophobic organisation comprised mostly of football hooligans.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/cockbollox.jpg" alt="Graffiti on a blue bridge wall. Left to right: An XR poster saying 'Act Now', 'Kyle', 'EDL' (crossed out), 'Erok', 'FLK', and a cock and bollocks." class="wp-image-286"/></figure>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<p>I carried a record from <span class="all-sc">HMV</span> (the Killers’ <em>Hot Fuss</em>, if you must know) the whole way, and let me tell you, my arms were positively aching by the end of it! At least i had a bag…<sup class="note">γ</sup></p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">γ</span>
<div>
<p>The next time i went in, i, for reasons that current-me finds wholly inexplicable, refused to take the bag, thinking it would just be a short walk home. Having to carry the record by itself led to me not paying attention elsewhere, and <em>that</em> is how i lost my phone.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<hr class="wp-block-separator is-style-wide"/>
<p>To sign off, here are some photos whose stories weren’t interesting enough to make the cut, as well as a map of the journey. Thank you for reading this disjoint mess.</p>
<figure class="wp-block-gallery columns-3"><ul class="blocks-gallery-grid"><li class="blocks-gallery-item"><figure><img src="/garden/media/lookingdown-1.jpg" alt="Looking down a set of steps surrounded by trees, onto the river." data-id="298" class="wp-image-298"/></figure></li><li class="blocks-gallery-item"><figure><img src="/garden/media/fabriek.jpg" alt="" data-id="292" class="wp-image-292"/></figure></li><li class="blocks-gallery-item"><figure><img src="/garden/media/towerinpark.jpg" alt="" data-id="291" class="wp-image-291"/></figure></li><li class="blocks-gallery-item"><figure><img src="/garden/media/wallsend.jpg" alt="" data-id="290" class="wp-image-290"/></figure></li></ul>
<figcaption>Top left to bottom: A picture looking downwards from shortly after the second best view; a nice view of the AkzoNobel factory on the opposite bank of the river; some tower; and the literal wall’s end of Wallsend.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/the_map.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-299"/></figure>
Links for the 18^th of June2021-06-18T09:08:33Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-for-the-18th-of-june
<ul><li><a href="https://www.grubstreet.com/article/pizza-pusha-chris-barrett-pot-legalization.html">A profile of Chris Barrett, the ‘pizza pusha’ who sells pizza laced with cannabis on the grey market</a></li><li><a href="https://devonzuegel.com/post/field-notes-miami">‘Field Notes: Miami’, a nice little profile of what makes the city of Miami special</a></li><li><em><a href="http://www.bewitched.com/art/shortcut/">The Shortcut</a></em></li><li><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/11/us/lake-michigan-coronavirus.html">The man who jumped into Lake Michigan every day for a year</a> (Certainly one way to spend your quarantine…)</li><li><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/travel/2021/jun/13/why-im-walking-from-lands-end-to-john-ogroats">Walking from Land’s End to John o’Groats to celebrate being rid of one’s boring civil service job</a></li><li><a href="http://cintrest.com/influence/"><em>Influence</em>: a fun little territory-capture game; each move not only captures a single space but a little bit of the spaces around it</a></li><li><a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-glasgow-west-57411754">Guy makes airline food at home for some reason</a></li><li><a href="https://spitalfieldslife.com/2021/06/18/so-long-clive-murphy/">Rest in peace, Clive Murphy</a></li></ul>
When was this website established?2021-06-12T21:51:36Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/established
<p class="has-drop-cap">Readers of this site may have noticed that at the bottom of the <a href="/">front page</a> lies an inscription proudly blaring the alleged date this digital demesne was first set up:</p>
<blockquote class="wp-block-quote is-style-default"><p><span class="smallcaps">Established</span> on the 14<sup>th</sup> day of August, 2017 <span class="all-sc">CE</span><br>and the 6<sup>th</sup> day waning of Metageitnion, <abbr title="699th Olympiad, 1st year">χϟθ.α</abbr> <span class="all-sc">AKO</span></p></blockquote>
<p>Given that i’m writing a post called “When was this website established?”, you’ve probably worked out that that’s not completely right. It’s <em>a</em> date that could qualify for the founding of this site, but it’s by no means the only one.</p>
<p>The 14<sup>th</sup> of August, 2017, was the day that i created the account “batavia” (later changed to “marijnflorence” to avoid some <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Batavia,_Dutch_East_Indies">unfortunate international associations</a>) on the free web host Neocities, the original — sort of, we’ll get there — host of this website. I picked this date for display because it was a nice, clear starting point, emblazoned on the sidebar of my Neocities profile. But for the first few years of that account’s existence, nothing much happened.</p>
<p>The start of <em>satyrs.eu</em> as it currently exists can be traced to the 22<sup>nd</sup> of March, 2018, when i created a repository on code-sharing site Github with the intent to much around and maybe make a proper personal site. This was transferred to Neocities at some point — i assume about two days later, although i can’t be sure, since Neocities’ dating on old posts is hopelessly vague.</p>
<p>There are two more dates in the running to be the true date of establishment. You see, “batavia” was not my first Neocities site. Far from it, my first attempt at a website was <a href="https://neocities.org/site/xoticmatter">“xoticmatter”</a>, created on the 26<sup>th</sup> of April, 2017, four months before the August date! I never got around to making much content for it, and at some point i lost the password, leading me to create a new account.</p>
<p>The final date in contention is specifically about the founding of <em>satyrs.eu</em>. The site used to be hosted on a subdomain of <em>neocities.org</em>, but on the 8<sup>th</sup> of January, 2021, i finally coughed up the dosh for a domain name.</p>
<p>Which one of these dates is the “real” date of establishment? One could make a compelling case for any of them, but i’ll be sticking with the current 14<sup>th</sup> of August, as a nice compromise between the earlier “xoticmatter” position and the later Github and domain name positions.</p>
Untitled (nl)2021-06-12T18:08:02Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/253
<p>Ik ben net klaar met die nieuwe comedyspecial van <span lang="en">Bo Burnham</span> die iedereen zo opgetogen over is. Het was geweldig: ik heb gelachen, de liedjes boren hun weg in mijn hoofd, de baard staat hem goed… maar ik kan niet geloven dat ik een lied genaamd <i lang="en">„White Woman’s Instagram”</i> moet toevoegen aan de lijst van muziek waar ik naar heb gehuild!</p>
Untitled2021-06-11T22:03:11Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/250
<p>I just got done watching <a href="https://www.netflix.com/title/81289483">that new Bo Burnham special</a> everyone's so excited about<em>. </em>I loved it: i laughed, the songs are catchy, the beard looks good on him… but i can’t believe i have to add a song called ‘White Woman’s Instagram’ to the <a href="/crying">list of songs that have made me cry</a>!</p>
Untitled2021-06-09T17:37:35Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/248
<p>Some <em>bastard’s </em>stolen my phone!</p>
Untitled (nl)2021-06-09T08:06:49Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/244
<ul><li>Latijn: Sussus Amongus</li><li>Oudfrans: Sos Amonc</li><li>(Nieuw)frans: Soux-Among <span style="font-family: Times, serif">/su.z‿amɔ̃/</span></li></ul>
Links voor 9 juni (nl)2021-06-09T08:05:40Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-voor-9-juni
<ul><li><a href="https://orbis.stanford.edu/">Orbis</a>, door de Universiteit van Stanford — Google Maps voor de Romeinse wereld</li><li lang="en"><a href="http://www.old-north.co.uk/Holding/lang_sheep.html">Yan Tan Tethera</a></li><li lang="en"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1BneeJTDcU">„Welcome to the Internet”</a> —<em> a little bit of everything all of the time</em></li><li><a href="https://www.nationalgeographic.com/environment/article/theres-a-new-ocean-now-can-you-name-all-five-southern-ocean"><ilang="en">National Geographic</i> erkennen nu de Zuidelijke IJszee als een aparte oceaan</a></li></ul>
Links for the 9^th of June2021-06-09T08:02:32Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-for-the-9th-of-june
<ul><li><a href="https://orbis.stanford.edu/">Stanford University’s Orbis</a>, like Google Maps for the Roman world</li><li><a href="http://www.old-north.co.uk/Holding/lang_sheep.html">Yan Tan Tethera</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k1BneeJTDcU">Bo Burnham’s “Welcome to the Internet”</a> — a little bit of everything all of the time</li><li><a href="https://www.nationalgeographic.com/environment/article/theres-a-new-ocean-now-can-you-name-all-five-southern-ocean"><em>National Geographic</em> have (<em>gasp</em>) finally recognised the Southern Ocean as a distinct ocean</a></li></ul>
Untitled2021-06-06T13:39:07Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/234
<ul><li>Latin: Sussus Amongus</li><li>Old French: Sos Amonc</li><li>Modern French: Soux-Among <span style="font-family: Times, serif">/su.z‿amɔ̃/</span></li></ul>
Untitled2021-06-04T15:41:36Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/219
<p><a href="http://leapsecond.com/pages/atomic-bill/">The world’s first atomic wristwatch…</a> 😉</p>
Links voor 4 juni (nl)2021-06-04T08:38:19Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-voor-4-juni
<ul><li>Ofcom handhaaft <a href="https://www.ofcom.org.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0023/91625/OfcomQRG-AOC.pdf">een lijst met alle vloekwoorden in het Engels en hun strengheid</a>. Belastinggeld aan het werk!</li><li><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jun/01/michelangelo-of-middlesbrough-hailed-for-27000-hour-model">‘De Michelangelo van <span lang="en">Middlesbrough</span>’</a>: Man besteedt 27.000 uur aan een schaalmodel van de verwoeste wijk <span lang="en">St. Hilda’s</span></li><li><a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-57328408"><span lang="en">Blue Abyss</span> wil ’s werelds diepste zwembad bouwen in Cornwall</a></li><li><a href="https://if50.substack.com/p/1992-silverwolf"><i lang="en">50 Years of Text Games</i> bericht over <i lang="en">Silverwolf</i></a>, een van de vele videospellen gemaakt door <span lang="en">St. Bride’s School</span>, een, uh, godin-sekte van lesbische Victoriaanse schoolmeisjes</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7U_LhzgwJ4U">Nieuwe nummer van Chvrches, met Robert Smith van <span lang="en">The Cure</span></a></li><li>In het Youtube-konijnenhol:<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YVVlCAph4s"><i lang="en">Blade Runner</i> maar <span lang="en">Mr. Blobby</span> is daar</a> [30 seconden]</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOy_HOmkITA">Ongelooflijke miljoen-op-één treinfoto</a> [1 minuut]</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ddlv47t1tQ">Kan je écht per ongeluk de Frans-Belgische grens verleggen met een tractor?</a> De twist aan het eind heeft mijn vierde oog geopend [9 minuten]</li></ul></li></ul>
Links for the 4^th of June2021-06-04T08:24:21Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-20210604
<ul><li>Ofcom maintains <a href="https://www.ofcom.org.uk/__data/assets/pdf_file/0023/91625/OfcomQRG-AOC.pdf">a list of every swear word in the English language by severity</a>. Taxpayer money at work!</li><li><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2021/jun/01/michelangelo-of-middlesbrough-hailed-for-27000-hour-model">‘The Michelangelo of Middlesbrough’</a>: Man spends twenty-seven thousand hours on a scale model of the destroyed St. Hilda’s district</li><li><a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-57328408">Blue Abyss: Plans to build the world’s deepest pool in Cornwall</a></li><li><a href="https://if50.substack.com/p/1992-silverwolf"><em>50 Years of Text Games</em> covers <em>Silverwolf</em></a>, one of many games made by St. Bride’s School, a *<em>checks notes</em>* lesbian Victorian schoolgirl cult</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7U_LhzgwJ4U">New Chvrches song just dropped, featuring Robert Smith of the Cure</a></li><li>The Youtube rabbit hole:<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4YVVlCAph4s"><em>Blade Runner</em> but Mr. Blobby is there</a> [30 seconds]</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOy_HOmkITA">Incredible million to one train shot</a> [1 minute]</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ddlv47t1tQ">Can you really move the French–Belgian border by accident with a tractor?</a> The twist at the end opened my fourth eye [9 minutes]</li></ul></li></ul>
May 2021 recap2021-05-31T10:30:22Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/may-2021-recap
<pre class="wp-block-verse"><em>So this is June
and what have you done?
Another month over
a new one just begun</em></pre>
<h2>Films watched</h2>
<ul><li>Guy Ritchie’s <em>Snatch </em>(2000) (A-)</li><li>Barry Sonnenfeld’s <em>Men in Black</em> (1999): Ruthlessly efficient. Gets in and out in 90 minutes. (A-)</li><li>Dreamworks’ <em>Shrek</em> (2001): Watched as it was meant to be seen, in the original Polish (C+)</li><li>Peter Weir’s <em>The Truman Show</em> (1998): While sailing across the internet, i happened across a copy of <a href="https://www.dailyscript.com/scripts/the-truman-show_early.html">the original draft of the script</a>. It is <em>so</em> much darker, and <em>so</em> much weirder.<ul><li>It’s set in a constructed version of New York City instead of a small town in Florida</li><li>He finds his own name in a dictionary</li><li>Truman threatens to kill a baby and it is played completely straight</li><li>Instead of ending when he disappears out the door it continues and he <em>hijacks a tram and has a shoot-out on the roof of the studio</em>????</li><li>He <em>hires a prostitute to recreate his encounter with the girl who told him it was all a TV show</em></li></ul></li><li>Anyway, the cut that got released is a very good film to show to your friends who haven’t seen it before and watch their reactions. It’s also — for me personally — one of those <em>Back to the Future</em>-type films, where it’s all so immaculately put together that you can watch it over and over and there’s always something new to enjoy (A+)</li></ul>
<h2>Top 10 most viewed pages on the site this May</h2>
<ol><li><a href="/">Index page</a>: 219 views</li><li><a href="/linkroll">Linkroll</a>: 82 views</li><li><a href="/garden"><i>The Garden</i> (front page)</a>: 59 views</li><li><a href="/toaster/shader">Toaster shade generator</a>: 46 views</li><li><a href="/about">About the author</a>: 35 views</li><li><a href="/new">The log of changes</a>: 26 views</li><li><a href="/music">Music i like</a>: 21 views</li><li><a href="/wants">Things i would like to add to my site</a>: 20 views</li><li><a href="/belief">What i believe</a>: 16 views</li><li><a href="/toaster">Toaster</a>: 15 views</li></ol>
<p>The rest of the “primary” pages on my site (that is, those which aren’t part of any kind of regular series) are, in decreasing order of views, <a href="/shrines">The foreſt of ſhrines</a>, <a href="/heraldry">My coat of arms</a>, <a href="/discord">Discord funny moments</a>, <a href="/styleguide">the Marijn van Hoorn style guide</a>, <a href="/bucketlist">my bucket list</a>, <a href="/continents">‘There Are Two Continents’</a>, <a href="/tetrahedron">the Gender Tetrahedron</a>, <a href="/wikipedia">interesting Wikipedia articles</a>, <a href="/log">yelling into the void</a>, <a href="/heximal">Heximal</a>, <a href="/neocharts">the NEO<i>charts</i></a> <span class="all-sc">(RIP)</span>, <a href="/quoth">Quotes and other assorted aphorisms</a>, <a href="/calendrical">a calendrical table</a>, <a href="/vinyl">My vinyl record collection</a>, <a href="/longs">s → ſ</a>, <a href="/dreams">the log of dreams</a>, <a href="/conlangs">my conlangs</a>, <a href="/oxo">noughts and crosses</a>, <a href="/videotape">‘this’ll be on my videotape’</a>, <a href="/kunstgalerie">Kunstgalerie van Hoorn</a>, <a href="/english">A nicer ƿaȝ of ƿriting Engliſh</a>, <a href="/words">the Compendium of Good Words</a>, <a href="/travel">country counting</a>, and <a href="/crying">songs i have cried my silly little heart out to</a>. Zero views were received by <a href="/copypaste">copypastables</a> and <a href="/holocene">holocene history</a>, which… you know, fair enough, they’re both indescribably boring pages.</p>
<h2>Top 5 most read entries on <em>The Garden</em></h2>
<ol><li><a href="/garden/2021/05/the-new-garden">Welcome to the new Garden</a></li><li><a href="/garden/2021/05/7am-puzzles">7<span class="all-sc">AM</span> puzzles</a></li><li><a href="/thegarden/2021/04/april21stats">Site statistics for April 2021</a></li><li><a href="/garden/2021/05/51/">‘<i>Testing, testing… If this goes through, this should be my first successful blog post made from my phone.</i>’</a></li><li><a href="/garden/2021/05/links-20210522/">Links for the 22<sup>nd</sup> of May</a></li></ol>
<h2>Top 10 countries where most people are reading from</h2>
<ol><li>The United States</li><li>The United Kingdom</li><li>Canada</li><li>France</li><li>India</li><li>New Zealand</li><li>Sweden</li><li>Germany</li><li>Hong Kong</li><li>Brazil</li></ol>
Volledig gevaccineerd (nl)2021-05-26T20:54:29Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/volledig-gevaccineerd
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/dose2.jpg" alt="Een coronavaccinatiebewijs met bewijs van twee doses Pfizer" class="wp-image-188"/></figure>
<p>Genoeg gezegd.</p>
Fully vaccinated2021-05-26T20:53:19Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/fully-vaccinated
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/dose2.jpg" alt="A covid vaccination certificate showing proof of two Pfizer doses" class="wp-image-187"/></figure>
<p>Enough said.</p>
Links voor 26 mei (nl)2021-05-26T13:36:56Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-voor-26-mei
<ul><li><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/23/style/berglas-effect-card-trick.html" data-type="URL" data-id="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/23/style/berglas-effect-card-trick.html">Het Berglaseffect, de grootste en onverklaarbaarste kaarttruc aller tijden</a> — de commentatoren speculeren dat hij 52 vooraf geschudde dekken heeft met een kaart op elke positie; misschien zijn ze iets op het spoor <span class="all-sc">[EN]</span></li><li><a href="https://diamondgeezer.blogspot.com/2021/05/london-blossom-garden.html">De Londense bloesemtuin</a> <span class="all-sc">[EN]</span></li><li><a href="https://uberduck.ai/" data-type="URL" data-id="https://uberduck.ai/">Uberduck.ai</a> — eindelijk is het mogelijk om je vrienden uit te schelden met een synthetische Jeremy Clarkson <span class="all-sc">[EN]</span></li><li><a href="https://www.topotijdreis.nl/" lang="nl">Topotijdreis</a> — overzichtskaarten van Nederland van 1815 tot heden<span class="all-sc"></span></li><li>Evenzo kan je op de website van de <a href="https://maps.nls.uk/geo/explore/side-by-side/#zoom=12&lat=54.96945&lon=-1.58841&layers=1&right=osm">Nationale Bibliotheek van Schotland</a> satellietfoto's en moderne en oude kaarten van Groot-Brittannië vergelijken <span class="all-sc">[EN]</span></li><li>In het Youtube-konijnenhol (allemaal in het Engels):<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f1ceAztzvw">De <em lang="en">Challenger</em>-ramp</a> (24 minuten)</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7JK4Ht8k8M">De dubbele-slingerfractal</a> (vier minuten)</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVCdeYFmFnqNVN0vVnXdjlK4k3LysZ8Dt">Een afspeellijst van 1.000 muzikanten die allemaal tegelijk klassieke rocknummers spelen</a></li></ul></li></ul>
Links for the 26^th of May2021-05-26T13:23:44Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-20210526
<ul><li><a href="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/23/style/berglas-effect-card-trick.html" data-type="URL" data-id="https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/23/style/berglas-effect-card-trick.html">The Berglas Effect, the greatest and unexplainedest card trick of all time</a> — the comments speculate that he has 52 pre-shuffled decks with a card in each position; perhaps they’re on to something</li><li><a href="https://diamondgeezer.blogspot.com/2021/05/london-blossom-garden.html">The London Blossom Garden</a></li><li><a href="https://uberduck.ai/" data-type="URL" data-id="https://uberduck.ai/">Uberduck.ai</a> — finally, you can get a synthetic Jeremy Clarkson to cuss your friends out</li><li><em><a href="https://www.topotijdreis.nl/" lang="nl">Topotijdreis</a></em> — compare survey maps of the Netherlands from 1815 to the present day <span class="all-sc">[NL]</span></li><li>Similarly, the <a href="https://maps.nls.uk/geo/explore/side-by-side/#zoom=12&lat=54.96945&lon=-1.58841&layers=1&right=osm">National Library of Scotland</a> lets you compare satellite photos, modern-day maps, and old Ordnance Survey maps of Great Britain</li><li>Down the Youtube rabbit hole:<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9f1ceAztzvw">The <em>Challenger</em> disaster</a> (24 minutes)</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7JK4Ht8k8M">The double pendulum fractal</a> (4 minutes)</li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLVCdeYFmFnqNVN0vVnXdjlK4k3LysZ8Dt">A playlist of 1,000 musicians all performing classic rock songs at once</a></li></ul></li></ul>
{:en-GB Lady Waterford Hall} (nl)2021-05-25T19:02:56Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/lady-waterford-hall
<p class="has-drop-cap">Ik weet niet hoe <a hreflang="en" href="https://diamondgeezer.blogspot.com/">sommige</a> <a hreflang="en" href="https://kottke.org/" data-type="URL" data-id="https://kottke.org/">mensen</a> het doen, bijna elke dag een nieuw artikel schrijven. Misschien is mijn leven gewoon niet interessant genoeg ervoor…</p>
<p>Hoe dan ook. Ik was van plan een volledige post te schrijven over een recente uitstap naar <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lady_Waterford_Hall" hreflang="en" lang="en">Lady Waterford Hall</a>, maar mijn geheugen is verschríkkelijk en volgens mij zou het niet erg interessant zou zijn. In plaats daarvan, hier zijn wat foto’s van de reis:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/HallInside.jpg" alt="De binnenkant van een kleine kerkzaal, waarvan de muren aan de bovenkant bedekt zijn met glorieuze schilderijen van bijbelse taferelen, de onderste helften wit geschilderd en bedekt met kleinere, ingelijste schilderijen. De vloer is bezaaid met stoelen, informatiestands, kasten, en andere dergelijke hulpmiddelen. Achter in beeld snuffelen twee mensen in de schappen van de winkel, terwijl twee anderen aan de balie werken. Vertaald met www.DeepL.com/Translator (gratis versie)" class="wp-image-98"/><figcaption>Wijzend naar de cadeauwinkel.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/DavidTheShepherd.jpg" alt="Een prerafaëlitisch schilderij op een houten paneel siert de muren van de eerder afgebeelde kerkzaal. Hierop staat een jongen met gouden haar in een tuniek en een staf, David de Herder, trots zijn kudde schapen hoedend terwijl de bergen op de achtergrond opdoemen. Hij staat afgebeeld in een driehoekig kader, met op de bovenste twee randen een bijbelse tekst en op de onderste rand in hoofdletters: "David. De. Herder." Rondom de lijst zijn nog twee portretten gegraveerd in kleinere cirkels, terwijl de rest is beschilderd met heldergroene bladeren en wijnranken." class="wp-image-99"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/TheStudent-1.jpg" alt="" class="wp-image-157"/><figcaption>"De Student". Deze foto is een beetje meer <em>potato quality</em> dan de rest, want het schilderij zit achter een glazen lijst…</figcaption></figure>
<p>(Mogelijke bezoekers: De toegang is gratis met een voorgestelde donatie van drie pond, en het museum is rolstoeltoegankelijk.)</p>
Lady Waterford Hall2021-05-25T18:33:33Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/waterford
<p class="has-drop-cap">I don't know how <a href="https://diamondgeezer.blogspot.com/" data-type="URL" data-id="https://diamondgeezer.blogspot.com/">some</a> <a href="https://kottke.org/" data-type="URL" data-id="https://kottke.org/">people</a> do it, posting almost every day. I suppose my life just isn’t interesting enough for this sort of thing!</p>
<p>Anyway. I was going to write up a full post about a recent jaunt to <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lady_Waterford_Hall">Lady Waterford Hall</a>, but my memory is <em>awful</em> and i’m not sure that it would be very interesting. Instead, here are some photos from the trip:</p>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/HallInside.jpg" alt="The inside of a small church hall, the upper heights of its walls covered in glorious paintings of Biblical scenes, the lower halves painted white and covered in smaller, framed paintings. The floor is riddled with chairs, information stands, cabinets, and other such auxiliaries. In the back of the shot, two people browse the store shelves, while two others work at the reception desk." class="wp-image-92"/><figcaption>Pointing towards the gift shop.</figcaption></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/DavidTheShepherd.jpg" alt="A pre-Raphaelite painting on a wooden panel adorns the walls of the previously depicted church hall. On it, a golden-haired boy in a tunic holding a staff, David the Shepherd, stands proud, herding his flock of sheep as mountains recede in the background. He is depicted within a triangular frame, the top two edges inscribed with Biblical verse, the bottom edge blaring, in all capital letters, "David. The. Shepherd." Around the frame, two more portraits are inscribed in smaller circles, while the rest is painted with bright green leaves and vines." class="wp-image-90"/></figure>
<figure class="wp-block-image size-large"><img src="/garden/media/TheStudent.jpg" alt="A framed painting from the gallery. A blonde-haired student in a red shirt hunches over a vast tome resting on piles of yet more books, his head illuminated only by a lamp as he writes. Over him, in the grim darkness, watches the Grim Reaper, toyingly placing a halo above his heat. In the top left corner, the only other source of light streams in, a view of a dark cityscape at midnight." class="wp-image-97"/><figcaption>“The Student”. This photo’s a bit more potato-y than the rest, because it was behind a glossy frame…</figcaption></figure>
<p>(If you’d like to visit, admission is free with a suggested donation of £3, and the place is wheelchair-accessible.)</p>
Gedachten aan de Songfestival (nl)2021-05-24T11:04:18Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/songfestival-gedachten
<p class="has-drop-cap">Het is één uur ’s nachts en we zijn net klaar met het kijken naar de Songfestival. Ik ben dat allemaal nog aan het verwerken, dus deze post is niet het meest gestructureerde, maar hier is wat ik ervan vond:</p>
<ul><li><em>Justice for James</em>!! Hij was gewoon blij om daar te zijn en ze gaven hem nul punten. Crimineel!!!</li><li>(Kunnen we Dua Lipa niet gewoon dwingen om het volgend jaar te doen?)</li><li>Mijn top zes, in ruwe 1-6 volgorde: Oekraïne, IJsland, Bulgarije, Noorwegen, Rusland, San Marino. ("Komische waarde" is een factor op de scorekaart…)</li><li>Ik moet volgend jaar echt "de stemopnemer zingt" aan het drinkspel toevoegen…<ul><li>Ook: "Vorige winnaar verschijnt" en "belachelijke muziekinstrumenten"?</li></ul></li><li>Wat de scorekaart betreft: de scorekaart die we gebruiken voor ons jaarlijkse Eurovisiefeest heeft vijf categorieën:<ul><li>Het lied zelf (uit 20)</li><li>Zang (uit 10)</li><li>Visuals, enscenering, en kleding (uit 10)</li><li><em>Je ne sais quoi</em> (uit 10) — in principe een maatstaf for charisma</li><li>Komedie (uit 10)</li><li>Mijn hoogste en laagste score dit jaar waren respectievelijk Oekraïne (met 51 uit 60) en Duitsland (met 14 uit 60). Ja, je mag negatieve scores gebruiken als ze slecht genoeg zijn</li><li>Waarschijnelijk hebben een paar familievrienden „seksfactor” op hun scorekaart gezet. Misschien zal ik dat voor volgend jaar toevoegen…</li></ul></li><li>Gedachten op de individuele liedjes:<ul><li>Cyprus: „Mama mogen we Lady Gaga hebben?” „We hebben Lady Gaga thuis”</li><li>Israël: Wij besloten dat, ja, „Lieve hemel, wát is die outfit?” ook haar bevat </li><li>Rusland: Die <em>jurk</em>!</li><li>Malta: „We hebben Lizzo thuis”</li><li>Portugal: Mooi en ingetogen… naar de normen van de Songfestival</li><li>Verenigd Koninkrijk: Lieve hemel, we hebben er een gestuurd die niet shit was!</li><li>Griekenland: Dit moet er echt ongemakkelijk uitgezien hebben in de arena</li><li>Moldavië: Wij werden er zeeziek van. De hele groep was het er ook over eens dat de achtergronddansers leken op Agent Smith uit een slecht gemaakte pornoparodie van <em lang="en">The Matrix</em>.</li><li>Duitsland: In het sectie „notities” op mijn scorekaart staat er gewoon <span class="allcaps" lang="en">„why”</span> in grote letters</li><li>Finland: Kidz Bop Linkin Park</li><li>Litouwen: Het voelde alsof die kerel probeerde te flirten met de hele arena en ik was zéér ongemakkelijk</li><li>Oekraïne: Ze zag eruit alsof ze je probeerde te vergiftigen met een drankje van kikkerbilletjes</li><li>Frankrijk: Ga terug naar 1930, dit is de Songfestival, godverdomme!</li><li>Zweden: Flo Rida weet zeker 100% waar hij is en is helemaal niet in de war, hoor</li></ul></li><li>De tussenact was deze keer niet verschrikkelijk saai! Dat is een prestatie!</li><li>Het publiek was zo aardig deze keer. Juichten voor IJsland toen ze het niet in de arena konden komen, en dan voor het VK toen ze nul punten kregen.</li><li>Oh en waarschijnelijk deed Italië een genietig lijntje coke in de foyer<sup class="note">α</sup> en zongen dan de versie van hun lied met vloeken in de reprise toen ze wonnen? Legendes!</li></ul>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">α</span>
<div>
<p>De Italiaanse delegatie en de Europese Radio-Unie hebben officieel ontkend dat zij coke snoven, maar bedenk dit: het is erg grappig is om te doen alsof ze toch wat hebben gesnoven</p>
</div>
</aside>Thoughts on Eurovision2021-05-23T00:38:59Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/eurothoughts
<p class="has-drop-cap">It’s one in the morning and we just got done with watching the Eurovision. I’m still processing all of that, so this post isn’t the most structured thing in the universe, but here’s what i thought of it:</p>
<ul><li>Justice for James!! That man was just happy to be here and they gave him zero points. Criminal!!</li><li>(Can we not just force Dua Lipa to do it next year?)</li><li>My top six, in rough 1–6 order: Ukraine, Iceland, Bulgaria, Norway, Russia, San Marino. (“Comedy value” is a factor on the score card…)</li><li>I really must add “the voting spokesperson sings” to the drinking game next year…<ul><li>Also: “Previous Eurovision winner appears” and “ludicrous musical instruments”?</li></ul></li><li>On that note about the score card — the score card we use for our annual Eurovision party has five categories:<ul><li>The song itself (out of 20)</li><li>Vocals (out of 10)</li><li>Visuals, staging, and dress (out of 10)</li><li><em>Je ne sais quoi</em> (out of 10) — basically a measure of charisma, or how much you can tell they’re just happy to be there</li><li>Comedy value (out of 10)</li><li>My highest- and lowest-scoring this year were Ukraine (with 51 out of 60) and Germany (with negative 14 out of 60), respectively. Yes negative values are allowed if they’re bad enough</li><li>Apparently some family friends have included “sex factor” on their scorecards. Might consider adding that for next year…</li></ul></li><li>Notes on the individual entries:<ul><li>Cyprus: “Mum can we have Lady Gaga?” “We have Lady Gaga at home”</li><li>Israel: We decided that, yes, “what are they wearing” also includes “what are they hair-ing”</li><li>Russia: That <em>dress</em>!</li><li>Malta: “We have Lizzo at home”</li><li>Portugal: Nice and understated, by Eurovision standards</li><li>United Kingdom: Good heavens, we sent one that <em>wasn’t shit!</em></li><li>Greece: Wow this must have looked awkward in the arena</li><li>Moldova: Made us seasick. The entire watch party was also in agreement that the backup dancers looked like Agent Smith from a poorly produced porn parody of <em>The Matrix</em></li><li>Germany: In the “notes” section i just have <span class="allcaps">“why”</span> written in giant letters</li><li>Finland: Kidz Bop Linkin Park</li><li>Lithuania: It felt like that guy was trying to flirt with the entire arena and i was <em>very</em> uncomfortable</li><li>Ukraine: She looked a bit like she would try to poison you with a potion of frog’s legs</li><li>France: Go back to 1930, this is Eurovision</li><li>San Marino: Flo Rida definitely 100% knows where he is and is not confused at all</li></ul></li><li>The interval act wasn’t horribly boring this time! That’s an achievement!</li><li>The audience were so nice this time around. Cheering for Iceland when they couldn’t make it, then for the UK when they got <em>nul points</em></li><li>Oh and apparently Italy did a cheeky line of coke in the green room<sup class="note">α</sup> and then sang the version of their song with swears in in the reprise when they won? Legends</li></ul>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">α</span>
<div>
<p>The Italian delegation and the European Broadcasting Union have officially denied that they were snorting coke, and they probably weren’t — however please consider that it is very funny to pretend otherwise</p>
</div>
</aside>Links for the 22^nd of May2021-05-22T10:53:21Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-20210522
<ul><li><a href="https://www.mylondon.news/news/zone-1-news/london-transport-delays-tfl-crossrail-20618802">The Crossrail omnishambles</a>: “There were times when there was <em>no design </em>for anyone to work from.”</li><li><a hreflang="nl" href="https://www.nrc.nl/nieuws/2021/05/14/oerknal-dat-is-pas-klare-taal-a4043596">“<i lang="nl">Oerknal</i>: now that’s clear language”</a>: an appreciation of the disappearing scientific words of Dutch <span class="all-sc">[NL]</span><sup class="note">α</sup></li><li><a hreflang="nl" href="https://eenvandaag.avrotros.nl/item/wordt-nederland-het-tweede-land-waar-je-volgens-de-wet-onbereikbaar-mag-zijn-fysiek-en-psychisch-nodig/" data-type="URL" data-id="https://eenvandaag.avrotros.nl/item/wordt-nederland-het-tweede-land-waar-je-volgens-de-wet-onbereikbaar-mag-zijn-fysiek-en-psychisch-nodig/">The Netherlands could become the second country where you can be legally unreachable in your free time</a><sup class="note">β</sup> <span class="all-sc">[NL]</span></li><li><a href="https://www.daniclodedesign.com/thethirdthumb">A third thumb, controlled by pressure sensors in the foot</a>: okay, now where do i buy one of these?</li><li><a href="https://sensebridge.net/projects/northpaw/" data-type="URL" data-id="https://sensebridge.net/projects/northpaw/">The North Paw</a>: an ankle bracelet that vibrates to tell you which way is north. Intriguing, but no longer in stock — and wearing it would probably make you look like you’re meant to be on house arrest</li><li><a href="https://river-runner.samlearner.com/">River Runner</a>: Click to drop a raindrop anywhere in the contiguous United States and watch where it ends up — absolutely entrancing, nine-year-old me would have loved this</li></ul>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">α</span>
<div>
<p><i lang="nl">Oerknal</i>, in this case, means “Big Bang”.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">β</span>
<div>
<p>The first one was France.</p>
</div>
</aside>
Links voor 22 mei (nl)2021-05-22T10:53:03Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/links-20210522-nl
<ul><li><a href="https://www.mylondon.news/news/zone-1-news/london-transport-delays-tfl-crossrail-20618802">De <span lang="en">Crossrail-omnishambles</span></a>: „Er waren tijden dat er géén ontwerp was voor iemand om vanuit te werken.” <span class="all-sc">[EN]</span></li><li><a href="https://www.nrc.nl/nieuws/2021/05/14/oerknal-dat-is-pas-klare-taal-a4043596">„Oerknal: dat is pas klare taal”</a>: een waardering van de verdwijnende wetenschappelijke woorden van het Nederlands</li><li><a href="https://eenvandaag.avrotros.nl/item/wordt-nederland-het-tweede-land-waar-je-volgens-de-wet-onbereikbaar-mag-zijn-fysiek-en-psychisch-nodig/" data-type="URL" data-id="https://eenvandaag.avrotros.nl/item/wordt-nederland-het-tweede-land-waar-je-volgens-de-wet-onbereikbaar-mag-zijn-fysiek-en-psychisch-nodig/">Nederland zou het tweede land kunnen worden waar je volgens de wet onbereikbaar mag zijn</a><sup class="note">α</sup></li><li><a href="https://www.daniclodedesign.com/thethirdthumb">Een derde duim, bestuurd door druksensoren in de voet</a>: oké, waar koop ik er nu één? <span class="all-sc">[EN]</span></li><li><a href="https://sensebridge.net/projects/northpaw/" data-type="URL" data-id="https://sensebridge.net/projects/northpaw/">De „<span lang="en">North Paw</span>”</a>: een enkelband die trilt om je te vertellen welke kant het noorden is. Intrigerend, maar niet meer in voorraad - en als je hem draagt zou het uitzien alsof je huisarrest hebt! <span class="all-sc">[EN]</span></li><li><a href="https://river-runner.samlearner.com/" hreflang="en" lang="en">River Runner</a>: Klik om een regendruppel te laten vallen waar dan ook in de aangrenzende Verenigde Staten en kijk waar het terechtkomt - absoluut meeslepend, negen jaar oude ik zou dit geweldig vinden <span class="all-sc">[EN]</span></li></ul>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">α</span>
<div>
<p>Het eerste was Frankrijk.</p>
</div>
</aside>Untitled2021-05-19T11:37:07Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/86
<p>Australia was <em class="smallcaps">robbed</em></p>
<figure class="wp-block-embed is-type-video is-provider-youtube wp-block-embed-youtube wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio"><div class="wp-block-embed__wrapper">
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoUTzNXQud0
</div></figure>
Het Eurovisiesongfestivaldrankspel 2021 (nl)2021-05-18T18:32:36Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/songfestival-2021
<p class="has-drop-cap">Het Eurovisiesongfestival komt er weer aan! De internationale campcompetitie vermomd als een Zeer Serieuze muzikale wedstrijd nam in 2020 een sabbatical, niet dankzij het coronavirus, maar nu dat het terugkomt is het tijd voor de jaarlijkse traditie om het alcoholisme van onze natie aan te moedigen door de omschrijving van een drankspel. Proost!</p>
<p>(Als u, zoals ik, niet zo dol bent op de gouden drank, dan kunt u gerust de alcohol vervangen door chocomel of iets anders misselijkmakends. Als u wél er op dol bent… drink met mate, alstublieft.)</p>
<h2>Een slokje ☝️</h2>
<ul><li>Iemand maakt een grapje dat mislukt</li><li>Iemand vermeld het coronavirus</li><li>GeKkE dAnSeN!</li><li>Iemand belt in het decorontwerp door gewoon vormen te gebruiken</li><li>Insinuatie</li><li>De kandidaat zingt in de moedertaal van zijn land</li><li>„Etnische” instrumenten</li><li>Vuurwerken en pyrotechniek</li><li>Rookmachines, windmachines, of droog ijs</li><li>Regenboogvlag</li><li>Toonverandering</li><li>Lieve hemel, wát is die outfit?</li><li>Ja, ja, dat is leuk, geef ons gewoon de scores!</li><li>„Hallo? Staat dit ding aan? Kun je ons horen?”</li><li>Een land geeft <em>douze points </em>aan een van zijn buren</li><li>Als je de <em>douze points </em>van het land juist raadt, dan drinkt iedereen behalve jij.</li></ul>
<h2>Twee slokjes ✌️</h2>
<ul><li>Iets moest duidelijk beperkt of teruggeschroefd worden als gevolg van de pandemie</li><li>Iemand maakt een corona-grapje dat mislukt</li><li>Metal, punk, of een ander onverwacht hardcore genre</li><li>De kandidaat zingt in een andere taal… die niet de moedertaal van zijn land is</li><li>Een geweldige visualisatie, verpest door niet op de juiste plaats te staan</li><li>Een zanger uit een ander land</li><li>Kostuumwissel</li><li>Een technische fout</li><li>Iemand huilt</li><li>De commentatoren raden de uitkomst van het stemrecht van het land</li><li>12 punten naar Nederland! (Of de VK, maar dat zal nooit gebeuren)</li></ul>
<h2>Drink het glas leeg! 🍺</h2>
<ul><li>De pyrotechniek steekt iets in brand</li><li>Iemand springt op het podium tijdens een voorstelling</li></ul>
The Eurovision 2021 drinking game2021-05-17T15:38:56Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/eurovision-2021
<p class="has-drop-cap">Eurovision is coming up soon! The international camp-off disguised as a very serious musical competition took a sabbatical in 2020, no thanks to the coronavirus pandemic, but now that it’s back, it’s time for the annual tradition of encouraging our nation’s alcoholism by writing up a drinking game. (If, like me, you’re not overly fond of the golden drink, feel free to substitute alcohol with something equally sickening like chocolate milk. And if you <em>are</em>, please drink responsibly.)</p>
<h2 id="one-sip">One sip ☝️</h2>
<ul><li>Drink to forget the pain of a boring ballad</li><li>One of the presenters makes a joke that falls flat</li><li>Someone mentions the coronavirus</li><li>CrAzY DaNcInG!</li><li>Phoning in the set design by just using shapes</li><li>Innuendo</li><li>Singing in their country’s native language</li><li>“Ethnic” instruments</li><li>Pyrotechnics</li><li>Smoke machine, wind machine, or dry ice</li><li>Rainbow flag</li><li>Key change</li><li>Oh my god, what are they <em>wearing</em>?</li><li>Yes, yes, that’s nice, just give us the scores already</li><li>“Hello? Is this thing on? Can you hear us?”</li><li>A country gives<em> douze points </em>to one of its neighbours</li><li>If you guess the country’s <em>douze points</em> right, <em>everyone else </em>drinks.</li></ul>
<h2 id="two-sips">Two sips ✌️</h2>
<ul><li>Something has obviously had to be curtailed or cut back due to the coronavirus</li><li>Someone makes a joke about the coronavirus that falls flat</li><li>Metal, punk, or some other unexpectedly hardcore genre</li><li>Singing in another language... which isn’t their country’s native language</li><li>A great visualisation, ruined by not standing in the right place</li><li>Singer from another country</li><li>Costume change</li><li>A technical fault occurs</li><li>Someone cries</li><li>Graham gets the outcome of the country’s voting right</li><li>The UK gets 12 points (this will never happen, but a man can dream)</li></ul>
<h2 id="down-your-glass">Down your glass! 🍺</h2>
<ul><li>Pyrotechnics set fire to something</li><li>Someone jumps on stage during a performance</li></ul>
<p>P.S. <a href="http://eurovisiondrinking.com/">Other drinking games are available.</a></p>
7AM puzzles2021-05-15T06:00:00Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/7am-puzzles<p class="has-drop-cap">I thought i might as well use the ability to schedule posts in the future to my advantage, so here are some anagrams for you to unscramble. Maybe this’ll keep you all occupied for a few minutes. Some of these are, of course, (much) easier than others.</p>
<div style="column-count: 2;">
<div style="break-inside: avoid;"><strong>second cities</strong>
<ol>
<li>was sane</li>
<li>her bud, gin</li>
<li>scowl at net</li>
<li>them can rest</li>
<li>dry loon nerd</li>
</ol>
</div>
<div style="break-inside: avoid;"><strong>singers for ac/dc</strong>
<ol>
<li>“avowed”, <i>ibid.</i></li>
<li>an uncurled cane</li>
<li>rude ferry medic</li>
<li>tomgirls join a rebel</li>
</ol>
</div>
<div style="break-inside: avoid;"><strong>heads of state</strong>
<ol>
<li>waning site</li>
<li>trumpland <span class="all-sc">VIII</span></li>
<li>communal-era men</li>
<li>zen heal: be quiet</li>
<li>jibe: “rotten Eden bishop!”</li>
</ol>
</div>
<div style="break-inside: avoid;"><strong>in their prime</strong>
<ol>
<li>elect me at lent</li>
<li>the great ram chart</li>
<li>a gold delivery god</li>
<li>branch met an evil “hail!” ruler</li>
<li>anarchy in the Lords? all bonny</li>
</ol>
</div>
</div>
Answers on a postcard in the comments, please.Untitled2021-05-14T15:58:32Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/51
<p>Testing, testing... If this goes through, this <em>should</em> be my first successful blog post made from my phone.</p>
Welcome to the new /Garden/2021-05-14T13:13:11Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/the-new-garden<p class="has-drop-cap">Ah, i see you made it over. Welcome, one and all, to the new, improved, Press-tastic <i>The Garden</i>! After months of having to toil away at arcane computer code and consoles for the <a href="/thegarden" data-type="URL" data-id="/thegarden">old version</a>, i’ve coughed up the money for a real web host, freeing me to use the much more user-friendly <a href="https://wordpress.org" data-type="URL" data-id="https://wordpress.org">WordPress</a>.</p>
<p>The new home is a little rough around the edges in some places; as a novice, i wasn’t able to fully replicate <em>everything</em>. I think, though, that the missing pieces are more than made up for by what’s new: you can now natively search through the archive of posts, i can post shorter posts<sup class="note">α</sup> without having to go through so much faff, and most importantly, we now have <em>comments</em>!</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">α</span>
<div>
<p>Just like tweets, but with the distinct advantage that they’re not on Twitter.</p>
</div>
</aside>
<p>So, with pride, here is the first dump of links of the new blog:</p>
<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB3qNG97qhs">Churchill sings the best of Queen</a></li><li><a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-56733672">Ben Perkins, teenage blacksmith</a></li><li><a href="http://www.tobyord.com/earth">Fifty beautiful photos of <span class="theonym">Earth</span> from the <em>Apollo</em> programme, restored to their full glory</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igSE5_Nce28">Coke and Mentos bottle hits cameraman </a>— this one’s a vintage, from 2012</li><li><a href="https://stumbled.cc/">Randomly discover cool links with Stumbled</a> — if you remember StumbledUpon, it’s like that</li><li><a href="https://popcat.click/">Popcat.click</a></li><li><a href="https://www.thisfuckeduphomerdoesnotexist.com/">ThisFuckedUpHomerDoesNotExist.com</a></li></ul>
<p>And allow me to finally say: <em>Leave your thoughts in the comments below!</em> (Or don’t. I’m not your mum.)</p>
Welkom bij de nieuwe /Tuin/ (nl)2021-05-14T13:11:37Zhttps://satyrs.eu/garden/2021/de-nieuwe-tuin
<p class="has-drop-cap">Ah, je hebt het gemaakt. Welkom, een en al, bij de nieuwe, verbeterde, Press-tastische <i>Tuin</i>! Maandenlang zwoegd ik met esoterische computercode en consoles voor de oude versie. Nu heb ik eindelijk het geld opgehoest voor een echte webhost, met de véél gebruiksvriendelijker software <a href="https://wordpress.org/">WordPress</a>.</p>
<p>Op sommige plaatsen is het nieuwe site een beetje ruw: ik ben maar een beginner, dus ik kon niet álles kopiëren! Maar ik denk dat de missende stukken goedgemaakt worden door wat nieuw is: ingebouwd zoeken, het vermogen om kortere berichten te posten<sup class="note">α</sup>, en bovenal, <em>reacties</em>!</p>
<aside class="note"><span class="note-number">α</span>
<div>
<p>Net zoals tweets, maar met het voordeel dat ze (godzijdank) niet op Twitter staan.</p>
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<p>Dus hier is, met trots, de eerste linkverzameling van de nieuwe blog:</p>
<ul><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XB3qNG97qhs">Churchill zingt het beste van Queen</a></li><li><a href="https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-56733672">Ben Perkins, 17-jarige hoefsmid</a></li><li><a href="http://www.tobyord.com/earth">Vijftig prachtige foto’s van het <span class="theonym">Aarde</span> als gezien in het <em>Apollo</em>-programma, hersteld in hun volle glorie</a></li><li><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igSE5_Nce28">Cola en Mentos-fontein raakt cameraman </a>— deze is een vintage, van 2012</li><li><a href="https://stumbled.cc/">Ontdek willekeurig coole links met Stumbled</a></li><li><a href="https://popcat.click/">Popcat.click</a></li><li><a href="https://www.thisfuckeduphomerdoesnotexist.com/">ThisFuckedUpHomerDoesNotExist.com</a></li></ul>
<p>En sta me toe om eindelijk te zeggen: <em>Laat uw gedachten achter hieronder!</em> (Of niet. Ik ben niet je moeder.)</p>