If someone from 2022 were to open a newsfeed of the Eijiro Dagblad, the first thing they would notice would surely be the curtness of the sentences. Just as Victorian novels and journals can seem to have impenetrably winding sentences to us, the people of the future think much the same way of what they call “Industrial English” (it can’t be Modern forever).

Marinus Klaver is resigning. They made this clear after many cabinet members quit (cause of mismanagement of Doggerlands dykes and dams). This means one thing: the race to succeed them as Liberal leader (and governor) is on.​

The uptimers would also come across as shockingly informal to our Industrial-era ears. Everyone is on a first name basis — no “Mr White” here — contractions are universally shortened; taboo curses to us are commonplace intensifiers to them; and some style guides have even phased out the humble apostrophe.

Muhammad Thorsbur (ex minister of health) said this about the matter: “Its about time Marinus went. Any more of this bullshit and half of Charlemagne wouldve been underwater.”​

Marinus still got some defenders in their party, though. Chief among those is Rush Yang (the asshole culture minister). They called Marinus “Doggerlands most able leader since we first got dredged out the sea”. But the people are firmly on Muhammads side. So says every poll in the last month.​

Gendered pronouns are practically extinct except in the most formal of texts and the occasional obscure rural dialect; enthusiasts of fantasy and historical fiction frequently complain about authors who don’t know the difference between “he” and “she”. “Yall” and “those” have developed to fill the gaps left by their now-singular predecessors; in England, “we” is undergoing a similar singularisation, much to the mockery of Americans.

Gwinevere Clark (Englands prime minister) was asked about the situation in a recent sitting of parliament. They dodged the question: “Were not gonna comment on another countrys affairs. Dont worry. If worst comes to worst wor government will fulfill its obligations under the King Cnut Treaty.”​