“Pick a card. Any card.” Ryder, Oracular Satyracular
You, Intrepid Reader “I’m sorry, what?”
“Thou wanted to know what lies ahead, didſt thou not? Pick a card.” Ryder
You “Look — i’m just here to browse a website. I don’t have time for this roleplay
dross.”
“Suit thyſelf. Juſt know that i am not to blame if the Fates do not ſmile upon thee.” Ryder
✶ Gꝛeat Bꝛitain ✶
Riſhi Sunak ſhall carry on as pꝛime miniſter.Whilſt his party’s approval ratings ſtill lie in the depths of Tartaros, he remains
reaſonably popular amongſt his compatriots.He’s still running out the clock
until Sir Keir pulls a “Luigi wins by doing nothing” next year.A Conſervative member of parliament ſhall croſs þe flooꝛ to þe Labour party.It will likely be a member from the “red wall”. The member will claim they better reflect
the values upon which he or ſhe (or Jamie Wallis) was elected.The only big Tory defection was Andrew
Bridgen, who had compared the covid-19 vaccines to the Holocaust — not exactly Labour
fodder.Þe government of Scotland ſhall not make furðer moves towards independence.They ſhall neither hold a referendum nor unilaterally ſecede.Nothing of the sort, and in fact,
polls seem to show a decent showing in the unionist Labour party’s future.David Frederick Attenboꝛough ſhall not die.He is in good health for a man of his age and continues to releaſe documentaries. This is
not the year the Fates cut the cord.He lives!
✶ America ✶
Joſeph Robinette Biden ſhall ſuffer a ſhoꝛt illneſs, ſparking a public debate on his
fitneſs to ſerve þꝛough 2028.The illneſs itſelf will only briefly impact his ability to perform his job.No illness needed for people to argue
about his age, apparently.No clear frontrunner in þe Republican race foꝛ pꝛeſident ſhall emerge by year’s
end.Donald John Trump will moſt likely be neck-and-neck with Ronald Dion DeSantis.It’s Mr Trump’s race to lose, and Mr
DeSantis’ remarkable lack of rizz has sunk his campaign to a distant fourth.Elon Reeve Muſk ſhall ſtep down oꝛ be removed as chief executive of Teſla.He will continue to make baffling and unpopular changes to Twitter, which will remain a
dominant ſocial-media platform.Still in charge of Tesla, but
the second part is truer than i ever could have thought.
✶ Þe wider woꝛld ✶
Þe Chineſe military ſhall not invade any part of Taiwan.They are evil, but they are not ſtupid — they have ſeen the reaction to Ruſsia’s invaſion
of Ukraine and will not take the riſk.Nothing this year, at least.Þe Ruſsian army ſhall be beaten back to its antebellum frontlines in Ukraine.That is to ſay — at moſt, they will control Crimea and part of the Donbaſs. I make no
further predictions on the ultimate fate of the war.The war of attrition continues, but
Ukraine’s big counteroffensive failed to make the big bite that was hoped for.Recep Tayyip Erdoğan ſhall be voted out of office in Turkey.Whether he will accept the reſults is another queſtion, one which i make no attempts at
anſwering.Well, it was a decent effort, at
least.
✶ Technology ✶
A pꝛivate company ſhall achieve nuclear fuſion ignition.One hour in Bruſsels is eight years on Earth. It would be
unſurpriſing were ſome Silicon Valley ſtartup to beat Iter to the punch.The U.S.’ government lab made some
incremental progress, but that’s about it.Apple ſhall debut a virtual-reality headſet.Like the iPhone, its ſoftware will be locked down and reſtricted to the company’s
PG-13 walled garden. This will be to the chagrin of furries,
gaming enthuſiasts, and the European Union.Ding ding ding! It’s not out yet,
but the Vision™ Pro® is on its way.Þe iPhone 15 ſhall not have a USB-C poꝛt……But the iPhone 16 moſt likely will.Apple jumped the gun and went
straight for USB-C on the 15.A text-generation model as powerful as GPT-3 ſhall make
its way into public hands.Whether through an official releaſe or a disgruntled leak, i cannot ſay.Mixtral
seems to have squeezed in just at the end of the year.An artificial intelligence ſhall not paſs þe Turing teſt.Much has been made about the capabilities of OpenAI’s
GPT-4. I adviſe thee to follow in the footſteps of a great
modern poet: “don’t believe the hype”.I’m not so hot on the Turing test
as a measure of intelligence in the first place these days, but machine learning systems
seem to continue to be scrupulously honest under pressure.
✶ Entertainment ✶
It ſhall be a good year foꝛ block-buſter cinema.In particular, Barbie and Indiana Jones and the Dial of Deſtiny ſhall be of
greater quality than many expect.Barbie and
Oppenheimer were great, but hoooo-ly shit, was it an absolutely miserable year for
the big studios. If a company could buy a noose, Disney would be writing “Brooks Was Here”
in the wall right about now.Kanye Omari Weſt ſhall end his own life, becoming a martyꝛ to þe woꝛſt ſorts of
bigots.It is the natural, tragic endpoint of his downwards ſpiral. A throng of conſpiracy
theoriſts will blame it on the Jewiſh people, becauſe they have nothing better to do.Who the fuck predicts something like
that? Past-me, are you okay? What the hell?
He’s still running out the clock
until Sir Keir pulls a “Luigi wins by doing nothing” next year.
The only big Tory defection was Andrew
Bridgen, who had compared the covid-19 vaccines to the Holocaust — not exactly Labour
fodder.
Still in charge of Tesla, but
the second part is truer than i ever could have thought.
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